Ok, you may all be wondering "What the fuck is Meeple thinking?" or "He's promoting his religion!" or whatever...but I assure you, this topic has a point...kind of...
But because its me, the point of the topic may be lost within my rambling so...uh...I better say it now <_<?
Just to say now: If I miss anything, feel free to ask and I'll answer it to the best of my knowledge! Or if someone else wants to answer it, be my guest.
Anyway, as many of you know, I am indeed Jewish. I grew up in a Jewish Private School most of my life, and my family has been relatively observant conservatives (Conservatives = Observant, but are willing to actually modernize the religion so it actually applies to stuff now, adapt, etc. Compared to Orthodox who are Traditional by the books people, and Reform, who range from "lets make Judaism look more like *insert religion here* so we don't stand out as much!" to "We're Jewish...but we don't do anything!" There's also reconstructionist which I'm not sure how that works...someone in the DL I know for a fact is recontructionist Judaism, so if he wants to enlighten, feel free), so when it comes to Jewish Holidays and such, we well, you know, observe them.
Now, in chat, you may have seen me whining on occassion about random Holidays here and there. 95% of the time, this is happening anywhere between late August to early October, for things called the "High Holidays." So I was randomly thinking "you know, I go into the same explanation about those two holidays, why not explain OTHERS to people? They actually listen to me when I do out of random curiousity!"
So here am I, going to explain the entirety of Passover, one of the more well known and more seriously observed Jewish Holidays still around. Its one of the few that, from what I can tell, Gentiles can actually recognize as existing, and know something about it. I figure people may actually be curious enough to wonder what the hell is really going on, so yeah. This topic is purely to enlighten people, answer some questions that may have arised, etc. Its NOT to promote my religion, make no mistake! I'm being paranoid here, yes, but I want to just make sure that this is purely to get people to understand things better, rather than be in the dark.
For the record, Judaism actually doesn't really care about getting more people to join; if anything, its the reverse, cause from what I recall, converting to Judaism is a massive pain in the ass, and unless you're serious about it, you wouldn't go through with it given the time and effort required. Its a pretty internal religion; we care more about making other Jews actually be more serious about it, and improving things within, rather than bringing in outsiders. TO branch off, one thing Judaism often promotes is tolerating other religions; basically says "others will follow their own laws, respect that, just deal with yourselves!" Basically, there's no such thing as a Jewish Missionary or whatever, as we just care about whipping each other to be better Jews <_<;
...I should probably get into actual content now. Anyway, probably best to start with the most obvious question...
Do note that I will be saying a lot of things in Hebrew, and trying to translate them on the spot, so you may learn some Hebrew! No, nothing really useful, but hey <_<
WHAT IS PASSOVER?
Passover is a Jewish Holiday!
...not a good enough answer? Fine!
Passover is one of the few Holidays EXPLICITLY MENTIONED in the Torah. The Torah, sometimes called the Pentateuch in history/humanities courses and such, is the First 5 books of the Bible, aka the 5 Books of Moses aka the most important part of Judaism and all that. Which is one of the primary reasons its a Holiday universally celebrated around the world. Actually, from what I remember, there's only 5 Holidays explicitly mentioned in the Torah, the rest are all created later by Rabbis being annoying freaks arguing much about nothing and making the religion harder than it needs to be (lots of fast days come to mind...many of said fast days are forgotten by most including myself <.<), or commemorating events that followed later (Hannukah is a good example of the latter.)
The two High Holidays, Rosh Hashanah (Literal Translation: Head of the Year, aka Jewish New Years), and Yom Kippur (Jewish Day of...shit, forget the term, but basically, we sit in Synagogue all day, doing nothing but praying for forgiveness, and fast, and all that. Best to look up Wikipedia exactly what it means.) are the first two mentioned.
The other 3 are called the "Shalosh Regalim" which translates literally to the "Three Legs." However, that sounds stupid, so its often called in english "Three Festivals." This refers to Sukkot (Holiday where we build square tents, for lack of a better description, covered in some sort of biological roof, and we shake this thing called a Lulav and Etrog...again, Wikipedia is a good idea here, or you can just ask!), Passover (will be explained here!) and Shavuot (day Moses got the 10 Commandents and all that...yeah, not getting into this one; its the most bland Holday that translated to "Day off of school!" to me 95% of the time.)
Cut the shit, Meeple, JUST GET TO EXPLAINING THE GOD DAMN HOLIDAY!
...I'm getting there *hit by a large rock* ow ;_;
Anyway, Passover commemorates the famous story of the Exodus, aka the Hebrews leaving Egypt, led by Moses, yada yada yada...I'll get to a full story later, though thanks to the movie the 10 Commandments, if nothing else, I'm sure most people know this story to at least a basic level.
The Hebrew word for Passover, should anyone care, is "Pesach." That "ch" there sounds like a hard H that you often hear in Hebrew. Best example is "L'Chaim." Chances are, if you see that letter combo for a hebrew word, its going to sound like that!
Passover lasts 8 days. It starts on the 15th Day of Nisan, which is the 7th Month (Fun Fact: The Torah says its the 1st Month, yet still puts Rosh Hashanah in Tishrei, which is the First Month...yeah, I really don't know what's up with that; its best to smile, nod, and runs.) In some casts, Nisan is the 8th Month, since Jewish Leap years are "add a whole extra month on, this being a second Adar!" which is the month prior to Nisan. Why a whole extra month? Cause its a Lunar Calendar, so it covers 354 days only, so every 3 years or so, we have a whole month left over, so to keep Holidays falling somewhat consistently with seasons, given some of them actually dealt with Harvests and such, an extra month is tossed on.
Nisan falls around April or May in most cases. Its starting the night of April 19th. Why night? Cause in Judaism, a Day is considered over the instant the Sunsets, and there are 3 stars in the sky. Why? I don't know...well, no, it makes sense since back in olden times, when they didn't have stuff like clocks, there had to be SOME easy standard to work with when to decide days began and ended, so I suppose just going "Sunset = Day ends" is an easy one.
Passover lasts 8 days. Originally was 7, but some nonsense about it coming to the US and being different than Israel makes it 8 days. No, I'm really not sure what the fuck is going on here; just know that this is how it happens. The first 2 days are the most observed, the following 6 are called "Chol Hamoed." No, I can't translate that; what it means is basically that they realized that a whole week of full observing can get a bit unreasonable, so its basically 5 days where you are allowed to do whatever you want barring a few specific restrictions that must be followed. I'll get to those later!
...I need to stop rambling. But if I didn't, I wouldn't be Meeple <.<
So what do you do on Passover?
Well, lots of stuff. But where to begin...I guess with the food.
You are restricted to what you can eat on Passover. You know those weird large square crackers we eat? That's called Matzah. Its suppose to be unleavened Bread (aka Bread that hasn't risen cause no yeast was put into it.) Yes, there's a reason behind this, I'll get to it later. As a result, we can't eat anything that has risen.
Now, from my recollection, this was the ONLY real restriction. But of course, with every restriction granted by the Torah, the Talmud (aka Rabbis arguing over every potential outcome and finding new laws from it! Its the reason Judaism has so many fucking laws, really. Did I mention I hate the Talmud?) finds about 15 more! And so the Rabbis decided that we can't eat just Leavened Bread...
but anything resembling Bread! So basically, anything that uses the same kind of grains as bread is out. Well shit, say good bye to basic Pasta, Pizza, etc.
But no, it doesn't stop there! We aren't allowed to eat anything that was already opened prior to Passover! So yeah, say hello to spring cleaning of your Fridge!
And if you think it ends there? There's more shit like Corn you can't eat cause you COULD MAKE BREAD OUT OF CORN THUS A LOOP HOLE OMG WE CAN'T ALLOW THIS!
Somehow, Beans fell under this. No, I don't know how Beans equate Bread, it just does. Sometimes, it feels like the Rabbis of the Talmud just wanted to make the Religion as hard as possible to follow to scare people off from it or something...yeah...
So what can we eat? Really, its hard to say; just base things off the nice "Kosher for Pesach" label on food and such. Well, and produce not Corn is generally fine too.
Next off, the Seder...
Seder means Order in Hebrew. Its basically the big Passover Banquet! However, its not a normal one, its split into 13 different sections. To help keep things in order, a "Hagadah" is read from during this time, which is the book which tells you what to do and when, cause memorizing it in this day and age = no.
The 13 parts are:
Kadesh: Reciting all the prayers before hand. We also drink wine here.
Urchatz: Washing of the hands! However, unlike most circumstances, no prayer is said here.
Karpas: Eating a Green Vegetable! We also dip it in Salt Water for symbolic purposes, blah blah blah.
Yachatz: Breaking of the Middle Matzah. one half is put back under the cover, the other is hidden for purposes to be explained later.
Mahgid: Going over the story! Note that it doesn't just talk about the story, but also random symbolic nonsense which I'll get to later; Mahgid will basically have its own section dedicated to it cause its the longest part of the Hagadah. Do note a second cup of wine is drank here.
Rachatza: Washing the hands again! This time with a prayer.
Motzi Matzah: Saying the prayer over the Matzah!
Mahror: Saying the prayer over the Bitter Herb! Also the eating of it.
Corech: Take the Bitter Herb (aka the Mahror), take the Matzah, and maybe some Charoset (random mixed up stuff that has no english equivalent...best you not ask, and I'm sure I spelt it wrong!), make a sandwich out of all that (Yes, you're making a sandwich with two pieces of hard, flat bread), and eat that.
Shulchan Orech: FEAST!!!!!!!!! This is the part where most Seders end now adays, since no one cares about anything else once you reach this part...for obvious reasons. Also, as a note that some people might care about, Shulchan means Table!
Tzafoon: Looking for that second piece of Matzah! This is traditionally done by young children only, as the idea is whoever finds it gets a reward.
Barech: Saying the Prayers after the Meal; yes, you're suppose to do this after every Meal in Judaism...just outside of the really religious people, and those Jewish YTouth Organizations like USY, most people "conveniently" forget. This would be where another cup of wine is drank!
Hallel: FESTIVE SINGING FOR NO DAMN REASON! Alternatively, you're probably drunk from the previous whine, might as well act like a moron! Also note there is a *4th* cup of wine drank here, just to help aid the cause of making you drunk (note that in Judaism, having Grape Juice instead of wine is acceptable, since Grape Juice is just wine w/out Alcohol, thus a close enough to the real thing supplement.)
Ne-ertza: Concluding the service! Really, this just says "May we spend the next year in Jerusalem!" (actually, its Yerushalaim, but that's just Hebrew for Jerusalem.)
Also, there's a traditional Seder Plate in the middle of the table, possibly multiple ones. On it, there's an Egg, Shank, Bone, Bitter Herb, Parsley, and that Haroseth (that's the actual spelling, looked it up this time!) stuff again.
Oh, lastly, Seders happen on the first 2 nights of Passover.
So what's in Mahgid that you didn't explain then?
No, you didn't really ask this, but I feel I should go through this whole thing!
First of all, the 4 questions! The 4 questions are best song by the youngest children who are old enough to remember them, cause frankly, the melody sounds like its a nursery rhyme, and the song is catchy and easy to remember.
The 4 question lyrics translated look something like this:
Why is this night different from all other nights?
On all other nights, we eat leavened and unleavened bread. On this night, why only unleavened?
On all other nights, we eat all kinds of herbs. On this night, why only bitter herbs?
On all other nights, we don't dip out greens not even once. On this night, why do we do it twice?
On all other nights, we eat both reclining and upright. On this night, why do we eat only reclining?
...so basically, its the same question asked in four different ways. They all have the same answer:
We were slaves in Egypt, and now we're free! (actually, there's a song to that, which always makes me crack up cause someone started singing that in a random part of Pippin, our high school production...WHILE THE PLAY WAS GOING ON. It was also while he was on stage...yeah, lets not get into it <_<)
Before I get into the actual story, the Rabbis come and have this whole thing regarding a father having four sons. The four sons are a Wise Son, a Contrary Son (Euphemism for "BAD EVIL WICKED SON WHO WAS PROBABLY BEATEN MANY TIMES"), a Simple Son, and One Who Doesn't Know How to Ask.
Basically, it goes like this: Each child represents a different kind of person and how you deal with them.
The Wise Son would ask "What is the meaning of all the things on the Seder PLate?" or whatever. Basically, intelligent questions that show he is willing to learn. You are to answer him with respect and give him what he wants.
The Contrary Son meanwhile would basically say "What does this mean to you?" Given he uses the second person (instead of generally asking), he's excluding himself, therefore, you respond in the FIRST person, and then it notes "he would not have been redeemed."
Simple Son asks very basic questions like "What is this" and "what is that?" You are to respond with simple answers.
The Child that can't ask, you are to take initiative and just tell him good stuff.
Another analogy is comparing the 4 children to Books. The Wise Son is like an Open Book; the knowledge is there and readily available, much like he is ready to learn. The Contrary Son is like an Open Book, but one that is clearly very damaged; he can learn, but given the state, he chooses not to. The Simple Son is like an Open Picture Book; things have been dumbed down so he can understand it. The Last son is like a closed book; you can't really get much info out of those, much like its hard to learn stuff when you can't ask a damn question.
ANOTHER Interp, one I like cause its kind of radical, is that the Wise Son is actually not a Wise Son, but a Wise Guy; he asks questions to show off and gets on people's nerves. Alternatively, the Wicked Son is merely misunderstood; because he's different, he gets treated different, and thus, acts different and...yeah, we've seen this story before <_<:
That entire thing above was created by Rabbis to help explain what to do to explain the Passover story to people of different levels of intellect. Translation from my perspective?
Wise Son = College Student/Young Adult. He can appreciate learning stuff!
Contrary Son = Moody Teenager. Do I need to explain this?
Simple Son = Young Child. He is naive and young and wants to talk, but doesn't know how to say much.
Son Who Can't Ask = Baby. Babies can't talk, therefore, they can't really ask questions.
Anyway, ONTO THE ACTUAL STORY OF PASSOVER!
*insert oohs, aahs, and random sound effects of people dying in the background, which is the norm for the DL*
Anyway, story starts off with Joseph, the son of Jacob. I won't get into details, but due to being awesome at telling dreams, he became Pharaoh's #2 and all that, well respected, a hero among Egypt, etc. He invites his father and brothers down there, and so they move from Canaan (now Israel) to Egypt, and settle there. God says to Jacob before going that his people will have 400 years of enslavement before they leave, and when they do, those who enslaved them will be punished.
As a fun fact, if you actually check what the Torah says, apparently, the Hebrews were only enslaved for 210 years; God seemed to have decided to give them a 190 year break.
So lots of years pass, a new Pharaoh (or really, several) named Ramses pops up, "doesn't know Joseph" which can have multiple meanings, fears the Hebrews may ally with some outsider, and decides to enslave them. Yeah, I'm not sure what he's thinking since the relations were probably actually pretty good then, but that's what happened!
I won't get into all the specifics, but basically, eventually Moses comes into the picture, after seeing a burning bush that wasn't consumed, takes that as a sign of God (and apparently hears his voice), and decides to go demand Pharaoh to "Let My People Go!"
First, to show God's power, Moses has his brother Aaron throw his staff down, and watches as it turns into a Snake*, Pharaoh has his men do the same...and they lose to Aaron's sole staff.
*Actually, this is not true. If you check the Torah's words, it explicitly says the Hebrew word for "Crocodile" and not "Serpent/Snake/whatever." This makes sense since Crocodiles live in the Nile, so you'd think an Egyptioan would recognize them, as a reminder. My guess is the Serpent change was cause its easier to envision a stick turning into a Snake instead of a Crocodile, but yeah, THE MORE YOU KNOW!
Pharaoh says no still. So thus the famous 10 plagues occur! Note that during each one, God hardens Pharaohs heart, so he just keeps saying no. There are theories as to why God did this, but fuck if I remember them; its all a bunch of random shit by Rashi and other famous commentators.
The 10 PLagues are (if you didn't know them...I'm posting the hebrew for those who care):
1. Dahm (Blood)
2. Tzfardeya (Frogs)
3. Kinim (Lice/Vermin)
4. Arov (Wild Beasts *OR* Swarms of Flies. Most of the time, its the former translation, but its been revealed that the latter is also an acceptable, and probably more likely, translation.)
5. Dever (Mad Cow Disease!!!)
6. Shcheen (Boils)
7. Barad (Hail. Note that this Hail apparently was SET ON FIRE as it hit the ground, IIRC, so it was pretty bad ass Hail. Moses for Godlike <_<?)
8. Arbeh (Locusts.)
9. Choshech (Darkness)
10. Macat BeChorot (Slaying of the First Born.)
During the 10th Plague, it didn't quite happen instantly. Basically, God told the Moses to have all the homes of the Hebrews mark their doors with Lambs Blood. The Last Plague was actually handled by the Angel of Death, who would go into each house, and claim the first born. If they had that marking, however, the Angel of Death would instead Passover the house, rather than through it, thereby the house is unharmed.
...and yes, that's why the Holiday is called Passover. As a side note, from what I recall, the Mezuzah seen on door frames of Jewish Homes/Rooms/etc. sometimes is actually a reference to that, should anyone care (if you see a house with some weird thing on its door frame, good indicator they're Jewish.)
*ANYWAY* its then that Pharaoh finally lets people leave...or rather, he kicked them out. During the night, he comes in and tells the Hebrews to bake Bread, but they didn't have enough time to finish baking it, so the bread didn't rise; yes, this is why we have Matzah on Passover.
The last part is basically the whole famous "Parting of the Red Sea by Moses" fiasco, then it skips to "And we got the Torah!"
Note that during the plagues part of this, you actually dip your finger into the wine, and then place it on the napkin for each plague. Yeah, odd thing to do.
Also, its this part of the Seder that the song "Daiyenu!" is sung. Daiyenu translates "It would have been enough for us." The whole song is going through each of Gods deeds one by one, saying "Daiyenu!" each time, basically showing how God not only did that, but he kept doing MORE AND MORE AND MORE, and we're grateful for it.
At this point, I'm running out of things to talk about so...umm...I think the best way to end this post would be to say this:
I hope this has enlightened some things about Passover as a Holiday, and what actually goes on during it for those who only heard the name before. If you have any questions related to Passover, feel free to ask! I'll try to toss more things up as I remember them.
Also, would anyone be curious about me doing this for some other Holiday in the future? Strikes me that some people are actually curious about Holidays from religions they aren't part of, and it couldn't hurt to explain it so I don't have to go through the same thing over and over again each time someone asks (also saves you Meeple Rants in chat <.<;.)
So...yeah, I guess I'll end the post here; Q&A SESSION BEGIN OR SOMETHING?
