"This is Krile Bal, coming to you on behalf of the Tycoon News Network. We've reached day eighteen of the Great Tree Sit-In with no end in sight. For those of you just joining us, I'm speaking with the leader of the Arboreal Independence Division, Exdeath. Exdeath, you've already mentioned some of the steps you've taken to prevent the slaughter of fir trees for this holiday season, but some of our viewers are wondering why you're taking such a hard stance on this issue."
"Yes, I can imagine why some of you meatbags would be confused as to why a tree would want to protect other trees."
"It's not your goals that we're confused about, but the methods you've chosen. The destruction of all artificial Holiday Trees, armed guards at all nature sanctuaries..."
"It is very simple - any attempt to glorify the death of a tree, or treat trees as mere curiosities, is an affront to our sensibilities. With my lieutenants Spar and Peco, we shall stamp out the oppression that has dogged us for generations! And don't think I haven't seen that your cue cards are paper..."
"Hey, what are you doing? Get back! Cut to commercial! Cut to comm-"
_ _ _
Karsh glared at the screen. The newscast had provided some valuable intel, but the acknowledgement that it wasn't just Exdeath and his gang of hired goons was not good. Not that it would stop their plans at this point.
"Don't see the point in all this. Is it really that bad if the little brats just get handed their overpriced stuff rather than seeing it piled under a tree," muttered Gort.
"You're not the one who will have to see Terra pouting if we don't get, and I quote, 'The best darn Holiday Tree in the history of everything.' And you're not the one who will get no loving if they don't get a tree," said Edgar.
"Get real, Figaro. You won't get any loving even if you do get a tree."
Edgar sighed. "Probably. In any case, there's an entire league counting on our efforts," he said, as the gutteral roar of his chainsaw began, "so let's cut to the chase."
Poll
