*Three hours before the match...*
"What in the hell do you mean, she might not win?" Killer asked, glaring at Gilbert.
"Hm, yes, well, they're not precisely calling it a blow out. Both channel evil powers, both are known for massive overpowered blasts, both are good at taking hits, and False Althena can keep using her blasts. For the superficial, it's simple, although Lady has some other advantages." Gilbert mused. "It's interesting to hear people talk about it."
"...hah. Don't worry, I'll fix anything close about that match." Killer shrugged, and headed for the door.
"Is that so? You know, Zophar really does enjoy his inferior, half-insane pet mauling people." Gilbert said to Killer's back with a sigh. "You don't stand much of a chance, if he catches wind of it."
"Go to hell." Killer replied simply, as the door closed behind him.
*One hour before the match...*
"Idiot. This'll be simple. All I have to do is slit her throat while she sits there, untransformed." Killer said, looking in False Althena's window. "Easy enough."
Killer, fundamentally a straightforward man, didn't see the trap coming.
*The time of the match.*
"You know, I'm impressed." Edge said to Yuri, grinning. "Physical threats of violence? You've come along to my way of thinking! Abuse that power to the hilt!"
"...Edge, we already do. It just didn't involve one of your crack-brained schemes this time." Yuri said, shrugging. "I mean, who the hell would you have me threaten? Piastol?"
"...right, we do tend to make enemies a lot more powerful than us. And it's not fair! It's always by accident!" "Right, Edge." "No, seriously! We never really dese-"
Edge was cut off by a massive blast of stone smashing into him.
Along with Killer.
"...damn...it. I managed to run...from that...bastard this long, I'm not going to let him kill me now." Killer said, struggling to his feet.
"...my...spleen...did he have to...stand...up on it..." A battered Edge mumbled into the gravel.
"Ahhhh, of course." Zophar said, chuckling, as he made his way through the smashed-down wall. "Two Yuris. In league together against my prophet. How interesting. Of course, it makes sense. Yuri has a vendetta against me still, for completely flattening him. Hmmm." Zophar chuckled maliciously.
"...Okay. Edge? You have a point this time." Yuri said simply.
"I'd gloat, but I'm too busy spitting out gravel." Edge said in a muffled tone, as he slowly got up from the pile of rock. "And a tooth. Well, there's only one thing to do." Edge noted, as Zophar menacingly moved towards the trio.
"Run like hell?" Killer asked.
"Yup." Edge nodded.
"He learns fast." Yuri added, as he turned tail and ran.
---
"Killer?" Lady wondered, as she scanned the audience.
"Ahhhahahahahaha! You fool! Your little boyfriend won't save you." False Althena raved, as her monstrous form advanced on Lady.
"...Killer..." Lady said, preparing for battle.
She seemed...depressed.
---
"God damnit god damnit why can't we have a normal month where we're <i>not being chased by a god</i> for once?" Edge yelled, as he hurtled down the hallways of the League. "Or at least not freaking Waddle Dees? I'd have took that last month. But noooooooooo I had to get stuck up a tree for four days and my friend never even looked for me once and-OW!"
"Does he always whine this much?" Killer asked, as he whacked Edge upside the head, still running full tilt.
"No, sometimes he goes crazy with power too." Yuri noted.
"Wh-oh hell." Brey noted, as he watched the trio rocket past him in the hallways.
With the instinctive self-preservation instincts he'd picked up from living at the Duelling League, Brey quickly grabbed Lexis' arm and charged after Yuri, just in time to not get flattened by a Chaos Storm.
(Lexis noticed a few seconds later, but <i>his</i> self-preservation instincts have taught him to run when hauled, regardless of if he notices or not, so it still worked out.)
"Okay...why...are...you...being...<i>we</i> being...chased by a rampaging...what the hell are you doing here?" Brey panted, suddenly noticing Killer.
"Protecting Lady." Killer said tersely.
"Is <i>THAT</i> why we're running from an insane transvestite god...goddess...thing?" Edge yelled.
"..." Yuri regarded Killer a moment, as he ran. "Okay, I've got a plan."
"...You're not getting us involved in this just because you see a similarity between yourself and...god damnit, Yuri, can't you just be insane like me?" Edge yelled.
"He really <i>does</i> whine a lot, lately." Yuri noted. "Okay, everyone follow me."
---
Lady had stood her ground.
But she was...a little distracted.
And it was costing her. She'd done as much as she could, but in a match this close, hesitation or distraction was fatal.
Her Umbral's shield crumbling, she could only withstand the onslaught, and wait for the end.
---
"Okay, so, what's so special about this arena?" Edge asked, breathing heavily, as they charged into the empty ring.
"You don't even remember that? For crying out loud, we've retrofitted half the arenas and you don't even remember it?" Yuri asked, staring at Edge. "...Oh, <i>that</i>. You expect me to remember stuff from years ago?" Edge shrugged. "It's not like it's done a damned thing for us lately..."
"Here, just go up into the stands and read a swimsuit calendar." Yuri said. "C'mon, Lexis, can't you get rid of the stuff they sealed it with a little faster? I think Zophar's breaking down the walls we managed to get in it's way."
"Hmmm, yes, magical seal, electronics cut, cemented shut...hm. You know, I built a device that could overcome this level of sealant, but..." Lexis trailed off, sighing.
"But what? You don't have it?" Yuri asked anxiously.
"No, it's just this." Lexis answered, pulling out a massive, thirty-light switch, with two green lights flickering up and down it's surface.
"Didn't that thing drive Zidane insane to try to get working?" "Correct. That's sort of the problem. I never did bother to fix it, you said it was too dangerous to get working normally. Besides, the lights are hypnotic. It's like a lava lamp..." Lexis said, trailing off as he watched the red lights flicker. "...though I did make it better. I do like the thing. It's sort of the universal remote of perversion, now. Stone to mud, open up any door, mud raining from the sky... Also, I put female growth hormones in Brey's tea just to see what would happen, I spiked the punch in Zidane's last party with dry ice and they never seemed to figure out why the ice was burning them, I once shot down a dragon with the Creamonade because it startled me..."
"...why the hell does flickering lights have a truth serum effect on him?" Yuri asked, completely stunned as Lexis proceeded to rattle off a list of atrocities.
"You did <i>what</> to my bed? Is that why I keep having nightmares about transgendered Zelos in a teddy!? And why I'm not sure he's transgendered in them!?" Edge said, as he heard Lexis' increasingly long list. "Oh, no, that shouldn't have that effect." Lexis replied absently.
"...erm...uh...uh...yeah...those...don't happen...of course..." Edge mumbled.
"...this has been entirely too much information." Killer noted. Give me that thing, Zophar's breaking down the doors.
With prompt timing, the doors smashed open, sailing majestically across the arena, as Zophar entered the ring.
"Ahhhh, nowhere to run now. Well, except the doors behind you, and the stands. Which are all wonderfully easy places to snipe you from, considering you're in the center of the ring. But I'd prefer to make your death as long as possible. Hehehe...hahahaha...HAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!" Zophar laughed into the arena, as he slowly made his way towards Killer.
"...I swear, I'm a serial killer, and the people you've got here make me look like a nun." Killer said simply, as he yanked the controller out of Lexis' hands. "Come on! Come on, you rotten bastard! I'm over here! Can't your damned transgendered Sailor Stars reject ass move any faster than that!? <i>Get your ass over here, before I knife your favorite picture of your boyfriend, Evil Gaia! Or maybe your little slutty friend Shana! Have you ever had them over at the same time, you lardass!?</i>" Killer yelled.
"..." The rest of the group backed slowly away, as Zophar, enraged beyond sanity, rushed directly towards Killer.
"Hum. Push the button when it's green. Looks like it's only green for about a thousandth of a second or something." Killer noted, glancing down at the controller.
He shrugged, and, as Zophar towered over him, tapped the button lightly.
The hatch below his feet opened, sending them both Zophar and Killer plumetting down.
"...insane?" Edge asked curiously.
"...Maybe it was just Zidane." Yuri shrugged.
"...nun?" Brey asked.
Yuri shook his head and shrugged.
---
Killer, as he fell, laughed.
"You sorry excuse for a <i>Rocky Horror Picture Show</i> fan. You're too stupid to realize you can't use any of your good abilities this close!"
Before Zophar could reply, Killer, grabbing Zophar by the head, flipped himself onto Zophar's back.
---
Lady sighed.
Her Umbral had dissipated fully.
She only had one more shot.
One last chance...
She sighed.
"Killer...?" She ended on a questioning note, as an incredibly loud shriek filled the arena from above.
False Althena, preparing to deal the final blow, glanced up.
As her master, and a massive hail of knives, landed on her.
Killer, struggling to pull a knife free from Zophar that had been driven in past the hilt from the impact, finally gave up and lept lightly off the combatants.
In the incredible silence that engulfed the arena, one happy cry could be heard.
"...Killer!" Lady yelled, as she rushed into Killer's arms.
Killer, barely able to stand from the impact and the various wounds Zophar had inflicted on him in the chase, wobbled on his feet, but managed to embrace Lady back, as the applause started.
"...eh...ehehe...um...we're...we're not stupid enough to call that illegal, when Killer just impaled Zophar... Right?" Kefka asked curiously, as the crowd began a standing ovation.
"...Hell no." Piastol answered simply, as she stood to applaud.
