Bonus Match preparation.

[SnowFire]

Murder Most Foul?
by SnowFire

Sheriff Will of Werites Beacon surveyed the carnage as he dictated his report.  "We got a Jane Doe here.  Dressed in pink, run through by a sword puncture through the chest, dumped in the magic lake.  Yeah, we followed procedure and looked for our local silver-haired swordsman.  Found him in a Lifestream pool right nearby, done in by what looks to be the same sword, except it's still stuck through his chest."

"Looks like a tough case, chief."  Assistant detective-in-training Johnny Garland finished typing the telegram and sent it off to the RPGDL Interpol in Falena.

"Yeah.  Even if our skewered friend did the first murder, we don't know who took unauthorized revenge rather than simply arresting him.  Heroes nowadays."

Johnny snapped a few more photos of the crime scene before they removed the bodies.  "We better call in the best.  After all, they solved <a href="http://www.rpgdl.com/matchdetail.php?week=255&match=bonus1">that other mystery</a> well enough."

Will agreed.  "Already on the way.  While we wait...  Round up the usual suspects."

---

Kidd, Richmond, Oboro, and the other Suikotectives were used to tough cases, and this was no exception.  No evidence, no leads, no witnesses...  just a bunch of suspicious characters Will brought in.  There was clearly only one course of action.  Fabricate a story and randomly accuse somebody, and hope that something interesting spills loose.

* Still a silver-haired badass with a sword.  Lloyd had wings for the getaway, too!
* It's usually the crazy guy with multiple personalities...  isn't that right, Id?
* Never the one you expect.  How were you hiding it this whole time, Kimahri?
* When in doubt, fall back on the butler...  Mr. Magdalen Harts.
* Even if there wasn't enough crime to give you anything to do, did you really have to murder them, Will?
* It was actually a tragic double-suicide.  As the following angsty poem proves...?

[Shale]

Murder Most Foul?
by SnowFire

Sheriff Will of Werites Beacon surveyed the carnage as he dictated his report. "We got a Jane Doe here. Dressed in pink, run through by a sword puncture through the chest, dumped in the magic lake. Yeah, we followed procedure and looked for our local silver-haired swordsman. Found him in a Lifestream pool nearby, done in by what looks to be the same sword, except it's still stuck through his chest."

"Looks like a tough case, chief." Assistant detective-in-training Johnny Garland finished typing the telegram and sent it off to the RPGDL Interpol in Falena.

"Yeah. Even if our skewered friend did the first murder, we don't know who took unauthorized revenge rather than simply arresting him. Heroes nowadays."

Johnny snapped a few more photos of the crime scene before they removed the bodies. "We better call in the best. After all, they solved <a href="http://www.rpgdl.com/matchdetail.php?week=255&match=bonus1">that other mystery</a> well enough."

Will agreed. "Already on the way. While we wait... Round up the usual suspects."

---

Kidd, Richmond, Oboro, and the other Suikotectives were used to tough cases, and this was no exception. No evidence, no leads, no witnesses... just a bunch of suspicious characters Will brought in. There was clearly only one course of action. Fabricate a story and randomly accuse somebody, and hope that something interesting spills loose.

* Still a silver-haired badass with a sword. Lloyd had wings for the getaway, too!
* It's usually the crazy guy with multiple personalities... isn't that right, Id?
* Never the one you expect. How were you hiding it this whole time, Kimahri?
* When in doubt, fall back on the butler... Mr. Magdalen Harts.
* Even if there wasn't enough crime to give you anything to do, did you really have to murder them, Will?
* It was actually a tragic double-suicide. As the following angsty poem proves...?

[Taishyr]

BITGOYSWB RESSURECTION
-Grefter

OH WAIT WHAT THIS THING IS STILL WORKING.  WHY HELLO, I DID NOT SEE YOU THERE.  WE HAD THOUGHT ALL YOU PEOPLE HAD GONE INSANE AND CLAWED YOUR BRAINS OUT TRYING TO REMOVE THE PROFANE IMAGES THAT THE GREAT LORD YOG'SOTHOTH HAD INGRAINED UPON THE BACKS OF YOUR SKULLS.  OH WELL TIME FOR A NEW ALBUM.

Once again we at Eurocorp are pleased to bring you this entirely unaltered recording with which to sooth and cleanse your mind and body of impurities that you may be withholding from your friends, colleagues and local intellectual content inspector.  We recomend you listen to it in your sleep while most open to its power to cleanse the mind.  Make it so.

SO IT HAS BEEN A LONG WHILE SINCE OUR REJECTED! TOUR AND WHAT HAVE WE BEEN UP TO?  FUJIN HAS HAS BEEN WORKING ON HER SIDE PROJECTS AND NO WE HAVE NOT SUCCEEDED IN MAKING SEIFER DECAPITATE HIMSELF WITH A PAIR OF SUNGLASSES, YET.    THURSDAY HAS BEEN EXPERIMENTING REPLACING SOME OF HIS PERCUSSION WITH LIVE FIRE ARMS.  THIS HAS BEEN A GREAT SUCCESS AND EXPECT TO SEE IT IN THE UPCOMING ALBUM.  SHIGEO HAS BEEN DOING THE MONTHLY SABOTAGE ON THE EVER PLANNED UNLIMITED INDY AND THE WISEMEN REVIVAL TOURS.  SOMETIMES KEEPING FROM HAVING TO GO BACK TO YOUR OLD BAND IS A FULL TIME JOB.  I SHOULD KNOW.  ZOAH HAS BEEN EQUIPPING THE RING.  I HAVE NO IDEA EITHER.  WAIT THAT IS THE WHOLE BAND, WHO HAS BEEN TALKING.  IT IS A SURPRISE AND YOU WILL NEVER KNOW.  SURPRISE!

1.  MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB (IT'S FLEECE WAS AS WHITE AS SNOW (UNTIL SHE SHOT IT (AND ATE IT FOR DINNER (WITH A WHITE WINE SAUCE) ON A SPACE SHIP) WITH A SHOTGUN NAMED JENNY) MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB).

THE USE OF FIREARMS HAS REALLY WORKD BRILLIANTLY HERE, ALSO WE FINALLY GOT TO TITLE A SONG MHALL(IFWAWAS(USSIT(AAIFD(WAWWS)OASS)WASNJ)MHALL) WHICH HAS BEEN ONE OF OUR GOALS AS A BAND.

2. DISTORTED BABY LAUGHTER REVERSED.

EASIEST PIECE OF FOUND INSTRUMENTATION WE HAVE EVER USED.  THE INVERTED DISTORTION OF THE SCREAMS AT THE END IS THE BEST.

3.  Manufacture - Conveyor Belt for Killers, Yoshitaka Hirota, Yasunori Mitsuda. Shadow Hearts OST.

LETS FACE IT, SHADOW HEARTS MUSIC WAS DESTINED TO BE COVERED BY USE PURELY DUE TO THE TITLES AND EVERYTHING IS IMPROVED WITH DISTORTED DRUM LINES AND HARD EDGE GUITAR SOLOS THAT WILL PUMMEL YOUR BODY INTO SUBMISSION SO MUCH THAT YOU CRY OUT YOUR SPELL THROUGH YOUR EAR.

4.  Kommienezuspadt, Tom Waits, Alice.

SEI PUNKTLICHT, SEI PUNKTLICHT, SEI PUNKTLICHT.  KOMMIENEZUSPADT, KOMMIENEZUSPADT. AND WE CAN'T BE LATE!  KOMMIENEZUSPADT.

5.  The Black Angel's Death Song,  The Velvet Underground, The Velvet Underground & Nico.

JOHN CALE AND LOU REED TOGETHER IN AN EXPERIMENT OF LONG DRAWN OUT LYRICAL VERSE OVER A CONSTANT SERIES OF DRONES.  WHAT IS THERE NOT TO LOVE?

6.  I HAVE RUN OUT OF IDEAS SO LETS MAKE A SONG ABOUT EXPLODING LIVERS.

EXPLODING LIVERS!

GENERIC CHOOSE SONG OR FAILURE!

 --  And everywhere that Mary went that lamb was sure to go!
 --  Even more demonic baby noises than normal babies.
 --  Taylorism for the methodical deconstruction of victims.
 --  SEI PUNKTLICHT!
 --  Black Angel's Death Song. MOST. METAL. TITLE. EVER.
 --  LIVERSPLOSION!
 --  Ewwww revival albums are horrid.

[SnowFire]

EMO RANGERS!!!
~Meeplelard

*A crash landing - out of the wreckage pops something whose description will only cause harm*

Giygas: Aha! After 10 years, I am happy! Now to conquer Earth!

*scene shift to base, Xorn appears in a large tube*

Xorndon: FATE! Giygas has escaped! Gather several villains with self hate!

GO GO EMO RANGERS!

Kevin Winnicot as EMO RED!

GO GO EMO RANGERS!

Ritz as EMO PINK!

GO GO EMO RANGERS! YOU BROODING CUTTING EMO RANGERS!!!

Seymour Guado as EMO BLUE!

Leon Magnus as EMO BLACK!

*music overture, shows all the rangers, even those yet revealed, transforming*

GO GO EMO RANGERS!

Sync as EMO GREEN!

GO GO EMO RANGERS!

Cloud Strife as EMO YELLOW!

"HOLD IT! HOLD IT!"

*opening animation cuts out*

Leon: Why is he on our team?  All of us are villains, and he's hardly emo!

Sync: You clearly haven't played Kingdom Hearts, have you?

Leon: Yeah, well...prove yourself to us!

Cloud: My life is lost in darkness, I have given myself up for power, I am dead to most people.

Leon:  ...I suppose that'll do...

Seymour: Can we please finish the opening song?

*music kicks back on, animation continues*

GO GO EMO RANGERS!

Emelious De Pamela as EMO WHITE!

YOU BROODING CUTTING EMO RANGERS!!!

*Title Screen appears, with the word Emo Rangers, a knife shoved within the middle of the o and with what looks like blood pouring out of it, the entire title is in various shades of black and grey*

-The Emo Rangers defeat the All Powerful and Cheerful Giygas
-The Power of HAPPINESS and possibly Love is too much for the Rangers

[Taishyr]

EMO RANGERS!!!
~Meeplelard

*A crash landing - out of the wreckage pops something whose description will only cause harm*

Giygas: Aha! After 10 years, I am happy! Now to conquer Earth!

*scene shift to base, Xorn appears in a large tube*

Xorndon: FATE! Giygas has escaped! Gather several villains with self hate!

GO GO EMO RANGERS!

Kevin Winnicot as EMO RED!

GO GO EMO RANGERS!

Ritz as EMO PINK!

GO GO EMO RANGERS! YOU BROODING CUTTING EMO RANGERS!!!

Seymour Guado as EMO BLUE!

Leon Magnus as EMO BLACK!

*music overture, shows all the rangers, even those yet revealed, transforming*

GO GO EMO RANGERS!

Sync as EMO GREEN!

GO GO EMO RANGERS!

Cloud Strife as EMO YELLOW!

"HOLD IT! HOLD IT!"

*opening animation cuts out*

Leon: Why is he on our team?  All of us are villains, and he's hardly emo!

Sync: You clearly haven't played Kingdom Hearts, have you?

Leon: Yeah, well... prove yourself to us!

Cloud: My life is lost in darkness, I have given myself up for power, I am dead to most people.

Leon:  ...I suppose that'll do...

Seymour: Can we please finish the opening song?

*music kicks back on, animation continues*

GO GO EMO RANGERS!

Emelious De Pamela as EMO WHITE!

YOU BROODING CUTTING EMO RANGERS!!!

*Title Screen appears, with the word Emo Rangers, a knife shoved within the middle of the o and with what looks like blood pouring out of it, the entire title is in various shades of black and gray*

-The Emo Rangers defeat the All Powerful and Cheerful Giygas
-The Power of HAPPINESS and possibly Love is too much for the Rangers

[SnowFire]

DL Team Battles VII
by SnowFire

Ah, the heroes who saved the world from Metagod and Cardinal Simon. Let's see, there was Godlike Champion Yuri for damage, recent Middle Champion Alice for healing, and...  maybe some others?  Well, the Shadow Hearts' "B squad" is out for respect, and the best way is to earn it in a proper Team Match.  Their opponents?  The sanity-reducing duo of Albedo and his fellow mad killer Testament Luis Virgil.

The Godlike Testaments are certainly worthy opponents, with Virgil making it to the Semifinals in Season 43.  The sidekicks will have only a choose of dooms when they decide who to attack first: Both Albedo and Virgil have powerful limit abilities that activate at low HP.  Albero can blow away all of Zhuzhen or Halley's MP - if they're even still alive, rendering their healing powerless. Virgil can unleash his mighty Victim's Hail, probably breaking the entire party and inflicting excellent icy death in the process.  The weight of inevitably is on their side as well - if the exorcists mess around too long chipping their HP, the pair will have time to build their boost gauges and slay them all in a single mess of destruction.  With Virgil using Overtaker at the start of the battle, that's not likely to be too long a time.  As a final insult, Albedo's excellent elemental resistances should definitely slow down the mostly elemental attacks of the Shadow Hearts also-rans.

Exorcist Zhuzen, long mocked, will provide some healing, and his Flames of Fudo exploits Virgil's Fire weakness.   Halley can also heal, and more importantly, revive anyone taken down by the Testaments.  Meanwhile Keith & Margarete will smash with their best damage, which is respectable enough.  Like Zhuzen, Margarete even has the multi-target Diving Bomber support for some spectacular fiery explosions to take Virgil down with.  The whole team can easily block any attempts to poison, confuse, or stop them with handy Cosmic Bracelets, too.  If nothing else, there's the sheer weight of four people smashing into a boss at once.  With their HP only so-so, it really won't take that much firepower to finish off the freaks.

So who wins?  The classic combination of vampires, spies, exorcists, and annoying psychic kids?  Or does absolute power mixed with madness take the day?

* Keith-Halley-Zhuzhen-Margarete have this one tied up.
* Albedo & Virgil drive some more foolish heroes insane.

[Shale]

DL Team Battles VII
by SnowFire

Ah, the heroes who saved the world from Metagod and Cardinal Simon. Let's see, there was Godlike Champion Yuri dishing out the damage, recent Middle Champion Alice doing the healing, and...maybe some others?  Well, the Shadow Hearts' "B squad" is out for respect, and the best way is to earn it in a proper team match.  Their opponents?  The sanity-reducing duo of Albedo and his fellow mad killer Testament Luis Virgil.

The Godlike Testaments are certainly worthy opponents, with Virgil making it to the Semifinals in Season 43.  The sidekicks will have only a choose of doom when they decide who to attack first: Both Albedo and Virgil have powerful limit abilities that activate at low HP.  Albedo can blow away all of Zhuzhen or Halley's MP - if they're even still alive, rendering their healing powerless. Virgil can unleash his mighty Victim's Hail, probably breaking the entire party and inflicting excellent icy death in the process.  The weight of inevitably is on their side as well - if the exorcists mess around too long chipping their HP, the pair will have time to build their boost gauges and slay them all in a single mess of destruction.  With Virgil using Overtaker at the start of the battle, that's not likely to be too long a time.  As a final insult, Albedo's excellent elemental resistances should definitely slow down the mostly elemental attacks of the Shadow Hearts also-rans.

Exorcist Zhuzen, long mocked, will provide some healing, and his Flames of Fudo exploits Virgil's Fire weakness.   Halley can also heal, and more importantly, revive anyone taken down by the Testaments.  Meanwhile Keith and Margarete will smash with their best damage, which is respectable enough.  Like Zhuzen, Margarete even has the multi-target Diving Bomber support for some spectacular fiery explosions to take Virgil down with.  The whole team can easily block any attempts to poison, confuse, or stop them with handy Cosmic Bracelets, too.  If nothing else, there's the sheer weight of four people smashing into a boss at once.  With their HP being only so-so, it really won't take that much firepower to finish off the freaks.

So who wins?  The classic combination of vampires, spies, exorcists, and annoying psychic kids?  Or does absolute power mixed with madness take the day?

* Keith-Halley-Zhuzhen-Margarete have this one tied up.
* Albedo & Virgil drive some more foolish heroes insane.

[SnowFire]

DL Team Battles VIII
by SnowFire

We have a match between the highest echelons of heroism and villainy today in the DL Team Battles series.  It'll be a mixed match, with newfound kin from the Dueling League joining each other.

First, our villains, of a sort.  Well-known troublemaker Seifer has rounded up yet another new posse after his continuing troubles with Fujin and Raijin.  Since this is a villainy team, Seifer will be using his boss form, which could totally defeat that wuss Squall, eventually, if Squall were to be paralyzed first.  And sometimes he won't die to a single limit!  Seifer's long ago dance-partner Garland has some skill in knocking people down, albeit rather inaccurately.  Hailing from the Queendom of Falena, Alenia and Zahaak need no introduction; as feared Queen's Knights, together they possess intelligence and fighting power equal to many men- specifically, about two and a half.  Still, that's marginally better than your average soldier!  And Alenia can even sometimes put her opposition to sleep with the Twilight Rune.  If somehow those above should fall, the mighty Augst Hendrickson will surely finish off the surviving heroes with his exploding counters.

Seifer has a more than worthy opponent, however - Prince Edward of Damcyan, who shall play a melody so horrifying that their internal organs will leak out of their bodies.  Rafa and Malak are...  a different yin and yang to Alenia & Zahaak's yin and yang.  Feared yet reformed assassins brought up by Marquis Barinten, perhaps their opponents can be convinced into standing conveniently next to each other!  It would make their Truthy attacks far more effective, and provide adequate recompense for Rafa's loss against Fargo.  And meanwhile, old man Gwyn will ruthlessly shatter their swords, rendering their already ineffective attacks...  more ineffective.

Who will win this confrontation, which can only be described as epic?  The unstoppable heroes, or the villainous blackguards?

* Unlikely heroes: Edward, Gwyn, Rafa, and Malak
* Seifer's latest posse: Seifer, Garland, Alenia, Zahaak, and Augst

[Jo'ou Ranbu]

DL Team Battles VIII

by SnowFire

Well, we have a spanking new match between the highest echelons of heroism and villainy today in the DL Team Battles series! It'll be a... let's say, mixed match, with newfound kin from the Dueling League joining each other for a good old brawl!

Let's begin the presentation blues with this week's villains, shall we? Well, they're "villains"... in a sense. Well-known troublemaker Seifer has rounded up yet another new posse after his continuing troubles with Fujin and Raijin (and getting continuously beaten up as well)! Since this is a villainy team, Seifer will don his boss form, which could totally defeat that wuss Squall, eventually, if Squall were to be paralyzed first. And sometimes he won't die to a single limit!  Seifer's long-time dance-partner, Garland, has some skill in knocking people down, albeit rather inaccurately - but this inability is another matter entirely. Hailing from the Queendom of Falena, Alenia and Zahaak need no introduction; as feared Queen's Knights, together they possess intelligence and fighting power equal to many men - specifically, about two and a half! Still, that's marginally better than your average soldier! And Alenia can even sometimes put her opposition to sleep with the Twilight Rune, which may certainly come in handy. If, somehow, those above should fall, the mighty Augst Henriksen will surely finish off the surviving heroes with his exploding counters! Give a round of applause for this highly professional battler team!

Seifer has a more than worthy opponent, however; all hail Prince Edward of Damcyan, who shall play a melody so horrifying that their internal organs will leak out of their bodies! For his companions, well... Rafa and Malak are, to speak kindly, a different yin and yang to Alenia & Zahaak's yin and yang. Feared, yet reformed assassins, brought up by Marquis Barinten, perhaps their opponents can be convinced into standing conveniently next to each other! It would make their Truth and Untruth attacks far more effective, and provide adequate recompense for Rafa's loss against Fargo. Closing things up, old man Gwyn will ruthlessly shatter their swords, rendering their already ineffective attacks...  more ineffective, hopefully!

Who will win this confrontation, which can only be described as epic? The unstoppable heroes, or the villainous blackguards?

* Edward, Gwyn, Rafa, and Malak manage to pull up an unlikely win with the power of YOUTHFUL - wait, wrong joke.
* Seifer, Garland, Alenia, Zahhak, and Augst are so hilariously inept that even the Punies can't stop laughing, giving the villains enough time to eke out victory. Hey, a win is a win.

[SnowFire]

Equity Friends South: The Debut
-Meeple Lard

"So.  It has been confirmed that my original Arch Nemesis is in fact busy?"

"Yes, he has other things to attend to, which make him unable to face you.  Some kind of 'Dueling League,' allegedly."

"Perfect! With Alkaiser out of the way, nothing shall stop me!" cackled Boss X from the darkness.  "Soon, my plan to take over the world using nothing but guys in jump suits and masks will come to fruition!  Come Dr. Klein, let us spread our evil!"

"Yes, of course!"

"Not if we have anything to say about it!" a voice from the distance was heard.

Appearing out of a smoke bomb was an older man dressed like... a Ninja?  "Behold the secret Brazilian stealth ninja skill!  For I am... the Septageneric Ninja!"

Then a pink bat came flying in, transforming into a young female vampire.  "I'm Ballerina Mask!"

"Come, my mighty stead, oh Le Stallion Magnifique, for I am Lady Lightbringer, and you shall know my wrath evil ones!" screamed L'Arachel riding form an illogical sunset.

Lastly, smashing through a glass skylight that was definitely not there 5 minutes ago: "Lacking any sort of witty way to intro myself, I'll just be blunt: I am Monster Z!"

The four heroes all stood in respective poses, with random explosions and flower petals and other illogical things you'd expect to see at such a first-time unveiling.

"We are <i><b>Equity Friends South!!</b></i>" they all shouted, immediately followed by "PSYDUCK!!!", said by a peculiar duck wearing a mask.

"...so someone wanna explain to me why we have our mascot as a Psyduck?" Zed asked his fellow teammates.

"Well, you see, you said you wanted something cute and yellow with mysterious powers that begins with the letter P and can fit into a Pokeball as a mascot, right?" replied Lady Lightbringer.

"Yeah, and unfortunately, the oldest member of our team took the liberty of looking for it himself and found him, despite all of us knowing exactly what you wanted."

"AHA! Good show Spyduck!  You do the Ninja honor proud!" Frank patted the Psyduck gently yet ninja-style.

"...well, at least it has a super hero name, and its still better than what the Super Equity Friends has, so I guess we'll just have to live with it." Monster Z said, sighing.  "But anyway, this is our debut as a Super Hero team, and we can't let our buddies back at the Quaza Dome down!  We must defeat Boss X!"

"KLEIN!!!! WHO ARE THESE FOOLS WHO DARE WISH TO OPPOSE ME?  YOU TOLD ME ALKAISER AND THE OTHER SUPER EQUITY FRIENDS WERE UNAVAILABLE!"

"It seems some wannabe super heroes.  I guess you could say they are the second stringers?  Or perhaps even the third stringers?  They should be no match for you.  After all, they aren't the real deal!"

"Ok, I can see not having a high opinion of us now, but saying we're fakes is going too far!" shouted an indignant Hilda of "Now I'm going to make you pay for that insult!" fame.

"PSYDUCK!!!"

---

We interrupt this match write up as the next 3 hours consist of the two sides exchanging words in about as immature a fashion as you can get.  We apologize for the inconvenience, and will cut straight to the end.

---

"YOUR EVIL DEEDS WILL BE STOPPED HERE AND THERE OR MY NAME ISN'T...  ISN'T...  MONSTER Z!" bellowed Zed, remembering.

And so, led by the reformed Metal Demon himself, the Equity Friends South are ready for their first fight against a classic super hero villain! Will they succeed? Will Boss X's nebulously evil plan actually work this time?  Does anyone actually tolerate Frank at all?

Find out next episode of... EQUITY FRIENDS SOUTH!!

-The EFS wins.  Justice and idiocy are a better combination than idiocy alone.
-They aren't the real deal, and more importantly are even bigger idiots. Boss X somehow wins.
-The Super Equity Friends and Alkaiser show up anyway.  This isn't good news for Boss X.
-The Super Equity Friends show up... but a dispute over marketing rights for the victory allows X to escape.

[Jo'ou Ranbu]

Equity Friends South: The Debut
~by Meeple Lard

At an undisclosed location, covered in darkness, a shadowy figure stood. Apparently, not alone, though.

"So. What you're saying is... that my original Arch Nemesis is in fact busy? Have you confirmed that?"

"Yes, he has other things to attend to, so a confrontation is kind of not an option due to conflicting schedules. He said it was some kind of 'Duelling League'."

A lightning bolt soared through the skies, as if to shape a malevolent grin through a metaphorical darkness. It was a glorious day. The shadowy figure had a sinister gleam in his eyes, and a flicker of wicked joy crossed over his lips. "... THIS IS PERFECT! With Alkaiser out of the way, nothing shall stop me!"

The figure left the darkness, revealing a madly cackling Boss X. "Soon, my plan to take over the world using nothing but men wearing jumpsuits and masks will come to fruition! Come, my trusted minion Doctor Klein, let us spread our evil!"

The clumsy doctor followed suit. "Yes, of course!"

When all seemed lost, however, a shard of light brought upon hope!

"Not if we have anything to say about it!", a thunderous voice struck down from above.

Appearing out of a smoke bomb was an older man dressed like... a Ninja? "Behold the secret Brazilian stealth ninja skill!  For I am... the Septageneric Ninja!"

As this flamboyant display ended, a pink bat came flying in surrounded by hearts and pink clouds, transforming into a young, fabulous female vampire. "I'm Ballerina Mask! You shall be punished in the name of Tepes!"

"Come, my mighty stead, oh Le Stallion Magnifique, for I am Lady Lightbringer, and you shall know my wrath, oh evil ones!", screamed L'Arachel under a fanfare, gallantly riding her trusty mount Ms. Preciousmuffin from an illogical, yet breathtaking sunset.

Lastly, smashing through a glass skylight that was definitely not there 5 minutes ago, a truly wondrous sight appeared, although you wouldn't think he was with the good guys from a glance. "Lacking any sort of witty way to introduce myself, I'll just go down to business. I am Monster Z!"

The four heroes all stood in their respective heroic poses, with random explosions and flower petals and other illogical things you'd expect to see at such a first-time unveiling. Nobody said they weren't stereotypical.

"We are the <i><b>Equity Friends South!!</b></i>", they all shouted mightily, immediately followed by "PSYDUCK!!!", said by a peculiar duck wearing a mask.

"...so someone wanna explain to me why we have our mascot as a Psyduck?" Zed asked his fellow teammates, scratching his head.

"Well, you see, you said you wanted something cute and yellow with mysterious powers that begins with the letter P and can fit into a Pokeball as a mascot, right?", sweetly replied Lady Lightbringer.

"Yeah, and unfortunately, the oldest member of our team took the liberty of looking for it himself and found him, despite all of us knowing exactly what you wanted. We had to settle with the low-grade generic."

"AHA! Good show, Spyduck!  You do the Ninja honor proud!", Frank patted the Psyduck gently yet ninja-style. Whatever the hell that means.

"...well, at least it has a super hero name, and it's still better than what the Super Equity Friends has, so I guess we'll just have to live with it." Monster Z said, sighing.  "But anyway, this is our debut as a Super Hero team, and we can't let our buddies back at the Quaza Dome down! We must defeat Boss X!"

"KLEIN! WHO THE HELL ARE THESE FOOLS WHO DARE WISH TO OPPOSE ME?? YOU TOLD ME ALKAISER AND THE OTHER SUPER EQUITY FRIENDS WERE UNAVAILABLE!"

"It seems some wannabe super heroes, boss. I guess you could say they are the second stringers? Or perhaps even the third stringers? They should be no match for you. After all, they aren't the real deal!"

"Ok, I can see not having a high opinion of us now, but saying we're fakes is going too far!" shouted an indignant Hilda. She then brandished her tiny staff, ready to dole out punishment. "Now I'm going to make you pay for that insult!"

"PSYDUCK!!!"

---

We interrupt this match writeup as the next 3 hours consist of the two sides exchanging words in about as immature a fashion as you can get  We apologize for the inconvenience, and will cut straight to the end.

---

"YOUR EVIL DEEDS WILL BE STOPPED HERE AND THERE OR MY NAME ISN'T...  ISN'T...  MONSTER Z!" bellowed Zed, barely remembering his lines.

And so, led by the reformed Metal Demon himself, the Equity Friends South are ready for their first fight against a classic superhero villain! Will they succeed? Will Boss X's nebulously evil plan actually work this time? Does anyone actually tolerate Frank at all?

Find out next episode of... EQUITY FRIENDS SOUTH!

- The EFS wins.  Justice and idiocy are a better combination than idiocy alone.
- They aren't the real deal, and more importantly, they are even bigger idiots. Boss X somehow wins.
- The Super Equity Friends and Alkaiser show up anyway. This isn't good news for Boss X.
- The Super Equity Friends show up... but a dispute over marketing rights for the victory allows X to escape. Tough.

[superaielman]

Xenogears was once the pinnacle of Mech combat, unmatched in speed and power. The Contact's gear was strong enough to rip Deus to shreds and give God himself the pummeling of a lifetime. Wyvern? Ha. Not even mech specialists from other worlds could match it- just ask what's left of the <i>Infernal</i> after Darril Traubel challenged Fei to combat on a dare. The key word being once. The swarm of talented supermechs from the Super Robot Wars multiverse almost left Xenogears in it's dust. AI1? Neo Granzon? While Fei's powers were beyond belief, even Xenogears's devine blows paled besides such mechs. But as proven time and time again, you don't have to take down the toughest SOB to get respect in the duelling league, just take down an Alpha male and work from there. (And let your aggressive Id personality take over!)

Wu-Fei's idiotic prattle about justice and lone wolf syndrome makes him the perfect target. And if there's one thing that the Contact knows, it's how to hunt.


Xenogears crushes Gundam Altron
Wu-Fei shows Fei what fighting for justice is really about

[Shale]

Xenogears was once the pinnacle of mech-based combat, unmatched in speed and power. The Contact's gear was strong enough to rip Deus to shreds and give God himself the pummeling of a lifetime. Wyvern? Ha. Not even robot specialists from other worlds could match it- just ask what's left of the <i>Infernal</i> after Darril Traubel challenged Fei to combat on a dare.

Of course, the key word in all that is "once." Now, the swarm of talented supermechs from the Super Robot Wars multiverse seems to have left Xenogears in it's dust. AI1? Neo Granzon? While Fei's powers are beyond belief, even Xenogears's divine blows pale besides such mechs. But as proven time and time again, you don't have to take down the toughest SOB to get respect in the Duelling League, just take down an Alpha male and work from there. (And let your aggressive Id personality take over!)

Wu-Fei's idiotic prattle about justice and lone wolf syndrome makes him the perfect target. And if there's one thing that the Contact knows, it's how to hunt.


Xenogears crushes Gundam Altron
Wu-Fei shows Fei what fighting for justice is really about
   

[SnowFire]

Crash Master Jam
by Excal

As time passes, and things that used to be lethal become not only survivable, but unlikely to leave any permanent injury no matter how little sense that makes, one's perception of them changes.  No longer do these things evoke the words accident, tragedy, or God's rightful smiting of the unheeding.  Instead, it becomes known as Extreem Sport.

Tonight, we welcome you to the newly formed, and oddly survivable, airship crashing league.  Where participants take outrageously expensive flying machines and try and crash them in the most inventive and spectacular ways possible. And here we have the finals for the first Shooting Star Cup, where the best of the best will be recognised.

Our first contestant is Yuki from Anfog Village.  This young aviator is the living example of what goes up must come down, with the Guinness Book of World Records stating there's only three types of common aerial craft that he hasn't managed to smash into the earth at some point in his short career.  However, the extraordinary part here is that he claims that he isn't actually trying to hit the ground, even as he's rapidly climbed the ranks in this league.  Well, intentional or not, this young upstart will certainly be one to watch!

And from youth we go to experience with veteran test pilot Cid Highwind.  This Ex-Shinra flier has years of experience ranging from common aircraft, to experimental models to even piloting a space launch once.  Not only does he fly, but he builds planes too, being a master engineer in his own right.  And with all of this knowledge, there shouldn't be anything stopping him from crafting the best crash that science can make.

Next up is the numan Rika, from Motavia.  She's only recently learned to fly, having a good deal more free time after saving her world, but during her adventures she crashed once and found it the kind of thrill she's been seeking.  And it's her boundless enthusiasm that gives her her edge in this competition.  Looking to find new and exciting ways to crash just for the sake of doing it, her youthful exuberance gives her an artistic edge that no one else can hope to match.

Finally, for our last entry, there's the team of Onion Knights.  Little is known about this enigmatic and silent bunch, but what is known is exciting.  It's well known that it was only hours after they got their first airship that they smashed it into a giant boulder, and they've only moved on to bigger and better stunts since then.  Their teamwork being as legendary as their ability to use whatever skill their latest exploit needs, it'll be a wonder to see what kind of a crash this foursome has in mind for today.

And with all of this, we have to wonder, which wreck will wrest victory from ruin?

* Yuki's impressive aerial acrobatics prior to the #682 exploding mid-air cannot be topped.
* Cid has an entire town to help his expedition into space.  Crashing into a Meteor is certainly more stylish than boring old Planet again, right?
* Rika has beginner's luck on her side...  and also cheating.  She Eliminats the competition and wins by default.
* With the power of the crystals, the Onion Knights can do anything!  Including get shot down by every secret cannon in the DL simultaneously.

[Jo'ou Ranbu]

Crash Master Jam
by Excal

As time passes and things that used to be lethal become steadily less lethal and more cartoonishly harmful, one's perception of them radically shifts. No longer do these things evoke the horrifying imagery of accidents, tragedies or God's rightful smiting of the unheeding. Instead, it evolves(?) into the thrill(?) of XTREEM Sports. And we in the DL are proud to present the cutting edge in these blood-boiling activities!

Tonight, we welcome you to the newly formed, oddly survivable airship-crashing league! Where participants take outrageously expensive flying machines and try and crash them in the most inventive, outrageous and spectacular ways possible! Also, we have the finals for the first Shooting Star Cup, where the best of the best will be recognised.

Our first contestant is Yuki, from Anfog Village! This young aviator is a living example of the "what goes up must come down" corollary, and the Guinness Book of World Records states there are only three types of common aerial craft that he hasn't managed to smash into the earth at some point in his short career! However, the extraordinary part here is that he claims that he isn't actually trying to hit the ground, even as he's rapidly climbed the ranks in this league. Well, intentional or not, this young upstart is certainly worth a watch!

Now, from raging youth, we go to rambling experience, with veteran test pilot Cid Highwind in tow! This Ex-Shinra flier has years of flight under his belt. Common aircrafts? Advanced fliers? Experimental models? He's been there. Heck, he even handled a space shuttle before. Not only does he fly, he builds planes, being a master engineer in his own right! And with all of this knowledge, there shouldn't be anything stopping him from crafting the best crash that science can make!

Next up is the cheerful numan Rika, from the barren lands of Motavia! She's only recently learned to fly, having a good deal more free time after saving her world, but during her adventures she epically crashed a shuttle once, and it was just the kind of thrill she's been seeking. Her boundless enthusiasm gives her a big edge in this competition alright! Looking to find new and exciting ways to crash just for the sake of doing it, her youthful exuberance gives her an artistic upper hand in this contest that no one else can hope to match!

Finally, for our last entry, there's this... team of Onion Knights. Little is known about this enigmatic and silent bunch, but it's sure to be exciting! It's well known that it was only hours after they got their first airship that they smashed it into a giant boulder, and they've only moved on to bigger and better stunts since then. Their teamwork is as legendary as their ability to use whatever skill their latest exploit needs, and it'll be a wonder to see what kind of a crash this foursome has in mind for today!

But in the end, we have to wonder. Which of these glorious wrecks will wrest victory from ruin?

* Yuki's impressive aerial acrobatics prior to the #682 exploding mid-air cannot be topped!
* Cid has an entire town to help his expedition into space. Crashing into a Meteor is certainly more stylish than that boring old Planet again, right?
* Rika has beginner's luck on her side...  and also cheating. She Eliminats the competition and wins by default.
* With the power of the crystals, the Onion Knights can do anything! Including getting shot down by every secret cannon in the DL simultaneously.