Chapter 1: In Which We Bear Witness That I Have No Friends
I thought about showing you guys the opening, but it contains SPOILARS about my life.
Well. That, and the fact that I wasn't sure how to screen capture things I couldn't control the movement of effectively. But SPOILARS sounds like a far more dignified reason, no?
So, let's stat from the most logical place. The beginning!
One of my many talents includes the ability to move immediately from sleep to being able to artfully describe my surroundings and determine season based on the quality of the wind.
Fun Fact
: Dr. Square-Glasses spends 10% of his time doctoring, 5% of his time watching House and 85% of his time standing around in patient rooms waiting for them to wake up so he can congratulate them on their recovery.
He has few surviving patients.
All thanks to the wonderful folks at Mirror-Moon!
Dr. Square-Glasses: Delivering background exposition with inappropriate amount of joy!
Took me 5 screens and being told that I should be dead to realize I feel like shit, but I still nailed the season in one. Go me!
6 screens for that. I am the pro-est.
Fun Fact
: Ashley also often says that when talking about me!
Dr. Square-Glasses is not great at whispering.
Putting things into slits is fun. A lesson I would carry with me into adulthood.
Its like they've never seen a 9 year old cut a bed in half before! Sheesh.
Its a shame that this ability is one I could not easily demonstrate to people. Alas!
My final hospital bill included all my medical expenses, as well as replacements for several pieces of furniture.
Sexual metaphors.
My later experiments to apply duct tape to everything to protect it would prove unsuccessful.
At least I wasn't that nutjob from Saya no Uta, though. THAT guy was CRA~ZY. I just see squiggly lines.
Fun Fact
: I don't have any friends! ...
...
...
...
I had always figured most hospitals would monitor critically injured, brain-damaged patients a little closer. Turns out they just let us run wild.
"Stop dying in such a stupid place, stupid. It is slightly inconveniencing me."
My brain damage also affected my understanding of "front" and "behind."
I was a pretty cute kid, though.
My brain damage also affected my ability to understand simple sentences like someone telling me they almost kicked me. But hey, at least I could see people clearly when they were sitting in three inch long grass.
I MAY NEED A DIFFERENT ADULT.
Like a creepy perv, I spent most of that time staring at her chest!
This may have also been connected to the fact that I was probably running a fever on account of doing silly things like running around shortly after almost dying.
Aoko: "Unless he tells you that you should stay in bed and not wander out of town to meet with strange older women. In that case, fuck 'im."
Aside from the dry winds that signal the end of summer. And terrible.
She was also the only person who cared what I did!
Well. It also didn't hurt that she was hawt.
No wonder I didn't show this to Dr. Square-Glasses.
Kinda mixed messages I'm getting here.
"I see death lines!"
Seriously though. That's kind of harsh of her to tell me. Thanks for hammering home my mortality before I even hit puberty. Really appreciated. That won't fuck me up at all.
Aoko: "I'm going to teach you the time warp!"
Suitcase.
...I could pierce the fog of deception that covered the town! PER. SO. NA!
Suitcase!
Still kinda getting mixed messages here.
Man. Some saints get the power to talk with clams. I get the power to cut everything. I think I know who got the better deal, here.
This will be proven horribly wrong later in my story.
SUITCASE! THAT IS NOT A TRUNK!
TRUNKS ARE LARGE CONSTRUCTS MADE OF WOOD! NOT THAT THING!
*tries to google image searche trunk and suitcase to make a point*
...ahem.
Anyway, I guess this whole conversation about good, evil and the responsibilities we have in life is important too.
Fun Fact
: I had not understood a word she has said. I mean, I was freakin' nine.
Aoko: "Remember, life sucks, Shiki. But hey, you can kill bitches, so rock on."
For example, that deus ex machina can appear as a pretty hot red head who teases me with moralistic conversation that no child would ever have any understanding of.
I am totally an ungrateful prick.
Honestly, I was excited to learn that I actually was going to have a family, given that no one fucking cared what I did at the hospital. I sure hope this family has some neat characters who I will end up liking and grow attached to!
Yep. I'm sure that'll happen.
Yep.
