Tourney of Random Events: Round 1, Week 4

[Cmdr_King]

Event 18: Babysitting

The most criminally underpaid and probably illegal practice in the western world, giving some random neighbor $20 so a couple can run away from their children for a few hours.  For maximum results, contestants will be babysitting 3 children, aged 2, 4, and 5.  Success is judged on causing the least psychological, physical, and property damage during the event.

Samus Aran is an intergalactic bounty hunter and stuff.

The Genie has semi-phenomenal, nearly-cosmic powers.

Event 19: The Statue

A favorite of parents of small children, the statue game involves being completely still for as long as possible.  Seems simple enough.

Ilyana the perpetually hungry will do about anything for a meal.  usually this involves manipulation and exploiting others, but maybe she can hold still for a long time on promise of dinner.  Or maybe she'll faint away from hunger after 15 minutes.

Umi is a lovesick seagirl.  Probably completely crazy.  Cthulhu man.

Event 20: Yo Momma Fight

The gauntlet is thrown.  Your rival stands before you.  The only path: insult their mothers until they can't fire back!

Visser Three is the primary foe of the Animorphs.  Owning to controlling an Andalite, he can shapeshift into any animal he's absorbed the DNA of.  I'm not sure how that helps in this contest, and I'm not sure Yerks have parents as mammals understand them, but so it is.

Lilianne Valendorf is an up and coming alchemist at Al Revis.  Her extra-curricular is legendary.  Her expertise in insults is mocking someone's general intelligence and background, but she can probably expand her repertoire.

Event 21: 'Dwarf' Tossing

A perennial favorite, the dwarf toss!  However, owing to suits brought forward by various associations for little people, tossing actual dwarves is not permitted this year.  Instead, contestants will be divided into teams of two, and among them decide which will be tossed and which will be throwing.

Yukari Yakumo, denizen of Gensokyo.  Zelos Wilder, Chosen of Tetha'ala.  Yukari has vast, vaguely defined powers, but it's uncertain if there's a correct application for this event, and those powers don't to my knowledge apply to physical strength.  Zelos would never toss a cute girl though, so this team may be at an impasse.

Yuri Lowell, errant vagabond.  Athena Cykes, of the Wright Anything Agency.  Athena's prone to physical comedy, and Yuri's a pretty strong guy, so while they may not do WELL they'll at least complete the event.

Event 22: Bullfighting

Olé!  Competitors will be judged on putting on the best show will still successfully slaying the bull and not being seriously injured.

Mr. Clean is magical and can certainly make things look good.  Deadliness is another matter.

Miriel is not known for her physical durability, but I'm sure she'll study the matter thoroughly before coming to the arena.

Event 23: Thumb Wrestling

One two three war I declare thumb war!

The Nostalgia Critic most definitely has thumbs.

Princess Buttercup ALSO has thumbs.

Event 24: Kidnapping Princess Peach

Being as Bowser is still being retrieved from the wreckage of a preposterous Jenga tower, the monthly quota on Princess Peach kidnappings is way down, and the Mushroom Kingdom economy has taken a sharp downturn.  As a result, our contestants must stand in for Bowser, and successfully kidnap Peach, take her through at least 8 unique castle settings, and set up a final encounter for Mario's rescue attempt.  In the event both contestants are successful, they will be judged on their ability to be evil.

Squidward will almost certainly get a kick out of playing Bowser.  Whether he's competent enough to do it...

Domon Kasshu is not in his element here.  Much better at saving princesses.  Still, he probably COULD do it, even if he wouldn't, which may well put him ahead of the competition.

Short Form

Babysitting: Samus Aran (Metroid Series) vs Genie (Aladdin)
The Statue: Ilyana (Fire Emblem Series) vs Umi (Cthulhu Saves the World)
Yo Momma Fight: Visser Three (Animorphs) vs Lilianne Valendorf (Mana Khemia 2: Fall of Alchemy)
Dwarf Tossing: Yukari Yakumo (Touhou Series) and Zelos Wilder (Tales of Symphonia) vs Yuri Lowell (Tales of Vesperia) and Athena Cykes (Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney: Dual Destinies)
Bullfighting: Mr. Clean (Mascot) vs Miriel (Fire Emblem: Awakening)
Thumb Wrestling: Nostalgia Critic (That Guy with the Glasses) vs Princess Buttercup (The Princess Bride)
Kidnap Princess Peach: Squidward (Spongebob Squarepants) vs Domon Kasshu (Mobile Fighter G Gundam)

[superaielman]

Babysitting: Samus Aran (Metroid Series) vs Genie (Aladdin)- Samus is as un motherly as it gets. Genie is perfectly suited to this event on the other hand.
The Statue: Ilyana (Fire Emblem Series) vs Umi (Cthulhu Saves the World)- Ilyana would get hungry and wander off too quickly.
Dwarf Tossing: Yukari Yakumo (Touhou Series) and Zelos Wilder (Tales of Symphonia) vsYuri Lowell (Tales of Vesperia) and Athena Cykes (Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney: Dual Destinies)- Kneejerk just based on the description.

[SnowFire]

Babysitting: Samus Aran (Metroid Series) vs Genie (Aladdin)
I'm pretty sure that Disney movies ARE used as a cheap babysitter in real life, for good reason.  Robin Williams pretty good at this & keeping kids entertained.
The Statue: Ilyana (Fire Emblem Series) vs Umi (Cthulhu Saves the World)
Both of these are pretty bad at this, but Umi strikes me as more disciplined.
Yo Momma Fight: Visser Three (Animorphs) vs Lilianne Valendorf (Mana Khemia 2: Fall of Alchemy)
Anime drama seems good training for this.
Dwarf Tossing: Yukari Yakumo (Touhou Series) and Zelos Wilder (Tales of Symphonia) vs Yuri Lowell (Tales of Vesperia) and Athena Cykes (Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney: Dual Destinies)
Uhhhhhhh.  As far as I know nobody here is a dwarf so the event description would just make this a "tossing" competition which would pervert the spirit of the event.  So I'm ignoring dwarf whining in the writeup and assuming both teams have a steady supply of dwarves to throw.
Yukari:  ??? Probably has Vast Magical Powers like your average Touhou character but unclear if that extends to strength boosting.  (Not a fan of allowing "shoot the dwarves with magic bullet hell so hard they go flying.")
Zelos: Actually pretty good at this, he's got a cruel streak and has adventurer strength.
Yuri: See Zelos!  About equal.
Athena: Is a lawyer, but a lawyer who randomly wrestling throws a policeman for getting in her way.  Pretty impressive.

Going to lean Zelos = Yuri, and Athena > Yukari, although I'm pretty misty on Yukari.

Bullfighting: Mr. Clean (Mascot) vs Miriel (Fire Emblem: Awakening)
Mr. Clean has way more HP & Def, so he won't die if he gets mauled, but Miriel has more SPD, and we know FE PC characters are good at dodging.  Pretty sure the crowd will be more impressed by the dodges over a spotless clean-up of the blood in the dirt.
Thumb Wrestling: Nostalgia Critic (That Guy with the Glasses) vs Princess Buttercup (The Princess Bride)
Real-life Internet nerds will be very distracted by playing against a fictional character, especially a female one.
Kidnap Princess Peach: Squidward (Spongebob Squarepants) vs Domon Kasshu (Mobile Fighter G Gundam)
What Squidward lacks in talent he makes up for in attitude.  He could totally be an undersea Bowser in 10 more years off sheer frustration building up.

[VySaika]

Babysitting: Samus Aran (Metroid Series) vs Genie (Aladdin) - Genie can keep some kids entertained.
The Statue: Ilyana (Fire Emblem Series) vs Umi (Cthulhu Saves the World) - Ilyana tries to eat the starfish in Umi's hair. Umi runs away screaming. However, Ilyana moved first.
Yo Momma Fight: Visser Three (Animorphs) vs Lilianne Valendorf (Mana Khemia 2: Fall of Alchemy) - Visser Three morphs into Lily's mother to deliver the jokes. Pretty sure that would put Lily too far off her game.
Dwarf Tossing: Yukari Yakumo (Touhou Series) and Zelos Wilder (Tales of Symphonia) vs Yuri Lowell (Tales of Vesperia) and Athena Cykes (Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney: Dual Destinies) - Yukari is the border yokai, meaning she can change the boundaries between things. This is every bit as overpowered as it sounds. She does some boundary shenanigans and has Zelos get hit by a speeding bus. Zelos goes flying WAY further then Yuri can toss Athena. Alternately, she can fly. Zelos tosses her, she just conveniently flies a bit further then her opponent does, collects victory.
Bullfighting: Mr. Clean (Mascot) vs Miriel (Fire Emblem: Awakening) - Eh, sure. Evasion and counters make the bull very unhappy.
Thumb Wrestling: Nostalgia Critic (That Guy with the Glasses) vs Princess Buttercup (The Princess Bride) - Uh, sure, whatever.
Kidnap Princess Peach: Squidward (Spongebob Squarepants) vs Domon Kasshu (Mobile Fighter G Gundam) - Domon's not evil, but he's pretty good at being a complete asshole anyway.

[DragonKnight Zero]

Had a few laughs just at the descriptions.

Babysitting: Samus Aran (Metroid Series) vs Genie (Aladdin)
Genie excels at this.  Samus... well she can keep kids occupied for a bit with "chase the morph ball" so she doesn't utterly fail.  Space pirates kidnapping the kids counts as a loss for the judging criteria though.

The Statue: Ilyana (Fire Emblem Series) vs Umi (Cthulhu Saves the World)
Easier to motivate to stay still.  Also, being lethargic might be a point in her favor.

Yo Momma Fight: Visser Three (Animorphs) vs Lilianne Valendorf (Mana Khemia 2: Fall of Alchemy)
Abstain

Dwarf Tossing: Yukari Yakumo (Touhou Series) and Zelos Wilder (Tales of Symphonia) vs Yuri Lowell (Tales of Vesperia) and Athena Cykes (Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney: Dual Destinies)
Manipulating events without being caught is something Yukari is skilled at.

Bullfighting: Mr. Clean (Mascot) vs Miriel (Fire Emblem: Awakening)
Mr. Clean has a deadliness rating of zero.  With all those toxic chemicals in household cleaners, he does have means of subduing a bull.  By luring the bull into slipping on a patch of slippery ground (how he creates one on packed dust and dirt is a trade secret) such that the bull crashes into a pile of open containers of cleaners, eventually the bull will pass out from the chemicals.  It will take a while and by then, Miriel will have long since finished and put on a better show.

Thumb Wrestling: Nostalgia Critic (That Guy with the Glasses) vs Princess Buttercup (The Princess Bride)
My initial thought was Nostalgia Critic taking this easily.  Buttercup is utterly useless at many things which includes any kind of physical strength contest.  Then I was reminded of "Internet Nerd"  He's probably unaccustomed to being so close to women.  In the book, Buttercup is described as the most beautiful woman in the world.  So it's quite likely that he turns to jelly in such close proximity and she just taps his thumb to win.  Yes, I'm shocked I'm voting this way.

Kidnap Princess Peach: Squidward (Spongebob Squarepants) vs Domon Kasshu (Mobile Fighter G Gundam)
  Peach is easily kidnapped so both are successful on the first step.  Let us assume that Squidward does indeed build an obstacle course of underwater hell to the point which Mario gives up.  At this point, he would lose by missing the fine print that stipulates that while putting Mario through a difficult obstacle course is part of the contest, it is intended that he eventually succeeds.  The goal is to imitate Bowser, not to be vastly more or less competent.  Domon uses his accumulated experience in saving princesses in reverse to put on a good show.  Unless he's an incorruptible paladin type which I'm not sensing here.

[Random Consonant]

Short Form

Babysitting: Samus Aran (Metroid Series) vs Genie (Aladdin)
Well uh.

The Statue: Ilyana (Fire Emblem Series) vs Umi (Cthulhu Saves the World)
Both fail horribly at this, but I agree that Ilyana would probably try to eat Umi's starfish first.

Yo Momma Fight: Visser Three (Animorphs) vs Lilianne Valendorf (Mana Khemia 2: Fall of Alchemy)
Abstain.

Dwarf Tossing: Yukari Yakumo (Touhou Series) and Zelos Wilder (Tales of Symphonia) vs Yuri Lowell (Tales of Vesperia) and Athena Cykes (Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney: Dual Destinies)
Maybe in a fair fight the other team would take this, but when you've got Yukari's gap bullshit, a fair fight is for suckers.

Bullfighting: Mr. Clean (Mascot) vs Miriel (Fire Emblem: Awakening)
Not sure how much I buy evasion hype, but there's nothing preventing Miriel from roasting the bull at a safe distance.

Thumb Wrestling: Nostalgia Critic (That Guy with the Glasses) vs Princess Buttercup (The Princess Bride)
Abstain.

Kidnap Princess Peach: Squidward (Spongebob Squarepants) vs Domon Kasshu (Mobile Fighter G Gundam)
Domon is, at the very least, capable in some relevent area here.  Squidward exists to try and fail and gets thwarted before he can even get a foot through the door.

[Lance]

Babysitting: Samus Aran (Metroid Series) vs Genie (Aladdin)
Other M never happened and Samus most definitely is not a hormonal baby-obsessed battered housewife. Genie should have no trouble performing all kinds of magic tricks to keep the little rugrats entertained for a few hours.

The Statue: Ilyana (Fire Emblem Series) vs Umi (Cthulhu Saves the World)
Although Ilyana is mostly known for being hungry all the time, we can't forget that she's also lethargic and sluggish and tired all the time too. Umi, meanwhile, is hyperactive and bubbly and definitely seems more like the type to fidget in situations where she has to stand still and wait. Even if Ilyana is literally starving, I'm sure she can sit still for the 20 seconds it will take for Umi to start spazzing out.

Yo Momma Fight: Visser Three (Animorphs) vs Lilianne Valendorf (Mana Khemia 2: Fall of Alchemy)
Visser Three is basically a Saturday morning cartoon show villain, so his insults will probably come across as more corny and campy. I'm sure Lily can pull off a few scathing insults that will net her the victory.

Dwarf Tossing: Yukari Yakumo (Touhou Series) and Zelos Wilder (Tales of Symphonia) vs Yuri Lowell (Tales of Vesperia) and Athena Cykes (Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney: Dual Destinies)
Yukari's nebulous abilities make it too easy to cheat, so I wouldn't be surprised if her team ends up disqualified for one reason or another. On the other hand, I can see Yuri directing some offhand insulting remark toward Athena that results in an anime-style punch to the sun.

Bullfighting: Mr. Clean (Mascot) vs Miriel (Fire Emblem: Awakening)
Bullfighting is a dirty job. Within seconds, Mr. Clean is covered in dust and bull slobber, causing him to focus more on cleaning up the mess than on actually taming the angry bull that wants to trample him into a fine powder.

Thumb Wrestling: Nostalgia Critic (That Guy with the Glasses) vs Princess Buttercup (The Princess Bride)
He may not be able to thumb-wrestle the most beautiful princess in all the land, but you better believe he can retaliate by making a scathing video about why The Princess Bride sucks after his humiliating defeat.

Kidnap Princess Peach: Squidward (Spongebob Squarepants) vs Domon Kasshu (Mobile Fighter G Gundam)
I think we can all agree that underwater levels are the worst. Now imagine eight fucking worlds of nothing but underwater levels. Even Mario would give up before reaching the halfway point.

[074]

Babysitting: Samus Aran (Metroid Series) vs Genie (Aladdin) - Genie is the embodiment of everything Disney Cartoon/Movie.  Samus hasn't got time for this shit, no matter how much money is involved.
Dwarf Tossing: Yukari Yakumo (Touhou Series) and Zelos Wilder (Tales of Symphonia) vs Yuri Lowell (Tales of Vesperia) and Athena Cykes (Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney: Dual Destinies) - So many ways Yukari can cheeze this, even without overt cheating.  Manipulates the boundary between strength and weakness or something to throw Zelos farther if she needs to be subtle.  Otherwise she "lets" a train launch him into the stratosphere, gaps him farther, etc.
Thumb Wrestling: Nostalgia Critic (That Guy with the Glasses) vs Princess Buttercup (The Princess Bride) - Internet nerd, yes, but something tells me Buttercup doesn't fall under the type that'd distract him too much.
Kidnap Princess Peach: Squidward (Spongebob Squarepants) vs Domon Kasshu (Mobile Fighter G Gundam) - Squidward has a lot of sheer frustration that'd lend him to supervillainy.  Competence, however, is an entirely different story.  While being evil isn't in Domon's skillset, I peg him as being able to best Mario in a straight-up fight.  No contest if he's allowed one of his Gundams.

[Dark Holy Elf]

Babysitting: Samus Aran (Metroid Series) vs Genie (Aladdin)
I'm pretty sure that Disney movies ARE used as a cheap babysitter in real life, for good reason.  Robin Williams pretty good at this & keeping kids entertained.
The Statue: Ilyana (Fire Emblem Series) vs Umi (Cthulhu Saves the World)
Both of these are pretty bad at this, but Umi strikes me as more disciplined.
Yo Momma Fight: Visser Three (Animorphs) vs Lilianne Valendorf (Mana Khemia 2: Fall of Alchemy)
Anime drama seems good training for this.
Dwarf Tossing: Yukari Yakumo (Touhou Series) and Zelos Wilder (Tales of Symphonia) vs Yuri Lowell (Tales of Vesperia) and Athena Cykes (Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney: Dual Destinies)
Uhhhhhhh.  As far as I know nobody here is a dwarf so the event description would just make this a "tossing" competition which would pervert the spirit of the event.  So I'm ignoring dwarf whining in the writeup and assuming both teams have a steady supply of dwarves to throw.
Yukari:  Probably has Vast Magical Powers like your average Touhou character but unclear if that extends to strength boosting.  (Not a fan of allowing "shoot the dwarves with magic bullet hell so hard they go flying.")
Zelos: Actually pretty good at this, he's got a cruel streak and has adventurer strength.
Yuri: See Zelos!  About equal.
Athena: Is a lawyer, but a lawyer who randomly wrestling throws a policeman for getting in her way.  Pretty impressive.

Going to lean Zelos = Yuri, and Athena > Yukari, although I'm pretty misty on Yukari.

Bullfighting: Mr. Clean (Mascot) vs Miriel (Fire Emblem: Awakening)
Mr. Clean has way more HP & Def, so he won't die if he gets mauled, but Miriel has more SPD, and we know FE PC characters are good at dodging.  Pretty sure the crowd will be more impressed by the dodges over a spotless clean-up of the blood in the dirt.
Thumb Wrestling: Nostalgia Critic (That Guy with the Glasses) vs Princess Buttercup (The Princess Bride)
Real-life Internet nerds will be very distracted by playing against a fictional character, especially a female one.

This all sounds right to me. Dropped the last match because I don't really remember the Spongebob character and am not at all familiar with the other.

[Twilkitri]

Babysitting: Samus Aran (Metroid Series) vs Genie (Aladdin)
The Statue: Ilyana (Fire Emblem Series) vs Umi (Cthulhu Saves the World)
Yo Momma Fight: Visser Three (Animorphs) vs Lilianne Valendorf (Mana Khemia 2: Fall of Alchemy)
Dwarf Tossing: Yukari Yakumo (Touhou Series) and Zelos Wilder (Tales of Symphonia) vs Yuri Lowell (Tales of Vesperia) and Athena Cykes (Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney: Dual Destinies)
Bullfighting: Mr. Clean (Mascot) vs Miriel (Fire Emblem: Awakening)
Thumb Wrestling: Nostalgia Critic (That Guy with the Glasses) vs Princess Buttercup (The Princess Bride)
Kidnap Princess Peach: Squidward (Spongebob Squarepants) vs Domon Kasshu (Mobile Fighter G Gundam)

[Cmdr_King]

Babysitting: Samus Aran (Metroid Series) vs Genie (Aladdin)- iiiiiiiii
The Statue: Ilyana (Fire Emblem Series)- ii vs Umi (Cthulhu Saves the World)- iiiii
Yo Momma Fight: Visser Three (Animorphs)- i vs Lilianne Valendorf (Mana Khemia 2: Fall of Alchemy)- iii
Dwarf Tossing: Yukari Yakumo (Touhou Series) and Zelos Wilder (Tales of Symphonia)- iiii vs Yuri Lowell (Tales of Vesperia) and Athena Cykes (Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney: Dual Destinies)- iiii
Bullfighting: Mr. Clean (Mascot) vs Miriel (Fire Emblem: Awakening)- iiiiii
Thumb Wrestling: Nostalgia Critic (That Guy with the Glasses)- ii vs Princess Buttercup (The Princess Bride)- iiiii
Kidnap Princess Peach: Squidward (Spongebob Squarepants)- iii vs Domon Kasshu (Mobile Fighter G Gundam)- iiii

Next round will be up whenever I get to chat next.

[Cmdr_King]

On hold for now.  Will probably pick this up again after the next tourney finishes, but I can run that even with a continued home internet blackout.  This I really need my own computer and chat to properly randomize and think through.

[Excal]

Short Form

Babysitting: Samus Aran (Metroid Series) vs Genie (Aladdin)
Samus would probably be pretty good at it, even if she is ridiculously overqualified.  The genie, on the other hand, has all sorts of power, and real issues with saying no.  Needless to say, property damage will not be avoided.

The Statue: Ilyana (Fire Emblem Series) vs Umi (Cthulhu Saves the World)
Ilyana's lack of energy will serve her well as staying still is her natural state, while it's the opposite of Umi's nature.

Yo Momma Fight: Visser Three (Animorphs) vs Lilianne Valendorf (Mana Khemia 2: Fall of Alchemy)
Dwarf Tossing: Yukari Yakumo (Touhou Series) and Zelos Wilder (Tales of Symphonia) vs Yuri Lowell (Tales of Vesperia) and Athena Cykes (Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney: Dual Destinies)
Eh, what I saw of Yuri suggests he'd be more willing to go through with it than Zelos.  And let's face it, this sort of event isn't close to the worst thing that's happened to defense lawyers in the Wrightverse.

Bullfighting: Mr. Clean (Mascot) vs Miriel (Fire Emblem: Awakening)
Before a few weeks ago I'd be a bit iffy on Mr. Clean, but their most recent commercial's given the guy an axe and sent him up against a forest.  So...  yeah.

Thumb Wrestling: Nostalgia Critic (That Guy with the Glasses) vs Princess Buttercup (The Princess Bride)

Kidnap Princess Peach: Squidward (Spongebob Squarepants) vs Domon Kasshu (Mobile Fighter G Gundam)
Rain will probably just tell Domon that in order to get to the next round in the Gundam Fight he'll have to fight the Mushroom Kingdom's Plumber Gundam.  And the only way to draw it out is by kidnapping Princess Peach.  With that sort of motivation, he'll get the job done.