Event 79: Craft (Disturbing Mental Image)
Some images will cause distress when they are seen, but most folks will be able to forget them fairly quickly. Other things, once imagined, will linger. These images will show up at the worst possible moment, or perhaps will show up frequently in a person's nightmares. Other, more insidious mental images will cause those nightmares, will limit sleep, and cause anxiety. But time can heal most things. Of course, the most vile mental images are those things you will never remove from your mind. Images that will haunt you to your grave. Things that will remain fresh and horrific in a mind until the moment of its complete and utter annihilation. Those are the sorts of mental images that this event seeks. Those are the mental images of victory.
Our first contestant into this is Princess Leia, whose most enduring image is kinda the opposite of disturbing. Of course, leaving aside the almost accidental twincest of the first movie, she has a few other cards to play. Most of these will involve the horrors of the Star Wars universe, some of these will involve her fairly sharp wit, and a select few will involve Hutts. She will need to be resourcefull because she has hew work cut out for her. Divine families, as a rule, are pretty dysfunctional. But the Greeks? They are the Jerry Springer participants of the divine world. And Zeus isn't just the head of the family, he is one of its worst members. Dude is powerful, petty, randy, successful, vengeful, and, behaps the most dangerous of all for this event, creative. Granted, the primary focus of that creativity is figuring out how to score with chicks, but he's still got plenty to spare for people who cross his arbitrary rules or just annoy him.
Event 80: Poetry Slam
You wanna know what a Poetry Slam is? Well, I'ma gonna tell ya! These two poets are gonna get up on stage, they're gonna say their piece, and then we're gonna have some random shmoes in the audience give a soulless score to the heart of these people's creativity! Course, whoever gets the higher score wins.
Our first contestant is the Goddess of Light and Trolling herself, Palutena! She comes all the way from Skyworld and is best known for being mission command to her personal servant, as well as the verbal mastery she shows in that role. So, she should be ready to show why she's also the Goddess of Verse! But she's gonna have some tough competition from the Badass Bruiser, the Mushroom Kingdom's Master of Mayhem, the King of all Koopas himself, Bowser! You may think he's just another dumb brute, but he's one of the few folks in this competition to have busted out poetry in game. And he'll be looking to show that skill here on the Rando Tourney stage!
Event 81: Being Charlie Brown
There are some folks that people rightly aspire to be like. John Malkovich is a great example of this. However, in this event the goal isn't to emulate someone great, but to emulate someone mediocre. To be someone that the universe hates. To be the man who loves baseball but can never win a game. The man who does his best, but still gets blamed for ruining christmas. The man who has a tree that eats only his kites. The man who never could kick that damned football, and always believed that this time, he'd be able to. Yes, it is the time of Charlie Brown, and whoever can best emulate his life will be the winner.
So, in one corner, we have the man who can do anything, Stocke. He can travel through different timelines to do what he has to. And odds are, he can manipulate the timelines to ensure he gets the worst of it. He'll have to think, he'll have to work, he'll have to struggle. But Stocke can do it, he has the ability and the knowlege. Of course, where Stocke has to work, Wile E. Coyote simply has to be. He lives in a world that exists only to make him suffer, and that is all he needs to be Charlie Brown.
Event 82: Bear Wrestling
Wrestling is a great sport, and we're talking the real wrestling here, not the WWF stuff. You got two people trying to use brain and brawn in order to pin down their opponent. No equipment, no tools, nothing but muscle. Of course, for the tourney of randomness, that's way too tame so we got some bears. Yup, here our contestants have to show their stuff by trying to pin a bear with their bare hands.
Anna is a mysterious merchant, but bears don't really care about that. On the plus side, she's also finally a fighter, meaning that she can now show off the strength needed to take down that bear. Against this, she has someone who actually has a bear as a friendly nemesis. Yup, Darkwing Duck is no stranger to dealing with bears as his foil in the secret agent biz is a Russian grizzly named Agent Grizzlykof. It would not be surprising if the two have wrestled at some point, so DW is coming into this with experience as well as actual hand to hand fighting skills, which may be all he needs. On the other hand, he is just a duck.
Event 83: Run for Political Office
In a previous event, I lamented the lack of an in-universe popularity contest. I forgot this was here. Well, fine, running for political office has a bit more to it than mere popularity, you have to also convince people that they should trust the well being of whatever office/jurisdiction you're running for to you. But let's face it, a lot of it is simply how popular are you, and how popular can you make yourself. Regardless, whoever wins the vote, wins the event.
Ghandi has to be talented at this event, after all, one of his defining traits is the ability to be god-emperor of the Indian Nation no matter what sort of government he decides they're running under. Sure, most of those government choices don't have real elections, but he can also do just fine in republics and democracies. In fact, in the first game, it's democracy that makes him nuke happy, so he seems to excel at getting elected with a platform of "Nukes solve everything." But, as shocking as this may sound, this is not a one sided match. Opposing him is an American icon, Scrooge McDuck. And he follows in the fine tradition of the industrialists, except you know he has a soul and he's vaguely cuddly. And much like the great industrialists, Scrooge has never held political office not because he doesn't know how to get it, but simply because it's too much work for not enough profit. Far better to work the election machine to get patsies in office who'll do the things that'll help you get even more money to swim in, just like Rockafeller [citation needed]. Scrooge comes into this with tenacity, a willingness to work hard and play dirty, connections from his many adventures, a great team to help him out that begins with Hewy, Dewy, and Louie but doesn't end there, and the ultimate political weapon, oodles and oodles of cash.
So, who will it be. The Tycoon of Ducksburg, or the Immortal Nuclear Lord of Governing?
Event 84: Chess
Chess is considered the ultimate game of skill and intellect. Mostly this is because of two reasons. First, it's got a bunch of moving pieces and no randomness at all. Secondly, it is ancient in the western tradition. These both mean it's part of the cultural background, and so if you want to show that someone is smart and a planner, then you show them being skilled at chess. And so it is that here we respect that tradition by pitting two of our competitors against each other in this classic game of skill. And, as an added bonus, they both come from cultures where chess is played!
Our first challenger is actually an avid chess player. And while Roy Mustang's noted record isn't great, it should be noted he's playing against the guy who basically taught him political maneuvering and underhanded tricks. Aside from that, when chess metaphores do show up in Full Metal, they're attached to Roy. Which is fitting, as he's got the best mix of intelligence, cleaverness, and planning of the good guys. Against this, well, Don Cherry's public image is not that of the chessmaster. Granted, he was a coach, and he is pretty good at reading hockey. But the dude is a sports expert, not a chess expert.
Event 85: Trick Shooting
For trick shooting, we've got a pretty simple scheme. One of them calls a shot, then both have to make it. Then the other one calls a shot, and they both have to make it. Then you check and see if either is in the lead. If not, then repeat that process until someone is. The goal here is trying to be creative and skilled enough to land more shots than their opponent.
Of course, for this challenge we end up with melee specialists instead of firearms specialists. First up we have the Fist of God, who specialises in using one of three holy swords. Of course, Michael Carpenter is from modern times, and while he does have a preference, he also lives in a world where guns are a thing, so he can use them even if they're not his thing. He also has access to some good trainers for this. Aside from that, he's calm, collected, and will probably be great at setting goals for what to shoot at. Against this, Gai does have a rifle as part of his tool kit. But, he's a melee fighter at heart being a huge fan of super robots and their scrapping, instead of real robots and their gunplay. He should be the better shot, but if he doesn't control his exuberance, that may not matter.
Event 86: Stand Up Comedy
Stand up comedy is one of those things that looks like it should be easy. Get up on stage, say things that should be funny. Get people to laugh, get down. Of course, half of a joke in in the setup and how you say it, not just what you say. And that isn't even getting into the problems of hecklers, or reading a crowd, or all the other little things that a good comic needs to get a laugh. For this event, both contestants will have a fifteen minute set, and whoever gets the most laughs wins.
To be honest, I don't know Rita, though I haven't heard much about her being super funny. However, I'll leave the arguments for her up to all you ToV players in the votes! Against her we have someone who played all kinds of stuff for kids tv, Matt Engarde. We also know Matt's good at playing a role and ad libbing in the worst of circumstances due to how masterfully he played his own lawyer for the first half of his own case. So, let's see if Rita's up to the task of taking down this actor supreme.
Quick Vote Form
Event 79: Craft (Disturbing Mental Image)
Princess Leia (Star Wars) vs. Zeus (Mythology)
Event 80: Poetry Slam
Palutena (KI:U) vs. Bowser
Event 81: Being Charlie Brown
Wile E. Coyote (Super Genius) vs. Stocke (Radiant Historia)
Event 82: Bear Wrestling
Anna (FE Series) vs. Darkwing Duck
Event 83: Run for Political Office
Mohandas Ghandi (Civ series) vs. Scrooge McDuck (Disney)
Event 84: Chess
Roy Mustang (Full Metal Alchemist) vs. Don Cherry
Event 85: Trick Shooting
Michael Carpenter (Dresden Files) vs. Gai Daigouji (Martian Successor Nadesco)
Event 86: Stand Up Comedy
Rita Mordio (Tales of Vesperial) vs. Matt Engarde (AA: Justice for All)
