Let's Play Bahamut Lagoon!

[Meeplelard]

Ok, the ending is apparently very long since I'm only about half way through the Pics I have!  Well, an epic game requires an epic ending!



And what better place to celebrate victory than in a random Desert town!



"We"?  That was entirely Sendak summoning a huge freaking Dragon blasting Sauzer up against the mountain side that won it.  All you did was sink into the sand every few seconds, cause you decided the "Fight in the QUick Sand!" strategy was a great idea.



I wasn't going to comment on this but...well...Taicho's logic is that beating a General apparently matters more than beating the Emperor of the ENTIRE FREAKING EMPIRE THAT RULES THE WORLD.



Yes, yes, so why aren't we having a victory celebration right now?



But didn't we just win the war? Why the hell do we need to bother finding the Holy Dragon? Is Alicia becoming a Dragnar really THAT important? I mean, honestly, SHE WAS BECOMING ONE SO WE COULD KILL THE EMPIRE! WE HAVE WON! WHY DOES IT...

...you know, why do I even bother?  It'd save energy to just agree and go along with it.



And with that, Elecman picks up Matelite and he's gone.  Well, that's good for us; now we don't have to deal with him.

We regain control of Hatbot...which means this must be an interactive ending, so um, yay?



Well, at least you're trying to be useful, Truce, so I can't hate you for that.



Probably be better if were there instead of Matelite, yeah...



...ok, now that's kind of creepy...or you've been psychic this entire time and never told anyone, despite the whole brothers thing.



They don't exist.  Unless you want to lick a cactus, which by all means, help yourself!



...this has to be some really bad pun...




Well, lets see...
I have a whole bunch of Dragons who I feed and follow my every command...
Most of the army looks up to me for advice despite my actual position not being very high...
I am a complete and total pimp that every girl fawns over at an instant...
Not to mention there's the fact that one of said girls manages to be a princess...
Oh, and I'm also apparently the ideal man of some old geezer's dreams...though that last one should probably be ignored...

So...the answer is obvious!

(hint: Its the first one)



Dude! I'm a blonde haired bishie in a JRPG; that is synomous with popular AND YOU KNOW IT!

So Hatbot talks to the guy again, this time lying out of his ass saying he's not popular...





Um, ok, so I take it I'm actually going to join the Chess Club, or Geeks Anynomous or WE ARE TOTAL LOSERS AND PROUD OF IT group...

Now, instead of actually following the guy to his hideout, Hatbot obviously decides to see the sights of this wonderful Desert Town!  I mean, its the ending, why not take things slowly?



Um, sure, I mean, I beat the game, why should I care about money now?




...damned tabloids...

Wait, what? You have MORE? Um, yeah, sure, I'll take another...



Ok, that one I can believe.  This is Bikkebakke we're talking about, after all.

You have ANOTHER issue you say?



...urge to feed to Matelite...rising...

Though, this is amusing in a sad, pathetic way, so...you got anything else?



...this line speaks for itself.  And while I could say a lot of things wrong with it at the same time...I'll leave it to your own imagination.



Wait? Some guy with a Harem that isn't me? I'M THE ONLY PIMP ALLOWED IN THIS GAME! Why do you Donfan's success rate is in the negatives?



Sorry to say this, kid, but your mom's a slut.




So pretending to be some guy who died in the game's prologue and failed to do something as simple as summoning Bahamut is popular?

...man, this is one sad, sad day...even if we did destroy the Empire.



Doesn't explain why you're sitting in a pot, and not actually making money and supporting your damn kids while your wife gets laid by some guy who is pretending to be king of some other country.

Why didn't I suggest you go kick that guy's ass?  Cause I don't see that as a reasonable solution since I have absolutely no faith in your abilities. 



Uh-huh...

Note that normally, when you get a bunch of something, the game just says "You got x things!" Not sure why they had to say it like this <_<



Hatbot apparently has inherited Ness' ability from Earthbound to speak randomly to dogs on the spot, go him?

...and somehow I forgot to talk to the two people in there, which is weird.  They lack anything worth mentioning though, so you're not missing much.

Anyway, back to exploring...



"You have opened Pandora's Box!  You will now suffer the wrath of true evil and Darkness!  Bwahahahaha!!!!"

...wait, you don't mean to tell me...



OH DEAR GOD NO NOT A CHEESEY CROSS OVER!

Anyway, after a grueling duel between Hatbot and the villain of Phantasy Star games which was strangely out of place...



There better be some damn awesome reward.  I mean, I just beat the game, so that was a BS Aftergame Super Boss in the MIDDLE OF THE ENDING.  What kind of crap is this?



...

*grabs Flamethrower*  I'll be back to finish this update in about a week...

*one week and news reports about Rom Hacker Genocide occurring later*

Ok, that note was a random easter egg tossed in by the translators of this game, for whatever reason.  Just like the one Neil Corlett has.  The difference? This one is completely worthless and stupid.



Have you considered therapy?



And I care because...



This...sounds kind of familiar...OH NO WAIT! DON'T TAKE AWAY MY COMMENTARY RIGHTS! PLEASE! ARRGGGH!!!

We interrupt this LP to bring you an announcement of how the next session is too dramatic to be ruined by Meeple, so as a result, there will be no commentary.






Now back your regularly scheduled LP

Ok, geez, I didn't really think I was doing something so bad as...what do you mean I was...oh now you KNOW that's bull-...oh, I see, didn't realize he was running this update...ok, fine, I won't do it again *sighs*

Anyway...

Say, didn't they say they had their life savings in those Jars?



To be a douche or to be a nice guy...

...of course we're being douches!  They're just nameless NPCs who are completely worth-...er...I mean, WONDERFUL PEOPLE WHO EVERYONE CARES ABOUT MORE THAN THE MAINS!



No, I refuse to stop talking! What do you mean I was such an ass as to do something like that? Think about it; I just gave them an incentive to leave this desert village filled with completely uncool people!



Oooh! More! SHUT UP STUPID CORPORATE LP DIRECTORS WHO DON'T REALLY EXIST! I'M TAKING THE SHOW NOW!



Moral of the Story: Stealing is bad
Corollary of said moral: Unless its from NPCs and you're the main character of an RPG, in which case, its encouraged!
Completely unrelated point to this moral: Meeple needs to stop pretending there are people actually helping him run this LP.
Something that has nothing to do with the rest of this topic: I like Pizza.

And with that, the update is over!  I'll get to doing more of the ending later!

[AAA]

That was not Dark and Edgy.

Also, holy shit Alicia has scabies now ewwwww.

Furthermore, clearly the talk of orgies is a parallel of the Roman Empire's descent into debauchery during the later years, which is even more evident when you consider

[Meeplelard]

Well, lets get one step closer to finishing this CHAPTER THAT IS TOO LONG OH GOD WHY IS MY SPLEEN BLEEDING?



Um, who said I wanted in?



Thanks, I guess?



Oh boy...wait, present? SWEET! Pity I already beat the game as I'm sure that would be useful other-...



...
Apparently, he thinks 10 Long Swords (which are the worst Sword in the game if you forgot) are enough to make up for the fact that its, you know, Long Swords.

Well, at least Gutsman will have a feast tonight or something.



Interesting, especially the last part...



Ignorant...fool?
You must set some incredibly high standards for intellect, cause I work with Ignorant Fools on a daily basis, and I can tell you that tnere's a drastic difference between "Uninformed about your useless history" and "total fucking morons".



Ok, so you want me to help you find it I guess?



...bitch.



...I really should have seen this coming by now.
$5 says he tries to serenade her in a completely head desking related style.



...yeah, close enough.



I refuse to comment on this line.



Your way, maybe...



Someone wanna translate this? Like, I'm sure Daravonese has more meaning than this line.



Donfan, please, for the love of god, keep to the Lancing business of putting the pointy end of the weapon into the guys back, and STAY AWAY FROM POETRY.



...there he goes claiming he's the Leader of the Resistance, when we all know that its really Mate-...
...you know, on second thought, he'd be an improvement.

I suggest we see what's going on the OTHERSIDE of the mansion...



Oh wow! Someone who still has credibility!
...pity it seems he's going through a bit of a crisis.  Look, I'm not good with the whole marriage thing, go talk to Zora about it or something.



"Give me 6 reasons why I should!"

"Gladly! 1. I'm blocking your path. 2. You aren't wearing green. 3. I'm older than you. 4. I'm uglier than you. 5. I'm a worthless NPC, and this building explicitly says 'No PCs allowed!' and 6. You're Hatbot; your pimpness would destroy the harem!"

"...damn, didn't think you could actually pull that off!"

The next scene is...pretty much self explanatory, so I'll just not put any commentary on it.







Like I said; speaks for itself.
Well, it doesn't look like we can get in.  Hmm...well, maybe if we beg, there's a slight chance we can get in.  Yeah, that strategy sounds like it'd work so long as something doesn't come and...



...*sigh* here we go again...



Donfan, you're on your own this time...not that I was ever on your side to begin with.



What's with you and saying that line now adays anyway?



...
......
.........

*insert image of Hatbot strangling Donfan here. I tried to find a good image of something that'd give a decent idea, but sadly, couldn't find anything*



Ooooh! A secret rebel faction!



Get the answer wrong, nothing special happens; he just tells you to go away.  Get it right however...(its option 2 if you forgot)



Not very exciting, but at least we're in!



I thought we liberated you though...



...ok, I can't really argue that one.  It makes sense...on several levels actually.



Assassins? That...sounds familiar...wonder why?



Oh, you lost them? Then I guess they're unimportant...still...can't get this shaking feeling about something from the past regarding Assassins...



Lets see...
1. You're wearing pants held up by suspenders, instead of a belt
2. You have Asthma
3. Your hairstyle is atrocious
4. Don't forget that those taped up glasses are not exactly the greatest of turn ons.
5. Oh, being captain of the Chess Club back in 4th Grade isn't something I'd bring up either.
6. Nor would bringing your dates to a Planetarium be a smart thing either.
7. Did I mention that you live in a fucking desert where practically no one lives?

How's that for reasons?



It also needs a logical thing to revolt against.  All you're revolting against is...
You know, I'm really not sure. Why ARE you starting a revolution anyway?



Like I said, I really have no clue why I'm here.



Are you suppose to be hiding? Cause sitting behind those urns isn't a great hiding spot.  Also, why are you writing to your mother, and SPEAKING THE LETTER OUTLOUD AT THE SAME TIME?
Oh well, I'm sure you are unimportant...yes, I'm aware you have a name.



I just went over how this isn't a great hiding spot, I thought.



?



Look, as I said, that wasn't a great hiding spot.  I'm sure Taicho could have found-...
Well, no, that's probably giving him too much credit.



Thanks, I guess?
...wait, did you just call me Leader of the Resistance?
...
I...well, you know what? You are automatically far cooler than 80% of the resistance!



Just who are you exactly, might I ask, before we get down to business?



15 Installments of what, exactly?  Care to elaborate?



Hiring...Assassins...why does that sound so familiar?



Sounds like a good deal already!



Optimal Package, eh?  Do tell what it entails?

At this point, you can either Hire them for Free, and they join, like any old Party Members.  You can tell them to screw off, at this point...



You get that.  Mind, you can still ask them again and get no consequences.

However, if you pay them 2000, you get...



This better be worth it...



Wait wait wait wait...its coming back to me...yes, I think I'm starting to remember...

*Gasp*

...wait, first you steal my role as leader of this thing, *THEN* you steal my dramatic cool looking Flashing Armor pose? I am so hiring assassins to kill you later on should the option arise!

Ok, well, no, that's just mean...



...that's it, those assassins are getting hired.

I think the answer is obvious who I choose for my optimal package!



IT WAS GREAT...er...I mean, yes, it was pleasure doing business with you.  New PCs are always a welcome addition to our team!

*cue to close up of Hatbot's forehead*

YES! FINALLY! I CAN LIVE UP TO MY GREATEST DREAM OF GETTING MATELITE SLAUGHTERED AT NIGHT BWAHAHAHAH!

*end close up*

If you're wondering what impact this has on gameplay?  You'll find out when it matters.  As for now, its a surprise!  Yes, I'll explain what you missed for the other two situations when they matter.

Anyway, end of this update! The next one should FINALLY END THIS CHAPTER.

[Fudozukushi]

Well that was awesome.  Somehow.

[Meeplelard]

Until now, we've gone through EPIC BATTLES AGAINST SAUZER!
DONFAN'S FAILURE ATTEMPTS AT GETTING WOMEN!
MATELITE BEING A DUMB SHIT!
DARAVONESE!!!!
And Hatbot being far more awesome than you!

And now, I present to you the epic conclusion of BAHAMUT LAGOON! Yes, this chapter is finally going to end, and with it, the game!



Given the war is over, not sure what you'll train for, but if it makes killing Matelite easier, then hey, I fully support it!



Ok, I don't have anything witty to say...but I do have something interesting to bring up!
Zeroshin is an Assassin.
Zeroshin is a Mama's Boy.

So Zeroshin is a Mama's Boy Assassin.  I'm...not sure how this works, but you can't say its not an original idea, at least by SNES Era standards!



Why? You think the Assassins I hired can't kill Matelite? He's a pretty easy to hit target...if you know what I mean...

...actually, on hindsight, that line can be taken a variety of ways...most of which still are true...

(At this point, you are given the option to ask what's wrong or say its none of your business.  Saying the latter yields nothing interesting, so we'll just go along with the plot.)



Oh? Something useful? Yay!
...wait, we already saved the world.  Damn it! We could have used that map at the BEGINNING of the Chapter.  But alls well that ends well, right?



yeeeeeees?



Maybe cause you're nothing but a bunch of nerds with asthman who sit around playing chess all day, discussing who would win a fight between Jesus and Luke Skywalker?



...that would be another reason why you don't have any victories.



Well, you COULD say that...to be honest, I'm only the ACTING Leader of the Resistance.  Which is to say I do all the hard work, and am the real one running the show, but the one who gets all the credit and the nice title is a moron in Gold Armor who even steals my unique cool looking Armor Shining Pose.

But don't worry! Soon he will be taken care of!



At this point, Hatbot is given the option of being the leader or not.  If he tells them to fuck off, he has to go through that whole dialog sequence again, so instead, he just says Yes to save time.



Wait, what? Um, ok, look, you're the last person who should be judging popularity, ESPECIALLY since I'm a part time pimp, part time badass who dual wields swords, and I own an entire legion of dragons...also little boys look up to me, as well as Mini Devils.  Not to mention an old man likes to grope me, which is granted a BAD thing to being popular.
Did I forget to mention I get to sleep with a hot princess?



...oh the irony...



Um, sure, ok.

At this point, you can go explore town more.  But there's nothing to explore since we did it already.  So instead, Hatbot just decides to CONTINUE THE PLOT!



One could say our #2 is excited...



SCENE SHIFT POWERS ACTIVATE!!!!

...or rather, just a time jump of a few hours.



Just a scene showing everything running out of the house, acting all stealthy and such.  Nothing special, but hey, ending a game with METAL GEAR HATBOT is unique and awesome, no?


See? Told you Metal Gear Hatbot!

Anyway, you see people running out of the castle like crazy and such.




Much like this!



...so that's why they wanted me as leader

Anyway, this is a bit of a mini game.  He runs to the side, back and forth...rather sporadically.  Sometimes defies physics too.  You just have to catch him by pressing A when you're adjacent to him!

...instead, Hatbot decides to talk to everyone first!

So, Rush, how are you?



You're completely ignoring me again? Damn it! This is second grade all over again!



Hey, cool! Sounds like it'd be useful for an aftergame dungeon or something.



Ok, so head south after the credits role, got it!  Man, its nice to have someone who can think of things that are actually half important on my te-...



Et tu, Truce?



No, I'm talking to you.  Also, why the hell aren't you with your hax Ninja skillz and all that dealing with it?



...seems Zeroshin thinks about his mother even on missions.  I...I have no words.

Anyway, after like 25 seconds of failing cause I suck...



THE KING IS CAUGHT!



Uh, yeah, what he said.



...this wasn't part of the contract! Why the fuck would I want to rule over a useless desert town?



So we not only saved the world, but some hick desert town at the same time? Well, that's a nice thing to end the game with, right?



We heard you the first time.



You might not be able to tell here, but he throws off his kings clothing and takes on a sprite that looks like Battlefield Salesman.



Dude, just cause you were cosplaying a king doesn't make you one.

Anyway, scene shifts to a party!  And by party, I mean...well...



If you can't tell, its silhouettes of Hatbot and Co with women.  I think calling it a "party" is a bit of a euphemism.



Much like I'm pretty sure that is one for "Rush lost his virginity!"



Same here!



As well as...WAIT WHAT?
Of all of them, are you telling me that Bikkebakke was the one who...

...
I...I...my perception of this world's taste in anything has been completely shattered.  I think I'll just go stab Matelite for a while until I get that thought out of my head.



And of course, the game ends with a nice little "What happens to him is up to you!"  type thing.

So, Rush and Truce are now real men, Bikkebakke...um, yeah, and Hatbot has saved the world!  The scene now fades out, so I assume the Credits will start roll-...



Wait, what you...mean...there's more?

*insert death wails here*

*sighs*

Well, looks like we have more of the game left.  Which can only mean we have more Matelite idiocy to deal with.  God damn it, and here I thought I was finally done.

[AAA]

I chuckled at the "Became an Adult" scene. Just out of fucking nowhere.

So now that Habot is king does that mean he can have Matelite excecuted? Hint Hint Hint.

[Fudozukushi]

Jesus could totally beat Luke in a fight.

[Meeplelard]

Ok, just the usual warning that the next update will be done by someone not myself.

To the person doing the update: No, this isn't a kick into doing it.  I just remembered I always warn the topic that someone else is doing it beforehand, and forgot to bring this up until now <_<;

[AAA]

Well, since Sage pussed out, I'm up again. Meeple gave me a bunch of possible 'conditions', all of which were retarded so I'm ignoring them. Instead, I'm going to remap my keys and do the update blind. I know this isn't a VLP, but if you just close your eyes I'm sure you can a;gha ;agsdl;gas ag! akd;aghas;lg;as? a;dkghad;gad!!!!!

Adga;dlgkhasd;g: adga;dlhag;ls
Chatper 16: How do you solve a problem like Alicia?

Incidentally, there are already a lot of images on this page, so I'm going to try and prune as much as humanely possible. I'll transcribe if necessary.

---

Alicia....wake up...



Time to get the fuck out of bed already, I hope.



Jormungand: We Holy Dragons...need you. Now open the Gate, and come to me...



Yep. Still in bed. And having dreams about opening the gate and letting the dragon in. Freud, in his grave, achieves 5,000 RPM.



Besides not having showered for roughly a week and a rather nasty case of bedsores, I bet she's as fit as a fiddle.



Pfft. Bitch doesn't even realize the game's over. Credits are going to start anytime now.

Zora: Don't overdo it. We're the only ones who can fight.

Alicia: The Holy Dragon Jormungand...is calling me. I must go...



No, I'm not making a Geico joke. Fuck you.



Taicho: We defeated General Palpaleos as well...On the battlefield one must be heartless...incidentally one must also speak with...a...fucking..shitload..of..ellipsis...



Countdown to fainting: 3...2...1...



Yep. Keels over like it's going out of style.

Alicia...don't worry...I'm here.



HEY IT'S THAT DOG GENERAL GUY

Palpaleos: Alicia...I lost...Your friends...The Resistance has become powerful.



I like to think he just stood there muttering that. "Hatbot...Matelite...Taicho....how the hell did we lose to such a bunch of retards? Our emperor rides a pogo stick and we're still better than them."



Palpaleos: Who will you choose now, Alicia...A new era...if it comes, I will come to you...



Garuda just randomly pops in. I dunno how they transitioned it between this and the last screen. I prefer to believe that Garuda just flew in and knocked Palpaleos out of the way.



Man, you guys really suck considering you're, like, gods or something.

Garuda: Girl who holds onto feeble dreams...Why do you think so ( )...with our power, this world would be yours. You would have everything you ever wanted. Even if this world became mine...There are things that can't change...



So...anybody understanding any of this bullshit? I guess he's trying to say that he can't make a new era or whatever because he can't change how people think or something. Apparently Garuda doesn't play very many RPGs.

Garuda: Do not grieve, Princess...You have read the minds of we Holy Dragons thus far...[You have come to control us. You are faring better than the other who can speak with the Holy Dragons...



You better end that sentence with "...dead and never coming back." or so help me...



SON OF A BITCH! Also I guess Palpaleos is still alive or something.



Wait, what? Since when does Alicia get endless wishery?



I guess going Super Saiyan does have its benefits...



DUN DUN DUNNNNN!



And now the chapter actually starts.



...with everyone just sitting around doing nothing. Okay.

Truce: A freedom revolution...the overthrow of the royal family...In Kahna, that would have been Matelite and Alicia...That's pretty hard to imagine. I don't know if they could get enough people to overthrow Matelite's fat-ass. Burn!

Bikkebakke: Daflia's houses are made of stone...They've begun to save their money...it'll be soon...



Yeah, I'm sure it had nothing to do with your deflowering, buddy boy.

Rush: It's hard to explain, but...I get the feeling we're doing something really big. This kingdom'll change...Maybe even the world too...



HEYYYYY YOU GUYSSSSSSS



Matelite: So where is the Holy Dragon temple?!

Truce: Matelite, please listen. Daflia has become a free kingdom. Last night...a freedom revolution...

Free kingdom? So...what..the kings are more free or something? Also, freedom revolution is kinda redundant there, chief.



Matelite voices the opinions of the bourgeois.

Matelite: Where is the Holy Dragon!?

Truce: ...It's in the temple at the very southern end of the desert...

Matelite: Did you hear that, Taicho? Lead the way!



Matelite, being an idiot? That popping sound you just heard was MY MIND BEING TOTALLY FUCKING BLOWN.

Rush: We're not just fighting, you know. I don't really know how to explain it...I'm confused...



Oh, for crying out loud. Please do not have a generic "Do I have to obey orders" steiner-esque BS. We all know you're going to end up doing what he says anyway, just spare us the melodrama. Skipping the small bit left of his wankery, and moving right onto...



Yes. Yes there was.

Alicia: I felt...I felt you were very close by. I'm sorry for making you worry. But...I...I'm okay now. I'm still going to be mostly useless and faint every three minutes but at the very least I got some disturbing dreams out of it, right? 



On a side note, am I the only one slightly unnerved by how everybody apparently just hovered over Alicia while she was unconscious and never left? Despite none of them taking any care of her? Just sayin'.

Sendak: She was saying, "Hatbot...". It also appears the Holy Dragon Jormungand appeared in her dreams... She says Jormungand is trying to tell us something...



I don't know what this screen is doing right in the middle of the talky bits, but I assume Meeple put it there for some reason. Moving right along.

Zeroshin: Mom...this time it looks like I'll make a lot of friends.

Saijin: So these are Dragons...they're all slimy and gross.




Here's the teams. I recall Meeple being annoyed at having Royal Guard+3 Priests, but you'll have to ask him why.




And here's what Iceman and Bombman look like now. Note that Bombman's "Intimacy" stat is 69. Insert your own Alicia joke here. And with this exciting conclusion of unfilled dragon lust, I bid you adieu. The battle will commence whenever I get the second post up, hopefully in a few seconds. Until then!

[AAA]

Chapter 16, Part 2: Of Holy Dragons and Hellish Cages



It's a temple. In the desert. Matelite am smrt.

Sendak: Princess...I too can sense it. The Holy Dragon Jormungand is calling.




This is Soul Cage, our boss for this fight. Eh.



And the Revenants, some really crappy flunkies. Slower than hell, from the looks of it.



Also, a Chimera. Why not?



And some Wraiths, who at least look better than the Revanants.



Kitty Hawks...I guess that could be a reference to the Wright Brothers? Maybe? Seems kinda a weird homage.  Meeple, can you confirm/deny?



Finally, Basilisks. Odds of them having a stone status are currently running 9:1



Say hello to Inferno Level 10.



It really, really hurts.



But Meeple prevails. The Soul Cage retreats to his land, where little Cages roam happy and free and it's always Ladies Night at the Evil Ugly Monsters Tavern. Or something.



Can you hear me now? ...Good.

Alicia: Everyone, stay here!

Matelite: Princess Alicia...I won't leave your side!

Rush: We're in this together!



Dragnar. You have done well to come this far. Hesitate not. Now...open the door and come to me.



Uh...was that Soul Cage guy his buddy or something? I think we may be in trouble here.



Yes! Take her! Spare us!



Matelite too!



Jormungand, I Guess: Your friends...they watch out for you and they support you...They do not betray you...Nor do they suffer your pain...

THESE WOUNDS, THEY WILL NOT HEAL



CONFUUUUUSING WHAT IS R-Oh, they're done. Alrighty then. Matelite again tries to join Alicia, and Sendak...




...Is being really fucking creepy. Fuck.

Taicho: Alicia...She is acting differently than her usual self! She's doing things on her own and being helpful and everything! Hatbot...You must do something!



Alicia: Hatbot...please. Until the very end, watch over me...



Ooh. Shiny.



Yes, yes, I think we're all aware you are talking to Alicia and she is a Dragnar. Stop repeating yourself!

Jormungand: Listen well...The beginning of it all was a very long time ago...Our hatred...Our sadness...Our anger...Our neverending deluge of ellipsis...Our every thought...Our irreversible past...The War of the Holy Dragons...Human...Listen...



Jormungand: We felt hatred...we were twisted...we were cursed...All of the emptiness there was lost...All that remains was our minds...The minds of we Holy Dragons...the door to the new era...When it is opened...



Jormungand: That time is soon at hand...




zzz...zuh? Oh, it's over. Hah, how utterly fas...fascinating. All those ellipsis really helped the story along. Also the blurry white pictures were a great end to this chapter. And the ending it is. Tune in next time for (hopefully) more Meeple. My condition for him is to do the entire update in 500 words or less.

[Meeplelard]

Just to clear something up:

The Excalibur scene was to show you the jump in power that weapon is compared to what we have.  Granted, not as big as I'd like, but whatever <_<

Iceman is now in Holy Form.  I know; Saint Weapon isn't very "Holy" sounding.
Bombman is now in his Dark Form.  Apparently a name that is one of the many names of the Devil is also not very implicit of being Dark.

Kitty Hawks...I guess that could be a reference to the Wright Brothers? Maybe? Seems kinda a weird homage.  Meeple, can you confirm/deny?

No, I can't.

[Meeplelard]

The LP's back and its better than ever!
For Christmas this year...THE BAHAMUT LAGOON LET'S PLAY'S HERE!

Also, I refuse to do the Commentary Condition this time, mostly cause its been too fucking long since I did this and forgot about it mid way, so...um, yeah, next update, I'll do the 500 words or less!



We join our heroes...and by heroes I mean Alicia sleeping and probably hallucinating and being useless as usual...surrounded by what is suppose to be the 4 Holy Dragons we've gotten!  Leviathan makes a bold move to stop the silence.



Sleeping pushes Alicia to her limit? That's one easy limit to hit if that's the case...which makes me wonder how hard it must be to get herself to move at all.



All she does is faint, even when you guys aren't doing anything!  I think she just has low constitution or something.



Door to...oh, right, that's the subtle goal of the game that only pops up when it doesn't matter.



...so we have more fetch questing to do, is what you're saying?



So wait, this whole legend nonsense is based on shit that no one has ever bothered trying, so for all we know, the end result could just be turning all humans into mini devils and somehow reinacting Swedish Porn?

...ok, I'm pretty sure that's not what's going to happen, but legends without basis might as well be equivalent to that situation.



You know, it occurs to me...Jormungand is fat, considering he's suppose to be a serpent.



HEY LOOK THEY TALK ABOUT THE DRAGON THIS GAME IS NAMED FOR!  ITS LIKE HE'S IMPORTANT OR SOMETHING!



Translation: The Holy Dragons were mentally scarred from the beat downs Bahamut gave them back in High School.  I mean, since Dragons aren't humans, strength is everything, and Bahamut being the King means he's the strongest and thus, has a superiority complex back when he was younger!

...I have no clue where I'm going with this.



Mistakes of the Past? Wait, you mean this game has actual backstory now?



Yes, you may relieve yourself Jormungand.  The Bathroom is 2 panels down from your current position.



I really have no clue what the fuck Jormungand is talking about here.  Seriously, they're introducing a whole bunch of random plot points that didn't exist until this scene.



God damn Ellipses! Just finish the sentence you freaky semi divine reptiles!



Common Sense?



So...it is common sense, right?

Well, with a whole bunch of new random plot Bullshit that spawned from the Holy Dragons actually conversing for the first time this game, we revive the LP at an utterly confusing point!



THUS BEGINS BAHAMUT LAGOON 2: MATELITE'S SEARCH FOR THE HOLY TEDDY BEAR THAT EVERYONE KNOWS DOESN'T EXIST!



And we continue off with...MINI DEVIL MESSAGES!



Um, ok, I didn't know Mini Devils work hard...wait, I think they're subtly saying Humans fail...cause RPGs love to do that, and if you're not a villain, you can get away with statements like that.



You know, in scenes like this, it makes me wonder...



HOW DOES ANYBODY UNDERSTAND WHAT THE FUCK THEY'RE SAYING?



We'll just assume that Matelite is reading the letter outloud and trying to mimic Rush's voice.  The scene makes slightly more sense that way.

And based on what the letter actually says? I think Rush just proved he has a brain.  I don't really need to explain why, do I?



No Arguments here.



Manyo must be the mentally retarded Mini Devil.  This statement doesn't really fit in with the rest of the scene.



...so wait, are you implying that if they're reading a letter, they can speak in FLUENT PERFECT ENGLISH and otherwise, they have to speak in their names?

...yeah, its best not to think about this scene.



Umm...later?



Wait, since when do you have one of those?



...no comment necessary.



I hate to say it, but that's my general thoughts on this whole scene...



...it also seems Taicho has no fucking clue what happened either.



Insightful as always, aren't we Matelite?



Well then, that's something you and the Mini Devils have in common!

...wait, I think I just insulted Mini Devils...



Important? Um, we already took down the Empire, and all that's left is clean up work.  I'm not seeing what's important.  Especially since we're just looking at yet another one of Alicia's Narcoleptic stunts again...



You know, it occurs to me...
How does something sound with a "...!!" given "..." after a word usually implies its spoken kind of to yourself and kind of low, yet "!!" implies yelling...



Um, there are others in the room looking after her too, why do you need to...oh screw it, I'll just do the usual "Matelite, I hate you" thing again.

And that's enough for an update!

Stay tuned for SCENES THAT MAKE SOME SENSE AND SOME GAMEPLAY AND POSSIBLY MORE MINI DEVILS!

[Meeplelard]

Ok, this update, I will take Trips on his Update Condition!  The Commentary will be in 500 words or less total!  Lets see how that goes!

Someone, if you could count how many words, that'd be appreciated.  Furthermore, it only starts once I start posting pictures, so these preceding lines don't count!



Time for what?



But you just BECAME an adult too, you know!



Oh, Message Prompt.  If first option...




Alicia, understand? You're giving her too much credit.

If Option two...




Same statement applies here!



Damn it! Get back in your cages you freaks!



Good, cause you're not getting one.



That's a lie and you know it! Matelite doesn't have wits to be scared out of!



Do I want to know?




...I'm not quite what happened, so lets move on...



Being a silent protagonist, I don't have a choice, do I?



Bikkebakke's Naive Levels Drop 1 point!



While Truce shows a capability of THINKING RATIONALLY.



Again, do I really even have a choice?



At this point, we're either walking, or sandwiched between people/obstacles, and to continue, we must speak to Rush each time.



Do what now?



...
.....
........
Uhh...ok, have fun?



So wait, because YOU'RE going to be leader, I need to spend *MY* Money? Urge to kill brother...rising...



Did you hear something?



You mean there are times people DON'T insult you?



Touche!



Uh-huh...that explains ineffectiveness in battle.



We haven't said anything!



Being useless?



Think before you speak; you sound less stupid that way.



Rush is getting in touch with his inner Valley Girl.  All he needs now is to say "Like!" between every 3 words!



Not getting into why this statement is stupid...



...some leader you'll turn out to be...



Insightful, Truce.



...I refuse to comment.



Quoth the Squall: Whatever...



This better not be MORE SHOPPING!!!



...oh, that would be a good thing to do, wouldn't it?



Umm...Gutsman is pretty flatulent, Cutman likes to cut himself, and Bombman is a vegetarian.



This is after he feeds him! (same thing as always, just you see Rush instead of Hatbot's sprite)



Good for you.



;_;

Well then, CUTSCENE POWERS ACTIVATE!!!








...you probably have no clue what the fuck just happened.  Don't worry, its not important!




Alicia is Alicia? *GASP* SHOCKING NEWS!



The door *IS* Op-...oh, you're talking about a different one.



Not this nonsense again



"And by 'we', I mean Hatbot!"



See?



No, shut up, TO WAR!!!!



And we're off to the unknown!

ANd this UPDATE IS COMPLETE!!!

[AAA]

344 words by my count, give or take. Good work.

[Meeplelard]

And now for the conclusion of...conclusion of...oh screw it, lets just continue the LP!




Our teams for the next battle, OF GLORY! HAVOK! DESTRUCTION! And hopefully Matelitecide.



Hey, it was your idea to protect the Beat!  Now you're surprised there's an actual threat?

...yeah, lets just move on...




Does it matter? Just stick the pointy end in their backs anyway!



...so, wait, the semi divine beings that basically govern our world and know everything...don't know what the hell is going on?

...why do I get this sudden feeling that we're completely fucked for all eternity...



Yes, we just established we haven't seen these before, lets move on.



...even Sendak doesn't want to listen to me



We. Don't. Know. How. Many. Times. Do. I. Need. To. Remind. You. Guys. That. We. Haven't. Seen. These. Things. Before. Fuck. I. Hate. This. Army.



FINALLY a victory condition.  Anyway, everyone, take a moment to laugh at that guy's name.







The enemies we'll be facing!  Wait, where's Dictory?  Well, he's a boss, so he gets his own commentary!



The lovely boss!  Of course, an RPG can't be complete without at least one angelic freak of nature.

...well, yes, they can, back in the SNES era, but...uhh...THIS IS POST KEFKA SO NOW ITS REQUIRED! or something.

Anyway, onto the battle itself!



As you can see, its a small area and...well, THIS IS EVERY SINGLE FREAKING ENEMY ON THE MAP.  As you can see, they are clustered so...



Lets cluster them more!  And get Alicia into range at the same time...



This is Garuda being targetted.  What? There are no enemies?  Well, all those enemies in the above shot?  they're still there, in the exact same position...but any enemy that's targeted flashes in Bahamut Lagoon to show you whose in range of the attack, so basically, this shot was taken when all are flashing.  If you can't tell, there's a total of *ONE* enemy out of range of the attack.

...needless to say, the monsters on this map abhor Alicia and Sendak.



And Elecman goes in for the kill, and of course, our token boss quote!



And our spoils!  Rod sucks, Elixers are like FF Elixirs, just spelt differently, and...what is that Royal Gown?

That's the ultimate armor for Alicia and Sendak!  You're normally not suppose to get it this early, but Dictory counts as a class 4 enemy, and he was killed with the right element and the RNG was on my side.  Not sure what element yields Royal Gown as a drop, but its awesome noentheless!

Now, to follow up, Royal Gown being Alicia's ultimate armor makes perfect sense.  She's a Princess (if a retarded one), so she's Royalty and a girl, so wearing such things is natural.

Sendak, though? He's not even a PRince, let alone a Princess!  Him using one of those is just...you know what? I think "its Sendak" trumps all explanations I can use to block this, so lets move on.



...you got a zit on your face, gee, thanks for making me look at that monstrosity.  Excuse me as I puke into your helmet that I did not just swipe off your head 20 seconds ago.




...wait, the Sky Closing means things CANNOT harm us.  Ok, we did accidentally fly inside the little hole in the sky, but I still don't understand how this is suppose to help us or something.



Cinematic of the Beat flying out of the Sky!

Actually, there are a lot of cinematics involving floating islands and such in this game, I've been too lazy to show them though.



And a random ball of light cause frankly, we all need those!  This thing flies out of the hole just as the sky closes or something...actually, I can't remember why I grabbed this shot, I seriously don't think it matters ever.



...oh, right, scene shift to Granbelos!  As usual, Sauzer's in bed, aided by his ever faithful lo-...er...partner Palpaleos!



Wait, what? What do you mean by...



Are you insinuating the world is going to end and there's nothing we can do about it?
...and that its not your fault in anyway?

...wait a minute, I thought we killed Sauzer, WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING ALIVE?



As usual, the game likes to portray Sauzer as more a visionary than really a cruely evil bastard.  A damn ambitious one since he managed to take over the fucking world, but yeah, can you really see someone evil having a poetic kind of soul like that?

...mention Deathevans and I will feed your liver to Matelite's retarded spawn.  Yes, they exist, no, I will not explain how either.



"I...never told you but...I love-..."
*Smacks*
"Ow! What was that for!"

"Don't you know? The only nonsubtle yaoi allowed in this game is from Sendak!"

"Oh, right, sorry."



AAAH! PHILOSOPHICAL IDEAS! RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!
...literally...



You just said that...



Again, Bahamut Lagoon shows how the Granbelos Empire actually not entirely an evil thing like most empires are...pretty ahead of its time in that regard, since well...how many 16 Bit RPGs do you know where Empires are not automatically synomous with evil?

...yeah, didn't think so.  Granted, Granbelos is still the enemy, so...




I think Sauzer's starting to get depressed...



Ruling the world isn't enough for him, you see...



About TIME something new is happening.  Now, who is this hidden chick that Sauzer has fallen for, since why else would Sauzer be so adamant about protecting the-



...
So wait, Sauzer's sending out his number one general, his strongest warrior in his empire and his best friend...to fight ALONGSIDE THE ENEMY.

...it seems that while we failed to kill him, he's lost his mind.  That, or Sauzer's got some twisted scheme under his hand.

...if he pulls off some sort of Xanatos Roulette Bullshit, I will kill the next person who posts.



Has Palpaleos said anything ever since we entered the balcony scene but this exact line?  Cause I don't think he has...



Sauzer lays down his authority!  Don't fuck with the Emperor!



...ok, now you're just giving him a moral dilemna by contradicting yourself, and you know it.



Palpaleos walks off depressed, knowing he just got dumped by Sauzer...



Moment to reminisce...and take in the setting he will never see again...



And he exits!  Sauzer immediately jumps back into poetry.



The truth is revealed!  Sauzer's true identity is...



...you know, now that I look at it, I can almost...kind of...see the resemblance...?

...yeah, lets just call it a wrap, and THE END OF CHAPTER 17! STAY TUNED FOR CHAPTER 18!

[AAA]

Wow, nice map there. All bunched up and ready to be slaughtered.

I guess the world is ending now or something? Okay.

[Meeplelard]

Don't you know your RPG Cliches? When the world is about to end, there can be anywhere as much as 50% of the game left!

[AAA]

I never said that couldn't be the case!

[Meeplelard]

So I said to myself "I should probably update the Bahamut Lagoon LP" and so, what did I decide to from there?

Update it of course!
Despite the name of this chapter, I prefer to call this one "Alicia is a Dirty Slut."  It might not be obvious at first, but by the end, you'll begin to see WHY she's hated so much.  What? You think you understand NOW?  OOOOOOOH no, what you saw now is merely the generic fail of Alicia.  The true fail doesn't arise until the very end of the chapter!  Worry not, viewers/readers/Trips, YOU WILL SEE IT IN DUE TIME! But for now, let us start updating!




  Anyway, we join our beloved dimwitted princess in her own crack induced dream, which is so screwed up even the Dragons don't know where they are.



Valitora tries to come up with a rational explanation.  But this is something crack related; rationality has no place here!



You know, it occurred to me...
Jormungand, how the fuck do you fly?  You're a giant land snake, and a fat one at that.



Clearly, the crack has gone Garuda's head now too, since he's seeing things that the others can't.



Jormungand is curious as to what Garuda sees with his new found DRUG VISION!!!



He randomly blames it on Bahamut right after.  Yes, the same Bahamut that's suppose to be their king and likely could kick any of their asses blind folded.



Ok, now I'm just lost.  Seriously, when have any the Holy Dragons MADE SENSE?  its no wonder they've been sleeping for so long...
That, and they've been living inside Alicia's head.  I don't think that's healthy, even for divine beings.



Oh look, they finally bailed on her!  About time they used their INFINITE WISDOM!!!! for something useful.



Well, being a total ditz and being told what to do by freaking MATELITE doesn't exactly sound like good qualities for that legendary status.



...or that, that works too.



Random Cinema I keep forgetting to show you guys! Beat is flying across the sky and such!



Finally, we get back to our Hero, Hatbot, after all that cryptic, crack induced, BULLSHIT surrounding Alicia and what appears to be our retarded Holy Dragons.



You do realize that anytime someone says "I hope nothing bad happens", something bad will INEVITABLY HAPPEN?  People should just take the forboding way out and say "Oh god we're doomed!"  Better chance of Deus Ex Machina saving everyone just to spit in their faces for their unnecessary paranoia.



...I think I have a new best friend, loliness be damned!



...ok, now you're just being freaky...



She randomly runs to the middle.  Yes, I'm aware I'm in a different spot, but its cause I moved myself MWAHAHAHAH!



...I can't help but wonder where this is going...



If you didn't see the second option coming, you clearly haven't been paying attention to the LP.
Anyway, if you do choose that second option, you get a simple "Thanks, Hatbot." Which is boring.  First option however...





Bikkebakke thinks Hatbot is some sort of shrink and starts explaining personal life problems.  Dude, if you can't take the pressure of having lost your virginity and wanting more, ITS NOT MY FAULT.



Anyway, regardless which option you choose, he brings up a list of shops.  Matelite Armor is the Matelite stuff whose armor was completely brutal and the weapon got obsoleted fast...somehow Barclay got him to sell this stuff.  Mushroom Shop is the usual stuff he sells, naturally.
Book Store...is not what you think.  Well, yes, it sells books, but not the usual Strategy Guides or whatever, but rather...



Yeah, the Porno Mags and their UPGRADE.  Yes, there's an upgrade to Porno Mags.  They're also overpriced and horribly in practical since the stats they raise aren't worth it for dragons.

Anyway, since we're on the Beat, lets go annoy the other members of the crew!
To follow the pattern, THE MEN'S QUARTERS FIRST!



Continue with what now?



Ok, I might be able to understand that if you just told me what it is you're complaining about...



Maybe if you stopped holding those bowling balls, they might feel a bit lighter.  Just a thought.



...you just swung a spear while holding bowling balls.  That...wow, that's some impressive exercising and a damned manly feat, I tip my hat off to you...which ironically, I don't have despite my name.



I have to agree with Anastasia here.  The Armor Shop lady is what one may call...a little over the hill?



...wait, you mean you actually WERE thinking about the...Barclay, I'm sorry, but you have issues.



This line can be taken wrong in so many ways...



Well that explains some things...it doesn't explain the bowling balls though.



You know, I'm still not sure who betrayed who and what happened between you two.  Really, just go kiss and make up.  DON'T ARGUE! DO IT! OR I WILL FORCE YOU TO ATTEND A CUTMAN THERAPY SESSION!



...ok, you lost me already...



Oh god, not another life story about what you're going to do when this nonsense is over.  Please, I just had to deal with Bikkebakke doing that.



MORE INFO THAN I WANTED!



Leaving...NOW!!!!



Ah, still working are we? I knew you'd be helpful!  We really did need a janitor after all.



Hey, don't worry about it.  As far as I'm concerned, you're more useful than most of our senior staff.



Well, its an honest job and a good days work, and really, that's all that matters in the end, right?



...note that this character who says that is male.  This is the NORMAL Book Shop...and it still sells Porno Mags (though not XXX Porn Mags)...yeah, I'm not really sure what to make of it.

Well, the male side is done, and I'm feeling more depressed.  Why? Cause every time I go there, I am reminded at how every single male on our ship has some sort of god damn retarded issue.  Anyway, I need cheering up, so onto the Women's Locker Room Quarter's we go!



That Barclay is hitting on the old Armor Lady? Yes, yes I did know.  Much as I'd prefer not learning that...




You know, we have 2 Excaliburs, so I'm pretty sure that's not really that hard of a weapon to find...



So his knowing this was completely pointless on multiple levels, got it.



Jeane is taking advantage of Donfan whose sitting behind the bar.  Hey, if you got a pervert whose cornered into a bar, you might as well make him useful for something, right?



And Donfan is concerned about Jeane's health. Wait, WHAT?




And these two love to tease him.  After you talk to both, you get...



I'm not sure what he's saying.  Does he WANT both gifts cause, well, they're given by hot chicks...or is he afraid to take them since they're Dragon Food.  Given this is Donfan...its best not to think about it.



Like, maybe! What is it, girlfriend?






Matelite's trying to put the moves on Alicia? OH NO HE DOESN'T!  Where's my torch, pitchfork, and possibly nuclear warheads?
The dimwitted, stupid, yet vaguely attractive princess is MINE! You hear that!



She repeats this.



She then says "Medicine" and "oooh"or something.  Basically, she's a druggy, which is why she's always knocked out after each fight.  At least, that was Snow's theory!



Which makes me wonder what Mist's excuse is...



At the risk of sounding like a homo, I can't agree more with that statement.



...ok, now you're just creeping me out.



...lazy bitch.




Of course, nothing is as creepy as talking to Ectarina.  Not only does she rant about Hornet's cute ass and how any sort of gesture she does to him makes her squee and run away in excitement or something...she gets CREEPY MUSIC AND THE WHOLE SCREEN DARKENS WHILE SHE TALKS.

...well, better Hornet than Habtot, I guess.  At least we know she doesn't have a crush on him, so she won't stalk the crap out of him, but will stalk one of the NPCs instead!

And with the Women proving yet again more amusing than the Men, the update shall end here!

Stay Tuned for...
Eavesdropping!
Roof Top Spying!
Flashbacks!
Matelite being a total fucking moron!

[AAA]

I think the Lan-Lan-Lancers are my favorite gimmick characters.

[Meeplelard]

And we're back, now with 100% more of...THIS!!!!



Yes, that's right.  100% more lines involving men asking if their faces look like a cucumber.

...yeah, we're just gonna move on.

Though, I think inspecting said mini devils might be a good idea actually...





...a lot of good *THAT* did.



You have 3 options.  One is just to ignore the question, and buy stuff.  Another is that its pretty good, and the third that it breaks all the time.
If you answer positively, she gives you a generic thanks.  If you answer negatively, she says something like "Oh, is that so?"  Either way, you can go buy stuff regardless.



...I really don't want to know what the Mini Devils were doing to him...



He's talking about the Matelite assassination, in case you forgot.

If you're wondering, if you chose crew members, there would be a grave sitting right by him.  As the game progresses, more of these pop up.  Its pretty amusing really, also a fun jab at how no one misses generic random useless NPCs.



Meanwhile, Zeroshin's being a good Assassin, writing home to his mother so she can know exactly who, what and where he's slit a guy's throat!
...wait, what?



Why the fuck do we send GUTSMAN on reconnaissance again?
...its the eye, isn't it?  Even though he since lost it and replaced ti with some...really weird...armored guy...sitting on his back...
...you know, some things are better left in the dark, and NOT THOUGHT TOO HARD ABOUT.



So he saw a shiny object and started chasing it, and Matelite just called it reconnaissance is the vibe I'm getting, right?



No, I...think I'll pass, given I don't feel like shelling out cash on Daggers, and I have none with me anyway.

For the record, you can feed dragons here...but you can't feed Gutsman specifically.  Note that yes, you CAN feed him eventually this chapter, but after a specific, pretty obvious, plot trigger.

Anyway, lets finally progress the damn plot, shall we?



Start what now?  If you mean a massive orgie without me...well, lets just say I'll be an only child soon!



That makes two of us.
Of course, Matelite is an idiot and left the door locked only via hook lock...and only locked the screen door anyway.  So really, we can see and listen to what they're saying ANYWAY, so...





...I really don't think I want to know what's going on in there, but god damn my curiosity!



Rush: Psst, Hatbot, what's going on in there?
Hatbot: I'm thinking trained Dolphins, Rush, lots of them.



Rush: Oh, wow, she actually remembered we existed.
Truce: No, she remembered Hatbot.  We were put under "The others"; for all we know, she could have been referring to the mini devils.
Rush: Why would she refer to the Mini Devils?
Truce: Its called an example.



Truce: ...Rush, the reason we're not in this meaning is entirely your fault!
Rush: Wait, what? What did I do?
Truce: It was your idea to leave the army and start our own resistance force!
Rush: ...uh, well, er...Hatbot, back me up!
Hatbot: Pfft, as if I care.



Rush: SHIT! He's onto us.  Uh...quick! To the Hatbot Mobile!
Truce: ...you do realize that he's not actually going to stop us from checking and probably going to forget he said that 5 seconds later anyway, right?
Rush: Sure, spoil the moment will you.



Rush: What are they talking about now?
Truce: Holy Dragons, I think?
Rush: ...oh.  So...basically stuff that isn't going to be resolved anytime soon?
Truce: Yeah, pretty much.



Truce and Rush: *sigh* Here we go again...



Truce: ...his own words? This should be good!



Rush: ...no, I'm...pretty sure that's not the legend.
Truce: Since when are you an expert on that subject.
Rush: I'm not.  But I don't remember Granbelos being mentioned in the legend.



Rush: Psst, what was the other part after it?
Truce: Um, I dunno.  I usually just toned the legend out by now.  What? You expect me to believe in that trash?
Rush: Hmm...well, Hatbot, what do you think?
Hatbot: The answer is blowing in the wind, Rush.
Rush: ...touche.




Rush: ...well, we're back to the cryptic stuff again, think its time I turn my brain off.
Truce: *Yawns* wait, what? Were you saying something?
Rush: ...now I know you were not sleeping, Truce.
Truce: Doesn't change the fact that I'm really freaking bored.



Rush: Door to...
Truce: ...the new era?




Truce: So they're talking about that big hole in the sky, it sounds like.
Rush: Oh, is that what they're talking about? Cause I really didn't remember a door.
Truce: Its called common sense.  Maybe if you used it for once, we wouldn't be in this mess.
Rush: Yeah...well...uhh...YOUR HELMET IS UGLY!
Truce: ...that hurts.




Rush and Truce: ARGH! WHY CAN WE HEAR HIS THOUGHTS!
*Hatbot chuckles*



Truce: Not shocked he has no clue what the hell Alicia's talking about.
Rush: Same here.



*both Rush and Truce at this moment have their jaws dropped at how random a non-sequitor that is.  Frankly, me as a writer is doing the same thing*



We apologize for the interruption of Rush and Truce vision, which is to say, being able to hear what is going on outside of the door while the meeting is going on.  At this point, both Rush and Truce have left in disgust.  Hatbot, being the main character, is unfortunately forced to witness the rest of these events.

...yeah, as a side note, Taicho is finally acknowledging Matelite for the idiot he really is.  To be honest, I never expected him to pic k up on it.



Taicho figures out pretty instantly that explaining to Matelite doesn't work, so instead, just comes up front and asks Alicia.

Also, he's showing signs of SOME intellect.  At least he had enough brains to come up with a thoughtful question.  Even if he's wrong, you can't blame him for trying, right?



...and of course, this goes completely over Matelite's head.



And of course, everyone but Alicia and Matelite himself leave.  Guess they all learned that dealing with his idiocy is not worth advancing the plot.



And Hatbot, yet again, gets mowed down by people rushing through the door.



No, I'm not quite sure whose saying this line.  Think its a random person bringing it up as people leave the room.



...how did I get stuck with you as a brother again?



If you wanna know my opinion?
WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!



Please stay on this train of thought; your musings about the plot, even the cryptic parts, are far less creepy than...that other stuff you talk about.



I dunno; I am kind of disgusted just LOOKING at you after your recent announcement of-...



...oh, message prompt!  Anyway, if you choose option 1, you get...





That.

For option two, you get...



...so wait, the whole crisis NOT related to the Granbelos empire is actually *YOUR* fault?

...and you're the captain of this ship.  Suddenly, I have this great urge to get my will written and legalized.

Anyway, lets go back to the bridge and tell Hornet to NOT GO JUST CAUSE MATELITE IS A FUCKING MORON.



Oh, hi Zora.  And yes, I agree with you completely.  Whether its cause you're the second coolest person on this ship, or cause you're bad mouthing Matelite, I'm not sure, but either way, I agree!



Uhh...thanks?  I'm happy to...be...not Donfan?



No.



...I can't believe I'm saying this, but Taicho, I fully support you all the way!



...yeah, lets just say we'll end the update here.

Coming up next time, MORE EAVESDROPPING.

And possibly the most frightening thing to grace Bahamut Lagoon yet!  Stay tuned and find out!

[AAA]

Sure would be funny if the "Door to a new Era" ends up leading them to a really crappy one, where Matelite is unquestioned Lord and Master of the Lagoons or something.

[Meeplelard]

Sure, why not.



...who said anything about scouting? Unless...wait...you're the Dragon Keeper, CRAP! I think he's already onto what I'm doing.  Damned Most-Awesome-Person-On-This-Ship status advantages.



Eavesdropping on Matelite some more? Well, I'm already brain damaged enough from his rambling, so why not!

*THAT NIGHT*



Wait, are you saying it took us 8 hours to circle around the god damn ship? That's it, Rush, you're never driving again!



The scariest thing you will ever see is coming soon.  I warn you, it isn't pretty.  This is only a precursor of things to come!



Again, this is the LAST LINE BEFORE THE SCARIEST THING OF ALL TIME!

...ok, are you prepared for it?  You sure you're ready?  In that case, I present to you, quite possibly the most brain damage inducing part of the entire LP...

A MATELITE MONOLOGUE!!!!










...its finally over.  The pain and hell that is a Matelite Monologue is over! If you survive, you can continue reading the LP.  If you have died...

...I'll just continue on...

...actually, I lied.  That's not the scary moment.  No, that's just a warm up! However, we still have time to recover so...



Even Alicia's traumatized by the fact that she knows what's coming next.  Still, however...



...the plot thickens...



Oh god, don't tell me he's going to...

MONOLOGUE AGAIN!!!?














*random space here to make this thing more legible.  Also, insert advertisement for Bikkebakke brand mushrooms.  If they don't increase your Dragon's HP, they're probably someone else's!*












And here we take a breather where I can give actual comments!
Matelite, I fucking hate you and you should rot in hell.  You are a total moron who deserves to be fed to Cutman after one of his therapy sessions.  How the fuck did you get to become the captain of our army?

...and now back to the monologue!









Quick Intermission: What the fuck? Is he...trying to make the moves on Alicia? The girl he's trying to protect so much?

...suddenly his bias against Hatbot makes sense...but I'm probably giving him too much credit.





(..."already" rambling?)






Translation: Alicia, when you're older and married, I want you to come to my house alone, so you can cheat on your husband!

And with that...



ITS OVER! THE MONOLOGUE IS OVER! SWEET MOTHER OF FUCK MATELITE FINALLY SHUT UP!

He also left the room.  Remember, Hatbot and Rush were both listening in the entire time, and well, now that Matelite left...



They finally show themselves in front of Alicia!

...at this point, Fireman gets angry, and pulls Rush off the Balcony.  See. Fireman understands this concept of "alone time" between two kids (...even though Hatbot probably isn't really much of a kid given he was already a well known warrior 3 years prior to this game where he ALREADY was the Dragon Captain...but whose counting?), and as such, is going to torch Rush for trying to intrude!



Yeah, our leader is a total psycho moron, and you...well, no, I won't say it...mostly cause I don't want to lose some action.




This better be more than unicorns, fairies and tea parties.



YES???



...disappoint me after a big lead up will you bitch? Grah.



I might actually understand something about you, which according to the natural order, isn't allowed, cause Men are NEVER allowed to understand what the hell a woman is thinking?

...yes, I just pulled that sexist remark, WHO WANTS A PIECE OF ME?



You really need to lay off Matelite's special stew.  How many times have I told you about that?



Matelite's there? Ok then, I'll be heading to the complete opposite side of the ship!

I think this is a good stopping point.  Why? Cause I think a Matelite Monologue was enough for everyone's "feeble" brains to comprehend.  Anyway, tune in next time for...

FLASHBACKS!
TWO TIMING!
POSSIBLE HINTS OF GAMEPLAY!

[AAA]

What the fuck?

I mean, this is Matelite and all, but honestly, WHAT THE FUCK?

[Meeplelard]

When last we left our  hero Hatbot, he had just survived what many might call the super boss of the game:
A Matelite Monologue!

He also talked to Princess Alicia who is still as ditzy as ever.  And now...back to our show!



...what the...Gutsman, WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU COME FROM? AND SINCE WHEN CAN YOU TALK?






Church of Memories...Church of Memories...why does that sound so familiar? Meh, probably not important; bet I just beat up some punk kids there and took their wallets.

Also, why do I have a feeling this is going to end up meaning our next destination is there and its going to have jack all regarding the Empire that we really should work on finally finishing off?



Wait, how did you know about that? YOU WEREN'T THERE FOR THE BRIEFING!



DEMON WOMAN! WITCH!  AAAAH! MY GIRLFRIEND IS A SPAWN OF SATAN!

...somehow, I'm not surprised...



Ok, so long as you don't turn me into a newt or something.



If it'll guarantee you won't cast a hex on me in the future, then  uhh...god damn it, how can I get out of this scotch free...



Oh, good, message prompts! These always are safe.

In this case, regardless of what you choose, the end result is...



A FLASH BACK!

...wait a minute, this looks...incredibly familiar...



I'd say that looks familiar, but then I realize its something I see every god damn day of my life, so it says nothing.

Missed a screen cap of Alicia and Hatbot running onto Fireman while Matelite, like a moron, waves his arms being blocked by 2 UOMs.



Wait a minute, I know this scene!



This is the FIRST ACTUAL FLASHBACK IN THE GAME BACK IN CHAPTER 1!



Oh god, why do I have to sit through this again ;_;



Please, make it stop! I don't want to relive my past!



Please! I was young and foolish then!



I didn't know what I was getting into!



I don't need to see this again! I'll do anything!

...ok, that's an exaggeration, since I'm sure the follow up response would be "would you lick Matelite's shoes" or something, and I'd sooner spend a night with Sendak than do THAT.



Wait, now I can't remember what happened here.  Was I actually stupid enough to go in there and be bound to Alicia forever, thus killing my entire point of being the Army's bad ass pimp?



...oh, right, she decided we shouldn't go in cause she was EVEN MORE IMMATURE AND STUPID back then.



The Flashback is almost over, right?  Cause I mean, without message prompts, this is really fucking boring.

...also, I am pretty sure there was actual color in this flashback...this must be Alicia's memories...



Good thing she hasn't asked, or I'd be completely screwed.  Granted, her being kidnapped for 3 years may have had something to do with it.



Well, thankfully, I was able to keep the last part of the promise.  Why?  Cause your father died long before I had the chance to be tempted to tell him, and Matelite...well, I avoid interacting with him whenever is possible ANYWAY.



Honestly? No, you really haven't.  I don't give a shit WHAT Matelite and the others say; you were a ditzy, naive little girl then, and you're still that exact thing now!  You should thank me for being honest too, on that note.

Alicia leaves the room!  Anyway, since she was in her bed recently and such, what say we go into pervert mode again?



And that would be #3!  I still question just what the "" is.  I mean, I have an idea...but then I realize Gunso has his own version which has kind of a...

...you know what, forget I said anything about that.  Lets just move on.



Season...of...love?  Oh god, this can only mean one, if not many, of the following:
A. Hot Dragon on Dragon action.
B. Alicia being needy and never letting me go, ever.
C. Donfan at his worst ever...which might actually be amusing enough to not be an actual downside.
D. Sendak. Just...Sendak.



Matelite? Planning something? You're giving him way too much credit there, Taicho.



...wait, so Gutsman really CAN talk?  I thought I randomly inherited some ability to understand what he said.

...though, on reflection, this means that Gutsman is in fact the SMARTEST OF OUR DRAGONS?  So our smartest Dragon is a former eyeball that is now some weird flying lizard thing that had a guy with full armor and a weapon grow out of his ass...

...sometimes, its best to not think about these things.



...wait, you mean...the final chapter is coming up soon? So the LP is almost done? Oh happy days!

Of course, he said "is near" which means its not this chapter, so I'm going to assume the worst and say next chapter is our last!

Anyway, he prompts you to leave, and naturally, I say yes!  What do we get?



A random scene of Alicia on the balcony! This better not lead to some sort of Romeo and Juliet knock off.



Screen is blurring out, this can only mean one thing...



ANOTHER FLASH BACK! One we...haven't actually seen yet...



So basically, Palpaleos is being nice to Alicia, and we have...no clue what the fuck he's talking about?



More proof Alicia should just give up on the poetry.  That, or she actually is being literal and not making any god damn sense.



Cue the Grandia 3 vocal theme here for no reason other than to piss people off!



Ok, is this flash back actually going to lead anywhere? I mean, seriously, all it is just the two talking...



...oh, there we go.  They're now on Palpaleos' dragon.  Anyway, Palpaleos being modest...and truthful.  See, if you forgot, we kicked his Dragon's Ass back in Chapter 7 or so, and it was hardly a tough fight!



...bitch.  Also, if you're perverted, this line can be taken in such a wrong way.  Thankfully, I think that's giving Alicia WAAAAY too much credit.



I still have no fucking clue what the point of this line is, even after the like 5 times I've played this game.  I guess its just Palpaleos trying to compliment Fireman or something?



...she didn't even ask this time, she just grabs onto the big buff CLEARLY HOMOSEXUAL General who is also an elegant maid.  Sorry, but I feel like something is a little...off here...

...and apparently, so does Palpaleos.



I can't think of any witty comments for this line.  So I'll just call Alicia a dumb bitch.
Alicia, you're a dumb bitch.



Reprise of the Grandia 3 vocal for the exact same reason!



...wait a minute, what are they doing...meh, whatever, its Alicia, she has a one track mind and such.



....WHAT???  "We've just started"? What the fuck does that mean?  Look, the guy obviously doesn't really like you that much.  He's clearly in cahoots with the emperor.  You probably don't understand this, but Palpaleos is into guys, NOT dumb blonde broads like yourself!  I mean, why else do you think he dresses in that maid outfit for Sauzer?



...Palpaleos seems to be every bit as confused as we are...



So basically, she took Palpaleos here to...talk a lot about nothing?



Palpaleos' inner monologue: Oh god, why the fuck did I even agree to do this again? I should have seen this coming.  Note to self: Never trust a young princess again, EVER.



Alicia really, really fails at being subtle.  She's...no, I think you are all smart enough to see where I'm going with this.



...uhh...isn't that already the name of the church?



Palpaleos: ...we will remember this and never speak of it to anyone else, EVER.  Fuck, I don't want to remember this, but its the kind of awkward situation that you can't forget.  For the love of god, can we just end this little trip now?



Time for...?



...I don't think I like where this is going...



Alicia enters the church, screen goes all crazy with the scene shift and...



...umm...well, its just a legend and they said the people have to be in love, so I'm going to assume Palpaleos chased Alicia in there to make sure she wasn't running away, strap her to the back of his dragon and fly her back to Granbelos.

And thus ends the Flashback!

Forgot to take a screen cap, but at this point, we'd see Alicia stop blushing and walk off to the side.

*HOWEVER*, remember those Assassins I hired?  If we had hired them to kill Alicia, Sajin would appear here.  Or rather, we'd see him falling from the top of the screen trying to Ninja Alicia on the Balcony...except she starts walking away here, and see him miss the Balcony and fall down.

...good thing I didn't hire them for the job of killing Alicia, IOWs, cause they'd fail miserably!



Random Cinematic to end the update!  We see the Dragons flying off to Kahna.  Yes, we're finally back where we started and such!  Will we be getting Bahamut soon?  Will Alicia finally start making some god damn sense?  Will Matelite grow a brain?

TUNE IN NEXT TIME!!!


...next time on Let's Play Bahamut Lagoon:
"He's an enemy general, BUT CLEARLY HE WILL HELP US!"
"...what kind of logic is that?"
----
"Matelite, I am your father!"
"No way! You're not even a guy!"
"Really? Can a girl do THIS!"
"OH GOD MOMMY!"
----
"Donfan! You're two timing me...again!"
"Two timing is...such an inaccurate term!  What I'm doing is more what you would call exploring the options around!"
"That's it, this relationship is over!"
----
"mmm....pie..."
----
Roaaaaar!
Roar roar roar roar!
ROOOOOOOOOOAAAARRR!
SCREEEECCCHHH!!!!
GUTSMAN SMASH PUNY DEMONS!


The above may or may not happen...
Also, this page is getting overloaded with pictures, so holding topic hostage until we hit another page!