Let's Play Bahamut Lagoon!

[Meeplelard]

And we're back!  This time with 100% more bunnies.
Bunnies may not actually appear.  That line was a complete and fabricated lie.






Yeah, Barclay and Anastasia love to tell you random stuff in the game through their little rivalry of Fighter vs. Wizard and such.

In any event, if its hard to understand, she basically just told us how to get Holy and Dark Forms.  When you max out (Stat to 100) all 3 main elements (Fire, Ice and Lightning), and one of the other two (Recovery and Poison), as well as get Strength OR Vitality maxed (250 in this case), they'll reach a Holy or Dark Form, depending on what stat is maxed and all that.  These forms are unique per each dragon, and grant the Dragon a new move, the element based on which form.  Furthermore, it lets those classes use their Holy or Dark attacks, depending on which Dragon Form it has.

Naturally, that's what we're trying to aim at, since Holy/Dark Forms as basically the awesome pinnacle of a Dragon's worth!



After that verbal beating you gave Matelite, I think you deserve a break.




Both these lines speak for themselves, hence lack of commentary!

Sadly, Miss Valley Girl Priest Gossiper Diana is still talking about the Lancers, so yeah...



Who are you trying to fool again?




Suggestion: RUN.  Run as far away as possible.  I don't care if we're stuck on an Airship and you'll plummet to your death, tis a better fate than a Date with Matelite!



Its even quieter due to Frenze and Reeve breaking up and thus their routine stopped.

Anyway, that's enough of the members of the ship, I think our Dragons are getting hungry!

While feeding our Dragons, however...



OH DEAR GOD WHAT IS THAT THING? ELECMAN! NO!!!!!!

...Drama aside, this is a generic form called Uni Uni.  When Loyalty hits 100, these forms are activated, and which form you get is based off your Fidelity.  If you can't tell based on the Fidelity score, this is a level 9 Uni Uni, and the second highest as a result.  Normally, I don't like Uni Uni...but given this an LP, I kind of have to show them off, so for now, Elecman stays this ugly hideous beast.

While further feeding however...



BOMBMAN! NOT YOU TOO!

...ok, screw it, we only need ONE to promo Uni Unis, so Bombman, you're going back to Grand Dragon or Glorious or whatever the hell you were before.

To do this, we simply have to lower his Loyalty below 100 (Fidelity won't matter in this case if Loyalty is below 100.) So what's the easiest way to do that?  Well, these screen shots will show us!




Ah, good, back to normal.

There are other ways to lower Loyalty, but this is by far the easiest and most cost efficient (also raises HP by 2 points!)  If its not obvious...I used a Heal, a common storebought status healing item that is dirt cheap.  In any event, he's back to being a Grand Dragon!




What? Another Dragon Squad Captain? Does that mean there's MORE DRAGONS?  Man, I can't wait!

Now, we could talk to him again and get out of here...except we still have to pester Alicia, since we forgot to earlier, so lets do that!



You let Matelite give you a massage again, didn't you?



What? In bed, tired and sleeping cause you're useless barring Deus Ex Machina crap? Cause I saw you like that just last chapter.



This line can be taken in so many wrong ways...



HELL N-...oh, wait, right, you aren't Sendak.




...ok, that was a bit weird. Care to explain why you went all DBZ on me here?



...jackasses...



Yeah, well...hey, that's my line bitch!



I'd hope so; it WAS your idea to go, after all, and it is YOUR aunt we're meeting.



Worry the likes of Matelite? YOU JEST!

Anyway, nothing else on this ship, its time to leave!



Sounds good to me!




Parties for this chapter!  Super requested Royal Guard in the first one, actually, but I have plans for the only Royal Guard in the game for this chapter, so I substituted a Heavy Armor instead.  The rest were gotten via Auto Formation and just messing around a bit there.

Anyway, since I don't feel like doing a plot map with an Uni Uni, what say we do a side quest to show off their MAD SKILLZ?



Yes, Sendak is the one whose party is assigned to Elecman for now (later will change it cause Elecman should always be paired with Matelite, since he USUALLY has your highest lightning magic, gaining Lightning points naturally by leveling up, and Matelite's Skillset is purely Lightning elemental), aka the Uni Uni.  So far, things look normal, right?



...what the hell is this? Uni Magic? What happened to my 3 Red Magic spells?
Black Magic suffered a similar fate.  All other skill sets get something similar (like Destroy gains Uni Inspire, Swordtech gains Uni Hit, etc.)
Though, how does this effect Summons I wonder...



...um, ok, that's just...yeah...you see...oh screw it, I'm going to try it out and see how this works!
(if you've forgotten already, the spell SHOULD be "Valitora")




Again, a picture is worth a thousand words.

The damage is actually unchanged despite the animation.  Now, lets see what our Dragon does!



That looks painful.



And apparently, it is!  If you're wondering, its a standard 5 Range, 2 Radius attack, for all that the animation would imply it hits everything on the screen.

Now you're probably wondering "Besides the Non Elemental aspect which makes the item drops suck, what's the flaw of an Uni Uni?"




THAT would be the flaw.  All Uni Uni attacks have a chance of failure, and the chance isn't negligible either.

Furthermore, this carries over to the unit assigned to that dragon. So yeah, while the moves are strong, they can randomly crap out and do nothing.  So they are rather risky in that regard.

Well, that ends that fight.  Going back to the ship, we heal up Elecman back into the form he was (Whichever one of the 4 I decided to make him, matters not.) Lets actually go do the plot map, shall we!



Yes, he's still around.



And yet again, he's the level condition!  Clearly, since he's the boss of 3 chapters...

RANK ZOMBERD!!!

This map has a few unique features.  The first of which...



THAT.  Yes, there are cannons that automatically fire at you once that units turn ends within a specific range of that cannon.

Is this a retarded thing suddenly tossed in without warning that the game is stupid about?
No, note quite; the damage isn't that high, mostly just an added nuisance, and on the second turn, they actually warn you about it (or maybe its the turn after you activate them?)   I forgot to take a screen cap of that, however, I did actually take a screen cap of something else useful that immediately follows the warning!



Namely that!  So yeah, the game explicitly tells you how to deal with those cannons before they hurt you too badly as well.

Now, that green/yellow enemy up there kind of popped out of nowhere...and by nowhere, I mean a cannon or building I destroyed.  Why am I going out of my way to say that?  Well, lets look at what they are, shall we?



Say, don't *THEY* look familiar?

Ok, bonus points for anyone who can figure out what the hell I'm talking about!

In any event, Presenters (and their upgrade, though I can't remember their name) are fairly awesome.  They are completely scrub tastic enemies who count as Class 3 (2nd highest, what bosses at this point of the game are) monsters...so they can give you some really damned good drops, stuff you shouldn't be getting until much later (like late game store boughts.)  I think after this chapter, they have a good chance of showing up in Granbelos Fortress, so yeah.  Granted, there's typically only one per map (well, two cause they come in groups of two), but yeah.
The Upgrades count as Class 4s when you're typically fighting Class 3s, should you care (Class 4 being the highest.)

The last interesting thing about this fight?

Its time for another MATELITE STRATEGY SESSION 101
Episode 3: SKY BRIDGE WARFARE!





I think its pretty simple to tell what happened here!  Also think its safe to say this is Matelite's "Finest" Strategy Yet!

Yes, if there's someone on a Sky Bridge, ally or enemy, and you destroy said bridge (using a Lightning Attack), its instant death to that unit, UNLESS the unit flies (your Dragons, Bird enemies, etc.)

Note that Dragons are not immune to the Unit they're assigned to dying, so Elecman died as a result of Matelite's Brilliant Strategy.

And cause I was getting ahead of myself, I missed Zomberd's Death Quote this time.  Something simple like "Grah! Fine! You can have it! I'm out of here!"

And with that...
CHAPTER 7 IS...

NOT YET COMPLETED!

The fight is over, but yes, there's a bunch of scenes after before this chapter is officially over.  Yeah, there's plenty more left or smoething, STAY TUNED!

[AAA]

Dear god, what is Ctuhulu doing to that treasure chest?

[Meeplelard]

Nothing like a Matelite Declaration of Independence to start off an LP Update!



Um, just a guess, but I think its you.



A bit too late for that now, isn't it?



Ah, RPG logic of "we can just waltz up to the castle like its nothing!"




Really? I never would have thought that'd be a side effect of kicking them out of here!





I'll let the game speak for itself here.



Well, that's not good.



I can't sense it though! I feel left out ;_;



I don't have a choice, do I?  Ok, fine, off to the Palace we go!

In the palace, there are random people walking around.  Here's what they say!











My Hatbot senses tell me that these people aren't exactly thrilled.

On a more serious note, that's actually one of the cool things about this part of the game.  In MOST games, when you liberate a town, everyone is all happy and joyous and its all "EMPIRE IS EVIL! WE'RE SAVED!" and what not.

...but BL shows a bit of the darker side of things; by being liberated, it implies the Empire can come back and try to just crush things, and perhaps, make their rule even worse than before.  FURTHERMORE, they more paint the imperial rule as "Less than ideal" rather than outright bad, which is to say the country wasn't in any actual bad situation, just things weren't perfect either.

Next stop, THE DUNGEON!  You come to a crossway, your options are North, East, and...Dennis.  BUt you don't get to choose any of these options, as instead, you get...



A Matelite Acts Like a Moron Scene!  Please enjoy the rest of the show.



Sadly...



And I'd be happy to feed you TO the dragons RIGHT NOW.

Though, pretty sure that'd give Fireman indigestion, Iceman is allergic to idiocy, Cutman has enough issues as is, Elecman is very picky with what he eats, and Bombman is a vegetarian, so...*erases "Feed to dragons" option off list of ways to get rid of Matelite*



Well Spoken!



...I hate you.



To be frank, I think most people would be happier ruled by the Empire than having to deal with you.



But he didn't do anything...



...a plan by Matelite? Somehow, I think everyone in the next 30 mile radius is in danger...




Lack any witty comments for this, so I'll just call Matelite an idiot again.
"Matelite is an idiot."
There, done.



Well, what'd you THINK would happen when you tried to TP the Imperials in public?

The next guy...has a screen cap that doesn't work.  He simply says "Don't misunderstand the people of Campbell! We're not all slovenly people!" 
...I think the best response is "Believe me, if you met Gunso, that'd be the last thing you'd assume."



Oh, yes, I always wanted to visit A DUNGEON!

The girl in the next cell greets us with a "Huh?" I decided to not show that since its silly.  However, after that, we get an prompt of something like "Why are you here?" and "Oh, nothing."

If we choose the former...




Translation: Campbell's Security in its prison is based entirely on the honor role.

If we choose the other option...



The game writes for itself again!



Believe me, it takes a lot to piss me off...assuming you aren't Matelite.

Thankfully, Matelite doesn't really say much of anything, so we can ignore him!



Um, ok, thanks?



No, I'm Princess Alicia, of course!



Didn't you just hear me outside? I'm Alicia damn it!



...seems they actually have a brain, bah, guess I'll just have to stop this charade.

Though, on a more serious note, you do actually make sense; if Sauzer rules the world, then there should logically be no wars...



...also true.  Why did we start this resistance again?



Dear god woman! This is the most sense I've heard in...hell, I'm not sure how long!  Then again, the crew on the Farenheit isn't exactly the smartest bunch around.

REMINDER: Sauzer did *NOT* lock the Queen up in the dungeon; she did that of her own accord, as to symbolize that she has no intention of opposing him.  Heck, the door is OPEN THE ENTIRE TIME so she could walk out at any moment, really.



More truth in her words.



Roll Dice and hope something good comes up?




Umm...well...er...argh! THe pressure!

On a more serious note, this whole section was more just showing you the darker side of liberation yet again.




After this whole conversation, and you showing me the darker side of our actions and all that, I have come to one final conclusion!
Your highness, you are a total bitch.



Did they remember to tell you about how your aunt is a bitch too?



Fine! I was just going to leave ANYWAY.

Next two shots...I decided to not bother showing, Its just Sendak saying "Princess...about the legend..." and Alicia responding "Sendak, I know."  Which is to say, these shots are both completely boring and lacking of anything remotely worthy of commentary.




I...am not sure I want to know what your definition of "recreation" is.



Sure, so long as you understand that this is NOT A DATE!
Hey! Don't you dare run before I finish...crap...

And on that note, THE UPDATE IS OVER! The exciting conclusion shall come tommorrow!

[AAA]

Ah yes, get drunk with the older guy. This will go well.

Interesting take on the 'conquering' Imperial territory, even though I think the moral here is that "Accepting soverign rule of a despised country just to keep the peace is bad". Also, I don't see why locking yourself in a dungeon is the best way to signal acceptance of the takeover. I think she's just into BDSM.

[Meeplelard]

It seems there's more of the chapter left than I thought, so this might not be the last update! I do intend on finishing it though, so if there needs to be more, I'll just post it tonight!




The game speaks for itself, really.

You know what? From now on, whenever the game speaks for itself, I'll just say "No Comment Necessary."  Yeah, it'll get old, but I'm running out of unique ways to say the above, so I might as well just do it this way!



...young? Dude! I'm one of the older RPG Mains and...oh, wait, you're a geriatric, right, EVERYONE is young to you, carry on.



Again, BL shows interesting sides of imperial occupation that other games do not.  In this case, its a pretty neutral comment of "Its kind of weird." and what not, instead of the "Its kind of relieving!" statement you'd expect.



This building is an Inn of sorts, yes. Its not labeled, but well, you know, BL has no use for labeled Inns since the game fully heals you after each fight like most SRPGs.  And no, barring maybe some hidden items to pillage (and yes, I did pillage the town earlier, didn't feel like screen capping it cause there's a lot of them...just assume this is the case from now on!), this building serves no real purpose.



See, why can't we have cool Generals like him on our side? I bet our leaders would say the following:

Sendak: Oooh, you're so cute! I can't wait to see what kind of hunk you are when you grow up.
Matelite: Shut up, eat your vegetables, and RESPECT MY AUTHORATAI! I AM MATELITE!
Taicho: I'm a captain!
Alicia: WAAAAH HATBOT! THIS KID IS TALKING TO ME!

...really, I don't need to say much else.



Really? The Sauzer I met was a douche.




Hmm...I wonder who those...wait, you don't mean...



NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! </Darth Vader>

(As a side note, the customers say "They're a little expensive" and "These guys don't know what good taste is" or something along those lines...basically, the second line is just completely mocking them.)




Um, Hero? Dude! You suicided off a Sky Bridge!  I was the one who was taking those cannons to the face while hurling Rising Phoenixes and Lightning Stabs in response! I even have the bruises and spoils of war to prove it!

Taicho says nothing interesting, believe it or not; just a generic "Buy something Hatbot!" or something along those lines.



Tell me about it.

Anyway, believe it or not, talking to Barclay actually yields a shop.  This Shop sells 2 items: Matelite Axe and Matelite Armor.

Matelite Axe is a bit stronger than the Burning Axe, and not special otherwise, but still an upgrade.

The Matelite Armor however...



I...have no words, none.  The stats really speak for themselves here.

As a side note, see that Diamond Armor? That's already better than anything store bought, and won't be store bought for a few more chapters, IIRC.  So...yeah...





Say, didn't the Dragon Keeper tell us about this? Sounds like I have a date with destiny or something!
...certainly beats a date with Sendak, at least.



And Hatbot's pimpness returns for a random NPC!

I guess now we should talk to Sendak, to straighten up this...mess...



You can choose "Listen" or "I don't wanna listen."  If you choose to listen...






No Comment Necessary.

If you choose to ignore him...



They're also mildly disturbing too.

Now, lets go meet this Dragon Squad captain!





Hey, its not my fault that shouting in your ear, shaking you a lot, and the ringing alarm clock, not to mention the incessant ramblings of Sendak, aren't enough to wake you up.



It does? Who might your mother be then?



Amusing reaction, if I've ever seen one.

(if you can't tell, he's sweeping the floor...rather furiously at that...)



...your mother is Zora? I'm not sure if I should envy you or pity you...



Well, that sucks.



No Comment Necessary.




I see...





Not the most encouraging of parents, are we Zora?



If you didn't notice in at least one of the earlier shots, there's this flying eyeball thing up in that corner, which she is referring too...
Which is to say, her statement makes complete and utter sense.



The Dragon proceeds to fly to the opposite corner.



Yeah, that is pretty sad no matter how you look at it.



I'm thinking trained dolphins, Zora. Lots of them.

At this point, MESSAGE PROMPT! You can say "Wait!" "Come!" or "Go!" These should all sound familiar if you check back to the ORIGINAL post of this LP.  Choosing Wait makes you look like a dumb shit since the Dragon will just sit there, and Go just makes him fly around some.  To continue the plot, we need to actually do what Zora said and say "Come!"



Yeah, I'm just that awesome, aren't I?



Apparently, yes.  My perception of reality is now shattered!



I think there's a message prompt here for "Both can come" and "I only want the Dragon." but not sure if its EXACTLY here.  If you choose the latter, I believe her son just pulls a bit of an "AAAAH!" or something, and then Zora says "Oh don't be mean!" and basically forces you to let him join.  Either way...




You mean we finally have someone who could pass as a Janitor? SWEET!



...we have rules? I thought they were just ramblings of Matelite.



Methinks Odin has a rival!

Well, I think its time we finally named this Dragon, since he's joining us and we can't call him "Ugly Eye Freak" forever.

His default name is "Munimuni" though I'm sure a certain Hordkhen Fanboy could have told you that.  He's the Strength based Dragon, with no actual element, and I believe his starting form is a Muscle Leprose.  Naturally, we need to follow the trend of the other Dragons, and as such, we have one name left, as such...



We now have the full set! Yay!



Have you like never had a dog before or something? You should always name your pets! Especially if they are capable of tearing your body apart, limb by limb!

And on THAT note, THIS UPDATE ENDS! The REAL conclusion of Chap 7 soon to come!

[AAA]

Sendak is starting to creep me out a little.

Is that the last Dragon we get?

[Meeplelard]

That is a SEKRIT! for which you'll have to read the entire LP to know!

[Meeplelard]

*5 years later*



Not anymore there isn't.



No, we aren't.  I don't know where you got that idea from!



Eh, we did get a Dragon and a Janitor out of the mix, so its not like we're going completely empty handed.



Sense what now?



SHHHHH! MATELITE'S NOT SUPPOSE TO KNOW!



Main Character senses tingling! I think she wants to say something!



Go Hatbot! Go Hatbot!



Talking much about nothing doesn't count as "being busy" you know.



Ok, so what is it?





A weak minded person, you say?
*thinks about Alicia for a moment*
...we're doomed...






If you are confused by all of this yet, please speak up now!




It means we all get to go home and sleep and this war is pointless.  Yes, that's exactly what it means!



I bet you that disaster from the heavens is probably some big evil sealed away demon.  Just a hunch...and an RPG cliche.

(NOTE: Not a spoiler, I'm just being silly)



No Comment Necessary.





Makes sense to me.



He's probably got some complex plan based around using us to fulfill his motives, and hence why he hasn't completely obliterated us yet despite having the ability to do so.

...what? Am I the ONLY person here who read the RPG Cliches?



Alex, I'll take Wishful Thinking for 1000 please!



Beep! Matelite's hopes and dreams about the war ending soon!

"That is correct but you forgot to answer in the form of a question."

...God damn it.



But...idea...come here...yours...why...ARGH! Where's Zora when we need her?



Say, Queenie, can you repeat that part about "Weak Minded Person" in the legend?  Cause I have a slight feeling that may be the result we get...





Well, lets see...
All we need a Flux Capacitor, a DeLorian,  8.21 Gigawatts, and enough of a straight road to accelerate up to 88 Miles Per Hour...

...maybe time travel is harder than I thought...

And so, Hatbot and company leave Campbell! But wait, the Chapter isn't quite done yet!



I smell 2 new PCs!

(actually, I think both of them say "Yes My Queen!" or something along those lines, but not worth screen capping; basically indicating they are following her orders or something.)



I think our next destination is Mahal.  Just a guess.






And the papers claim that on the following day, the Queen declared that everyone in Campbell must dress in dark clothing, that all men put on Nail Polish, and that everyone cut themselves at least once per hour!

...and on THAT depressing now...

CHAPTER 7 IS FINALLY DONE! BWAHAHAHAHAHAAH!!!!

[AAA]

To Mahel! Fun times and tough challenges.

It was wasn't very nice of that prophecy to insult Alicia like that.

[Jo'ou Ranbu]

It's what prophecies do, insult the female main - oh wait, that's actually uncommon! Go BL plot or something.

[AAA]

I'm just going to go ahead and say it: Meeple doing this LP is what caused SA to be hacked.

Search your feelings. You know it to be true.

[Meeplelard]

Ok, I finished Chapter 8 and...its much shorter than the previous bunch, so we've having a SPECIAL GUEST COMMENTATOR FOR IT!

Plus, its an amusing Chapter by itself, so even if his commentary fails, the game more or less speaks for itself.  That and I need a break, so STAY TUNED!

[Jo'ou Ranbu]

Okay, update time with guest LPer Snow in tow for this chapter!

After Chapter 7 and Queen Campbell's *HACK COUGH.*moving speeches *WHEEZE.*, we get a...




A DREAM AND/OR FLASHBACK SEQUENCE? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ;_; - ahem. So, we get more of Queen Campbell's wise words of bitchiness and a vaguely colorblind tone scheme. Let's see what else lies ahead.




The Queen is quite bold to address her interlocutor's problems of Perverse Sexual Lust (acronym PSL. All rights reserved to the Internets) - whoever her interlocutor may be.




... oh. It's just Sauzer. It's still eerie how fitting the PSL quip is, considering the game.




Cue the sound of a ukelele twang in 3... 2... 1...




*TWANG.*

I'd slap a "the bringer of a new era is actually [insert nonsensical person here]" joke right around now, but Dakota Fanning as the leading avatar of this game's equivalent to the Age of Aquarius strikes me as all kinds of wrong and then some even for BL's astounding standards.




That's the same thing Sauzer asked when he wound up entangled under the sheets with a spanish shota-bait after a massive hangover from liquored twinkies a few years ago.  Tangentially, I'm actually kinda shocked Palpaleos is just beside the bed instead of bedding with Sauzer. No, really.




Sauzer's personal boytoy can sub in for an excellent recapitulating plot exposition device (amounting to stating the obvious, mostly) when he's not busy with other, less savory things.




It also might be responsible for the hickey on the left side of your neck. Nothing short of Palpaleos explains the one on the right side, however.




Much to our chagrin, she still lives. Hey, at least -some- of the jokes here should be about stuff other than yaoi.




Good riddance, I say. The Resistance will have to put up with her failure instead - ... wait, that's the player's side. Damn it. -_-



Because troublesome news always come in packages. Probably means Sauzer's dream was prophetic or something. Incredible subtlety, I know.




Don't worry, Sauzer, we still love you! Wait, that's not right.




No, they're satisfied with capturing back the bimbo and the dragon, and decided they earned a trip to Eurodisney. Well... considering the collective intelligence of Hatbot's ragtag bunch, they could -actually- do that.




Schizophrenic, bishie, boytoy, expodumper. Palpaleos is Bahamut Lagoon's Perfect Elegant Maid.




The new era will be filled with dragon lawsuits regarding invasion of privacy.




However, as Sauzer disappointedly realizes, Palpaleos has no dragon plot power hax to help him here. Even man-meidos can only go so far. (Seriously, ask what did the dragon say to someone who can't hear them, as far as BL plot lets us know! Brilliance.)





YES, SAUZER. YOU TELL THE DREAM WHO'S ON THE RIGHT.




At this point, any player free of genre blindness should start giggling relentlessly. Such is the fate of all RPG videogame empires, even ones that aren't "RAR I EAT BABIES". At least, you gotta give BL points for kinda trying.




I am... emperor... William Shatner... and must... speak in... ellipses...




Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure they will.


Finally, on that endearing note, we leave the ominous dream-to-breakfast cuddling scene and begin what you people came here for...




Welcome to Chapter 8!
 

And, of course, it has to begin on a high-pitched note - rather glass-shatteringly so. Such as:




Oh snap. You mean your kind can -spawn-?




At this point, all Matelite lines just blur into a "why does the crew even let you live, let alone speak" frenzy in my mind. Because, seriously. Why? He's not even usable as an anchor for the Farenheit. That... would probably be an improvement over his current situation, in fairness.




Try as he might, Taicho is just no match for Perfect Elegant Maid Palpaleos in the "stating the obvious" department.




Keep this line in mind. It'll be important for a deeper mockery of Matelite's amazing qualities sooner or later - most likely sooner.




Meeple broke suspension of disbelief by showing savestates zomg

Okay, so this is the time to explain this chapter's plot exposition gimmick! As you see, the game states several hours pass, asking you to input how many. If you say "1 hour", you'll get to watch all the scenes about to be shown. If you say "2 hours", the game will skip the first scene. If you say "3 hours", the game will just skip the entire sequence and go straight to battle. This is surprisingly convenient, but can also be a bit of a bummer, since this whole chapter has rather funny scenes and is generally pretty out there. But, of course, the entire sequence will be given here from the beginning, so don't fret.




You can see we're already up to a great start, with the Fahrenheit smelling like fish. Not only that, Taicholand fish. I'm sure they're all thrilled.




That's why I told you to keep the "Watching the sky is fun!" line in mind. The game kindly hammers another nail on Matelite's coffin. Apparently, we can never have enough demonstrations of the yellow tin can's amazing attention span. Either that or his capability to stand on dormant legs, since I wouldn't be surprised if he spent the whole time plastering his face to the Fahrenheit's front windows while making baby noises.

Tangentially, this is where the second hour begins.




Matelite's attempt to state the obvious like a true Perfect Elegant Maid does not impress. Even Taicho can do better. It's like Matelite didn't realize Hornet was handling the Fahrenheit for a bunch of chapters now - oh wait.




Hornet does what any sensible person would do and scolds Matelite like he would scold a child. Spare the rod, spoil the tin can. Zora would complete that with a healthy thwack on Matelite's empty noggin, but we take what we get.




Don't worry, we won't wipe the signature for posterity you engraved on the window... until you leave.

(He drooled all over the glass while watching the sky.)

 


This is Matelite's secret code for  those special "We're gonna fantasize over Hatbot's sexiness and paint each other's nails! Tee-hee" moments. It's never a bad time to throw pajama parties in the Fahrenheit, apparently.




Non-sequitur comments about the weather: Hornet's valuable secret weapon to cope with the prospect of pajama parties thrown by grown male adults.




Says you. I'm freaking -outta here-, thanks for all the fish.




You were supposed to be discussing matters with Sendak, your point?

Oh wait, is that pink nail polish on your right hand fingers I see, Matelite? =3



That got Matelite running really damned fast.




Um. Why? No, seriously, why.

This is the beginning of the third scene of this sequence, and things start getting... um... funnier right around here.




Bahamut Lagoon: endorsing all forms of hentai one at a time. Even those that would make Transformers slashfic blush.




You've said it! You can't unsay it!




Sure, Taicho. Now, zip up your pants and take your eyes off the couple making out down there.




Only if it doesn't explode in my face.




If this explodes in my face or in my stomach, I swear you're in for it, Alicia.




There's still time, Hatbot. You can still ditch the cookies and... um, yes?

Okay, this is another sceneskip factor. You'll get a bunch of options from now on, and answering impolitely to Alicia in any of them will skip the entire scene. Doesn't really change what she says, but just makes things go faster. You will get a few items for following through the entire sequence, though.




That's a trick question, right?




If the dragons could listen to this, I'm sure they would be insulted.




I'm also glad you're such a gimp.




Sure! Also, why don't you plant your face on that wet window over there? It'll enhance your sky watching experience tenfold!




It's really a man's job. Especially when hapless couples start making out under Taicho's windows.




And I thought I was short.




Alicia teaches us a valuable lesson on flirting. Specifically, on how not to do it.




It took you this long to realize why the window was wet, I see. Kudos, Alicia.




To clean herself of the drool, Alicia wipes her face on the floor. That girl is definitely a keeper.




Don't worry, we're fine. Here, have the shattered remains of your dignity.




Uh oh. This means the pajama party is over. This is the beginning of the fourth scene. You might want to stick around for joy! And some rather... um... unique gags for the time.




I smell dejá vu. And burnt dough.

Okay, this is -yet- another sceneskip factor. It functions pretty much the same way as Alicia's - i.e. be impolite to Sendak and you'll skip the entire sequence. But, since Meeple is a brave boy, he has gone through the entirety of it for your amusement! I'm sure you're all thrilled.




"Don't mind the twitching on the chips! They don't do it that often, you can ignore them if they start moving on your mouth as well."

... I'm not sure I want to know what the hell did he use to make these monstrosities.




Man, are we sure a coma from food poisoning is worth a bunch of items?

Yes. It's not like Hatbot is a person or anything. Hell, he's a freaking silent main, he won't whimper in pain even if he wants to. Which he most likely will.




Sendak has strange sexual fetishes, that's for sure. Nevermind the yaoi, he's into friggin' squick.




Those ellipses are foreboding and ominous.




Suddenly, it's sexual harassment! Disguised by poor coughing!




Which is promptly interrupted by Hatbot's ironclad chastity belt. Handy thing to have when inside the Fahrenheit, really.




Hatbot is not amused by Sendak's naughty hands.




You wouldn't gather that from his sprite, reallwaiti'mnotsupposedtosaythatoutloudi'mgoingtobedbai

That was probably the closest thing Sendak will ever get to a date with Hatbot. I'm not sure if that's funny or sad. Although you have to give BL points for its panache at the time. You wouldn't expect that from a Squaresoft game normally. >_> It's like the game was designed by a two-headed entity composed by Niu and Captain K's brains clashing with each other.




You mean, other than Hatbot's round and firm buttocks? Well, there's also the millions he could make by suing Sendak, but that's neither here or there.

This scene also marks the beginning of scene five in this sequence, where battle preparations begin, so, let's take a pause here.


Okay, that's a wrap for this update! On the next one, we'll have a BATTLE IN THE SKY! Stay tuned, and hope you have fun.

[AAA]

And a thousand fanfics were born. Eeeeeew.


Edit-Oh yeah, good job on the commentary, Snow. 

[Meeplelard]

I think people are finally starting to understand why one of the descriptions of this game was "More Yaoi than your average Suikoden."

[Niu]

All hail Sendak!

[Jo'ou Ranbu]

Okay, time to wrap up this chapter in a blaze of nonsense! I love Chapter 8.

The merry adventures of Hatbot against clingy princesses, nailpainted tin cans and horny old men were suddenly brought to a halt by something Taicho saw! Let us find out what is about to happen, hmmm?




No, you should raise the pink hearts flag to invite them over so we can start the pajama party to shame all pajama parties. I'm sure Matelite will shriek like a schoolgirl.




Oh, I see. So, the Empire is -too manly- to participate in pajama parties. I'm onto you, men. I'm going to get Sauzer and Palpaleos outed even if it's the last thing I do!




Oh, so they were already headed for a pajama party in Mahal. Okay, then! Let's crash their party, girls! How -dare- they not invite the Fahrenheit crew.




Beethoven was deaf. Apparently, so is the crew.




Your uselessness is a most reassuring thing. No, really, it is.




This would sound rather jarring if it was a line in a Megaman plot. Well, if the writers lacked genre blindness. As is, it's just MEGAMAN PLOT~. In Bahamut Lagoon.




After all, why waste the opportunity to bag a year's worth of nail polish for free, eh, Matelite? =3

He hid his head under the helmet for three hours afterwards.




Matelite weeps for the lost nail polish stocks. Nobody told him his mommy lied when she said clouds were magical portals that make everything disappear forever when they're crossed. Makes for a rather uncomfortable daily life around the Fahrenheit when he starts yelling at the sight of clouds.




Enough dilly-dally over nail polish, let's begin micromanagement goodness!




Little aside here: the saleswoman says she's on a special sale, so you'd expect some discounts, yes? Of course, since this is non-consequence videogame lalaland, she gives you no discounts and the player shakes fists. What a thief.




Awwww, look at Gutsman! Isn't he cuuuuuuuuuuuuute? Meeple is transforming him into a Grand Dragon here, which right now amounts to giving him more eyes than any functioning creature would ever need in a purely biological sense. Also, an errata on Meeple's request: Gutsman's starting class is actually named Oozy.




Even though this update has no Palpaleos, even Rush tries his best impression of a Perfect Elegant Maid. As you can see, it works poorly.




Sure, why not.

If you mount Fireman, you'll get to run around the screen as Fireman's sprite. Pointless, but neat. Also, I wonder just how small these dragons are.




Let's play a drinking game, shall we? Imagine that the line above actually belongs to the old woman and she's talking to her husband. Every time your mind shuts down from the implications stated above, take a shot. That should drive readers into an alcoholic coma pretty fast.




Now, for happy fun inventory times! See the Handmade Cookies there? Those are your reward for going through this chapter's "Alicia is special" sequence. Pretty middling and standard as far as minor rewards go, yes? However, this is not all.




THIS is your reward for going through this chapter's "Sendak wants to lose his virginity" sequence. Of all ways to hype heterosexualism, Bahamut Lagoon chooses... cookies. I'm sure there's a biting social commentary to unearth here, but I'll just hype Hatbot's ID immunity based on this poignant plot point. Or, you know. Not.




Sendak's hopes are unbreakable! His will is unsurmountable! His desire to grope Hatbot's behind, unsurpassable!




"Sendak tenderly looked into Hatbot's eyes and could already read the answer, swarming with fiery warmth in the depths of his heart..."




Hatbot does the only sensible thing possible and breaks the old man's heart in a gruelling fashion. I'm sure Niu is crushed.




... ooooooooor maybe not. Go figure. The CLAMP-tastic couple shall soar their hearts into the skies!




However, Truce does not approve of blatant homoerotica. Dragons are a-ok, but old men engaging in lustful acts with young silent mains just won't do.




Forever cursed to be a star-crossed lover, Sendak openly weeps.




Suddenly, it's Euram Barows! - oh wait, it's just Alicia. Always ready to assert Hatbot's heterosexuality.




Hatbot's friends are sexist bastards.




Right now, Sendak is plotting how to poison Alicia's tea after the battle. Hell has no wrath like a gay geezer scorned.

And time for another tangent! After watching this terribly amusing sequence, it bears saying that, if you let Sendak ride (and get promptly scorned), he will follow Hatbot's dragon (i.e. Fireman) around. You can guess how desperate the poor old man is.




We will, don't worry!

... NO, RUSH. NOT IN THAT WAY. STOP CUDDLING YOUR DRAGON AND PUT YOUR SHIRT BACK ON.




This is Sendak's way of saying "I'm letting you live for now because you're a plot device, bitch. Just you wait, I'll get back at ya" to Alicia without raising eyebrows. He's pretty damned good at the whole "scorned girlfriend" thing, all things considered.




Yeah yeah, pajama parties, nail polish, marshmallows, make-up, jesus riding dinosaurs. All that jazz.




As soon as Matelite's neon pink nails dry, sure.




Battle preparations! As usual, with the assorted DLer-customized parties, since nothing else explains Hatbot's epic Cross Knight/Wizard/Heavy Armor/Knight team. That's some epic synergy going on.




Okay, nevermind, the Light Armor+Three Lancers team is worse. Fear the offense on that thing.




Brandung, eh. Wonder who might that be.




I notice a distinct lack of branding. *Badumpisshhh.*

*Gunshot.*

OW. ;_;




On the daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay we took to the skies, full of hoooopes, so anxious to flyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy~

AHEM. As you can see, that's a lot of sky. Eat lead, Skies of Arcadia. Also, is that Elecman I see, ready to strike fiercely at the enemy?




Hark! It is an omen! As hymns resound, thou shalt be as a sacrifice upon the feast of madness! GLORY TO AIRYGLY-




...

:psyduck:

Here is what happens when your dragon's Wisdom score isn't skyrocketing-high, people. The lower it is, the more likely a dragon is to have bouts of brilliance such as using Earth attacks on fliers. GJ, Elecman.




This party actually managed to kill an enemy unit. With Lancer+Light Armor offense. I'm as flabbergasted as you are. Also, Coquetos is actually the name of a very popular nail polish brand in this world. Matelite's favorite.




Not willing to give up, Elecman tries again and succeeds this time! Took ya long enough, dumb broad.




After the battle, Matelite's shrieks of joy after landing eyes upon the nail polish stacks could be heard throughout the clear endless skies.


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND that's a wrap for Chapter 8! Hope you all enjoyed the commentary, I had a lot of fun doing this. Now, back to your scheduled LPer!

[AAA]

That mop guy must be better than previously thought.

Hey, Elecman is now an RE final boss. Good for him.

[Meeplelard]

Alright, think I'll just hold the topic hostage again, cause well, sounds like one Chapter a Page works and such!

Anyway, expect more Guest Commentaries in the future or something!  How soon, dunno, depends on how long chapters are and such; I'm not so cruel as to force someone else to do a chapter of actual quality length <_<

(well, no, one person specifically requested to do a chapter that I KNOW is long but...umm...you'll see why I am inclined to agree to it <.<)

Anyway, comment more or something!

Oh, and any requests for which of the Dragons should be sacrificed to become one of the two "speshul" forms late game?

...NO. Fireman is *NOT* an option.  Request him and I subject you to the chamber of 1000 Matelites.
Also, if you choose Iceman or Elecman, be sure Ciato and Elfboy give you the ok on it; I don't want to be held responsible for doing something unsatisfying and receive random clubbings and/or Thunder Beams as a result, and furthermore, I don't want to be held responsible for someone else receiving them.

[Yakumo]

So why don't you just use Cutman and b0mbman then, since nobody cares? <_<

EDIT: ...I can't say b0mb?  What the hell. -_-

[AAA]

Cutman and Bombman.  Emo and terrorism powers will surely be of benefit.

[Meeplelard]

So why don't you just use Cutman and b0mbman then, since nobody cares? <_<

EDIT: ...I can't say b0mb?  What the hell. -_-

But that's taking the easy way out!

[Yakumo]

So?  >_>

Besides, both Ciato and NEB are gone for a while, so we can't ask them anyway.  If you intend to move this soon, you kinda have to either change your criteria or just go with those two.

[Fudozukushi]

That destroys the illusion of control.

I believe in the illusion so Cutman and Bompman oh yeah!

[Jo'ou Ranbu]

Cutman and Bombman, c'mon. You know the Ciatos and Elfboys overpower Meeples by factors of five, anyway.