When I said report card, I actually meant "Analysis". Because really, report cards are overdone, and giving letter grades bothers me. Don't expect my best analysis game, because really, I know nothing of college ball.
ATLANTA HAWKS:
Hey, guess who didn't have any picks this year! ATLANTA. Analysis over.
BOSTON CELTICS:
I have heard of none of these picks, and they're probably nothing more than some late-aquisition fliers taken by the champs. I'm inclined to say the Cs have to know what they're doing, because of Powe and Davis, though. Rondo also feels way better than 17th in his draft.
CHARLOTTE BOBCATS:
From what little I know of Weaver, he's pretty decent for a second-rounder, and he's homegrown, which we all know that the Bobcats love. The French guy averaged 5 and 5 in FRANCE, so I have no idea how the hell he's a lottery pick. Fuck this "Draft on potential" noise. Larry Brown likes him, apparently, so I dunno what the fuck. I hope to god that DJ Augustine is meant to be a backup for Felton (Which they need!), because otherwise, there's no way he's better than Felton, and there's no way that Felton can be traded for what he's worth. I get a sense he's really undervalued somehow. Which is ridiculous, because he's aces.
CHICAGO BULLS:
I still like Hinrich, but Rose is apparently the real deal. I remember being fairly impressed with him watching him play once or twice, but he gives me crazy-ass Stephen Marbury vibes. I can't explain it. Also I think it's ludicrous Chicago passed on a legit post-up guy they've needed for years, even to get a star guard in the "age of the point guard". It strikes me as off. If nothing else SWAP PICKS with Miami and get something else out of it. Jesus.
CLEVELAND CAVALIERS:
Took a player that's supposedly got "upside" but is raw. Cleveland needs talented players RIGHT THE FUCK NOW to stick with James now. He needs to get a sense of victory, or he is out of here in two years. This is a bad, bad pick as far as I know. (JJ Hickson later becomes a 9-time all-star and leads Cleveland to the championship -after- LeBron leaves, proving me wrong. ....... or not.)
DALLAS MAVERICKS:
In a late round, took a specialist with a skill that obviously translates to the NBA. Best they could hope for with a lone #51 pick.
DENVER NUGGETS:
Had a pick, traded it, and eventually ended up with a guy named Sonny Weems somehow. (They facilitated a deal between Portland and Chicago to...... be nice or something. Anyhow. They have Sonny Weems. no idea what the fuck he can do.)
DETROIT PISTONS:
Drafted a second Jason Maxiell and traded him for two other random dudes. D-League time unless Detroit blows up this year. That said OH MY GOD ARE YOU STUPID? Is it true you considered Chauncy and Tayshaun for CARMELO FUCKING ANTHONY? Seriously? You think Carmelo god-damn Anthony is the answer to your supposed motivation issues. Carmelo. The jackass NEVER defends. He is poison. Drafting Darko didn't pan out, but it sent a message that said "WE DON'T WANT CARMELO ANTHONY". No team with Anthony headlining it will win a championship. Also, you'd be pairing him up and having him learn from RASHEED FUCKING WALLACE. God damn. That better have been all rumor. Denver wins that trade concept so much it hurts.
GOLDEN STATE WARRIORS:
Apparently, they LIKE drafting lanky beanpoles every year. The other guy is supposedly good value in the second round, but I have to wonder what the Warriors are trying to accomplish, here.
HOUSTON ROCKETS:
Donte Green and Maarty Luenen. No idea who either one is, and Maarty Luenen is the worst name I've ever heard.
INDIANA PACERS:
I think they win on the Ford/O'Neal trade. Trading away Bayless makes sense, because I betcha Ford is better. I dunno if Rush was the best they could have got for him, but oh well. From all I hear, Hibbert is some surprisingly horrible dude that everyone thought was a draft pick for some reason. Jawai is a definite project. I think the Pacers will be a mid-table playoff team in just a few short years. But I'm big on TJ Ford. Let's see if they can pawn Tinsley off on anyone while he's still talented.
LOS ANGELES CLIPPERS:
I seriously thought they were going to trade up to get Westbrook, who I said they should take here, assuming he'd be available, not... you know, the fourth guy picked. Eric Gordon seems exactly like Ben Gordon, which is REALLY odd because they're not actually related to one another. It's also odd because they don't NEED a fucking Shooting Guard. They needed a guy like Westbrook. An athletic combo guard who plays good defense. This pick is being lauded by others, who I guess are big on Gordon, so I guess Gordon can really, REALLY score the ball. Good for him. The great thing about the Clipper draft is DeAndre Jordon. If he doesn't pan out, he doesn't have a for-sure contract. If he DOES begin to pan out, he'll probably become good at right around the time the old teams in the west are dying off, and maybe the Clips can sneak into the new-guard. Oh, and they got some NBDL guy.
LOS ANGELES LAKERS:
If they had Joe Crawford on their team last year, they'd have won the finals. ..............wait, you mean it's some player named Joe Crawford? Oh. Well...... Maybe he'll develop, or they'll cut him like the Chinese Magic Johnson from last year.
MEMPHIS GRIZZLIES:
I think I'll take the unpopular side and say that Minnesota won their trade, but Memphis did something pretty cool. Memphis picked up a guy like Mayo who might just develop into something great. They have holes all over their team, and they got rid of their best player, so they'll likely have the best shot at #1 next year. Pairing that guy with Mayo and Gay is probably a formidable trio. If Mayo doesn't develop into an all-star, Memphis is really fucking stupid.
MIAMI HEAT:
Arguably the winners of the draft. Beasley gives them a good player who is ready to play right now. They can likely attract some off season help to fill the hole at point guard, and Chalmers seems like he could at least come off the bench and contribute, which is Miami's biggest hole, I'd say. Depending on how they fill the gaping wound at Center, they might just make the playoffs. If not, I give 'em two years. Tops.
MILWAUKEE BUCKS:
Hey, they did some of the things I was ranting to them about. They actually got TWO slashers to pair with Michael Redd. Putting Alexander at an undersized PF might be a smart as hell idea, too, depending on how NBA ready he is. You have no idea how happy I am with Milwaukee right now. I still say they need a big man to stick with the Aussie, but they're already saying "Hey! We're smarter than Larry Harris". Good for them. Hell, they did pretty much EVERYTHING I told them to do if the Congolese Prince turns out to be good.
MINNESOTA TIMBERWOLVES:
Here's the thing. They definitely won their trade, and they got pretty much their biggest holes filled up, but the west is ridiculously stacked. So they'll probably get a worse pick next year than they could have this year, but they're undeniably a better team now. Mike Miller is arguably the most underrated guy in the NBA (Mayo would have to be a legit perennial all-star to be better than Miller. For what it's worth, I think Miller is way better than some guys who routinely make the squad like, right now.), and Kevin Love might actually be a good pairing with Al Jefferson. (Bit small, I guess.) From what I hear of Pekovic, if he ever comes over, he'll make the Kevin Love thing moot and be the perfect compliment to Jefferson. I still think Love/Jefferson will work wonders. Yes, neither is particularly athletic (although Love's combine results disagree), but Love is an outside playing big who passes well, and Jefferson is an around the basket type. They will play well together.
NEW JERSEY NETS:
So let me get this straight. They got some decent shooters for Jefferson. Yi Jianlian is marketable, which is great for a moving franchise. They got Lopez later than they thought he'd go. They got CDR later than they thought he'd go, and they got yet another shooter with their final pick. Really. I take back what I said about Miami; New Jersey won this draft. Even if Lopez IS an overrated stiff, can you fault ANYTHING Jersey did?
NEW ORLEANS HORNETS:
Sold their pick. Could have had Arthur, who'd likely fit onto the team pretty well. On the other hand, they'll have free-agent money now. Hope they use it wisely.
NEW YORK KNICKS:
"With the sixth pick in the 2008 NBA Draft, the New York Knicks select Dani*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"
God, I love New York City. Anyhow, he might develop into something good. WHICH IS WHAT NEW YORK NEEDS. Sorry, haters, but you need developable talent, because you're too shitty to take on anything but projects. I hope he pans out, becomes a hall-of-fame player and ditches you first chance he gets because of how you treated him tonight. I hope he even goes to a small market like Milwaukee, just to REALLY fuck with you. Assholes.
ORLANDO MAGIC:
Yes yes yes! THANK YOU. A 50-win team that's going to be capped out for half-a-decade selects a guy that will help RIGHT NOW as opposed to a guy that will only be able to contribute when they no longer can afford their services. Good job, Orlando.
PHILADELPHIA 76ERS:
Dunno much about Speights, but apparently, he's a talented big man. Could fit in really well with the up-and-coming squad.
PHOENIX SUNS:
Lopez at least has really good interior defense, which they'll never get from their current twin-towers duo. Steve Nash is good enough to make Brook not look like an idiot on offense, too, probably. ("You there! Dunk this!") In a surprising twist, they actually paid SOMEONE ELSE money for a draft pick. That's right. PHOENIX bought a pick. A European player that the Spurs had their eye on. I got 10 fake dollars that says he's the one bright spot in the Valley of the Sun in the next few years.
PORTLAND TRAILBLAZERS:
See last post. They got yet another really good Euro that they could use later on, and they got Bayless, who could quite possibly contribute right away and pair up decently well with Roy. Portland is almost certainly going to be the big franchise of the 201X era. They're so stacked with young talent it makes me shudder.
SACRAMENTO KINGS:
The guy they picked seems good and ready to contribute right now, but I'm not sure if that's what the Kings really need. They seem like they're a team that has to wait a few years before they really have a shot at the playoffs. I still think they should unload Miller for anything they can get. No clue on Singletary, but if Patrick Ewing Jr. can get some skills to match his sick athletic ability, he could be a major steal.
SAN ANTONIO SPURS:
You know, I think once Duncan and Ginobili retire, this franchise might be doomed forever. Which is a shame, because they feel like they squeeze as much blood out of stones as possible. Apparently, Hill can help right now, but can San Antonio still win right now? It's always the question. It really depends on how they retool their bench in the off season.
SEATTLE SUPERSONICS:
They really reached to get Westbrook, from everything I understand, but the plus is, everyone agrees he can play defense, which the team BADLY needs. So maybe he's not such a bad idea after all. They reverted to old form of picking big man projects, but in this case, that's probably smart, because they need someone large to team up with Westbrook and Durant and Green, and there's no way they'll be viable for a few years.
TORONTO RAPTORS:
Well, they needed to get something for Ford, and Jermaine O'neal might actually do them a lot of good, if they can get his whiny brittle ass into the post. In fact, knowing that they were going to lose Ford, this is probably the best they could have hoped to grab and still hold on to their playoff spot, for my money. I like this trade for both sides. I think Indiana clearly won, but O'Neal, who I have maligned in the past, is still more than capable of helping a few playoff level teams.
UTAH JAZZ:
Blatantly pandering to their racist fanbase. Drafted another potential Okur, but they already HAVE Okur, and they need to fill out their wings a little better. The part that frustrates me? There were like, FOUR teams above Utah that I remember thinking "Pick Kosta Koufos. PICK HIM GOD DAMN YOU" and they didn't. (Most puzzlingly, Charlotte. Koufos has got to be a better move than some 5 and 5 Frenchie.) When Utah rolled around, I was like "Take a slasher!" still hoping to see who'd take Koufos. ........And then Utah picked him. Why you gotta be that way, Utah? Why you gotta hate the brothers?
WASHINGTON WIZARDS:
Needed a big man, got a big man. Should have taken Kosta Koufos.
Am I really that big on Koufos? Not especially, but I think that there was a period where he was CLEARLY the best big man available and several teams passed on him for god knows what. This didn't seem like a great draft for big guys.
FAKE EDIT
I'm pretty sure I've heard that Fernandez WILL come over this season. This is ridiculous, because they've already got Rodriguez, Bayless, and Blake. Portland is so stacked.
