Gattaca- still really shitty. Had the misfortune to listen to this while I was studying in the other room. What a waste of Uma Thurman.
You make it sound like there was value to Uma Thurman in the first place. Otherwise, seconding CK.
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So, my rental activity lately has been pursuing two trends: shitty 80's fantasy movies, and Coen brothers revisited. The former first--yes, I knew these were going to be bad, yes I watched them anyway:
Conan the Destroyer: Ugh. Remember those generic eighties sword and sworcery flicks that dearly wanted to be Conan the Barbarian but lacked the ambition to do anything but ape its visuals? This is one of them. I can appreciate the hilarity of having Wilt Chamberlain cast as the bodyguard of a virginal princess, but the amusement factor doesn't last for two hours and that's about all the movie has going for it. Somehow even the music (largely carried over from the first movie) and the Spanish vistas fail to inspire. Whether due to the PG rating (the original was rated R) or due to total lack of creativity on the part of the writers/director, it doesn't aim to be anything but a kiddie-friendly knock-off and has trouble entertaining even as that. Also, two words: Grace Jones. Need I say more?
Miller from Repo Man is in it too, but just as a wiener sidekick ("lol greed" pretty much sums up the character's contribution to the movie). Also, total waste of Ursa from Superman II.
Red Sonja: Still generic! But at least it has the decency to be PG-13. A cut above Conan the Destroyer--not that this says a lot, but hey, Brigitte Nielsen's pretty and looks good swinging a sword around, so that's something. Bonus points for the villain being a predatory lesbian. Minus points for Karate Kid to the Xtreme. Bonus points again for total lack of Grace Jones. It balances out to being totally average filler, I think. The Ennio Morricone theme was nice, at least.
The Beastmaster: Hah. It'd been so long since I saw this that I forgot how messed up some aspects of it were. The first scene sees the villain magically transporting the unborn hero from his mother's womb into the body of a cow. Zuh? Anyway, total cheese that benefits a little from being aware of it. A little. It's still
bad, but watchably so. Also, at the climax of the movie Rip Torn is undone by a ferret and subsequently burned alive. I think we can all agree that this needs to happen in more movies. I also must have only seen it on network TV before, because there were
boobies in this version. Shock!
On to good movies now:
Barton Fink: Still awesome in its own right and definitely one of the better movies made about making movies. Its atmosphere of creeping despair and dementia is perfectly embodied in the Hotel Earle, and John Goodman's last scene is just one of those awesome "Holy shit" moments from beginning to end. "Look upon me! I will show you the life of the mind!" Shivers, man. Did the hallway
need to be on the fire there? I guess not. But it did look fucking cool.
Miller's Crossing: Oddly less impressed with it this time around. Knowing where it's going makes you pay more attention to the structure, and I was already skeptical about how quickly Jon Polito's character comes to trust Gabriel Byrne's. Still good, though, especially the scenes from which the movie draws its name. Also, Albert Finney marching down the street with a tommy gun and taking out like six dudes to the tune of "O Danny Boy" = gold.
The Hudsucker Proxy: The Hud is dead. Long live the Hud! Tim Robbins pretty much makes the movie. He is hypnotically dumb, without being unlikable for it. Not a lot of substance to this one; it's just fun and sometimes that's enough.
