So. Movie Breakdown #2.
11)The Slums of Beverly Hills:
~You ever wake up one morning and say, "Gosh, I'd like to see Marisa Tomei's tits"? If so, that is probably the only reason you should watch this film. It is otherwise not very good, and the cast is pretty well unlikable. That's not to say that it's not well-acted--the cast was damn-well GOING for unlikable. It's just.... not my type of movie, honestly.
12)Grumpy Old Men:
~For the Supers. Excellent RomCom that takes the somewhat unusual twist of making it about really old people. Ann-Margret is a complete flake in this movie, but I have to admit, I'd probably have hit it anyhow despite flakiness and despite age. Bravo to her. The best part of the movie, however, was Burgess Meredith's hilarious performance as the incredibly ancient father. Really old guys talking about sex will be a theme for part of this run-down--this probably says something about my personality. Namely, I don't think Niu wants to be my friend anymore. ;_;
13)Zombie Strippers
~Ah, yes. Putting that Film Major to work. I actually watched this because my fake-cousin forced me, my brother-in-law, and two of my real cousins to watch it with him. He also fell asleep in the middle of the movie, so nuts to him.
On the other hand, this had me in a guilty amount of hysterics. Yes, it stars Jenna Jameson. No, it is not a porno, even a softcore porno. There are no sex scenes in this movie. What there are are a lot of completely fucked up dirty jokes. When the strippers actually BECOME zombies, the audience finds them irresistible, and are all to happy to go backstage and get eaten by the Zombie Strippers. Eventually the normal strippers completely fail to keep the audience's attention. Eventually, they get more and more ridiculously undead looking, but the audience finds them hotter and hotter. It's completely grotesque, but it's so over-the-top, it's hard not to laugh.
Also, the Hispanic gentleman is the most insanely racially stereotyped character I have ever seen in anything ever.
14)Black Orpheus
~Watched this in class for our discussion of sound in cinema, and as far as that metric is concerned, this movie is quite excellent. It has an unusual soundtrack in that the entire thing is diagetic--that is, all the sound played in the movie is supposedly something the characters can hear. And it's fun bossa nova music, to boot.
Where the movie fails.... well...
It's a Brazilian take on the tale of Orpheus' journey through hell to rescue his lover Eurydice from death. Only it's a modern retelling that takes place during Carnivale in the slums of Rio.
15)The French Connection
~This movie is pretty intense, but how the fuck does that old fucker get laid just by looking at a girl on a bicycle? He's not shown as at all charming or anything during the film, and then, "Hey, this chick on a bike is cute" and then BAM. His partner trips over a bicycle when he comes over to his apartment the next morning. I call shenanigans.
I digress. The French Connection is considered a classic, and probably for good reason. It invented a scene that gets parodied to this day in other films and Geico commercials, namely the subway stalker fakeout bit, and the happy wave "bye bye" as the train takes off. I have to say, I like crime movies where it's not set up as a mystery. This focuses more on the crazed obsession that the leading character takes on his quest to put the French druglord behind bars.
Apparently, there's a sequel to this movie, and that notion kind of offends me, because the way this movie was written, there was really no setup for a sequel at all. Ridiculous. I'll probably watch it anyhow just to see if it ruins my strong opinion on this particular film.
16)Nine Queens
~This is a really fun caper film, although there are a few parts of the movie that aren't particularly capery. I'd get into it here, but it'd be spoiler-laden, and assuming anyone wants to watch an Argentinian movie with subtitles, they should really watch this one.
I'd summarize the movie here, but... similar reasons keep me from doing it. However, it has a really nice, intense style, and the general "feel" of the movie is quite sleek. It's fun to watch, but on the other hand, I really like this kinda film. So take my advice with that in mind.
17)Battle Royale
~Also watched this for class.
HOLY FUCK THIS MOVIE. This is... can I call it horror? If it's horror, then it's horror done right. It manages to both be campy AND psychologically thrilling. The villains in this movie are all remarkably badass and creepy as hell.
Getting into extreme detail on this movie seems silly, because it would basically make me gush and basically turn me into Otter. And I don't want to replace him while he's gone. I will say, however, that the cinematography is generally excellent, and the setting used for this ridiculous orgy of violence is beautifully shot.
18)Shaun of the Dead
~Yet another movie watched for class.
Shaun of the Dead is hilarious. Not much else to say here. It deliberately subverting various cliches of the "Zombie" flick is handled pretty well. And there are parts that I think only the British could pull off with a straight face. Also, it taught me how to use the word "Fuck-a-doodle-doo".
19)Into the Wild
~Good movie. I say that because it held my attention for two and a half hours, and it wasn't about a subject I'd have found interesting. It had fantastic camerawork. Plus it had a decidedly (in my view) unlikable lead character, but I still watched it.
Into the Wild is based on the positively true adventures of some dipshit who got sick of his life in middle class bliss and being accepted to Harvard Law, and said "Fuck it, I'm going to Alaska."
He's such an unlikable, narcissistic FUCK who basically charms everyone he meets, and then destroys their lives by abandoning them and destroying himself, because, WHOAMG SPOILARS: HE DIES.
Who couldn't see that coming? A stupid assclown throws out all of his cash and travels to the harshest places in nature just to prove some kind of ass-backward point on the condition of society. He's clearly smart, but also clearly not near as smart as he thinks he is. He takes from every person that he meets, and rarely gives anything back. He cuts a swath of desperation and crushed dreams in his wake.
He is played by Emile Hersch, who, I swear to god, is like, this exact unlikable kid in every movie he's in. Only this time he does full-frontal. You know, on my list of celebrities I want to see full frontal nudity of, I'd have to say that Emile Hersch is probably not in the top ten. Anyhow, he seems to embody that sort of impotent, useless grunge "Fuck the man" mentality that was easily the worst part of the 90s. That is, until you remember Eddie Vedder does the soundtrack.
Naw, Vedder is -ok-. But only just. And the movie is, again, still pretty good. I feel horrible for his sister, the girl who was in love with him, the old man who wanted him as a grandson, and the hippy woman who thought he was like HER son. So pretty much everyone he met except for Vince Vaughn. (Also, more movies need a drunken Vince Vaughn. Drunken Vince Vaughn makes everything better.)
Anyhow, rest in peace you godawful narcissistic bastard. I hope whoever got into Harvard Law in your place made a few million dollars and boffs Australian supermodels.
20)Surfwise
~Surfwise is a documentary about some crazy bastard who decided to quit his life as a stanford educated doctor, and said "Fuck it, I'm going surfing." And surf he did. He also got married and had 9 kids who he forcibly kept out of school and forced every single one to be a surfer, like their old man.
There's some ridiculously fucked up stuff in this documentary. It shows the family as both happy and seriously emotionally scarred from their adventures. Most of them say the good times outweigh the bad, but a few are notably fucked up from, among other things, their parents fucking in the same room as them pretty much every night.
There's this one INCREDIBLY DISTURBING scene where one of the eight sons is sharing a song he wrote. The song is about how his crazy-ass dad fucked up his life. He turns it on in the background and starts speaking it out loud so you can understand the lyrics.
Something comes over him and he starts singing the lyrics. And I was all, "OK. He just likes the song." or "He has special feelings for this because it is an artistic part of his soul." or whatever. Except he gets more and more intense. The Camera zooms in on his face showing that full-bodied madness has taken over him. His eyes are completely unblinking as he spits out this song that damns his father and all of his crazy ass shit. It ends with a zoom on his eye, so you can see just how batshit the guy has become. An unblinking bloodshot eye while the man in possession of it is still spewing out this string of curses about his dad. And then he just STOPS suddenly. And he says "I'm sorry. I just can't listen to anymore of this"
It was really funny, but eventually I realized "Holy fuck, this guy has serious problems" and I couldn't laugh anymore.
All in all, I was glad I watched it, but I'm still not sure what the fuck I watched or why. Hooray for documentaries.
Best movie of the bunch? Battle Royale. You should watch it today.
Worst? The Slums of Beverly Hills. You should watch it never, unless you like Marisa Tomei's tits. Then you should watch only until her shower scene and on MUTE.
