Movies

[Meeplelard]

By "Gamera 2", I take it you mean "Gamera vs. Barugon" or whatever name you saw it under?  Just assuming that's what you mean cause based on the dates, that one seems to come right after.

[Grefter]

That is the one yes.

[Sierra]

Yeah fair enough, but Gamera 1 and 2 being the ones I have seen are pretty terrible Kaiju movies for what that is worth.

This. Gamera makes other giant monsters look better by existing, I think.

[Meeplelard]

Well, if nothing else?

The likes of King Kong and Rodan prove you can be a simplistic monster design (ie oversized version of some generic monster, even if a dinosaur) and be awesome, while Gamera proves that originality does not always yield awesomeness.

Then we have Gigan whose the best of both worlds.  Original *AND* Awesome! (ok, he's not the most awesome monster ever, just plain cool; he's high up there in terms of interesting designs though <_< )

For what its worth, I don't exactly have high expectations for Gamera vs. Barugon and this is BEFORE watching the original.   Just based on the little I've seen and heard of Barugon, he makes Gamera himself look that much better.

[metroid composite]

Paranormal Activity

I had gotten under the impression that I really liked horror films, based on intellectual stuff like Alfred Hitchcock movies and Silence of the Lambs (or the part of it that's available on Youtube in America, anyway...did they censor part 7 and 8 due to nudity).  The movie Paranormal Activity exists to scare you.  It really has no other purpose; it doesn't exist to gross you out.  It doesn't exist to make you fascinated by the characters and their motivations.  It doesn't exist to wow you with its camera angles (all the camera shots are done by the two characters in the movie, although there's obviously thought put into camera angles and scenes--it's definitely not the Blair Witch project or anything).

In the end, it succeeds at its goal: I'm inclined to call it the most frightening move I've seen.  Did I enjoy it?  Ehh...mildly on the side of "no"--turns out when a film focuses purely on fear I don't enjoy it nearly as much as horror films with a lot of intellectual commentary.  Also, there were a number of possibly drunk frat boys catcalling the screen (all the catcalls were from men--even though when the lights came on the theatre was half-filled with women.  regardless "listening to frat boys" is pretty low on my list of enjoyable activities).  That, combined with several scenes of "I hand the camera to you and it's right in your cleavage; whoops 'accident'" created an overall feeling of 'I'm not meant to be this movie's target audience.'  Probably wouldn't have had that feeling if I watched it outside of theatres, mind you.

[Shale]

Key lesson there: Suspense isn't horror.

[Grefter]

That is your problem right there met, you are to busy watching GOOD horror films instead of bad ones.  Don't do that, it gives you the wrong idea of the genre (So you probably shouldn't see Drag Me To Hell or something as well because that would just make you think horror movies can be done well these days).  You need to go sit through something like The Grudge or Captivity.  Skip over Evil Dead as well, it will make you think something good came out of the genre in the 80's.  This is what Halloween 3 is there to show you what Horror in the 80's was like.

Also not to watch not necessarily so much in the Horror as Creep Me Right the Fuck Out genre, don't catch Last House on the Left (Original 1972) or 8mm.

Edit - Suspense is not horror.  Loud noises are not horror.  Fast cuts to mangled bodies is not horror.  What they all are though is Horror films!

[metroid composite]

Edit - Suspense is not horror.  Loud noises are not horror. 

So...since the movie I just watched achieved most of its effects with those two elements, I guess I didn't watch a horror film?

[Cotigo]

Edit - Suspense is not horror.  Loud noises are not horror.  Fast cuts to mangled bodies is not horror.  What they all are though is Horror films!

[Yakumo]

Eh, I would argue that suspense can make for good horror, but the rest yes.

[Grefter]

Suspense is a tool that helps make Birds scary.  The suspense of Birds is not what makes it Horrifying.  Same goes for Bodysnatchers and other stuff.

Edit - The point is that suspense needs something to back it up or it is a hollow empty vessel, the mangled corpse needs to have a threat behind it otherwise it is just a corpse and loud noise scares are fucking stupid.

[Hunter Sopko]

That is your problem right there met, you are to busy watching GOOD horror films instead of bad ones.  Don't do that, it gives you the wrong idea of the genre (So you probably shouldn't see Drag Me To Hell or something as well because that would just make you think horror movies can be done well these days).  You need to go sit through something like The Grudge or Captivity.  Skip over Evil Dead as well, it will make you think something good came out of the genre in the 80's.  This is what Halloween 3 is there to show you what Horror in the 80's was like.

Also not to watch not necessarily so much in the Horror as Creep Me Right the Fuck Out genre, don't catch Last House on the Left (Original 1972) or 8mm.

Edit - Suspense is not horror.  Loud noises are not horror.  Fast cuts to mangled bodies is not horror.  What they all are though is Horror films!

Where the hell were you when I used Halloween 3 in the Movie Quotes Quiz?

Seconding the call on the original Last House on the Left. Thats just freaking intense and wrong on many levels.

Horror in the 80's... I'm not sure, but I think the House movies were made in the 80's. I think those really embody the majority of 80's horror film-making for me. Cheesy, half tongue-in-cheek, wacky creature effects.

Of course, The Thing was also made in the 80's and that fucking rocked. So were some of the Hellraiser movies. The Shining was 1980 and Pet Sematary was late 80's as well. So you can't completely write off the decade.

[Grefter]

I was busy trying to erase Halloween 3 and everything related to the series from my memory.

[Sierra]

Of course, The Thing was also made in the 80's and that fucking rocked.

QFT.

[Meeplelard]

So the thing I was using to get most of the Showa series for Gamera decided to die on me, so I looked for streams and such!  Thought I found one of Gamera vs. Barugon, aka War of the Monsters.

So I'm watching it, and they're acting like stuff has happened in the past...that definitely didn't happen in the movie...evidently, it was ATTACK of the Monsters I was watching, aka Gamera vs. Guiron...

So....

Gamera vs. Guiron:

Thankfully, the only thing that matters for Gamera Continuity is him suddenly being a good guy and "Friend to all children!" or some shit.  Uh, yeah, with that in mind, I can already tell Gamera's a less cool hero than Godzilla, but I'll get to that later!

Gamera looks about the same he did in the first movie...but in color!  Except there were definite moments where they used freaking TOYS to represent the monsters.  It really contrasts Toho monsters who, barring some very specific cases (like one moment where Ghidorah is flying in Godzilla vs. Gigan), are pretty much always guys in Rubber Suits, which just are far more appealing than the usage of action figures.
Furthermore, the monster designs are just so much worse than Toho.  I mean, this movie had Gyaos as a brief cameo, who from what I understand, is Gamera's version of King Ghidorah.

I'd compare the two, but finding a good shot of Gyaos, at least the Showa version, is tough; I'll explain why Heisei doesn't count here.  But in any event, King Ghidorah looks relatively well portrayed.  Just a simple 3 headed golden dragon; its nothing special, but gets the job done at displaying "Evil Kaiju whose damn strong", especially since he's towering over most other Kaiju (freaks like Biollante need not apply.)  While not the most creative of designs, King Ghidorah still looks good.

Gyaos, meanwhile?  He looks somehow more generic; just an evil bat thing.  This...isn't so bad until you look at his head; its this weird flat triangle thing.  I understand they wanted to make him look more original, but seriously, that just sort of makes him look like a joke.

That, and the general portrayal of the two style of monsters doesn't help.  Toho monsters, while by no means realistic and clearly cheesey, at least look acceptable.  The Gamera Monsters look like a joke...

Granted, being less awesome than King Ghidorah isn't exactly an insult; he is, after all, one of Toho's most memorable creations, and has popularity only outdone by Godzilla and Mothra (Toho's two most famous monsters), which is why he keeps coming back, and basically earned his title as Godzilla's Arch Nemesis.  Still, I could compare the Showa Gyaos to some of Toho's other monsters, and I'd be less than impressed with him.

BUT BACK TO THE MOVIE.

There's two kids, they jump into a space ship, end up on another planet, meet two alien chicks who claim to be friendly, but are really evil and want to EAT THE KID'S BRAINS!  A version of Gyaos attacks that planet, their guard dog Guiron stops him. shit happens, kids in trouble, GAMERA SAVES THE DAY!!!!

...this is an abbreviation.  If you think the cheese sounds bad, it only gets worse.

The fight sequence when Gamera finally arrives and fights Guiron (who by the way looks like a mentally challenged shark with a blade on its head...just GIS him and you'll see what I mean)...it says something that Godzillla fight sequences, which thrive off cheesey pro-wrestling style visuals, look like high quality action scenes in comparison.  I was face palming when the thing basically started with a TOY GUIRON continually slashing at a TOY GAMERA, and we're just watching the blade go up and down, up and down, hitting Gamera in the shell...

I will give credit to two things in the fight though:
-Gamera's JET PILE DRIVER.  Grabbing Guiron in the legs, going into jet mode, then pile drivering him into the ground, blade first?  Yeah, fun cheesey stuff; that's actually kind of amusing!  If only the monsters looked less...jokingly...
-Missile thrown into Guiron's face.  At one point, Gamera catches a missile, which while its still ignited, he throws it right at Guiron, impaling his face, and it explodes.  Again, good cheesy stuff like this.

The children being the main obviously sets the tone that "These movies are meant for younger audiences!"  This does explain the general quality though.  I look at Godzilla movies, and well, only Godzilla vs. the Smog Monster, Godzilla's Revenge and Godzilla vs. Megalon, off the top of my head, have a child as a primary character...

Or IOWs, 3 of the worst Godzilla movies ever made.  Its no wonder after Godzilla vs. Megalon, they stopped cutting the bullshit and went back to gearing more towards general audience by bringing in the two Mechagodzilla movies in, rather then aiming purely at the children.  Gamera movies?  Uh, yeah, they're entirely meant for children, at least ones after the first (and possibly vs. Barugon?  That one sounds like it lacks children...actually, I've seen half of it.)

Oh, regarding the Heisei comment?

From what little I've seen, the Heisei Gamera and Gyaos look *A LOT* better than their Showa counterparts.  They actually look like they can be taken seriously now, instead of being total jokes that only 5 year olds can appreciate.  Just based off those visuals, I'm starting to understand why the Heisei Gamera garners respect; if the jump in quality of the movies is as much as the designs of those two, then there may be hope for Gamera!!!
...but only once we hit the 1990s.  Until then, the way the movies are looking...yeah, much pain is inducing.

I know, I keep comparing Gamera to Godzilla, but come on; Gamera is the "Rival series" of Godzilla, so it feels logical.  I understand he's popular with the children, which explains the later movies, but I'm still questioning how the first one spawned actual sequels...

[Yoshiken]

Got dragged on a trip for my Media course the other day, went to see Coraline. It.. was better than I expected, although that's not saying much, since I couldn't really have gone in with lower expectations without seeing a film starring Orlando Bloom. I still don't understand the whole hype around kids films from people my age - sure, they're not bad, but they're still nothing special.

[Clear Tranquil]

Bridge to Terabithia?

Also a giant ape invaded my dreams. I am totally blaming Meeple!

[Bardiche]

Bridge to Terabithia was depressing.

[superaielman]

Bridge to Terabithia was an excellent book, still need to see the movie.

*Reads a description of Last House on the Left* Urk. Shouldn't have done that.

[Grefter]

It is an incredibly powerful movie and it can and will make you feel a bit ill.

[Meeplelard]

Each rant, I will try to be creative; if these rants are getting annoying, i'll stop and just do a quick review.  So in any event...

Gamera vs. Barugon aka War of the Monsters:  Saw this movie, now in much better quality so that I could tell what the fuck was going on, contrast to the stream where I could only watch the first half.  Better quality made the movie WATCHABLE, but still bad.  IT also had nearly inaudible MST3k
commentary on the side.

Well, its Gamera's first fight, and well, their choice for an opponent?



 A giant horned lizard that sticks its tongue out, breathes ice, and FIRES RAINBOWS!!!

So...ignoring the rainbows and ice, Barugon's design.  For Gamera's first fight, it sounds completely original an idea! A horned dinosaur like being! I've never seen that before!  HA! Looks like Gamera is able to keep monster designs original at least! I mean, its not like Godzilla ever had anything like tha-



...

Oh come on, Gamera, you can't even be slightly original ON YOUR FIRST FIGHT?  Ok, so having a lot of monster designs as Toho did by then, I'm not shocked Gamera stole one but to make Gamera's first opponent practically copy Anguirus, who is Godzilla's first opponent ever, and just remove the shell?   Oh, one thing I didn't comment on in my Gamera the Invincible rant was the use of the same visuals, so really, this just follows suit.

I think one of the MST3ker's said it best about 30 minutes into the movie:
"Doesn't this movie have a giant flying turtle in it?"

By which I mean, after Gamera's initial appearance, its takes over 30 minutes for us to get another inclinct of a giant monster.  Then Barugon pops up, so you expect the movie to pick up, right?
...no, not quite.  For you see, they use the usual MONSTER VS> MILITARY, MILITARY LOSES nonsense that Kaiju films love, except they lacked Toho's cheesy "Weapons of technological impossibilities" to add to the visuals, so its just machine guns and missiles...and the missiles get blown up by the RAINBOWS before they're fired.



I'm not making this up.  This image, while a toy, is pretty much what he does,. HE SHOOTS RAINBOWS OUT OF HIS BACK TO KILL THINGS.  And there are times he looks EXACTLY like this toy (Rainbow portrayal aside). While I would say "This is Gamera, its meant for little children!"...this movie seemed to take itself seriously.  There were no kids in the movie at all, and it was a typical Kaiju "WE MUST STOP THE MONSTER!", except only 1/3rd as interesting.

In any event, I'm not sure how we're suppose to take something like that seriously.  The design is laughable and the concept is stupid.

Oh, Barugon's roar is stupid too.  Maybe I'll toss a video of his vs. Anguirus' up, just for a comparison, if I can find them <_<

EDIT: And I did!

Barugon
No, that's not random shit being destroyed, that's his roar.

Anguirus
Crap quality...and I'm aware Anguirus isn't one of the best roars, but still!

Yeah, one sounds like a monster, the other sounds like a dentist instrument, if you ask me <_<

So about the fights...

Look at the first shot of Barugon I showed...
I know they look like toys, but I swear, I think this may be an actual scene in the movie.  Yes, the fights more or less have this quality.  I'm not making this shit up.



I think it speaks highly that this can be considered "higher quality fight scenes."  And its just 2 guys in large rubber suits...and the movie this scene was taken from (actually, should be obvious if you're remotely keen) predates Gamera vs. Barugon by at least 5 years, if not more.

One thing i noticed, however, is this:

Why Gamera human plot is so boring.  In this movie, a good deal of it had nothing to do with the giant monster; it wasjust leading into the GIANT MONSTER HATCHES< and its boring and shit.

In Toho films, you're introduced to at least something related to the monster early.  I haven't seen Godzilla Raids Again much, but I remember Godzilla and Anguirus are introduced within 15 minutes.  ANd once they're introduced, the movie pretty much centers on them in some way or another.

That's another thing I don't get.  In Godzilla Raids Again, BOTH MONSTERS WERE THE BAD GUYS.  The humans were basically going "keep an eye on who wins, cause that's who we're going to have to deal with."  The threat worked like this:
They dealt with Godzilla before, so they know what kind of shit he can do.  And the problem is, they know they're DEFENSELESS against him.  
This new guy Anguirus? They don't know what he can do, but if he can beat Godzilla, then oh shit, you have a monster STRONGER THAN GODZILLA on the loose.

Godzilla wins, so the first scenario is in effect.  Once Godzilla wins, its just "how the fuck are we getting out of this alive?"  Eventually, they just blast an iceberg on him and go "lets hope he never escapes!"

Gamera vs. Barugon?
Gamera appears early...then disappears for most of the movie.  He arbitrarily reappears after Barugon does some shit, and while not blatantly good, its almost like they are portraying him as the lesser of two evils, especially since they're giving off this illusion that while Barugon is t3h evilz, Gamera's more just hungry, and apparently only arrived cause Barugon's RAINBOW!!! has heat.
They try to pretend that Gamera's still a bad guy by, when Gamera reawakens, they go "oh no! We just got Barugon weakened, but now we have to deal with Gamera!?"
...but then Gamera wins, and...everyone cheers.  He flies off.  Its like "wait, when did the BIG BAD VILLAIN become a hero?"

I know, Godzilla became a hero too...but it took him 5 FUCKING MOVIES to finally be a good guy from the start, and the progression was actually logical, as they introduced a scenario where Godzilla (and Rodan) would actually help, without them randomly being HEROES!!!! for no good reason.  Gamera, its more like "Oh hey new monster, LETS MAKE GAMERA A GOOD GUY!"

...basically, Godzilla became heroic SLOWLY.  Gamera, its more like "ok, fuck it, THE EVIL GIANT TURTLE IS A GOOD GUY NOW!"  

...I'm Kaiju too seriously, I know, but its fun to rant on this stuff, so shut up <_<

[Meeplelard]

Saw 2 MORE GAMERA MOVIES!  Evidently, I'll have to skip one cause it seems impossible to find barring means that require paying money, and **** the idea of paying money for bad Kaiju movies.

Gamera vs. Gyaos:

Ok, this movie wasn't as bad as I was expecting; no, its not good, but it was at least tolerable, meaning its on the "crap" tier instead of the "unbare-able pile of shit that should never see the light of day" tier.  First off, Gyaos has an actually commendable design...at least, one I could see being decent with tweaks to take them out of the "Gamera joke appearance" style into a more "Toho general monster" style.  He does, however, still obviously "steal" aspects from Toho Kaiju.  Just compare him to Rodan, and you'll see what I mean.

Also, as a monster idea, Gyaos actually was kind of interesting.  Vampiric Bird Dinosaur thing.  IOWs, eats blood, is nocturnal and weak to sunlight.  Also had a REASONABLE weapon; super sonic beams.  as in, fires sound that slices things.  Yeah, ok, now THAT sounds like something I can take seriously!  certainly beats "HEAT RAINBOWS!" or "Shurikens FROM THE FACE" (something I forgot to mention with Guiron <_<)  Its like they decided to try and make something cool instead of being just plain unique and silly. 

Basically, Gyaos I can take seriously, kind of, just needs a few tweaks.  Barugon and Guiron? Not so much!

What hurts this movie is, again, fight sequences.  they're still a joke.  Toho fights are generally Pro Wrestling fights with monsters...these aer fun on a cheesey level! Gamera Fights are toys fighting still; they're just laughable and not in a good way, more just in a sad way.

In the end, I can see why they chose Gyaos to be Gamera's rival; of all his monsters thus far, he's the only one I can take seriously, at least to some degree...and this is after Gamera started gearnig towards children.

the other movie?

Gamera vs. Viras...or was it Zigra? Bah, the names are all too similar, I just know its not Jiger.

...ok, this movie just sucks.  I guess the diea of CONTROLLING GAMERA TO DESTROY works, except 1/4th of the movie is just recapping the earlier movies...like, show fights in entirety with Gyaos and Barugon.  I'm not kidding; they seriously did 25 minutes of nothing but flashbacks.  They also used BLACK AND WHITE STOCK FOOTAGE in a COLORED MOVIE.
stock footage is bad enough; it always annoyed me when older Godzilla movies did this, cause it stood out as cheap and you could tell they were ripped from another movie.  its also only the bad Godzilla movies that used Stock Footage (Godzilla vs. Megalon and Godzilla's Revenge are two such examples.  At least Godzilla vs. Gigan reshot the scenes, IIRC, to look very similar from those of Destroy All Monsters) too.  But its ESPECIALLY bad when you use STOCK FOOTAGE OF A BLACK AND WHITE MOVIE in a colored film.

The monster in this movie is just a giant Squid; one of the single most unoriginal designs ever.  It also spends a good 5 minutes of the aliens fusing into their leader to form this monster...and I don't mean a cool 5 minute transformation sequence ala Power Rangers or Voltron, but its just "guy moves into leader, he grows twice in size!" until he's Gamera's size.

...yeah, this movie sucks, even for Gamera standards.  Gamera vs. Guiron did the Flashback thing too, but at least it was only clips from the scenes (such like 30 seconds of Gamera fighting Gyaos, instead of the WHOLE FIGHT); that's acceptible.  Cheap way to waste time, sure, but its not blownig 1/3rd of the movie on flashbacks.  This movie? Uh, yeah, no.


2 more Showa Gamera films; one of them has MST3k, other I haven't looked into.  Then I can get onto the Heisei series, which looks like it might not suck!

[Meeplelard]

Gamera vs. Zigra:  ...its bad.  That is all.

One of the movies I can't see due to basically being impossible to find (Gamera vs. Jiger), and torrents of it being dead.  The other one, Gamera SUper Monster, has similar issues, but apparently, is so bad that its 33% stock footage, including reusing entire fight scenes, and the entire plot was summed up in one paragraph on wikipedia, and the only noteworthy thing is "Showa Gamera dies."

...IOWs, I'm basically done with the Showa Gamera movies! BWAHAHAHAHAHAAHH!  Now I can start the Heisei series, which apparently is infinitely better, but time will tell.

[Idun]

I can't begin to explain how many movies I've watched within my absence of delaying a critical analysis of Faith Ringgold's monograph by the living Art Historian Lisa Farrington who is very quippy in her e-mails.

But.

I have watched ALL OF THE HARRY POTTER MOVIES WITHIN A WEEK. I even caught the dollar theatre one (finally my mom got to see it) of Half Blood Prince. WOOH.
So I'll just put up ratings.
Transformers 2 - 3/5
Role Models - 3/5 though I have an extreme dislike for the black child. Now remembering that the black child existed, 2/5.
Harry Potter Sorcerer's Stone -5/5
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets - 4/5
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban - 3/5
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - 4/5
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - 4/5
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince - 5/5
-- Favorite characters? Clearly Alan Rickman Severus Snape awesomeness. Also an allusion to my academic advisor who has similar patterns of speech, tone and intonation. Next up? FUCKING RON WEASLEY BITCHES.
After wiki'ing some of the plot differences in the books, I actually feel compelled to purchase and read them.

Lady Vengeance 4/5
Natural City (did I mention this earlier?) Looking at my Netflix ratings, it gets a 1/5. I think I mentioned it already.
Slumdog Millionaire - 5/5. Man. Good guy who succeeds is a trope but executed quite masterfully in this movie. PLus it's a love story, so it has aspects of chick flickiness that inherently augment its capabilities as an entertaining film.

[DjinnAndTonic]

And JK Rawling claims another helpless victim...

A moment of silence.