I don't have much time for witty(?) commentary this week. I'm sure you're all disappointed. Anyway, last week's winners first:
Iron Chef (S2) (viii) vs. Ritapon (S4) (vii)
Triple Triad (FFVIII) (xi) vs. Chocobo Hot and Cold (FFIX) (xi): Coinflipped the tie-breaker here.
Fairy Village (BoFV) (vii) vs. Tetra Master (FFIX) (ix)
Scrolling Shooter Cielo (DDS2) (iii) vs. Morrie's MONSTROUS PIT (DQ8) (ix)
Failure bracket:
CPR (FFVII) (xiii) vs. GS Campaign (XS2) (v)
Talking to Random Snobs for Bits of Wood (FFXII) (vi) vs. ARM WRESTLING (G2) (ix)
Some close matches and a couple landslides. Let's hear it for FFVII's minigame for having the greatest margin of victory. (...) I'm sure you're all looking forward to next week when it returns to face ARM WRESTLING, but for now, onwards to bracket 2.
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Week two matches:
Match 1: Fishing (Breath of Fire 4) vs. Monster Arena (Dragon Warrior IV)
Breath of Fire's perennial classic returns in its most refined form, but can it stand up to Dragon Warrior IV's trendsetting monster arena? Down into the pit they go--wait, that was last week.
Match 2: Chocobo Racing (Final Fantasy VII) vs. Blitzball (Final Fantasy X)
Riding a giant chicken versus underwater bingo for teams. Discuss.
Match 3: Crazy Motorcycle Chase (Final Fantasy VII) vs. HaKox (Xenosaga 3)
Motorcycles are cool. Hacking your enemies to bits with a ridiculously oversized sword is also cool (apparently). But how about doing BOTH AT ONCE? You so crazy, Square. But can Cloud and his Buster Sword possibly hope to fight off XS3's addictive puzzle game? After all, no matter what else you might say about it, HaKox does grant you the ability to kill Shion Uzuki. Over, and over, and over...
Match 4: Checkers (Suikoden 5) vs. Super Jude Bros. (Wild Arms 4)
Oh sure, checkers is a simple game, you might say. Not much strategy to it, you might say. Well, you'd better cook up some damn good tactics, because now you're playing with Egbert, and Egbert will EAT YOUR SOUL if you lose. This madman plays by his own rules, and woe betide the FILTHY DEVIL who doesn't take the time to learn them.
Opposing Egbert's quest for domination is some classic platforming action from Wild Arms 4. Jump, slide, run, and squash enemies in the grand tradition of Mario and Luigi--and maybe unlock some bonus content in the process.
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Failure Match 1: Root Beer Contest (Chrono Trigger) vs. Opening the Sluice Gate, and Other Menial Tasks Guest-Starring the Judgement Ring (Shadow Hearts)
The fine people at Aruze liked their new Judgement Ring mechanic so much that they decided to apply it even to trivial aspects of everyday life. Yes folks, now you too can thrill at simulating something as simple as turning a wheel to open a door with a lobotomized version of the game's combat engine. There's something to be said for innovation, and that something is this: some ideas should be mercy-killed during germination.
Of course, SH's tedium is arguably more involved than its competition. Got a turbo controller? Congrats, you win Chrono Trigger's epic root-beer-swilling minigame. Enjoy your silver points before gastroenteritis cripples you.
Failure Match 2: Sidejumping (Legaia 2) vs. Bunny Racing (Star Ocean 3)
Jump over the stick. Then jump to the other side. Then do it faster. This is the epic premise behind Legaia 2's Sidejumping minigame, a gruelling test of reflexes that truly separates the men from the boys. Are you a bad enough dude to hop over inanimate objects? Prove it, tough guy. On the other hand, if you believe Star Ocean 3's propaganda, the REAL measure of a man is a willingness to bet on races involving giant, fluffy, pink bunny rabbits. Which just goes to show you, it takes all sorts.
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Short version:
Fishing (BoF4) vs. Monster Arena (DW4)
Chocobo Racing (FFVII) vs. Blitzball (FFX)
Crazy Motorcycle Chase (FFVII) vs. HaKox (XS3)
Checkers (S5) vs. Super Jude Bros. (WA4)
Drinking Root Beer (CT) vs. Stupid Judgement Ring Shit (SH)
Sidejumping (LoL2) vs. Bunny Racing (SO3)
