THE ULTIMATE TOURNAMENT OF ULTIMATE DOOM VII: FINALS

[OblivionKnight]

Last week, on the Ultimate Tournament of Ultimate Doom Part V...

We've made it to the championship matches, my friends.  Some great warriors, friends, and companions have fallen in this tournament, but others have risen to the occasion.  Never before have we seen a finals of such epic proportions: a mongoose faces off against a frog, a poet challenges a lawyer, a madman on a chair tries to defeat a cute little robot, and the master of children's card games battles against technology.  This is the final battle, my friends.  Who will win?  Who will prove to be the best of the best?  Decide!  This is  your story!  Make it so! 

FOR GREAT JUSTICE!!! 

Bestiality Division

vs.
Rikki-Tikki-Tavi (see name) vs. Kermit the Frog (Muppets)
The great snake-slayer has come much further than expected.  Besting the ingenious Snowball, the vile Mr. Ed, and even the dreaded Mothra, Rikki-Tikki-Tavi has shown great conviction and skill, much more than anyone could ever expect from a mere mongoose.  Kermit, however, is no less talented - having bested another mighty frog, a shape-shifting child, and an ancient dragon, Kermit has certainly proven himself worthy of the finals.  Nothing will be held back in this deadly match of animals - in their most carnal state, blood will be spilled.  Who will emerge victorious?

Supernatural Division

vs.
Typing of the Dead Typist (Typing of the Dead) vs. Yugi Muto (Yu-Gi-Oh!)
The power of the computer and a gigantic type-writer - enough to slay zombies, vampires, and even other heroes.  150 wpm is equivalent to a power level of > 9000, easily.  However, will technology meet its match?  Yugi's found bullshit to pull out of his ass for every occasion so far, and he's not about to let this time be any different.  Will the Dark Magician Girl be enough to stop the typing master in his tracks, or will Yugi's tricks finally be undone?  Cards against computers - which is the way of the future? 


Mechanical Division

vs.
Dist (Tales of the Abyss) vs. Megaman (Megaman)
Beauty.  Class. Power.  Dist exemplifies all these adjectives and many more (and some of them not so kind).  The Blue Bomber, on the other hand, is cute, heroic, and determined.  Both foes use technology to their advantages - Dist's terrible fomicry creations and monstrous metal machinations are as daunting as Megaman's power stealing and arsenal of flying dogs, birds, and cats.  It's a close match, indeed - heroic metal hero vs. mad scientist.  Will Megaman come out ahead like he always has, or will Dist once more prove to be more tenacious than a roach?


Epic Division

vs.
William Shakespeare (Real Life) vs. Pheonix Wright (Phoenix Wright)
Poet vs. Lawyer.  This is the match of the century - will Phoenix be able to prove that Shakespeare really is a fake, or will The Bard finally cast off the shackles of pure writer and show the world that he's also a fighter?  Will the fingerpoint of doom overwhelm an army of high school English teachers?  No battle can be more terrifying than this - can our fragile little psyches withstand it?


Short Form:

Rikki-Tikki Tavi vs. Kermit

Typing of the Dead vs. Yugi

Dist vs. Megaman

Shakespeare vs. Phoenix


Voting closes in a week!  VOTE NOW!!!!  Remember, you can vote however you want here - you are free to wikipedia anyone you want.

[Taishyr]

Short Form:

Rikki-Tikki Tavi vs. Kermit - A narrow call, but guessing that Rikki-Tikki Tavi can pull off a Miss Piggy moment no matter how Kermit prepares.

Typing of the Dead vs. Yugi - Waiting for arguments that aren't just HEART OF THE CARDS.

Dist vs. Megaman - REVENGE JOURNAL has no weaknesses. Not even missiles.

Shakespeare vs. Phoenix - Thirteen lesbians > one lawyer.

[Dark Holy Elf]

Kermit - Is a jedi or something.
Megaman - You don't send a robot to kill Megaman. You just don't.
Shakespeare - Didn't pen anything as awfully written as 1-5's murder plot.

[superaielman]

Dist vs. Megaman

Shakespeare vs. Phoenix- Elfboy: Romeo and Juliet.

[Dark Holy Elf]

Is an excellent deconstruction of the often-romanticised ideal of young love.

[Lance]

Rikki-Tikki Tavi vs. Kermit - You know what? I'm just gonna vote for the mongoose because I like his name better. Rikki-Tikki Tavi. Say it out loud. It's very catchy.

Typing of the Dead vs. Yugi - Say it with me now: "Oh, come on! Yugi is, like, four letters!"

Dist vs. Megaman - With all the robots he's fought during this competition, Megaman has picked up an assload of new and unusual weapons that not even Dist can counter. Pick your poison, Dist: Bender Beam, Robocopter, or Hawk Missile.

Shakespeare vs. Phoenix - Objects Shakespeare to death. Yes, he can do that.

[Taishyr]

Romeo and Juliet is a bad comedy.

[Yakumo]

Rikki Tiki Tavi
Typist - Every trap Yugi tries to play, he'll just type it away.

As for Phoenix vs. Shakespeare, in fairness, he didn't write that murder mystery either.  And the last case of the second game does show his ability to tell a tale, after all, since it is possible for him to get his client off the hook despite his guilt.  In a PW courtroom, where you're guilty until emphatically proven innocent.  I'm unsure on this one so far.  EDIT: Yeah, you know what, I'm going with Phoenix, sure.

[Ultradude]

Rikki-Tikki Tavi vs. Kermit: It's Rikki. No mortal beast stands a chance.

Typing of the Dead vs. Yugi

Dist vs. Megaman: He's fought an army of robots only to encounter... a mad scientist at the end of his journey. Yeah.

Shakespeare vs. Phoenix

[DjinnAndTonic]

Rikki-Tikki Tavi vs. Kermit - Frogs are close enough to snakes. (not really, but hey!)

Typing of the Dead vs. Yugi - This is the first time I've voted for Yugi in this entire tournament. Why, you ask? Well, as much as I would -like- to say 'Oh come on, it's like FOUR letters' , I also have to consider that Yu-gi-oh has all those pesky hyphens. And if Yugi uses any of those annoying cards, they've got ridiculously long names like 'Blue Eyes Silver Dragon Knight Girl Magician Fanatic Karmic Retribution Let's Stop This Now And Go Play Smash Bros.'

Dist vs. Megaman - Because no matter how many times Megaman beats his own mad scientist, that guy has no trouble coming back to menace him another day!

Shakespeare vs. Phoenix - His storytelling abilities help him make the big lawyer bucks. I'll call that a success.

F*ck you, Yugi.
-Djinn

[VySaika]

Rikki-Tikki Tavi vs. Kermit - Going with "which one I like more" for the finals matches. Muppets are cool, but Rikki has them beat.

Typing of the Dead vs. Yugi - I don't actually enjoy typing, but I do like playing cards. Also, YGO:AS hype.

Dist vs. Megaman - Megaman > Tales. Easy. Also, does the writeup actually mention Megaman's sidekicks as being an advanatge? You mean that BEAT is legal here? Dist is FUCKED.

Shakespeare vs. Phoenix - PW1 was very fun. But not so much that I've done more then casually look for the other games. Shakespear has some flops, but also alot of stuff I really enjoy. Especially when I get to read it outloud and be a LARGE HAM.

[OblivionKnight]

THIS ENDS ON MONDAY!!!

[ThePiggyman]

Rikki-Tikki Tavi vs. Kermit

Typing of the Dead vs. Yugi

Dist vs. Megaman

Shakespeare vs. Phoenix

[Magic Fanatic]

Short Form:

Rikki-Tikki Tavi vs. Kermit - It's a hands-down win.

Typing of the Dead vs. Yugi - Oooh, this is hard...  Um...  Coinflip!  Canadian penny has me going with this.

Dist vs. Megaman - Another coinflip!  Now it's a Canadian quarter!

Shakespeare vs. Phoenix - Is more fun.

[Tide]

Short Form:
Typing of the Dead vs. Yugi - Yugi's name is only four letters long. But if there's anything that can be learned about Yu-gi-oh, is that in times of crisis Yugi cheats. He tricks the typing of the dead typist to type 4000 life points instead of typing Yugi. That's enough time for Yugi to pull up some ridiculous bullshit to win.

Dist vs. Megaman - You know what Dist's robots are not good against? Falcon PAWNCH. You know Mega man acquired after defeating the Vice President? Falcon PAWNCH equivalent.

Shakespeare vs. Phoenix - Epic finger pointing still cannot beat Shakespeare! Proceeds to pen Phoenix's death with 'OH I AM SLAIN'

[OblivionKnight]

I'm going to keep this open one more day.  VOTE

VOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTE!

[OblivionKnight]

This is your 3 hour warning!

VOTE NOW

[Luther Lansfeld]

Short Form:

Rikki-Tikki Tavi vs. Kermit

Typing of the Dead vs. Yugi

Dist vs. Megaman

Shakespeare vs. Phoenix

[Fudozukushi]

Rikki-Tikki Tavi vs. Kermit

Typing of the Dead vs. Yugi

Dist vs. Megaman

Shakespeare vs. Phoenix

[OblivionKnight]

And closed!  Who won?  Do I have a special surprise in store?  Find out - NEXT TIME!!!!

...


...................


Nah, never mind that.  Our winners...



Rikki-Tikki-Tavi
Fighting the good fight, the children's book star created by Rudyard Kipling triumphed over the muppet Kermit in a closely fought battle.  Tackling giant moths, cynical horses, and other vile creatures, Rikki-Tikki-Tavi has proven that size really doesn't matter - what's more important is being able to completely rip apart all of your opponents with little impunity.  Mongeese are heroic, but violent.


Typing of the Dead Typist
It's a challenge - relatively unknown and facing very generic fare to begin with, the Typist triumphed over the near unbeatable Yugi Muto in a challenging and close fight.  Now, with the prize money, the Typist can finally afford to treat that damn arthritis. 


Megaman
The Blue Bomber rides again.  Victory.  Nothing more needs to be said.


William Shakespeare
Penning another amazing epic about the battles he's endured, Shakespeare returned to his time and wrote about fighting a black metal-clad glowing sword wielding person - and was promptly stoned to death for heresy.  Hey, at least this one was original.


So, the tournament is over!  Thank you very much for voting. 

If you have any comments, please post them!  Feedback is good.  Particularly, would you like to see something like this again?  Was the format good?  Were divisions balanced?  Comments are sexilicious and good!

[ThePiggyman]

I liked what you did here, OK. It was hilariously different, and you've actually made gotten me interested in playing Typing of the Dead. That game looks too funny to be true.

I'd definitely like to see another one of these. The divisions were fine, and entertaining. Nicely done. =)

[alanna82]

I got to SAY the "Oh I am slain" line in a short skit we did.

BEST DEATH QUOTE EVER.

also for on topic. Do another one of these! its funny!