DIE SUPER!!! - G'morning, 2009!

[Veryslightlymad]

The question of "can a woman ever rape a man," I haven't really put any thought to, but can say "Yes." Then again, I could say "Hmmm."

Viagra + Ropes = Raped man.

Also, you could simply sodomize him with a strap-on. It's EASY for a woman to rape a man. I'm surprised it doesn't come up more often.
FUCK YEAH, HORIZONTAL RULE

Went shopping today. Picked up some much needed pants. A nice off-white "khaki", and a couple of new jeans that I hopefully won't need to belt up. I also bought a belt in case I DO have to belt shit up.

Tried a couple of fragrances. Fell in love with what I think is Silver Shadow by Davidoff, which I found to be a really subtle floral oriental. Trying to find info on it in the usual locations, and consensus is "old man". I find that bizarre as hell, because when I think of "old man" perfumes, I think "HOLY SHIT THAT'S GOT BITE". This is really subtle.... I could see maybe the 30-something crowd, but fuck it, I'm pretentiously dignified beyond any reasonable assessment of my achievements.

[DjinnAndTonic]

Except in cases of rape, where it's still pretty common for there to be an underlying assumption that it's the woman's fault, but that's a completely irrelevant point to this, I guess.

What? Are you saying that it's a commonly held view by police that a woman is at fault in a rape case?

I admittedly don't know many cops, but I would have thought the opposite held true...

If you're claiming that popular opinion is blame rape on the woman, that doesn't really ring true either... Generally, I'd think it's significantly more common for a guy to be blamed, and women hold all the power if they call rape. There's obviously some counter-examples, but just based on anecdotal experience, I don't agree with your assessment.

[Hunter Sopko]

Back from a fun day at Universal. Was mostly empty since it's the end of the season. Tried the brand new Rock It roller coaster, which was pretty damn awesome. It also lets you choose a soundtrack for your ride. Has 6 songs each in Classic Rock/Metal, Pop/Disco, Hip-Hop/Rap, Country and Club/Electronica to choose from. Went with Daft Punk. Really gives the ride something extra, but the ride itself isn't long enough to really take full advantage of it. Either that or they need shorter songs. We got there at 9, the coaster opened at 11 due to testing. We got on line immediately because there was already what looked like an hour wait already ahead of us, and by the time it opened there was another hour behind us as well. And of course, when people saw the ride was actually open MORE people stormed in. Freaking place was mobbed, which was actually good since it emptied out the rest of the park.

The rest of Universal's really nice. Lots has changed since the last time I've been there. The Mummy ride is probably the best indoor coaster I've been on... maybe the Rockin' Roller Coaster at MGM is better, but eh. The Simpsons ride that replaced Back to the Future is freaking awesome. Great concept and the writing/humor is pretty snappy. The Men In Black shooter game/ride is also fun as hell. (There was also a Kwik-E-Mart Gift Shop)

Then we hopped over to Islands of Adventure, which was empty because everyone was over at Universal for the new coaster. If you didn't want the front row, you could get on the Incredible Hulk and Dueling Dragons coasters without waiting in line even. (And heck, even the Mummy,  MIB and Simpsons rides were only about a 10 minute wait. Everyone really was at the new coaster). Started raining as we were waiting in line for DD, so we got freaking soaked on the ride. Better than any water ride at least! Anyway, with the lines the way they were we got on both twice and filled up the rest of the time with wandering around.

Tomorrow is Disney and Epcot! Should be interesting to see what Epcot is like as a (quasi) adult. Or at least being of legal drinking age.

[DjinnAndTonic]

  Another month, another Japanese girl who's not interested in a gaijin boyfriend, only a gaijin 'sexfriend'...

And yes, that's the Japanese term for it - セックスフレンド - sekkusufurendo.

Yeah, I'm getting tired of hearing this... There has to be a way to meet more stable Japanese women who are interested in foreign guys.

[Shale]

Pardon me while I weep with sympathy for your plight.

[DjinnAndTonic]

...yeah, well, I suppose I shouldn't expect sympathy here, but I felt like whining. On the internet. Shock.

It's tough being told by someone who you've been seeing for a month that, in not so many words: 'I'm embarrassed to be seen with you, I don't want my friends and family to know you exist, and I only keep you around because I like what you do in the bedroom.'

I kind of took it as a flattering sort of thing at first... but this is the fourth time and I'm starting to wonder what's wrong with me as boyfriend material... >.>;;

[Taishyr]

Except in cases of rape, where it's still pretty common for there to be an underlying assumption that it's the woman's fault, but that's a completely irrelevant point to this, I guess.

What? Are you saying that it's a commonly held view by police that a woman is at fault in a rape case?

I admittedly don't know many cops, but I would have thought the opposite held true...

If you're claiming that popular opinion is blame rape on the woman, that doesn't really ring true either... Generally, I'd think it's significantly more common for a guy to be blamed, and women hold all the power if they call rape. There's obviously some counter-examples, but just based on anecdotal experience, I don't agree with your assessment.

And perhaps it's a result of my own experience and social observations, but I stand by my statement regarding the police, at the very least. Very often the system sides with the man, simply due to a higher social status/willingness or capability to cower the woman into silence.

As for public opinion? Didn't take much digging to find this, re: one Ben Roethlisberger.
"Most girls would feel lucky to have sex with someone like Ben Roethlisberger,"
Questioning the woman's reasons for being hesitant to report it? Considering the target is someone with influence, I can't blame her.

[Shale]

It's tough being told by someone who you've been seeing for a month that, in not so many words: 'I'm embarrassed to be seen with you, I don't want my friends and family to know you exist, and I only keep you around because I like what you do in the bedroom.'

Well, that's a bit different. Yeah, hearing words to that effect would suck ass.

[Cotigo]

Another month, another Japanese girl who's not interested in a gaijin boyfriend, only a gaijin 'sexfriend'...

And yes, that's the Japanese term for it - セックスフレンド - sekkusufurendo.

Yeah, I'm getting tired of hearing this... There has to be a way to meet more stable Japanese women who are interested in foreign guys.

Well, I know very little about the actual contemporary Japanese scene, and Japanese women's attitudes toward gaijin, but I'd bet money that it would help if you stopped picking these women up at the クラブ.

Also, yes, PITY.

[DjinnAndTonic]

Zenny is a sharp one. Yes, the girls I've dated I've all met at clubs, but the problem here is that there's not really an abundance of women interested in gaijin in Japan outside of clubs. Or... perhaps there is, but it's hard to tell since people don't (or shouldn't) go to the grocery store to find love.

There's just not a lot of other avenues to appropriately seek a mate in Japan...
</emo>

And perhaps it's a result of my own experience and social observations, but I stand by my statement regarding the police, at the very least. Very often the system sides with the man, simply due to a higher social status/willingness or capability to cower the woman into silence.

As for public opinion? Didn't take much digging to find this, re: one Ben Roethlisberger.
"Most girls would feel lucky to have sex with someone like Ben Roethlisberger,"
Questioning the woman's reasons for being hesitant to report it? Considering the target is someone with influence, I can't blame her.

See? That Roethlisberger example was mostly what I had in mind when I said there were definitely counter-examples. But I think celebrities and people with influence represent counter-examples to pretty much any social norm... >.>;;

I don't think the average guy accused of rape has any leeway whatsoever if a girl calls him out falsely. Alternately, I also don't think there's a lot of false rape charges, but that they are definitely overrepresented by the media.

[superaielman]

The woman has hugely inconsistent gaps in her story and some definite mental issues.  (The Roethlisberger stuff). The 'lucky' line's been debunked, last time I was reading up on it.

You (Djinn) talked about it at DLC, but is the cultural taboo against non Japanese men the same in all of the country as it is in smaller towns?

[Hunter Sopko]

The woman has hugely inconsistent gaps in her story and some definite mental issues.  (The Roethlisberger stuff). The 'lucky' line's been debunked, last time I was reading up on it.

You (Djinn) talked about it at DLC, but is the cultural taboo against non Japanese men the same in all of the country as it is in smaller towns?

I don't think so as far as hanging out with, seeing casually, etc. Marriage though is a pretty big deal.

Last I heard about the Roethlisberger case was that they recovered some texts and e-mails the girl made the day after it supposedly happened that are pretty damning to her case.

[DjinnAndTonic]

You (Djinn) talked about it at DLC, but is the cultural taboo against non Japanese men the same in all of the country as it is in smaller towns?

Sopko's pretty much on point with this. The only thing I'll add is that since Japanese people tend to get married at an earlier age than Americans, 'seeing casually' and 'marriage possibility' are more closely intertwined at my age.

[Taishyr]

First, a few more notes on the police re: rape cases.
Apparently my google-fu is weak as hell today, this is one of the few articles I've seen on it.

--

Re: the football guy, I'll withdraw that as a direct example, then, at least for now. I personally don't keep up with sports news in general so it only pinged to me on my googling about this. Still, it's a common factor for hero worship to kick in.

Also disagree on the "average guy having no leeway" bit; it's far too common that in general the rape is perpetrated by someone in a position of power over the victim, and thus any accusations by the victim can be silenced/the victim can be easily driven out by the person in power. Rape is traumatizing - having the strength to stand against someone who's done that and is in a position of power against you would be quite difficult, indeed.

This doesn't 100% deal with the dynamics of power that cause issues, but well demonstrates how hard it is even without power dynamics in play - note how the woman's own family is reported to have sided with her brother-in-law.

[Hunter Sopko]

As a further example to Djinn's point, my friend Newton met his wife while he was stationed over in Japan. According to him, she was always considered sort of rebellious and westernized by her family.

[Jo'ou Ranbu]

* Jo'ou Ranbu skims up Djinn debate.

You know, Djinn, I honestly think that this is more something to think about being rather fucked up in nature than something to feel hurt for. I won't drop the "if she's not dropping her nigh-millennially instilled social prejudices for you, even though you're probably just a guy she fucked a few times for her, she's not good enough for you" cliche because it's honestly not even the point and I don't believe in that kind of drivel. But I'd try to not see it in a personal angle, because it's unnecessary - and probably unwarranted - sorrow. The issues don't lie directly within you, just with where you were born. Shallow, yes, but ultimately what shackles people tends to be.

[DjinnAndTonic]

* Jo'ou Ranbu skims up Djinn debate.

You know, Djinn, I honestly think that this is more something to think about being rather fucked up in nature than something to feel hurt for. I won't drop the "if she's not dropping her nigh-millennially instilled social prejudices for you, even though you're probably just a guy she fucked a few times for her, she's not good enough for you" cliche because it's honestly not even the point and I don't believe in that kind of drivel. But I'd try to not see it in a personal angle, because it's unnecessary - and probably unwarranted - sorrow. The issues don't lie directly within you, just with where you were born. Shallow, yes, but ultimately what shackles people tends to be.

You're right of course. I'm just whining now because I held back in doing so when this happened times 1 through 3.

[Grefter]

Zenny is a sharp one. Yes, the girls I've dated I've all met at clubs, but the problem here is that there's not really an abundance of women interested in gaijin in Japan outside of clubs. Or... perhaps there is, but it's hard to tell since people don't (or shouldn't) go to the grocery store to find love.

Singles night Parent/Teacher Interview sessions or try abortion clinics.

[Jo'ou Ranbu]

* Jo'ou Ranbu skims up Djinn debate.

You know, Djinn, I honestly think that this is more something to think about being rather fucked up in nature than something to feel hurt for. I won't drop the "if she's not dropping her nigh-millennially instilled social prejudices for you, even though you're probably just a guy she fucked a few times for her, she's not good enough for you" cliche because it's honestly not even the point and I don't believe in that kind of drivel. But I'd try to not see it in a personal angle, because it's unnecessary - and probably unwarranted - sorrow. The issues don't lie directly within you, just with where you were born. Shallow, yes, but ultimately what shackles people tends to be.

You're right of course. I'm just whining now because I held back in doing so when this happened times 1 through 3.

Well, I'm just inferring that, if it didn't hit a personal enough note with you to actually be bothered by it, you probably wouldn't even have bothered to talk. And you do seem to be fairly sensitive to that kind of impressions as well (hell, your first post about it was basically a thinly veiled "what is wrong with me?"). It's not a bad idea to pick up a colder perspective to keep yourself from pity-tripping when that kicks in.

I'll also admit I'm sorta surprised that you're even looking for someone to marry as of now (I know you like kids and company, but those aren't necessarily the right reasons to marry) - and that was the weird underlying reason I chimed in. But I'm not the one who knows whether you're ready for that kind of commitment or not, you are.

[DjinnAndTonic]

Well, I'm just inferring that, if it didn't hit a personal enough note with you to actually be bothered by it, you probably wouldn't even have bothered to talk.

My response to this is that of course I'm a little bothered by it. But it just sounds worse because I'm whining here. But really, it's just a pretty normal diffusion strategy: whine on the internet, feel better, move on.

I'll also admit I'm sorta surprised that you're even looking for someone to marry as of now (I know you like kids and company, but those aren't necessarily the right reasons to marry) - and that was the weird underlying reason I chimed in. But I'm not the one who knows whether you're ready for that kind of commitment or not, you are.

That's a misinterpretation, I think. I was trying to describe Japan's views on appropriate marriage age, not my own when I said that 'casual dating' and 'marriage possibility' are closely intertwined at my age.

Meaning that whomever I date at my age is going to be thinking about the marriage/not marriage dichotomy of the relationship regardless of my intentions. Similarly, everyone around her is thinking about the same thing if the relationship is public.

Personally, I don't think I'm ready for marriage quite yet. However, I -am- old enough and finacially stable enough, so it's kind of an inevitable factor to think about in any relationship I approach.

The alternative, of course, seems to be a string of disconnected sex partners who provide no emotional fulfillment. Fun, yes. But kind of immature and frowned upon for a teacher. Not to mention kind of dangerous... >.>;;

[Jo'ou Ranbu]

That's entirely fair, yeah.

[Cmdr_King]

I dunno, makes a certain amount of sense.  Most people these days tend to date for quite a long time (two years dating + 1 engaged is pretty typical), so supposing someone Djinn's age wanted to get married around a year or so after they graduated (pretty common), he'd want to start looking for serious relationships now.  As I recall, he's also expressed interest in staying in Japan, so marrying someone Japanese would be involved and that again would be motivation to start looking now.

Is it too early for black humor?  'cause I was just thinking you might benefit from looking for orphaned girls with no family to disapprove of you.

Edit: ninja'd but whatevs, why waste all that typing.

[Hunter Sopko]

Zenny is a sharp one. Yes, the girls I've dated I've all met at clubs, but the problem here is that there's not really an abundance of women interested in gaijin in Japan outside of clubs. Or... perhaps there is, but it's hard to tell since people don't (or shouldn't) go to the grocery store to find love.

Singles night Parent/Teacher Interview sessions or try abortion clinics.

Abortion clinics? His cup would runneth over in Japan.

[Jo'ou Ranbu]

I dunno, makes a certain amount of sense.  Most people these days tend to date for quite a long time (two years dating + 1 engaged is pretty typical), so supposing someone Djinn's age wanted to get married around a year or so after they graduated (pretty common), he'd want to start looking for serious relationships now.  As I recall, he's also expressed interest in staying in Japan, so marrying someone Japanese would be involved and that again would be motivation to start looking now.

I'm nowadays not so sure how Djinn feels about staying in Japan due to the bittersweet way he refers to the land, but that's not my question to answer. >_> Although yeah, it does make sense. It's just the "holy crap people search people and actually want to stick together" part that keeps throwing me off due to being sorta alien to my own mental processes. I understand the need intellectually, yet it fails to register in an intuitive sense.

[DjinnAndTonic]

Is it too early for black humor?  'cause I was just thinking you might benefit from looking for orphaned girls with no family to disapprove of you.

Abortion clinics? His cup would runneth over in Japan.

Aww... it's -never- too early for black humor with me! ^_^

I'm nowadays not so sure how Djinn feels about staying in Japan due to the bittersweet way he refers to the land, but that's not my question to answer.

Hmm... I -do- come off as overly negative about Japan at times, I suppose. The country has its problems, and they are many, but every country has problems. The problems here are simply alien to me since I have spent so much of my life in a different culture.

But don't get me wrong, Japan has lots of things going for it, too. It truly is a beautiful country and by far the cleanest place I've ever been. Universal health insurance, and company-mandated drinking parties!

Sure, taking a sick day sucks and I'm learning what it's like to live as a member of a minority for the first time in my life, but I -do- get to play new RPGs before all of you non-Niu people... 

It's just the "holy crap people search people and actually want to stick together" part that keeps throwing me off due to being sorta alien to my own mental processes. I understand the need intellectually, yet it fails to register in an intuitive sense.

Not quite sure what you mean by 'search'ing people, but guessing that you're referring to dating, I have to wonder what's so alien about planning on an eventual monogamous relationship?

At the moment, I'm looking to Andrew and Ashley's relationship as a kind of goal. To be genuinely compatible with someone like that seems ideal. My thinking is that I'm not going to find that if I don't put myself out there and -look-, though.