Star Ocean 4 Abridged:
Episode 7 - Reunions and shit!
Edge: So...where did the Phantom Ship land?
Bacchus: Sensors indicate its on the southern coast.
Edge: So basically, some part of the planet we couldn't reach cause we didn't have this ring to blow up the rock in the way?
Bacchus: That is correct.
Edge: Ok, well that's where we're heading next!
*team journeys onward*
Reimi: Say Edge, do these super large bugs from early in the game look a little...different?
Edge: Hm? That must be your imagination. As if an RPG would reuse enemy designs, slightly alter their coloring, and just up their stats so they would fit the scenery, but still give us actual fights and EXP and...
*next fight actually requires using SP to finish quickly, despite the Bugs looking the same as ones previously in the game*
Edge: ...don't...say...a word...
*team reaches the southern coast finally*
Myuria: There's the Phantom Ship!
Edge: Well, that's...definitely an SRF Design...
Reimi: yeah, but something weird is on it. That's not just Black and Red Spray paint...
Faize: Something is coming, look out!
*Team gets surrounded by a bunch of Phantom Soldiers with GUNS*
Bacchus: These things don't exist. My sensors indicate there are no life forms. THey're just an illusion!
Myuria: Stop relying on your machines and use your fucking eyes. THEY'RE STANDING RIGHT HERE AND DRIPPING GOOP OR SOMETHING!
Meracle: So basically, they're enemies...that aren't really alive, meow?
Edge: Either way, we have to kill them!
*Edge slashes one in half effortlessly*
Edge: Ha, that wasn't...
*three more appear out of nowhere to replace it*
Myuria: Didn't I tell you? THEY SPAWN OUT OF NOWHERE.
Edge: So we're going to be in for a long fight?
Myuria: That's one way to put it...
Edge: *Sigh* Welp, lets get this over with*
*Fight starts with Phantoms*
Edge: HA! That wasn't too ba-
*Another one follows up*
Edge: Oh, right there are a lot of them, and there's probably another Ambush after this!
*Another fight occurs*
Edge: See? Told you! And of course, 3 is always-...
*A 4th fight appears, this time with more enemise*
Edge: The fuck? Ok, so they're trying to throw more-...
*Another fight happens*
Lymle: There's too many, 'kay.
Edge: Shut up! Just keep fighting! This the 5th one, they wouldn't have more than 5!
*Another fight*
Edge: Why do you mock me game? WHY?
*Another fight occurs*
Faize: Its like I said! TRI ACE HATES US! WE'RE GONNA DIE!!!!
Edge: HA! Reversal of scenarios! Now you're the one claiming-...
*Team actually loses*
Edge: ...what just happened?
Sarah: Oh dear, it seems we had out first game over entirely due to item throwing taking forever and the enemies being completely unfair spamming naughty people.
Edge: ...so we have to go through all that *AGAIN*?
Bacchus: By my calculations...yes.
Faize: HA! I told you we were going to die!
Edge: Shut up, you're suppose to be emo now!
Faize: Oh, right. Now where's that knife...
*resets game, skips plot scene*
Narrator: And so the team is forced to fight a bunch of fucking Phantoms. Yes, Star Ocean 4 does in fact summarize plot scenes you skip, cause we fucking feel like it.
*7 fights later*
Edge: I don't get paid enough for this.
Reimi: Hey, you're the one who signed up for being the main character of this game.
Edge: That's only cause you threatened to kill me if I didn't be the main, after you already signed up to the female lead!
Reimi: BUt...I would have been lonely...
Sarah: Oh dear, can you two stop arguing and fight these Phantoms in a plot scene *she blasts a few away with magic*
Meracle: THERE'S TOO MANY! THERE'S TOO MANY!THERE'S TOO MANY!THERE'S TOO MANY! THERE'S TOO MANY! THERE'S TOO MANY!
*Meracle is slaughtering about 15 Phantoms every time she yells that*
Edge: Damn it! We can't rely on plot power forever!
Bacchus: This...isn't good. My sensors indicate...
Edge: Ok, no, there's no way this scenario can't get any worse.
Bacchus: Might I suggest you look towards the Phantom Ship, at which point, the Phantoms will conveniently stop looking at us?
Edge: Huh? Ok...
*Sees the Phantom Ship charging a huge fucking particle Cannon*
Edge: ...WE'RE GONNA DIE!!!
Reimi: No! They wouldn't fire at their own kind!
Myuria: Uh, yeah, they would; remember, they materiliaze out of nothing. Somehow, I don't think they even have a remote sense of life value...
Faize: NO! I can't die before my Emo side is fully developed!
*Laser charges, fires at team...only to be interrupted by a different laser*
Edge: What the fuclk was that?
Bacchus: Sensors indicate another Deus Ex Machina saved us from the sky...
*More lasers hit the ship with pin point accuracy, the ship flies away, you can see the Sol from the sky*
Reimi: Oh, wow, every shot was dead on. Who could have done that...
*Red Haired man in Red SRF Armor is revealed*
Edge: CROWE!!!!!!!!!!! Now that I found you, I can stop that drama.
*Next to Crowe is that douchey Silver Haired Bishie from the 19th Eldarian division, the two jump down off the Sol in the middle of the fight*
Crowe: So, Arumat, you ready to go all STAR WARS on these things asses?
Arumat: Aren't we suppose to wait til after we kill all these things to actually say anything, let alone reveal my name?
Crowe: Yeah, but I needed to break the action sequences somehow.
Arumat: Hmph, fine.
*Crowe whips out two Blue Lightsabers, goes all Jedi on half the Phantoms, Arumat takes a HUGE FUCKING LASER SCYTHE THAT SPLITS INTO THREE BLADES, kills the other half*
Edge: God damn, Crowe one upped me again! I'm never going to beat him, am I?
Reimi: Don't worry Edge, its only normal for the Main Character's rival to be better at him than everything until the end of the game where you will spontaneously become better than him.
Edge: Oh, so I'm DESTINED to be better than him EVENTUALLY? Ok, I can live with that.
Crowe: Yo, Edge, been a while!
Edge: Yeah, I've only been looking for you the ENTIRE DAMN GAME.
Crowe: Well, I can explain what happened...but since you already met Bacchus, I think he probably told you everything.
Edge: He did...though, Meracle and Sarah weren't here so they're in the dark, Bacchus, be sure to explain things to them on the ship later!
Bacchus: Understood.
Lymle: Me too! Me too!
Reimi: Um...Lymle, you already know everything.
Lymle: I don't want to be left out of story time, 'kay?
Crowe: In any event...OH SHIT A LIGHTNING BLAST *he dodges*
Myuria: DIE VILE SCUM! YOU KILLED MY HUSBAND LUCIEN!
Edge: What the fuck are you doing Myuria?
Myuria: SHUT UP EDGE! I TOLD YOU I'M GOING TO KILL HIM WHEN I MET HIM! I'LL KILL HIM NOW!
Crowe: Oh, so you're Myuria?
Myuria: YES! AND I WILL KILL YOU! OBSERVE THIS FLASHBACK AS TO WHY!
*flashback*
Past Myuria: Oh, Lucien, I love you! Also, my hair is in a ponytail now making me look so much younger and cuter, right?
Lucien: Oh, I love you too! IN fact I love you so much, i'm going to stop piloting this ship, and thus paying attention, and come over there and give you a nice big ki-
*ship gets blasted by huge lasers*
Lucien: No! Myuria! You're unconscious! Why!? Here, I'll put you in this escape pod! No, don't ask why I only made one, its kind of stupid in hindsight...but don't worry, you'll be alive! I'll die, though, and thus you'll be in emotional turmoil...
*he sends Myuria off, his ship blows up*
Past Myuria: Huh, what? Where am I? An Escape Pod? LUCIEN? NO!!!!
*she sees an SRF ship that looks NOTHING LIKE THE BIG TENTACLE SHIP that was attacking their ship*
Past Myuria: Huh? What? HIM? He's the guy who killed my husband? THAT BASTARD! I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN!!!!
*end flashback*
Myuria: AND NOW MY SOUL WILL FINALLY BE PUT TO REST!
Crowe: Well, its clear you're not going to listen to my explanation, so...
*Crowe casually grabs Myuria's staff*
Crowe: I'll just have to...SHOW YOU THIS RECORDING BOX OF LUCIEN!
Recorded Crowe: People on that ship, we are from Earth, we've destroyed your attackers, please answer me, we've come to help!
Recorded Lucien: I'm going to die. I know it!
Myuria: Huh? What?
Crowe: Listen to them, its his final words.
Recorded Lucien: I loved you Myuria. I'll always love you. You're my little snuggle bunny, honey. *insert 10 hour long death speech here related entirely to how obsessed he was with Myuria*
Recorded Crowe: Myuria? What's that? Crap! He can't understand us! Ok, we have to go in there and sa-...
*ship blows up sound effect*
Recorded Crowe: ...god damn it.
Crowe: Long story short, we came to save him, but we couldn't understand each other, so due to that communication fuck up, he kind of died...if didn't understand a word he said until Bacchus gave me this nifty translator.
Myuria: He...loved me...that much?
Crowe: Ok, I think she should be left alone for a while, and we can finally get down to business.
Reimi: So...Crowe...any clue what's going on?
Crowe: Long story short, I'm hunting Grigori and blowing them up, cause they're related to Phantoms.
Bacchus: Know anything more about the Phantoms?
Crowe: Well, based on info that the Nedians Morphus have discovered, Grigori copy data, and then create things based on that copied data, and those things are Phantoms.
Edge: So Phantoms and Grigori are directed related? Well then...wait, are you saying?
Crowe: Yes, there's a Grigori here. That's why I came...I basically saved you completely by luck, IOWs...BUT I'M HAPPY I DID!
Edge: AND SO AM I!
Reimi: Oh god, I smell a potential Yaoi pairing. I don't know if I should be incredibly giddy like a school girl, or incredibly envious to the point where I have to...*evil stare* KILL CROWE.
Faize: HEY! The evil stares are MY gig now!
Edge: So to get things straight, the Eldarians and SRF stationed here were killed by the Grigori?
Crowe: Yes, that's correct.
Faize: NO! My brethren, they're dead! Wait, YOU! 13th ARMORED DIVISON MEMBER! WHY DIDN'T YOU PROTECT THEM!? THAT'S THE JOB OF THE MILITARY!
Arumat: Well, lad, that's cause...
Faize: Answer me damn it!
Arumat: ...I was about to, lad. Anyway, there is no more Military...or Eldarian Organizations for that matter...or well, no more Eldar.
Faize: Wait, what? YOU LIE!
Arumat: Uh, no, I don't, lad.
Edge: Hold on...are you saying Eldar is destroyed? And all the Eldarians are killed besides you and Faize?
Arumat: Oh, no, there are still Eldarian's alive! By which I mean there's probably like 50 or so, but I'm not suppose to specify how many live. They're all on Emigration Ships.
Faize: YOU LIE!!!!
Arumat: I think its best you learn the truth, Lad.
Faize: NO! I REFUSE!
Arumat: QUIET LAD! I am telling you the truth whether you like it or not!
Sarah: Oh dear, those two aren't very good friends...
Lymle: Story time, yay!
*shift to an Arumat Narrative with flashbacks. What he explains is shown at this time*
Arumat: Basically, our sun where Eldar is arbitrarily turned into a Red Giant, thus Eldar's destruction was brought a century closer. Yes, that's right; I basically just said Eldar would have been totally fucked in only 100 years anyway. So we evacuated the ENTIRE PLANET. But well...IT'S A TRAP!!! laid by the Phantoms. They made our sun that big so we'd all be on ships so they could BLOW US UP. The military fought them off so that Eldarians could survive...but to no avail. I'd have been dead too, but I ran into Crowe, and he saved me. The last thing I saw was Eldar get eaten by the sun...almost literally...
*end narrative*
Faize: No, this is impossible. HOW CAN THIS BE TRUE!?
Edge: Psst, Reimi, was I ever THAT bad when I was in angst mode a few hours ago?
Reimi: Well, you had one total outbreak where you shouted everything like a mad man, but beyond that, at least you shut up most of the time...
Edge: Ok, just checking.
Crowe: This happened recently, mind, so I just found Arumat and the surviving Eldarians. We've been escorting them; they're currently just outside this planet as we speak, SAFE AND SOUND! Nothing could go wrong!
Edge: Wait, you said some Eldarians are survived...but now you make it seem like they're all dead?
Crowe: Oh, don't worry. Captain Graggahn happened to be on Eldar at the time, and lead the evacuation, so a few did survive!
Edge: Ok, that makes sense...except its still contradicting what Arumat said...
Bacchus: I believe it would be wise to just assume it somehow all fits in nicely and pretend it makes sense.
Edge: Right-o!
Crowe: In any event, we have to find that Gri-...hold on, I got a call. Yeah. Uh-huh...wait what? SOMETHING WENT WRONG!? NO WAY!
Edge: I'm going to assume that's a bad thing...
Crowe: Uh, well, it seems those Eldarian's we saved? Well...they're under attack!
Faize: NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Crowe: CALM DOWN KID! They aren't dead YET, just I need to hurry back...except...the Grigori...
Edge: Hey, leave that to us! We'll deal with the Grigori, you deal with the Eldarians.
Crowe: Right. Arumat, help them out.
Arumat: Ok, looks like we'll be fighting together, lad.
Myuria: Ok, I'm fine, I can help blow up a stupid stone.
Crowe: Myuria...look, I know I failed to save your husband, and I TRULY APOLOGIZE WITH MY DEEPEST GRATITUDE for it. So whatever you wish to do to me, I'll accept that punishment...but please wait til later? We have other matters at hand!
Myuria: ...you're an idiot. I won't kill you! Its my...and Lucien's...gift to you.
Crowe: Oh, so we're in the clearing then? Ok, time to GO BE A HERO AGAIN!
Faize: Wait! Let me join you, Crowe! I want to help out my Brethren as well!
Crowe: Uh, ok, sure.
Edge: Look, Faize, I know how you feel; I mean, I BLEW UP A PLANET AND WENT INTO ANGST MODE MYSELF. I know, you didn't do the planet blowing up, but I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. And you know what got me through this stuff? MY FRIENDS! So I urge you to remember that you have friends and we'll always support you! But I won't stop you from leaving our team in order to clear a space for a new ally.
Faize: Right, got it! Cya everyone!
Lymle: I don't want you to go Faize, 'kay? You are still wearing that cloak.
Faize: Oh, I am. Well, Lymle, if you tell me it looks good on me, I might just stay around. </actual line of dialog>
Lymle: No, it looks really ugly on you, 'kay.
*Faize leaves*
Meralcle: Ooh! A new ally! This will be cool, meow!
Myuria: Wait, we just lost a well established character and replaced him with some new guy? Don't all new characters join with no skills learned, 0 levels of BEAT, and underleveled?
Arumat: Hmph, amateurs! Little do you guys realize, I'm so bad ass, I actually stole all of Faize's support skills, his levels, his BEAT rankings *AND* his SP! Heck, I even took his SP and put it into my reserves, so I can REDISTRIBUTE THEM HOWEVER I WANT!
Myuria: OH, really? Wow, that's pretty damn convenient. Speaking of which, how do you fight?
Arumat: Well, I have some attack ma-...
Myuria: Wait, ANOTHER mage? WE ALREADY HAVE 3 WHO ARE MUCH BETTER THAN FAIZE! NO! WE DON'T HAVE ROOM FOR-...
Arumat: QUIET WENCH! Anyway, I also hold hit things with huge fucking Laser Scythe...really damn hard...
Myuria: ...oh, well, I guess that's somewhat better.
Lymle: We got rid of Faize for another fighter whose a lot better, 'kay.
Myuria: Though, I do question how a LONG SILVER HAIRED guy like you is allowed to be a good guy in a jRPG...
Arumat: Oh, that? It only applies to PRETTY boys! Me? I HAVE A SCAR ON MY FACE! SEE THE SCAR!? SEE IT!?!!? That makes me NOT PRETTY! So I'm allowed to be a good guy.
Myuria: Oh, that makes sense.