Dr. Andonuts
Ding ding.
1. I'm pretty important. - You'll see.
2. Really, if it weren't for me the bad guys would have won years ago. - If Dr. Andonuts weren't around to build the Phase Distorter, Ness & Co. could never have gone back in time to defeat Giygas.
*Spoilarzzz*3. And though I'm kinda to blame for the second crisis...
4. ...It's really not my fault that punk stole the thing.
Mother 3's plot only happens because Pokey got a hold of one of the Phase Distorters.
5. Besides, if I hadn't built it we would have been screwed the first time, so back off.
See #2.
The ones I didn't get to:
6. Not to mention that ultimately I'm the one who got rid the little bugger for good. - Pokey forces Dr. Andonuts to build an indestructible machine to protect him. The downside to the machine is that once in, Pokey can't get out, and presumably starves to death.7. But the real winners here are the children. - Duh.
If you guys hadn't gotten it by this one I would have made it even more obvious.
Anyway, you're up, Random.