You know, I'm probably the least qualified person to say this ever, but Trance, I think you seriously need to do something instead of just whining about it over the net >_>.
A lot of what needs to be said has been said. My 2 cents is that basically, most of us have been there. Heck, I'm 6 years older than you and I still tangle with this stuff. Most of the time I feel more like an outcast than actually being friends with my friends. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to go into my current field in university for the first THREE years in university. I'm sure various people in chat can vouch for this. I'm not sure even now if it is.
But the one thing that I have learnt? Take Miki's advice. Go out and do something. It's better than sitting there and whining because at least you a) stop thinking about it b) working on something you enjoy gives you greater esteem in that it is likely something you are good with. Do you have any good friends in real life? What about your parents? Consider chatting with them snce they can likely do something about the harassment instead of people over the net.
And as for the direction thing? Don't worry about it. You will be SURPRISED at the number of people who go into university, thinking they have their whole life planned, and then end up doing something else completely different. Not having a direction does hurt; but that's why you should practice goal building. It will help in the short run if you're making the goals small, and you can work with a counseller or your parents to figure out longer goals. Remember the quote, "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger?". It's true in a way. If you don't have a direction, you can still go out and find it.
Really, don't sit in front of your computer at night and pull up emo chat logs to be reflective - that's a downward spiral into depression. Focus on something else. Play more games, do some reading, etc.
ON TOPIC:
Something really big happened yesterday. Although not to me directly, I feel like it impacts me anyway. Talked with a good female friend of mine (I believe I mentioned this in chat a couple of times), and found out that she got engaged last weekend.
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*mind blown*
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Well I guess, I shouldn't be so shocked, since little miracles happen everyday. Still, I was not expecting it at all. And I was one of the few people she ended up telling. I'm very happy for her, although I'm not sure how else I should be acting. I guess I'm just a little restless since I can't really concentrate in the past two days. Tax project is done, and also found out today that I was one of the two people who got a bonus question right. That made me smile for some reason.
