Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, this is the moment you've all been waiting for! This is the MAIN EVENT! In this corner, weighing in at a svelt 170 pounds: the Master of Disaster, the Hero of Filgaia, NIGHTBURN AUCKLAND! And in the other corner, some chick. I think she's blonde? Who cares. Nightburn, everyone! He's packing some serious heat for this match. Not one, but TWO top-of-the-line, state-of-the-art machine guns. Look at him go, wielding one in each hand! Isn't he fantastic, folks? What's that girl doing in the ring? Oh yeah, she's his opponent. Says here she throws stuff. Ha! How quiant. Her name? She won't be outlasting Nightburn's firepower, so no one cares about that either. It's a shame we can't just GIVE the championship to Nightburn. He's the Peoples' Champion, after all. But I guess there are <i>rules</i>, so we might as well keep up pretenses. Buy your Nightburn Auckland Season 55 Middle Champion collector's plates now, folks! Absolutely guaranteed to appreciate in value*! (*after 4 wins) Order now!
