Author Topic: Desmond & Dragons - A DnD Chronicle  (Read 25358 times)

Luther Lansfeld

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Re: Desmond & Dragons - A DnD Chronicle
« Reply #25 on: October 17, 2009, 05:05:39 PM »
Excal - Evil-Diced Dungeon Master
Elfboy- Rachelle, Token Sane Girl
Mage- Marza, Pyromaniac
Ciato- Desmond, Being of Great Silliness
JAD- Feth, Creature of Weirdness
Other dude- Alexander, Environmentalist Deva
When humanity stands strong and people reach out for each other...
There’s no need for gods.

http://backloggery.com/ciato

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Jo'ou Ranbu

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Re: Desmond & Dragons - A DnD Chronicle
« Reply #26 on: October 17, 2009, 05:06:24 PM »
I sense a pattern in the sanity tiers here.
[01:08] <Soppy-ReturningToInaba> HEY
[01:08] <Soppy-ReturningToInaba> LAGGY
[01:08] <Soppy-ReturningToInaba> UVIET?!??!?!
[01:08] <Laggy> YA!!!!!!!!!1111111111
[01:08] <Soppy-ReturningToInaba> OMG!!!!
[01:08] <Chulianne> No wonder you're small.
[01:08] <TranceHime> cocks
[01:08] <Laggy> .....

Luther Lansfeld

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Re: Desmond & Dragons - A DnD Chronicle
« Reply #27 on: October 17, 2009, 05:14:10 PM »
Hatbot says Desmond has fucked 423 women before the adventure. The priests at the temple have been very glad for his help in learning how to heal STDs.
When humanity stands strong and people reach out for each other...
There’s no need for gods.

http://backloggery.com/ciato

Profile pic by (@bunneshi) on twitter!

Jo'ou Ranbu

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Re: Desmond & Dragons - A DnD Chronicle
« Reply #28 on: October 17, 2009, 05:18:09 PM »
Hatbot says Desmond has fucked 423 women before the adventure. The priests at the temple have been very glad for his help in learning how to heal STDs.

...
......
.........
............

Was this your idea? I mean, I could see just about any of you picking the idea up, because it's just too funny, but just blaming it on Excal would be too easy. <_<

Regardless, I think I've laughed more with these chronicles so far in a day than I've laughed in the last month. And I laughed a -lot- in the last month.
[01:08] <Soppy-ReturningToInaba> HEY
[01:08] <Soppy-ReturningToInaba> LAGGY
[01:08] <Soppy-ReturningToInaba> UVIET?!??!?!
[01:08] <Laggy> YA!!!!!!!!!1111111111
[01:08] <Soppy-ReturningToInaba> OMG!!!!
[01:08] <Chulianne> No wonder you're small.
[01:08] <TranceHime> cocks
[01:08] <Laggy> .....

Luther Lansfeld

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Re: Desmond & Dragons - A DnD Chronicle
« Reply #29 on: October 17, 2009, 05:20:31 PM »
I think it was Excal. I am good at being a butt monkey, Excal just mocks me.
When humanity stands strong and people reach out for each other...
There’s no need for gods.

http://backloggery.com/ciato

Profile pic by (@bunneshi) on twitter!

Jo'ou Ranbu

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Re: Desmond & Dragons - A DnD Chronicle
« Reply #30 on: October 17, 2009, 05:21:32 PM »
And once again, Occam's Razor eludes me by proving its righteous ruthlessness.
[01:08] <Soppy-ReturningToInaba> HEY
[01:08] <Soppy-ReturningToInaba> LAGGY
[01:08] <Soppy-ReturningToInaba> UVIET?!??!?!
[01:08] <Laggy> YA!!!!!!!!!1111111111
[01:08] <Soppy-ReturningToInaba> OMG!!!!
[01:08] <Chulianne> No wonder you're small.
[01:08] <TranceHime> cocks
[01:08] <Laggy> .....

Sierra

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Re: Desmond & Dragons - A DnD Chronicle
« Reply #31 on: October 17, 2009, 05:22:43 PM »
Hatbot says Desmond has fucked 423 women before the adventure. The priests at the temple have been very glad for his help in learning how to heal STDs.

He's still got a ways to go if he wants to beat Wilt Chamberlain.

Jo'ou Ranbu

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Re: Desmond & Dragons - A DnD Chronicle
« Reply #32 on: October 17, 2009, 05:26:21 PM »
Hatbot says Desmond has fucked 423 women before the adventure. The priests at the temple have been very glad for his help in learning how to heal STDs.

He's still got a ways to go if he wants to beat Wilt Chamberlain.

Elaborate this egregious, yet thoroughly fascinating non-sequitur, please.
[01:08] <Soppy-ReturningToInaba> HEY
[01:08] <Soppy-ReturningToInaba> LAGGY
[01:08] <Soppy-ReturningToInaba> UVIET?!??!?!
[01:08] <Laggy> YA!!!!!!!!!1111111111
[01:08] <Soppy-ReturningToInaba> OMG!!!!
[01:08] <Chulianne> No wonder you're small.
[01:08] <TranceHime> cocks
[01:08] <Laggy> .....

Sierra

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Re: Desmond & Dragons - A DnD Chronicle
« Reply #33 on: October 17, 2009, 05:40:44 PM »
Wilt Chamberlain was a basketball player who claimed to have slept with over a thousand women.

(Hence why, in the Seinfeld episode where Kramer mistakenly receives someone's "ASSMAN" vanity plates, George wonders if they were supposed to be Wilt Chamberlain's.)

EDIT: Consulting Wikipedia to check this reminds me that the stated number was actually 20k. Which is still ridiculous, of course.
« Last Edit: October 17, 2009, 05:43:41 PM by El Cideon »

Jo'ou Ranbu

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Re: Desmond & Dragons - A DnD Chronicle
« Reply #34 on: October 17, 2009, 05:44:01 PM »
Ciato would have to roll an epic d9999 for that, though, and Excal might be saving that for the big bad's bedtime story count.
[01:08] <Soppy-ReturningToInaba> HEY
[01:08] <Soppy-ReturningToInaba> LAGGY
[01:08] <Soppy-ReturningToInaba> UVIET?!??!?!
[01:08] <Laggy> YA!!!!!!!!!1111111111
[01:08] <Soppy-ReturningToInaba> OMG!!!!
[01:08] <Chulianne> No wonder you're small.
[01:08] <TranceHime> cocks
[01:08] <Laggy> .....

Magetastic

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Re: Desmond & Dragons - A DnD Chronicle
« Reply #35 on: October 17, 2009, 08:17:47 PM »
To be fair, I'm still trying to work out a character for Marza. And at first I figured I'd let his Wild Soul do that, but that didn't mesh so well. Also, no matter what character I make, I am going to be a butt monkey, as a special "Thank You" gift from my relation to the DM.
<%King_Meepdorah> roll 1d999 for "It was beauty...that killed the mage"?
* +Hatbot --> "King_Meepdorah rolls 1d999 for "It was beauty...that killed the mage"? and gets 999."12 [1d999=999]
<%King_Meepdorah> ...
<+superaway> ...Uh oh.
<+RandomConsonant> ...
* +superaway shakes head.

Taishyr

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Re: Desmond & Dragons - A DnD Chronicle
« Reply #36 on: October 17, 2009, 09:53:22 PM »
It could be worse. You could be the DM's girl/boyfriend in a case where the GM is intent on that not meaning favoritism. >_>

Excal

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Re: Desmond & Dragons - A DnD Chronicle
« Reply #37 on: October 17, 2009, 09:56:07 PM »
No, that's all you, man.  I haven't actually been doing, well, anything to make Marza a butt monkey.  The other players and the dice have been doing all the work for me.

As for Ciato's statement.  I would like to state that from what I can tell, Desmond's definition of have sex with is "Hit on while I'm too drunk to remember how they shot me down, so I assume the best happened."

Magetastic

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Re: Desmond & Dragons - A DnD Chronicle
« Reply #38 on: October 17, 2009, 09:58:44 PM »
You made Richard one. >_>
Though I guess that's more "He's a Gnome, he deserves it. And more."
<%King_Meepdorah> roll 1d999 for "It was beauty...that killed the mage"?
* +Hatbot --> "King_Meepdorah rolls 1d999 for "It was beauty...that killed the mage"? and gets 999."12 [1d999=999]
<%King_Meepdorah> ...
<+superaway> ...Uh oh.
<+RandomConsonant> ...
* +superaway shakes head.

Excal

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Re: Desmond & Dragons - A DnD Chronicle
« Reply #39 on: October 17, 2009, 10:02:29 PM »
He's a gnomish bard that worships himself and wants to become a God.  He is hanging out with the party in order to learn the secrets of Cuthbert that he might apply them to himself and become an unstoppable divine power.  He's gonna be so much more fun now that he's not a PC.

NotMiki

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Re: Desmond & Dragons - A DnD Chronicle
« Reply #40 on: October 17, 2009, 10:11:42 PM »
I have to wonder if the character dynamics in your game consist entirely of the universe applying layered quantum boots to all the PCs' hineys, which, by their turn, apply distinct boots to each other's hineys in a complex hierarchic ritual.

Well, someone's worked in retail before.
Rocky: you do know what an A-bomb is, right?
Bullwinkle: A-bomb is what some people call our show!
Rocky: I don't think that's very funny...
Bullwinkle: Neither do they, apparently!

Hunter Sopko

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Re: Desmond & Dragons - A DnD Chronicle
« Reply #41 on: October 17, 2009, 10:34:44 PM »
I have to wonder if the character dynamics in your game consist entirely of the universe applying layered quantum boots to all the PCs' hineys, which, by their turn, apply distinct boots to each other's hineys in a complex hierarchic ritual.

Well, someone's worked in retail before.

Or watched the Three Stooges.

Jo'ou Ranbu

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Re: Desmond & Dragons - A DnD Chronicle
« Reply #42 on: October 17, 2009, 10:52:44 PM »
I have to wonder if the character dynamics in your game consist entirely of the universe applying layered quantum boots to all the PCs' hineys, which, by their turn, apply distinct boots to each other's hineys in a complex hierarchic ritual.

Well, someone's worked in retail before.

Or watched the Three Stooges.

Or both.
[01:08] <Soppy-ReturningToInaba> HEY
[01:08] <Soppy-ReturningToInaba> LAGGY
[01:08] <Soppy-ReturningToInaba> UVIET?!??!?!
[01:08] <Laggy> YA!!!!!!!!!1111111111
[01:08] <Soppy-ReturningToInaba> OMG!!!!
[01:08] <Chulianne> No wonder you're small.
[01:08] <TranceHime> cocks
[01:08] <Laggy> .....

Magetastic

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Re: Desmond & Dragons - A DnD Chronicle
« Reply #43 on: October 18, 2009, 11:29:10 PM »
Does the Ciato wish to update, or shall I be given the privilege?
<%King_Meepdorah> roll 1d999 for "It was beauty...that killed the mage"?
* +Hatbot --> "King_Meepdorah rolls 1d999 for "It was beauty...that killed the mage"? and gets 999."12 [1d999=999]
<%King_Meepdorah> ...
<+superaway> ...Uh oh.
<+RandomConsonant> ...
* +superaway shakes head.

Luther Lansfeld

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Re: Desmond & Dragons - A DnD Chronicle
« Reply #44 on: October 18, 2009, 11:32:38 PM »
I will at some point today, I'm being lazy at the moment.
When humanity stands strong and people reach out for each other...
There’s no need for gods.

http://backloggery.com/ciato

Profile pic by (@bunneshi) on twitter!

Magetastic

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Re: Desmond & Dragons - A DnD Chronicle
« Reply #45 on: October 18, 2009, 11:35:26 PM »
Mmk. I shall wait on baited breath, then.
<%King_Meepdorah> roll 1d999 for "It was beauty...that killed the mage"?
* +Hatbot --> "King_Meepdorah rolls 1d999 for "It was beauty...that killed the mage"? and gets 999."12 [1d999=999]
<%King_Meepdorah> ...
<+superaway> ...Uh oh.
<+RandomConsonant> ...
* +superaway shakes head.

Jo'ou Ranbu

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Re: Desmond & Dragons - A DnD Chronicle
« Reply #46 on: October 18, 2009, 11:40:03 PM »
* Jo'ou Ranbu baits the butt-monkey.
[01:08] <Soppy-ReturningToInaba> HEY
[01:08] <Soppy-ReturningToInaba> LAGGY
[01:08] <Soppy-ReturningToInaba> UVIET?!??!?!
[01:08] <Laggy> YA!!!!!!!!!1111111111
[01:08] <Soppy-ReturningToInaba> OMG!!!!
[01:08] <Chulianne> No wonder you're small.
[01:08] <TranceHime> cocks
[01:08] <Laggy> .....

Luther Lansfeld

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Re: Desmond & Dragons - A DnD Chronicle
« Reply #47 on: October 19, 2009, 12:30:02 AM »
October 17th Session

This session involves minimal plot. Basically the temple has defenses that cover most of the temple and does some sort of evil things to whoever is in the way. So the party, minus Gregory and Alexander who took off with Gregory, is sent off to try to break into Antonio’s room and go through a secret passage to get to the control room of these defenses. So we sneak around to get to Antonio’s room, and we get into the room. Desmond makes a roll for stalking Antonio and gets a 20, of course, so he knows all about the room.

Once in the room, the party investigates, and we find a shield and a cudgel for Desmond to use, and we find a light shield for Rachelle, as well as lots of potions and rituals and things. All of this stuff is shoved in the Bag of Holding, Marza pockets the potions, and we head down the stairwell….

And we open the door with Feth, who does not open the door stealthily enough and gets attacked by an archer! In a strategy to try to get to the boss quickly, Feth rushes ahead. He is quickly downed by the array of Halberdiers, archers, and mages. There is also a Warlord in the back, barking orders at the enemies. Feth falls and is captured by enemy troops.

As for the rest of the battle, the party is all blocked in a stairwell and we are all pretty badly injured, as well as Feared and dazed by the enemies. At this point we feel thoroughly overwhelmed, so the squisheys hide in the end of the stairwell while DESMOND tanks, because, with all his new armor, he can. We tank for another 5 or 6 rounds before Desmond gets critted a couple of times and falls. We were severely outmatched in this battle, and it showed. Fortunately for us, Gregory and Alexander came to save the day, and the enemies surrender.

So the party discusses what to do next, and there’s only one real option; kill the doppelganger Mulkaey. He accuses the Deva of being a Deva of Asmodeus, and this really pisses Alexander off, who is an honest lad.  Along with the troops we just defeated, as well as some of our own, we have them stay back and tell people of the doppelganger, who shows his dirty face after a powder of enlightenment or whatever is poured on him. He closes the door so no other troops can get in, and thus the party (minus Feth) and Gregory ready themselves for battle. Rachelle and Marza hid behind pillars, whereas the valiant fighters were in the front, ready to rush to victory!!

He uses rituals to summon two wind elementals and two fire elementals, as well as summoning the skeleton of Antonio. Desmond is horrified and screams “BURN, TRAITOR!!” at him, and the battle begins.

The wind elementals start by severely crippling the party. The first of the evil foes came in and Proned Gregory, Alexander, and Desmond, whereas the second foe came in and attacked Desmond, Mazra, and Alexander, hitting each of them for 17 (out of 44, 37, and 41 HP respectively.) and blinding them. Owwie! Those guys need to die. All of the melee fighters attacked them a bit, and then the fire elementals charged forward with the skeleton. Rachelle came in and did some major crowd control, using Astral Terror and an action point to use some more attacks on the wind elementals. Marza also came in and did attacks. One died, the other Proned us again. Desmond and Alexander charged forward.

Mulkaey finally showed his dirty face to attack Gregory, eventually getting him close to death. Marza used his daily to throw an orb at him, he misses and uses an area of effect fire attack instead, killing Gregory. Mulkaey then finishes him off, cackling evilly and saying his work was done and he started running away. Desmond uses an action point to use Paladin’s Judgment on him, which ended up doing 26 points of damage, which was kickass. The rest of the enemies were killed off by Marza and company when Mulkaey ran way under the desk and he started a new ritual, either to run away or to summon more enemies, and Rachelle runs through the smoke and flames to attack him one more time…

1d10 hits 1! 6 damage! NOOO!

And then he died. Awesome.

So yeah, we win even though Gregory is dead, and we all get to Level 4.
When humanity stands strong and people reach out for each other...
There’s no need for gods.

http://backloggery.com/ciato

Profile pic by (@bunneshi) on twitter!

Luther Lansfeld

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Re: Desmond & Dragons - A DnD Chronicle
« Reply #48 on: October 19, 2009, 12:30:12 AM »
I decided to increase my Cha and my Dex because it raises my Reflex and my Will. Cha also runs basically all my attack stats.

So, in the last day of the actual game, I gained:

-AC from 19 to 25
-Fortitude from 15 to 16 (just the half-level bonus)
-Reflex from 13 to 17
-Will from 16 to 18
-Basic damage increased from 1d8 + 5 to 1d10 + 7, +2 accuracy

Desmond’s new stats:

16 STR
17 CON
14 DEX
9 INT
11 WIS
20 CHA
When humanity stands strong and people reach out for each other...
There’s no need for gods.

http://backloggery.com/ciato

Profile pic by (@bunneshi) on twitter!

Jo'ou Ranbu

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Re: Desmond & Dragons - A DnD Chronicle
« Reply #49 on: October 19, 2009, 01:08:45 AM »
Godly Int.

EDIT:

This little demonstration -does- highlight how awesome levelling up in DnD is, though.
[01:08] <Soppy-ReturningToInaba> HEY
[01:08] <Soppy-ReturningToInaba> LAGGY
[01:08] <Soppy-ReturningToInaba> UVIET?!??!?!
[01:08] <Laggy> YA!!!!!!!!!1111111111
[01:08] <Soppy-ReturningToInaba> OMG!!!!
[01:08] <Chulianne> No wonder you're small.
[01:08] <TranceHime> cocks
[01:08] <Laggy> .....