Desmond & Dragons - A DnD Chronicle

[Luther Lansfeld]

This is a D&D campaign I am playing IRL.

Cast of Characters:

Rachelle, Human Invoker
Richard, Gnome Bard
Alexander of Pellor, Deva Avenger
Feth, Elven(?) Druid
Desmond, Half-Elven Paladin
Marza, Eladrin Sorcerer (replaced Richard)

Rachelle is the Voice of Reason, Richard was a jovial, self-worshipping bard, Alexander is a dead serious defender of justice (and the environment), Feth is constantly shape-shifting, never to be seen as a regular ol’ elf. Desmond is a passionate, drunk servant of the church, and Marza is a pyromaniac.

The concept behind Desmond was basically that I saw the party of Avenger/Bard/Invoker/Druid and I was like “Wow, this party is terrible at tanking anything.” And so I decided to make a paladin who serves Cuthbert. Valiant and ready to lead into any battle, Desmond will fight for his friends. He’s very naïve and sincere, and really loves drinking, partying, and having lots of gratuitous sex with all that surround him. I wanted to make him distinctly not Lawful Goodish super-prude, but Lawful feels pretty vital to his personality, but intelligent lawfulness (sort of, he’s not terribly intelligent).

Not too much happened before my character joined. Basically, the four travelers were put together by the church of Erathis to go on a mission at Elk Bend to help the church find a missing war priest, Brother Antonio. Rats were fought in the basement, and then I, the great DESMOND, was sent to assist these adventurers.

Once Desmond joined, more rats were fought, including the rat king. There were four totems scattered in the basement of the temple that were set up by someone worshipping druidic gods. This rat scratched poor Feth and he was poisoned and fell sick. We talk to Father Malkaey and get told the various details of our mission, and we go back down in the basement with Father Gregory to investigate further where a body may have been taken. There is access all the way several hours north to a river bend where we investigate.

Once we head back to the village, Richard the Gnome and Desmond had a drinking contest, which did not end well for the gnome. In the morning, he had many gongs ran in his face and he was thrown in water by the priests, who were experienced in dealing with Desmond. Desmond hits on Rachelle gratuitously but is ignored.

Next, the party visited the mayor because they needed some help with tracking. However, he couldn’t lend any help. Desmond convinced him that he was serious about helping the city, so despite the mayor’s misgivings with Desmond, he gave him his blessing. Next, Richard disappeared because the world blinked. Demons appeared, including a fake beholder. Marza the Sorcerer started fighting on our side for no apparent reason. We fought some worms and stuff as well here. This was in the mayor’s complex. The mayor gave us a Healing Word scroll (thanks DM!!)

Then we were sent on our mission. During the mission we met a band of lizardfolk, who needed our help killing the bullywugs, who stole their sacred idol. There was a grave inside the bullywug condominium that the lizardmen advised that we investigate. In addition, the lizardfolk saw Antonio consorting with someone evil looking, which makes all the non-Desmond party suspicious and Desmond really freaking pissed off.

Alexander of Pellor announced his intention to whip some bullywug ass, since they ruin the environment and that is NOT cool with Alex. We then whipped some bullywug ass twice, one time which we almost died at the hands of the bullywug chief because our rather… rash sorcerer decided to burn down the wall instead of securing our corners and we got flanked. By fucking bullywugs. Are you kidding me?

Anyway, this is when things get weird. After that, we go to open up the grave, and inside is… Father Malkaey in Antonio’s armor. An imp appears, sics OCTOMAMMOTH on us, and disappears. We fight the tentacles, which have Rachelle and Desmond locked in their hold. Alexander and Feth try to ward them all off, while Marza rather foolishly aims straight for the octomammoth head, despite being a weak mage. The battle is won despite the mishaps, and life is good.

We’ve had some pretty tough battles so far, especially the second bullywug chief battle. He had some pretty nasty magic. But Alexander of Pellor declared that he was his oath of enmity, took several blows through the round, and then VALIANTLY attacked the foul creature. And criticalled. For 48 damage. More than his max HP. Yeaaaah, it was crazy. Alex for Godlike and such. Desmond always feels useful but never really the MVP, although him being able to challenge people and having them take seven damage and take penalties for attacking others is neat. Most of the terrain traversed also hasn’t really hurt Desmond’s pretty awful move score. Rachelle is crowd-control, Marza is massive death (when he hits… hee hee), and Feth is utility (and not always around, the person playing Feth is busy).

This is basically the background information over about 10 sessions that we played. Someone else would have to post the pre-Desmond chronicle.

[Jo'ou Ranbu]

... you're telling we we'll have MORE chronicles? so fucking in.

EDIT:

Desmond hits on Rachelle gratuitously but is ignored.

This made me giggle and I dunno why.

[Magetastic]

I believe the plan is for chronicles in-between sessions, from here-on-in. As for what happened before Desmond the... Something joined up, well...

Rachelle, Richard, Alexander, and Feth were brought together in the town of Thranton, in the church of Erathis, and sent on a mission by some important priest dude to go to Elk's Bend and discover what's up, as apparently Antonio went kaput, but without the body that's usually left behind when someone does so. It's a week's travel on horse (Or pony, for the Gnome)back.

On the way through the countryside, our four brave adventurers come upon an abandoned caravan, and upon discovering the fates of these poor souls, are assaulted by tentacle-things from another plane, that appear when the world blinks. Alexander and the Gnome eventually go down to a combination of fog-spewing, laser-blasting, and tentacle-thwapping Outsiders, and are barely saved by the Action-savvy (But not exactly medically-savvy) Rachelle while Feth continues to take out the last of the beasts.

The adventurers rest up for the night, after burning the bodies and searching the caravan, and then head off to Elk's Bend. Upon arrival, they head straight to the church, and talk with Brother Gregory and Father Mulkaey, and are sent on a mission to explore the unexplorable First Dungeon Basement!

On their first exploration, they come upon the gaze of dozens of dozens of rats! And so, with a single swoop of his arms, Richard throws a glowstick into the middle of the battlefield, and the rats attack! It's an epic battle that only the Bard could possibly tell, and with it comes our brave adventurers (and the Gnome) huddling up in the doorway to where the rat corpses are, preparing to take another go at this. And with this second attempt comes the very, very, very large and tanky Desmond!

[Luther Lansfeld]

I'm pretty sure Desmond also hit on Alexander, who has no gender. He's the opposite of picky.

[Magetastic]

Oh, I thought that was just a dream Desmond had that he shared with Alexander. But no, Desmond is not picky. Not. At. All.

[Jo'ou Ranbu]

I'm pretty sure Desmond also hit on Alexander, who has no gender. He's the opposite of picky.

* Jo'ou Ranbu begins the "Amount of people Desmond hits on" tally for safekeeping purposes.

[Luther Lansfeld]

Desmond actually fantasized about giving Father Mulkaey a sensual backrub or something. I don't remember for sure but it was disturbing.

[Jo'ou Ranbu]

Where do you people pick up those ideas? That vaguely sounds like FFX-2 and Dragons. >_>

[Magetastic]

Don't try to keep count. I'm pretty sure the number had gone beyond anything countable before Desmond joined the party.

As for where we come up with this stuff, well... We're just 'creative.' >_>;

[Dark Holy Elf]

Well, the king perfect of the DL is our DM.

[Jo'ou Ranbu]

... suddenly, everything makes perfect sense.

[Excal]

If it helps Ciato, I'm just assuming your backstory has that count starting at (d6+2)(100)+d100.  As for where they come up with it...  no clue.  But if I knew I could probably devise a coping strategy better than drinking until I forget.

[Luther Lansfeld]

October 11th Session

As mentioned in the previous post, we just got done fighting the octomammoth and we discovered the body of the Father, which had been in this grave for two weeks or so, upon Feth’s investigation, which means that… DUN DUN DUN the one we met was a fake!!! Feth had gotten the idol back from the foul son-of-a-bitch, and after investigating the area and stealing the armor from the dead body (and Desmond equips it! And it raises his AC from 19 to 22 as well as +2 to any one saving throw per battle, so it’s pretty badass armor.) In addition, there was a letter planted on the Bullywug Chief. Rachelle uses an enchantment to read the letter, which outlines a plan for the bullywugs to enact, and it is signed by head of the Order of the Eighth Circle or something, which is apparently some type of evil cult. Meanwhile, Desmond and Marza have a manly talk, and Desmond gets over the fact that Marza appeared to be hitting on ‘his’ woman Rachelle. Desmond promised to introduce the youngster to alcohol and ladies. (This may have been the week before, but it was a very manly talk!) The body is taken with them for proof

The sun is starting to rise, and we promised the lizard men we’d visit them at dawn, and then we brought the idol back to them. They were very grateful, and their people were ransacking the remains of the bullywug village and they killed off the remains of the bullywug villagers. The lizardfolk give the party a Bag of Holding, which they throw Father Mulkaey’s body in.

So we headed back to Elk’s Bend to see what the fuck is going on with the fake Father Mulkaey. Then a birdie~~~ appeared. Brother Gregory, who is a close friend of Desmond’s and a longtime, high-standing member of the church in Elk’s Bend, sent along a message in his voice to appear at this certain grove nearish to the city, and to appear alone because my companions are untrustworthy. This message breaks Desmond; between the sights of his mentor Antonio doing bad things, Father Mulkaey doing bad things, and Gregory telling him that his companions (who he has seen do good even if they distrust his mentor) are evil and not trustable, this is all Desmond can take. He reveals the contents of the message to his allies, and all the allies band together. Rachelle tries to affirm their alliance with Marza, who is moderately untrusted because of his newbie status, and she scolds him on his questionable, non-ally oriented strategies in the previous battles. Marza promises to be an ally worthy of their trust.

We then decide to go to the grove where Gregory is. On our way, we hear militia in the distance. They are talking of traitors who have compromised the safety of the town, and after our realization that doppelganger Father may be controlling the public opinion; we decided to hide from the idiots. Desmond very cleverly disguised himself as a cactus, while Rachelle narrowly used her (bad) hiding skills to not have to fight the militia.

Night begins to fall and the party approaches the grove. Feth turns into a spider and sneaks over to try to spy on Gregory, who has some tengu (kengu, whatever) ready to assault the party. He tells them specifically not to kill Desmond. Feth relays the information, and the party goes ahead to Gregory’s position. They try to make their case, but Gregory will not listen, and he accuses them of stealing the idol which protects the city. Desmond tries to reason with him, but he will not listen, so Desmond beings yelling at him, calling him a fool and thickheaded (and when DESMOND calls you thickheaded, you ride the special bus). Desmond also shows him the body, which Gregory calls a fake. The mood begins getting tense and the party prepares for a fight with Gregory and the tengu, but Feth quickly gets to talking to Gregory. They analyze the body together and Feth ends up proving that the body is real, and Gregory is confused.

They head back to Elk’s Bend via the tunnel that they traversed all those sessions ago. They get back to the top of the tunnel and... a lot of Desmond and Gregory’s former allies are trying to hang them for treason. FIGHT IT OUT!!!

The fight had us stuck in a hallway while we were flanked on both sides. There were four NPC troops plus Gregory. The four troops were positioned at the beginning of the hallway, Gregory was at the end and the party was in the middle. As the battle started, we realized there were two primary targets that were threatening; a mage, positioned before the beginning of the hall, fired a shot of magic down the hall, hitting most of the PCs. He was subsequently eliminated by Alexander and the allies, as well as a finishing blow from Rachelle from a distance. The second main target was a berserker, who hit incredibly hard and kept wailing on Rachelle until Desmond wised up and CHALLENGED HIM TO A DUEL. The Halberdiers were semi-competent and they hit Rachelle, who was in the second line, a lot. Rachelle is pretty durable for a mage so she took the hits (and she healed herself a couple times with healing word), so she was fine.

The fight was pretty well-controlled by Alexander at the top and Desmond and Feth at the bottom, with Rachelle doing a little bit on both sides. Marza had a pretty bad spell of bad luck and didn’t really hit with many of his attacks. He used two separate MT attacks which didn’t hit anyone. His luck was laughably bad. After the fight, the remaining troops were taken prisoner and our allies guarded them. The party gets a sense of a SHOWDOWN afoot.

This was a pretty serious plot session, and the fight was really fun although not as hard as the bullywugs. Boss should be tougher though!!!

[Luther Lansfeld]

Oh also; Desmond feels vindicated because he was probably right about Antonio not being evil but rather being set up by whoever the fuck this doppleganger is.

[Excal]

You forgot the part where a likely reason that Marza wasn't trusted was the part where, in the mop up of the first Bullywug battle, he'd gleefully knock down their homes before striking down the fleeing children with his eldrich might.  And when he heard the popping sounds coming from the clutch of bullywug eggs sizzling in his arcane fires, he wondered if anyone else was getting hungry.

That did seem to come up prominently in the "Are you sure you're trustworthy" conversation.

[Magetastic]

Hey! Show respect you two! He is "Grand High Chieftain Marza," now. And you shall address him as such. Although he may drop that title now that the rock is broken. (It was cozy)

[Excal]

Yes, Grand High Chieftain of the Bullywug tribe that...  doesn't seem to exist anymore nor was it really around to have a chance to acknowledge your claim.  And I notice you weren't really forthcoming about that title in front of folks likely to kill you on sight for being an honourary Wug.

Just sayin is all.

[Magetastic]

Marza likes titles. Marza also likes being alive. Take a guess at which one he likes better.

[Jo'ou Ranbu]

Sounds like Marza also likes being this campaign's butt monkey.

[Luther Lansfeld]

He is a bigger butt-monkey than Desmond, which is kind of impressive.

[Jo'ou Ranbu]

I have to wonder if the character dynamics in your game consist entirely of the universe applying layered quantum boots to all the PCs' hineys, which, by their turn, apply distinct boots to each other's hineys in a complex hierarchic ritual.

[Luther Lansfeld]

Rachelle and Alex are fine! Aside from Alex's obsessive concern about the environment to NPCs who don't care, but that's just the player talking there. >_> Rachelle just keeps us all sane.

[Jo'ou Ranbu]

How does she manage to settle down a party that has two of the world's biggest butt monkeys and elven Captain Planet? I want that Diplomacy rank.

[Sierra]

Desmond very cleverly disguised himself as a cactus

This made my day.

Marza had a pretty bad spell of bad luck and didn’t really hit with many of his attacks. He used two separate MT attacks which didn’t hit anyone. His luck was laughably bad.

It could always be worse. Try letting Hatbot handle your rolls sometime. Actually, don't.

You forgot the part where a likely reason that Marza wasn't trusted was the part where, in the mop up of the first Bullywug battle, he'd gleefully knock down their homes before striking down the fleeing children with his eldrich might.  And when he heard the popping sounds coming from the clutch of bullywug eggs sizzling in his arcane fires, he wondered if anyone else was getting hungry.

I am totally thinking of District 9 right now.

So, who all is in this game? Ciato/NEB/Mage/Excal and...?

[Dark Holy Elf]

The other two are IRL friends, though one has posted here in the politics topic as Just Another Day.