Henchmen Anonymafia - GAME OVER - SCUM WIN

[Tanaka]

Hey! Much-needed call? Some of us have to work, pal! Just 'cause you guys can slack off when you like, doesn't mean the rest of us can!

[Bill Hellsnake]

Ard: Tardiness is a firable offense, comparable only to being ill, but at the convention even I think we should loosen up a bit about it. The party's barely started and you're raising doubts on those yet to hench down, even though Dick's physique speaks for itself, and Mr. Job is a registered mute (the organisation to find a pad of paper, pens and a translator alone is reason enough).

And far be it from me to criticize... indulging your character... but unless you're working unpaid overtime we're running quickly into the unnecessary with all the odds. Your thoughts are basically identical to your neighbor Whim's except far more verbose. Following the same line doesn't bother me - and I've gone partially in the same direction myself - but the bad sort of fluff does.

##VOTE: Ard

I'm perturbed by the early cage-rattling from both you and the weasels.

Edit: Prinny Squad: and now you're trying to back the call for the quiet this early on? And Whim looking worse than Ard? Wait what. Ard looked dubious, but the prinnies just look wrong.

[Over 9000]

ARD.

Liz: Oh my! We hadn't noticed the Axems' vote on the weasels when we placed our own, Prinny Squad. 66.666666667% of the way towards termination is rather far for this early in the day. The vote will stand for experimental purposes, however, and because there is still little else to comment on.

Ard ard ard!

Liz: Mr. Dick Gumshoe, if you lack free time, Ard suggests acquiring a position in the prestigious field of mad scien--er, perfectly legitimate technological research, yes. We can make our own hours! Yes, we're presently working on a device to add actual REAL time to the standard 24-hour Filgaian day. It's a very exciting project that I may explain to you all once you have acquired the necessary scientific knowledge to actually comprehend it.

ARD ARD.

Liz: Oh, Ard informs me that we've received an inquiry from Mr. Smithers as well. Smithers, perhaps you took our call for the presence of Gumshoe and Oddjob too seriously? We declared our desire to hear from these individuals, yes. We did not declare the fact of their not-yet-posting to be especially damnable or incriminating, or worthy of punishment. It is not, given the early hour of the day. If you are having difficulty understanding us, I ask that you cite specific examples that are unclear! I make every effort to translate Ard's musings for the masses, but he is so many leagues above the average parvenue that only so much can be done.

[Maya Kumashiro]

Act I.  Scene II.
Enter Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, examining a coin.

Guildenstern
A heads side and a tails side, indeed.

Rosencrantz
And I thought that the lizard might have had a point there, too.

Guildenstern
And a 50% chance no matter what?  Why, that'd claim that coin flips were independent events.  Is that what they're teaching in universities nowadays?

Rosencrantz
It's almost be like our fates are not controlled by some unseen hand, manipulating us for some grand purpose we cannot see.

Enter ATTACK PENGUINS

Prinny Squad

Dood!? That's three of you saying a lot of nothing! Ard, Liz, and Whim, dood. You pick out a minor detail, then blow some smoke, etc., etc. (snip).  Is this... squad prejudice, dood!?

Rosencrantz
Quite right.  An employer who might have needed five henchmen can just hire one cheap squad for a fifth of the price.  They're ruining the pay curve!  Restrict squad immigration!

Guildenstern
I would suggest a nice warm cup of Danish mead to calm everyone down, including our antarctic friends.  The vote shall stay upon the (Weasel) Squad for now, both because I find it inconcieveable our random die could be wrong, and because that was a rather weak thrust at our Rangers, as our maid noted.

Rosencrantz
With so few clues, we need a detective to shine light.  While we all hope Mr. Job shows his face soon, do you have any other thoughts, Sir Gumshoe?  Perhaps your investigation has turned something up.

[Asuka Langley]

Duhh... dere's 4 of dem...

There's actually five of us! I'm just late because everyone else always forgets I'm not good at this physical activity thing.

Axem's markedly uncollected henching is annoying, but no more murderous than the next underpaid worker.

Hey, pal, we like what we do! If you don't, take it up with Smithy!

So, what, we have secret murderers on the loose now? Pathetic. Where's the fun of open warfare? Bunch of cowards if you ask me.

I see the Weasels getting a lot of attention for voting us. That's what they deserve for suspecting us in the first place AND for trying to imitate us, sure, but what about that Gilgamesh guy? He voted for us too and everyone else completely glossed over him. I smell a rat instead of a weasel. Something's up with Ard and Smithers, and probably Gilgamesh too.

[Nathan Greaves]

Hey, Green, you missed Whim!

[Asuka Langley]

No I didn't. Whim voted for the Weasels for repeating a joke vote, not for being quick to jump on us for no reason. Ars and Smithers did the latter and didn't talk about Gilgamesh like they should have.

[Tohsaka Rin]

Yeah, Green's right!

##Vote: Ard
##Axe of Suspicion: Smithers

What are you guys doing, leaving a blind spot open like that? You should never let your guard down around potential enemies!

[Over 9000]

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd. Ard.

Liz: Yes, Ard, the Axem assault is rather undirected, isn't it, despite it culminating in a vote? Why, take a look at this paragraph:

I see the Weasels getting a lot of attention for voting us. That's what they deserve for suspecting us in the first place AND for trying to imitate us, sure, but what about that Gilgamesh guy? He voted for us too and everyone else completely glossed over him. I smell a rat instead of a weasel. Something's up with Ard and Smithers, and probably Gilgamesh too.

Axem Green simultaneously casts suspicion over 36.36363636% of the henchpeople present, almost as though sowing the seeds of multiple cases in the hopes that one of them, any of them, will take root. This is not the proper way to conduct an experiment! True research should be focused! Organized! Properly nomenclatured! Not so focused and organized that you blind yourself to alternate theories, of course, but we at ArdLiz Research Enterprises hazard that pointing the finger(s) at four different entities at once is hardly constructive.

[Li Syaoran]

Ano, Weasel Buntai, if you want to move to serious discussion... eto... wouldn't it be better to do as you say?

Gomen, but pressing the Axem Rangers for being a buntai as well is, ano... not helpful. You're just repeating your joke vote!

Now see here, goily, whats wrong with askin a little question? Putting a little pressure on and whatnot? Where do you be layin' down the line between whats a joke vote and attempts at starting discussion? That be arbitrarylike. But the rainbow group's got a point. We gots people skippin' over legitimate suspects here... but someone else be settin' off the alarms in my head more.

HEHEHEHEHEHE SHAKESPEARE~~~~

Hey, for someone who is crazier than halfa Toon Town, you gots a point. 'Dis guy comes in here with his hoity toity speech, but in the end all he does is find a flimsy excuse to back up his joke vote and continue to say nothin'.

What about that leedle leezard?

At least Ard be talkin about other people. Guildenstoin just be name dropping people without really saying anything so far. He's trying to lay all low like while hidin' behind his fancy talk. Dats where I be corrugatin' my vote.

##Unvote: Axem Rangers
##Vote: Guildenstern

[Excal]

Please good sirs, unvote before you vote else your vote shall count not.  As such, the most recent Axem Ranger vote on Ard is null and void, the Axem vote remaining on the Weasel Squad.  On that note...

Day 1

Gumshoe (1): Tony, Smithers
Tony (0): Whim
Guildenstern (1): Ard, Weasels
Oddjob (1): Weasels, Gumshoe
Whim (1): Prinnies
Weasels (4): Axem Rangers, Guildenstern, Whim, Ard
Axem Rangers (1): Weasels, Gilgamesh
Ard (1): Smithers


With 11 alive, it takes 6 to lynch.

63 hours remain in Day 1.

[Chiaki]

Aha!

##Vote: Smithers

*devilish grin*

*rubs hands together*

*straightens his back and smiles!*

[Tohsaka Rin]

Gah, I'm all thumbs today.

##Unvote: Weasel Squad
##Vote: Ard

[Maya Kumashiro]

Axem Green

No I didn't. Whim voted for the Weasels for repeating a joke vote, not for being quick to jump on us for no reason. Ars and Smithers did the latter and didn't talk about Gilgamesh like they should have.

Guildenstern
A rather slim distinction, Sir Green.  Whim's vote was "The Weasels are asking for serious business but are making a joke vote!"  The later votes - or, at least, mine once I changed my suspicion of the Weasels from die-based to something more concrete - were ultimately the same, but oriented toward "if we were to take the Weasels at their word that this is a serious vote, this is an *awful* justification even for early Day 1 standards."  Two sides of the same coin.

Rosencrantz
Though our lizard isn't doing his best at defending himself, even if I agree with his general thrust.  Perhaps there are problems originating from poor translation?

---

Guildenstern
What's this?  "3 new replies?"

Rosencrantz
They could be said to be "ninjas."  Whatever those are.

Guildenstern
Mr. Weasels, the justification was abundantly laid out beforehand.  While I shall speak all pretty and fancy like for topics such as "Day 1 flavor," I shall endevaor to be abundantly clear on matters of voting.

Rosencrantz
Now, Mr. Oddjob.  I asked this of our Detective as well, but having attended our fine detectivey gathering, any....  further thoughts?  I personally am not seeing the argument supporting the Smithers distrust from some quarters.  And you two have not contributed beyond the "Saying hello" phase, despite clearly being here for it.

[Chad Hutchins]

Small details are the way of life 'round these parts Prinnies. Dwelling on the minute is a way of life here at the henchman convention -- UGH! I HATE IT!

I think Smithers is pussyfooted and non-committal and likes to fling the old suspicion-meter around wildly. Flinging everywhere is useless for us! I say that Smithers is going after Weasels and then going after the anti-Weasels. Make up your mind or I'll have to make it for you. *cracks knuckles*

Oddjob, say something useful. Whim, is it really necessary to talk like a Weeaboo? I am annoyed with all of you!

But especially Smithers.

##Unvote: Dick Gumshoe
##Vote: Smithers

[Zerg Rush]

Smithers, you fool! Look around you, and you see nothing but the heartfelt speeches of those larger-than-life individuals who make up this convention! To complain about 'fluff' in a game that is all but made of the stuff is madness, I say! Just as likely it's anyone else if you want to play it that way! And hey, he thinks the Prinny's look wrong, too, I just can't tell if his vote's where he really thinks it should be!

Still, gotta wonder why Tony ignores the Axem crew when he talks about the suspicion-o-meter getting tossed around, too! 'specially with 'Ard talking about it right there, on that charge they're a heck of a lot weirder than the old secretary-man-thing. Man, when you've got two enemies and they're each others enemies, does that make them both your friends?

##Vote: Tony Naaaaaaaaah, I'm gonna peg this on willful ignorance.

[Margaret Houlihan]

Ano... Prinny Buntai, the Weasel Buntai said we should move into serious discussion. Then they voted the Axem Rangers because there was five of them. That was their jokevote, too. Eto... I think they were saying we should stop joking around and then went on joking around themselves.

I don't like it when people call for action and then sit back.

Why are the Axem Rangers attacking Gilgamesh-san? He made a jokevote! It's not the same as calling for serious discussion and then jokevoting! Attacking people because they didn't attack Gilgamesh-san for jokevoting isn't conductive to our investigation.

What is Oddjob-san doing?

Now see here, goily, whats wrong with askin a little question? Putting a little pressure on and whatnot? Where do you be layin' down the line between whats a joke vote and attempts at starting discussion? That be arbitrarylike.

Ano... you wanted to 'pressure' the Axem Rangers by camouflaging your vote as a jokevote? You wanted to pressure them by highlighting how there are five of them and they each talk seperately? Eto... I haven't done this a lot before, Lily-sama never wanted me to... demo... that's a terrible justification, like Guildenstern-san said.

Toriaizu, the Weasel Buntai's attack against Guildenstern is incredibly weak. OMGUS? My vote's staying where it is.

[Tanaka]

With so few clues, we need a detective to shine light.  While we all hope Mr. Job shows his face soon, do you have any other thoughts, Sir Gumshoe?  Perhaps your investigation has turned something up.

Y-you want my help, pal? *sniff* Alright! I'm all fired up now! Let's see what I can do!

No I didn't. Whim voted for the Weasels for repeating a joke vote, not for being quick to jump on us for no reason. Ars and Smithers did the latter and didn't talk about Gilgamesh like they should have.

You're using some pretty shaky logic there, pal, and I'm not liking the look of it at all. You think someone's suspicious for not suspecting the suspicious suspect? In which case, why not go for Gilmagesh yourself? It's like the lizard said - you can't just throw around suspicion aimlessly.

W-wait a sec.

Small details are the way of life 'round these parts
[...]
I think Smithers is pussyfooted and non-committal and likes to fling the old suspicion-meter around wildly. Flinging everywhere is useless for us! I say that Smithers is going after Weasels and then going after the anti-Weasels.

You don't like looking at small details, then ignore the big picture to focus on one of several who's been doin' what you're saying? Look, pal. Either you follow your own advice and make up your mind or you'll be perverting the course of justice at the very least, and that's a serious offence, pal.

I'm not liking them who keep yammerin' on way too much - looking mostly at Whim, Ard and Guilstendern here, although it just seems like the usual sort of stuff for Day One of the trial. As long as it doesn't last, it won't be a problem, and it's not reason enough to lock 'em up anyway.

##Vote: Axem Rangers
You can't go suspectin' everyone. What's making you accuse Ard over Gilmagesh and Smithers, since you mentioned them all?

...W-wow. I don't think I've spoken this much in a long time. I think I need to grab some noodles before I pass out.

[Chiaki]

*Oddjob delivers a large and confusing bag full of nothing - symbolizing Smithers' posts. His face is grave and disturbed by the behavior he has seen.*

*Oddjob adjusts his hat whilst glaring at Smithers.*

*Oddjob also eyes Weasel suspiciously, raising the bag of metaphor aloft.*

*Oddjob is inherently suspicious of people that speak lots without saying anything - his exact opposite.*



//It's hard to roleplay a character that never speaks!

[Chad Hutchins]

Small details are the way of life 'round these parts
[...]
I think Smithers is pussyfooted and non-committal and likes to fling the old suspicion-meter around wildly. Flinging everywhere is useless for us! I say that Smithers is going after Weasels and then going after the anti-Weasels.

You don't like looking at small details, then ignore the big picture to focus on one of several who's been doin' what you're saying? Look, pal. Either you follow your own advice and make up your mind or you'll be perverting the course of justice at the very least, and that's a serious offence, pal.

My point is that dwelling on stupid stuff is stupid. That's not a votable offense, it's just being an unproductive scmuck. Smithers in his UNVOTE pussyfoots into not voting for anyone, and then figures he should anyway, so he does. And you know what? I think that's more than being a wimp. I have no idea what you are talking about otherwise.

Still, gotta wonder why Tony ignores the Axem crew when he talks about the suspicion-o-meter getting tossed around, too! 'specially with 'Ard talking about it right there, on that charge they're a heck of a lot weirder than the old secretary-man-thing. Man, when you've got two enemies and they're each others enemies, does that make them both your friends?

##Vote: Tony Naaaaaaaaah, I'm gonna peg this on willful ignorance.

Ohohoho, Day 1 conspiracy theorists. Comedy gold.

Axem Rangers:

-There are five of them
-They are suspicious of everyone, just like everyone else
-They are annoyed because no one talks about you.

Neither of the first two of these things is especially notable. Bo-ring. The third thing is stupid (and kinda like what you accused me of) but you know what? I talk about what I want and so should Whim and Ard. It's not brilliant justification but it's pretty minor.

You basically said yourself why I am voting for Smithers. (Which I stupidly erased from the post, but whatever. Directly above what I quoted.)

Whim blathers a lot --- I'm not sure if it's all the incomprehensible Japanese-speak that makes me glazes over her posts or that she isn't saying a damn thing. My verdict is that's she just talks a lot which is alright, although her dwelling on the Weasels is just sort of weird -- completely brushing off the fact that Guildenstern has said basically nothing with OMGUS!!!!!!!

The Weasels are a hard crew to predict. I agree with their assessment of Guildenstern completely; they have said nothing. I have basically been ignoring him because his posts are AWESOME, but it's true. Their next post is at least actually full of content but the Weasels cannot be responsible for time-travel. I think a rather bad Day 1 vote has blown up in the face of Mr. Weasel. And while making bad votes might be bad to the health, I am here to find REAL heroes, and maybe I believe the matter of a stupid vote is elementary.

Vote stays where it is. Nothing has remotely convinced me otherwise.

[Over 9000]

Ard ard ard. Ard ard. ARD. Ard ard.

Liz: Ard finds Oddjob's explanation of his Smithers vote succinct and to the point. We approve but wish this explanation had been presented at the same time as the vote itself. It does little good if someone has to be pressured for an explanation every time they vote.

(ArdLiz Research Enterprises also heartily approves of Oddjob's novel use of headgear for combat purposes and may pursue development along these lines in the event that ArdLiz Research Enterprises are not liquidated during the course of these proceedings.)

ARD. Ard ard. ARD ard ard. Aaaard. Ard ard.

Liz: Moving on, Ard would like me to do this:

##Unvote: Weasels

Liz: Although the Weasels' initial attack against the Axem squad was not based on firm ground, research conducted by ArdLiz Research Enterprises into situations similar to that in which we now find ourselves indicates that the first individual to call for "Serious Action" usually garners suspicion and attention in a manner similar to that which we have witnessed here today. Although the justification for the vote the Weasels placed on the Axems was rather specious, when one seeks to create something from nothing it is perhaps understandable that they start small. They have not behaved in an especially suspicious manner since then and we believe that there are currently more fruitful avenues of research.

Ardardard. ARD. Ard ard. Ard ard ard ard.

Liz: Ard now wishes to move on to another suspect, and that suspect happens to be someone voting for us! The Axems continue to be very uncoordinated in their behavior and we're a little puzzled as to why they suspect us. A thorough examination of their statements provided us with only the vague notion that the Axems suspected us for not voting on Gilgamesh--a suspect that the Axems themselves apparently did not find suspicious enough to vote for! Perplexing behavior indeed. Until they can provide a better rationale to explain themselves, our vote rests with them.

##Vote: Axem Rangers

ARD.

Liz: Oh yes, Ard has one final note for Dick Gumshoe. You complain of several participants in this forum "talking too much," but how else is the truth to be uncovered but with steady dialogue and interchange? Is it the amount of speaking that bothers you, or that which is spoken? We at ArdLiz Research Enterprises stand by our public statements; Ard speaks only when he sees something worth commenting on. If there are translation difficulties, I again humbly request that the confused parties request a clarification of the relevant confusing statement.

(And our users' manuals are always to-the-point and easy to understand, despite what certain consumers' rights groups might claim!)

~

ARD.

Liz: Oh, and a recent response from Mr. Tony. We find most of his theories sound and thus leave without further comment (accept to agree that a response from Mr. Smithers would be most welcome, as we have not heard from him since he voted for us).

A delicate experiment now demands our attention; Ard should return in no more than ten standard hours, assuming the time dilation device is functioning properly (there WAS an unfortunate accident where the Scientific Test Goat was prematurely aged two hundred years in the space of thirty seconds, but we are confident that we have corrected this error).

[Excal]

Dear Gilgamesh/Gumshoe.  Please be remembering to unvote before you vote.  I will not require specifics, just an unvote command.  But votes without the unvote do not get processed.

Day 1

Gumshoe (0): Tony, Smithers
Tony (0): Whim
Guildenstern (1): Ard, Weasels
Oddjob (1): Weasels, Gumshoe
Whim (1): Prinnies
Weasels (2): Axem Rangers, Guildenstern, Whim, Ard
Axem Rangers (2): Weasels, Gilgamesh, Ard
Ard (2): Smithers, Axem Rangers
Smithers (1): Tony


With 11 alive it takes 6 to lynch.  50 hours remain in Day 1.

[Li Syaoran]

The Weasels are a hard crew to predict. I agree with their assessment of Guildenstern completely; they have said nothing. I have basically been ignoring him because his posts are AWESOME, but it's true. Their next post is at least actually full of content but the Weasels cannot be responsible for time-travel.

Heeey. Glad to see someone has got a lick of brains in their heads. But help me out here. Is it our or Guildenstoin's post you be tawkin' about? Cause if you'se tawkin' 'bout Guildenstoin, I still don't see much in his post after our vote for him. Just more chatter justfyin' his vote like while saying nothin' and cawlin' for more people to tawk. This is classic scum behavior here, we think.

I smell a rat. Can I cut heem boss?

Don't be jumpin' out doin' somethin' crazy. This be a democracy, see?

What about thees guy in the fuunny hat? Heez eyeballing us.

Hey, yeah. So Oddjob... what makes you single us out when there's also Guildenstoin and the Axems, eh? To to that goily Whim I's was tawkin' to before. What makes you write off a reasonable argument as OMGUS? It's weak, eh? Why? Cause you don't like us? Willfully desegregatin' arguments without explainin' like that is suspicious.

[Tohsaka Rin]

Green, you sure you don't have a headache or something? You really messed that one up! Who gave you permission to speak, anyway? Now you got us all in trouble!

Seems you lot were right for once. Green stupidly lumped Gilgamesh in with those Weasels when it was obvious they were using two different attack formations. I bet he just flipped a coin when he decided which one of Ard and Smithers to recommend voting for.

That's enough of that! Time to take control of this operation like I should have from the start.

##Unvote: Ard

tl;dr: My bad. Won't happen again. Moving on.

What I REALLY don't like from all that is people getting all riled up over multiple suspicions. War isn't about subtleties! It's about finding enemies and breaking them!

Tony! You're attacking Smithers for being suspicious of several people! He attacked what, two people? Three if you count the Prinnies, though I wouldn't. I'd say he wasn't attacking them, just yelling at them for being stupid. No more than I do to Yellow on a daily basis! You also say he's being non-commital when he has a pretty clear attack in action by voting for Ard! Then, as if that weren't bad enough, you go around trying to paint Whim and Guildenstern as bad! If there's anything worse than someone opposed to multiple suspicions, it's someone that's subtly hypocritical about it!

Smithers in his UNVOTE pussyfoots into not voting for anyone, and then figures he should anyway, so he does. And you know what? I think that's more than being a wimp.

And what's this about? Smithers unvotes and says he'll vote again in the same post. The guy only took 20 minutes to actually attack again. 20 minutes! What's the big deal? Maybe he needed a new paint job, or possibly a tune-up since his circuits were on the fritz! He even mentions "connection problems" in that post! Better to say something than nothing! There are plenty of good reasons to attack someone, but this sure ain't one of 'em!

##Vote: Tony

[Tanaka]

Dear Gilgamesh/Gumshoe.  Please be remembering to unvote before you vote.  I will not require specifics, just an unvote command.  But votes without the unvote do not get processed.

S-sorry, sir! (That won't affect my next paycheck, will it?)

Oh yes, Ard has one final note for Dick Gumshoe. You complain of several participants in this forum "talking too much," but how else is the truth to be uncovered but with steady dialogue and interchange? Is it the amount of speaking that bothers you, or that which is spoken?

Oh, sorry, pal! Let me clear that one up: I'm not happy with people yammerin' on and saying a lot while not revealing anything. If you're gonna be talking, you need to make sure what you're presenting is worthwhile!

Oddjob's helpin' our investigation come along now, but still no vote? Surprising, considering Smithers had only one vote at the time. Still, better than the nothing before it, as long as it picks up soon.

To the Axems, you seem to contradict yourself... I mean, war is about finding enemies, yet pointing fingers at everyone is fine? Can't help thinkin' we need to focus eventually to find our culprit, pal.
Puttin' my vote where it was meant to be again. Sorry again, sir! Won't happen again, I promise!
##Unvote, ##Vote: Axem Rangers
Can't help noticing a few people slacking off from the investigation. Whim/Guilsterndern? You guys have said little in what you have put forward, so you should probably present some evidence soon! I learnt that trick from Mr. Edgeworth, pal!