Castle Crashers: In a land, far far away...well, actually, we can't prove that, but really why does that matter? IF you try to answer that, you WILL be smacked upside the head by a sack of flour....
4 Knights were busy cleaning a cafeteria...so it seems. Actually, no one could tell what they were doing. They also all looked identical, except that they all had different colors. These great 4 knights were...
Xeroma, the Blue Knight, whom is about as generic as one can be! He has the element of Ice.
Tide, the Orange Knight, whom is the only person who has any clue what he's doing! The element of Fire is his forte. He also hails from the mystical land of Canada.
Meeple, the Red Knight, who has an affinity for shoving an axe to someone's head! The element of Lightning is his specialty.
And Oblivion Knight, the Green Knight, who seems to like going under the alias of a diety, and proclaim himself God. POISON is the name of his game!
Suddenly, admist this cleaning session, MONSTERS ATTACKED! The great Knights donned their weapons and went forth to save the day...only to see the Macguffin get stolen right under their eyes, and 4 beautiful (?) lasses get stolen too. This is the beginning of the story, ok? Heroic failures are assumed, cause the heroes aren't heroes yet, and everyone else is stupidly incompetent...
The 4 knights went off and beat the crap out of everything in their way, until a giant tank-like Ram appeared!
"Do not stand in the red target!" shouted Tide of the Orange, just as Meeple the Red was doing that very thing and got slammed by a bomb. "...of course, I say that as Meeple gets nearly killed" he follows up, and then says "By the way, jumping is a great way to do damage and you can stay aireborne if you hit things!"
"well, gee, that would have been nice to know earlier!" said Xeroma the Blue.
After defeating the tank, and many more minions, a MUCH LARGER MAN appeared, with the Red Princess tied up. The 4 valiant knights fought and prevailed against their large useless foe, and then cut the Princess free. However, there was but one problem in this mess...
THEY ALL WANTED HER! So naturally, the four Knights squared off and ATTACKED EACH OTHER! Oblivion Knight was quick to poison his opposition, and victory seemed his...until Meeple can flying at him, and sliced his head off. MEeple being the victor of this bloodfest, had rights to the Red Princess!
"Bah, I want the Green One! She's the minority!" shouted the Green one as he placed his head back on his shoulders.
Then a level up screen occurred! Each had decided to choose different paths, and would follow this method of training the entire way. To the Blue one, a Balanced Build, raising all stats evenly. As the team leader (being the first player), it is fitting he would have a protagonist build! To the Orange Knight, a tank Build...but with many strength boosts too. He would be the one that would take our hits. To the Red Knight, nothing but strength. SMASH is the name of his game, and SMASH he would do. To the Green one, a Magic build, and he would refuse to use anything but that for the rest of the game!
During a shopping trip to restock on supplies...
"Oh, right, we all have Bows and Arrows, which can be swapped to be used instead of Potions!" said the Tide the Knowledge-able.
The 3 other Knights all stood glaring at the Orange one, angered as such an aspect of advice would have been handy earlier. Alas, given the Speed Based nature, no one would ever gain a decent usage of the Bow.
In the forest the team went. As they ventured forth, many of the creatures seemed to have fear of something, evident by the fluids released from their bodies. As they crossed a large animal behind a bush...
"Say, does a bear shit in the woods?" said the Green one, only for a large disgusting sound to be heard "...I guess that answers that." As the team marched forward, a large black fuzzy monster appeared, but it was dispatched. The quartet cleaned their weapons and entered the shed...
...only to learn the monster in question was not that one, but an EVEN BIGGER large furry monster! Alas, the team could not fight back, so jumping upon 4 deer, the one boarded by Tide the Knowledge-able fueled by feces rocket power, SET FORTH TO RUN FROM THE VILE BEAST!
"Battletoads Reference...Meeple no like. MEEPLE SMASH!" said the Red one, as he flattened himself on the wall, knocking himself out from the race. Shortly after, Xeroma the Heroic met a similar fate, only for Tide the Knowledge-able and Oblivion Knight the Flatuent prevailed. Somehow, their success has brought back unto existence Meeple the Explosive and Xeroma the Heroic, only long enough for the entire team to fall down a waterfall, into a raging river.
Upon the river, the 4 Knights tried to make due jumping on logs, debris, sharks, alligators and corpses, fighting off whatever crazed enemy swarm they could make. After a long and grueling battle against the forces of Mookness, a large ship appeared...
Their lord, the King, had followed them, to aid them! It appears there was some luck i the midst...or so they thought, as right after, a Felince burst out of the water...one with fins and scales.
"Meeple see kitty...but kitties no like water or have fins. Meeple confused..."
"Aha! The Boss Catfish has arrived!" so the intellectual one
"Yes, a 'Cat'fish..." responded the azure protagonist.
"AWESOME! I want one!" said the Green one, as he charged in, Poison Magic in hand, and fired!
...a 1 appeared.
"Meeple think that weak! MEEPLE SMASH LARGE KITTY!" as he did the same effect.
"Guys, we need to form a plan..." the Canadian one said.
"Hey, King, why don't you fire your cannon at that...monstrosities...teeth?" said the would-be Main Character.
"Huh? Me? You mean I'm suppose to do something...well, I guess if he coughs up a hairball..." his highness stated...just as an aquatic hairball was formed "...ok, FIRING THE CANNON!"
With the cannon ball fired, the Feline's mouth opened, the team attacked with full force! Upon several vollies later, and the...thing...ramming into the ship several times over, our 4 heroes were victorious!
As they wandered off, what new perils await them? What new evil demons will the 4 have to face? And will the idea of focusing entirely in POISON MAGIC turn out to be a good idea? Stay tuned for the next episode of CASTLE CRASHERS: DL STYLE!