Pool A
Match #1
The location, any given body of water.
The challenge, get from point A to point B using only their own power.
The problem, they're both second banana's who don't know how to win.
That's right, it's Starscream himself against Wario in a swimming challenge.
Starscream comes into this with a host of abilities, from can turn into vehicles, to is a robot and therefore can't really get tired, and he's willing to do anything to win.
Wario comes into this as a tub of lard with issues of incompetance. His one edge is that he's also willing to do anything to win, and in his case, that anything will occasionally work! But will the odd taste of success be enough to beat a robot? Only time will tell!
Match #2
When it comes to the aquatic, some matches may be bog standard. But sometimes you'll get the truly random, and so we deliver. We leave behind swimming and now present, Talking to Fish! The challenge where the winner is the one who can best hold a coversation with the subaquatic denizens.
There's some who say that language is no barrier for one who can speak without words. And there's few finer masters of that art than the infamous 007, James Bond himself. The issue with him may be less speaking with the fish, and more figuring out whether or not it's a ladyfish he's chatting up.
Of course, where savvy fails, science prevails! And science will be ably represented by Dr. Emmett Brown, the man who can use materiels from all of time itself to bring to bear on this mission.
Match #3
Pod Racing, the sport of sitting in a metal box barely strapped to a pair of jet engines, and then driven at some level of Mach through a box canyon with plenty of obsticles and occasionally guys on the sidelines shooting at you. Of course, here at the Tournament of Random events want to take something this dangerous, and make it even more so by letting any yahoo pilot.
Our first pilot is noted martial artist Goku. He's known for his skill at remaining competent under high levels of stress, being shockingly resistant to G-Forces, and able to make even the highest speed of events drag on forever. Of course, his main flaw is that when he gets tense, he unleashes an aura that destroys everything around him.
Our second pilot is Odie, who is a dog. But given that he shares a house with Garfield, and doesn't provide him constantly with Lasagna, we're assuming he's indestructable.
Winner is either the first one to finish, or the last one to wreck their pod.
Match #4
A mainstay of randomness, this week we revel once again in the glory that is American Gladiator, where two competitors once again match wits and brawn in a competition of spandex wearing and pole wielding.
Our first competitor will show that he's no stranger to the kind of absurdity and abuse this game loves to subject competitors to. That's right, it's the Dood himself, the Prinny! This demonic penguin will be ready to show off his skills to the gladiators and audience alike.
But his opponent will show that not only does she have skills of her own, but she also looks better in spandex. Of course, how much abuse is an NYPD officer willing to take? Aya Brea takes to the games, hoping to win, though stuck in an arena where her officer training will help, but her mitochondrial powers likely won't.
Match #5
What is their quest?
To find the Holy Grail.
What is their names?
Commander Sammuel Vimes, of the Ahnk-Morpork Night Watch. A gritty realist who doesn't believe in things like Holy Grails, but has a copper's instincts, and a nasty habit of finding the truth in every situation.
He is the Terror that Flaps in the Night, he is the soapy hairball that clogs up your drain, he is, Darkwing Duck. And despite the comedic misunderstandings that are sure to happen, he's also guaranteed to solve the case in a half an hour or less, unless it's sweeps week, in which case he'll need an hour.
And finally... What is the average wingspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
Match #6
Last time on Applied Pyrotechnics we had a pair of guys who needed fireworks. And just barely avoided a pair of people who were weak to fire in the premier ode to blowing shit up with fire. This season, that has been fixed.
Our first contestant is an actual Goddess, even if she is a boring goddess of order. We welcome, straight from Tellius, Ashera herself! Bearing divine power, she'll be able to create some wonderful explosions. And while she may not be especially wild with them, you can bet that the choreography will be second to none.
But, while our second competitor can only borrow that kind of power, and really only has one talent. Applied pyrotechnics is her talent, and damn if she isn't good at it. That's right, Lina Inverse comes onto the scene in order to challenge Ashera's order with the raw chaotic majesty of the Dragon Slave, as well as all of the rest of her aresnal of firey doom.
Match #7
We all know the tale, whatever the differences, they're only details, little things that don't obscure the truth, but illumine it. Whether it's bases loaded, two outs, bottom of the ninth, two points down and three seconds on the clock, or the drama of the shootout, and with all three, it's the championship on the line. It's the big game, baby, and these guys have come to bat.
If there's anyone well suited to getting a proper ending, it's this man. Judge Doom may be best known for his dip, and killing man and toon alike. But when it comes to the clinch, his cool analytical exterior will be more than enough to let him grab the big win. At least, so long as it ain't a Valiant tossing him a screwball. But it should be more than enough since his opponent has never taken to the field personally before.
Which is very true. Igor's always been more of a coach and a manager, scouting the talent and giving them the tools to win. However, he's always backed the winning horse, and whenever the grand finale is in doubt, whenever defeat looms its ugly head, he's shown up at the key time in order to help his star (or is it fool) save the day. He's got a solid track record on the bench, now can he just do the same on the field.
Match #8
Alright, we all know poker, so I won't wax lyrical about it.
We also all know the competitors. Lenneth Valkyrie, known for either being an ice queen who betrays nothing and is capable of cooly calculating every situation. Or, being an over-emotional basketcase. We'll see which one shows up to the table today to face off against her opponent, an oddly intelligent electric rat who, because it's the anime version, has an odd knack of defying even the laws of physics to win. And while poker doesn't have physics, we're not sure that'd stop the rat.
Quick Vote Form
01. Starscream v Wario - Swimming Race
02. Dr. Emmitt Brown v James Bond - Talking to Fish
03. Goku v Odie - Pod Racing
04. Prinny v Aya Brea - American Gladiator
05. Samuel Vimes v Darkwing Duck - Questing for the Holy Grail
06. Goddess Ashera v Lina Inverse - Applied Pyrotechnics
07. Judge Doom v Igor, Persona - Win the Big Game
08. Pikachu, Anime v Lenneth Valkyrie - Poker
