Lost Odyssey - I have had this sitting around for how long now? Over 6 months easilly. A huge chunk of it has just been doing end game side quests honestly. Last time I played I did the DLC dungeon and then died to the boss because instead of leaving and saving I went lol everything in the game so far has been easy and the game gave me practically be invincible skills. Yeah you need a specific setup to beat it so I died and didn't feel like the hour and a half grind through no save dungeon just to get all the loot again. So the disc sat in my X-Box for a while unplayed. Figured I would finish it off. Ending was easy because of sidequests, the game really goes out of its way to just curl up and die if you do them.
It was totally worth it for two things though. First we will make fun of the ending and then we will get onto the main event.
Okay so this whole game is about immortals and stuff. You get to a point where the final boss tricks you into coming to an area where you lose your immortality while you are there. But! So does he! Then some pointless drama happens with the mortal so OMG cannot escape. Then one of the immortals makes a heroic sacrifice to take down the bad guy and break the thing that will take the immortals back to their home world, but in the process saving the mortals. This is fucking RETARDED. Seriously.
You get to a point where the final boss tricks you into coming to an area where you lose your immortality while you are there. But! So does he!
the game pulls this shit in about the same time frame it took me to get from that quote to saying it was retarded. BITCH YOU HAVE A SWORD. GUT THE CUNT AND WEAR HIS HEAD AS A HAT. BREAK THE THING. EASY WIN.
Faarrrrrr more importantly though in my continuing quest for FASHION or somesuch.
First of all though lets establish something. Cooke dresses like a prostitute. Always. No matter what she is wearing.
Now on to the fabulous outfits worn in the ending!
First of all Sarah dresses like a birthday cake an Sed dresses like a pimp. These are acceptable although the cake is hideous and there is some issues with the pimp suit, pale blues and a red coat is kind of gross, but we can deal with that in the face of the what is to come.
Kaim. I understand that you are a thousand years old, but you don't have to dress like it, you can keep up with modern trends. Powder coloured suits went out in the 70s. Powder Pink was never particularly attractive to begin with. Also what is with those frills? That isn't anything close to how a cravat is supposed to work, again with the clashing pale blue. Seriously though. Those frills. Nevermind. Onwards!
Yes Jansen, you are marrying something that wears a hat like that. No you can't back out now. At least your crazy long cravat directs attention directly to your crotch with its design (NOTE: Not long after this part we see the hookers Jansen hangs with sad that he is getting married. Thats right. He invited his hookers to his wedding. In another country. Fuck yes.) but it gets worse than the hat. Lets look at the train on that dress.
Wow. So the train on the wedding dress is a big hoop with patterned lace on it. That just drags along the ground. You know what this perfectly represents? The insane extravagance of the royalty at play here. This is not a super advanced society. This wedding ceremony takes place in the open air court in Numara. That ground would have to normally be covered in dirt and dust. Enough that it would be fine in most circumstances, but sure as hell enough that if one were to drag a hoop covered in lace that the lace will be dirty brown after a few metres. Just pure obnoxious decadence on display here. Also it is a really fucking dumb idea for a train. Edit - You really have to see it in movement or just take my word for it, but the pattern you see there is totally all on the train, not seeing through to the patterned flooring.
I don't have anything much to say about the last party member's clothes, he is a king officiating as a priest or something, I don't quite get it, there doesn't really seem to be any organised religion in this setting and he has no part in the Numara government, it is just Ming that handles that shit, so I don't get why they need a big ceremony and can't just fuck like rabbits, but whatever. What I do have is an image of him doing a Nazi Salute, so go me.
Now for the big finale, time for a dance number.
Feel free to sing along!
Link to the song here!
When you walk in the bar and you're dressed like a star
Rockin' your F me pumps
And the men notice you with your Gucci bag crew
Can't tell who he's lookin' to
'Cause you all look the same everyone knows your name
And that's your whole claim to fame
Never miss a night 'cause your dream in life
Is to be a footballers wife
You don't like players that's what you say-a
But you really wouldn't mind a millionaire
You don't like ballers they don't do nothing for ya
But you'd love a rich man six foot two or taller
You're more than a fan lookin' for a man
But you end up with one-nights-stands
He could be your whole life if you got past one night
But that part never goes right
In the morning you're vexed he's onto the next
And you didn't even get no text
Don't be too upset if they call you a sket
'Cause like the news everyday you get pressed
You don't like players that's what you say-a
But you really wouldn't mind a millionaire
Or them big ballers don't do nothing for ya
But you'd love a rich man six foot two or taller
You can't sit down right 'cause you jeans are too tight
And your lucky its ladies night
With your big empty purse every week it gets worse
At least your breasts cost more than hers
So you did Miami 'cause you got there for free
But somehow you missed the plane
You did too much E, met somebody
And spent the night getting caned
Without girls like you there'd be no fun
We'd go to the club and not see anyone
Without girls like you there's no nightlife
All those men just go home to their wives
Don't be mad at me 'cause your pushing thirty
And your old tricks no longer work
You should have known from the jump that you always get dumped
So dust off your fuck me pumps
Also I love that his chestpiece looks like it was designed by Picasso during his Cubist period.
But seriously the game was fun, the plot is dumb but generally inoffensive. The gameplay is broken and easy, but at least it has more bite to it than Grandia does, so it isn't total faceroll. It only gets horribly broken when you get Sed. Then you get the Aftergame which makes things worse. That is still a lot of game where it tries! Certainly worth a look if you have a 360.
