Final Fantasy 4: The After Years – Edge, Fulfilling His Time-Honored Tradition of Being a Bloody Corpse
So where did we leave off. Oh yes, Edge’s quest. So we play as NINJAZ! I find the premise of a ninja kingdom a little ridiculous but this is really an aside. A girl ninja, a baby ninja, an old ninja, and a fat ninja. Most of it is pretty uneventful other than learning that Porom has high Passive Perception and pwns baby ninja several times, seeing through him.
Then we get to Edge himself. The good thing about Edge is that he is such an egomaniac that he doesn’t giggle over Cecil like a fangirl at a Justin Bieber concert, so this is a refreshing change of pace. Edge’s decision making skills are still less than stellar though, which is why he goes to the Tower of Babil. Alone. In the event that he runs into anyone who uses magic ever or anyone who can physical three times (getting through Blink) he is fucked beyond reason.
Fortunately the ninjas reappear to help me, so I have help! Edge is probably the best of the ninjas, which makes me strongly suspect I will never use any ninjas ever. We climb the tower and then have this sequence.
Fat ninja: Hey, bro, this chick’s crazy, she killed lots of monks, let’s stay away.
Edge: *charges to her, attacks*
*Rubicant and parents reappear to tell Edge what a toolshed he is being*
Edge: *continues charging*
The party gets predictably owned and we have to flee from Ifrit over and over. Edge runs into the airship deck assuming there would be an airship there, gets trapped by the Mysterious Girl, and then leaps off the balcony hoping an airship would appear because it did before! Edge has a hunch that everything is happening exactly the same as it did 17 years ago. I applaud his ability to uh pick up on the fact that this game reuses its plot points. Very meta, FF4TAY, very meta.
So we land in Rydia’s loveshack and Edge hits on her because it’s the cool thing to do. AND THEN…. THE MAN IN BLACK APPEARS!!! !!!!! 111!1!
So we have successfully completed all the scenarios!
Or not. Next is Lunarian’s quest, where you play as FuSoYa and Golbez. I don’t have much to say about this quest other than OW BOSSES OH MY GOD I DIED AGAIN. However, I discovered that Slow is the bomb diggity after a while and that made things easier. Still not lovin’ the randoms that cast MT OHKO Breath. Died like nine times total?
So anyway, after that diversion of death and player suffering, we get to saving the world or something. There are two major things going on. Edge, Rydia, THE MAN IN BLACK WHO IS TOO COOL TO TELL US HIS NAME IS GOLBEZ, and Luca. We fly around the world getting owned by Summons, especially Ramuh oh my god, while Ceodore, Rosa, Eddie, and Kain confront E. Cecil. We go to Eblan Castle and it is on fire. Edge tries to duel Ifrit one-on-one, dies horribly. Rubicant revives him and then kills him again because he thought it was funny I guess and then spits on his corpse. Edge somehow gets revived by the power of parental love and then we (by we I mean Rydia and Golbez) kick Ifrit’s ass. We wander for a while, fight Titan, and then go to the castle. So a team of Rosa, Ceodore, Golbez, Kain, and Edge fight another MYSTERIOUS GIRL. Edge, bringing back memories to the final dungeon of FF4, spends most of this battle as a corpse on the ground while Golbez hurls magic, Kain prances in his pretty outfit, and Rosa and Ceodore try to keep the world afloat.
Now we head to… the moooooooooon! What exciting adventures await us there?! (There is still the Moon changing mechanic though~)