Sarcastic Anime Summary Contest

[AndrewRogue]

Cid: Almost did the same! Remembering the difference in Copyright and Plagerism at the last minute saved me, though.

[Captain K.]

anyone who is stupid enough to watch the godawful piece of shit new OVA to the end hardly has sound judgement. (Universe continuity 4eva)

I would say the same thing of people who watch Universe.  The original series is the best; anything that came after that was just milking the cash cow.

[Hunter Sopko]

The new OVA continues and subsequently takes a shit on any quality the original OVA had.

And you're right. OVA does have a better Mihoshi, but Universe has Kiyone and Nagi. And no one like Tenchi in Tokyo.

[hinode]

I call foul. That's kind of a judgement call, and anyone who is stupid enough to watch the godawful piece of shit new OVA to the end hardly has sound judgement. (Universe continuity 4eva)

Watch? Oh heavens no. I got all my info about OVA series 3 from reviews/summaries by fanboys who want to throttle Kajishima for the direction he took that continuity in (i.e. the ridiculously convoluted incestuous Jurai family tree).

[Hunter Sopko]

(i.e. the ridiculously convoluted incestuous Jurai family tree).

This was assumed and honestly already kind of apparant. There was more wrong with the OVA than that.

[NotMiki]

Yeah, muddled incest is one thing, but the 3rd OVA is also boring, primarily from having to take so much time explaining the muddled incest.  Not acceptable.

[Hunter Sopko]

K. On that note, time for Round 3 everyone!

Bit of a switchup here. I give you the anime, you give me your best sarcastic summaries.

1. One Piece
2. Bleach
3. Dragonball Z
4. Neon Genesis Evangelion
5. Akira
6. Slayers
7. Berserk
8. Code Geass
9. Higurashi no Naku Koro ni
10. School Days

Ends in a week. Looking forward to what people have to come up with. I'll probably post the winner as well as a runner-up if it merits it.

[Hunter Sopko]

Bump.

A tip, just try and mesh summary and punch-line. Getting a lot of too much of either.

[Hunter Sopko]

1. One Piece - Random - "Rubber proves ineffective as a floatation device."

HMs:
Alex - "Man harnesses the supernatural power to become the world's most skilled lover, yet remains perpetually unsatisfied."
Andy - "Dying prisoner incites worldwide increase in crime."

Andy's is probably what I'd use in a contest, but somehow Random's caught me just the right way with an off sense of humor that still gives huge hints at the show. Props to Alex for random sex joke.

2. Bleach - Doma - "Temp tries to bring back the worker he replaced."

HM
Andy - "Mexicans declare war against fashion, die pointlessly."

Doma's is far and away the winner here.

3. Dragonball Z - Doma - "Linear fighters, quadratic monkeys."

Double here. I don't think in a million years I could come up with something as good as this.

4. Neon Genesis Evangelion - Excal - "Young hero gets his mommy to save the world."

HMs:
Djinn - "You All Have Daddy Issues."
Alex - "An isolated research station in the Antarctic wastes stumbles upon a dangerous alien life form; psychological horror ensues, ending in most of the cast transforming into grotesque monstrosities, getting blown up, or both, until the final two survivors are left alone in a nihilistic wasteland, realizing it is futile to doubt the other's humanity."

Another great entry here by Excal. Perfectly encapsulates the series. Djinn's was winning until Excal jumped ahead. Alex also wins for ironically going against the spirit of the contest for a pretty good entry.

5. Akira - Alex - "Substance abuse scandal wrecks Japan's Olympic bid."

HM:
Doma - "Friends don't let friends destroy their city."
Excal - "The tender love story between a boy and his blob."

Alex's entry is so damn good it actually made me a little angry. Doma and Excal's are a worthy effort though.

6. Slayers - Andy -  "Infamous criminal saves world, leaves thousands homeless."

HMs:
Jim - "A ravenous fiend uses the power of a dark god to indiscriminately destroy entire villages.  Later, she fights some bad guys."
Doma - "Phenomenal cosmic power, itty bitty restraint."

Andy sneaks in at the last moment to win this one. Both Jim's and Doma's are good though.

7. Berserk - Doma - "Man is unhappy with his old boss, perhaps due to workplace hazards."

HMs
Jim - "Jock waves around a huge phallic symbol.  Everyone assumes he's gay."
Alex - "Child abuse comes back to haunt a dysfunctional dynasty."

Doma wins this one for a few reasons. Jim and Alex had good ones but... didn't quite hit me like Doma's. He was a stone's throw from a perfect entry here. I put Berserk on because I honestly couldn't come up with my own for the previous two, and at the very least his sparked one for me.

8. Code Geass - Jim - "Obnoxious young man thinks his charisma is so high he can make people be his friends."

HM
Doma - "Man works with the enemy to fight his home to defeat the enemy. His friend does the same."

Jim's wins on the sheer fact of how long it took me to wrap my head around how good Doma's was. I'da dropped the "his charisma is so high" part and just went with the result though.

9. Higurashi no Naku Koro ni - Jim - "Really bad things happen to sorta good people.  Repeatedly."

HM
Alex - "Linkin Park craze sweeps rural Japan."

Didn't get many actual entries for this one, so Jim's wins by default for being both reasonably funny and accurate. Alex's also at least gets a chuckle.

10. School Days - Random - "Girl resolves relationship issues and takes a pleasant cruise."

HM
Doma - "World's worst pregnancy test."

I originally was going to veto any entry with Nice Boat or Trainwreck in them... but I have to admit Random uses it cleverly here. Doma wins points for wrongness.

Thanks to everyone for entering!