Results
57. Darth Vader v Homer SImpson - Competitive Blogging IIIII II/II
58. Gimli, Son of Gloin v Excellen Browning - Excelling at Sports That Don't Even Exist Yet /IIIII
59. Sahz, FF13 v Revolver Ocelot - Jogurt Herding IIIII/
60. Kornell v Missy the Bartender, EO3 - Pillow Fight IIII/II
61. Sherlock Holmes v Ike - Dog Grooming IIII/III
62. Arche Klein, ToP v Guan Ping - Propositioning (FFT Style) I/II
63. Welcome to Coneria Guard v Taloon - Basket Weaving I/IIIII III
64. Admiral Ackbar v M. Bison - Puppy Kicking /IIIII III
Round 2
Pool AB
Match 65
Let's start with an ancient game for a new round. That old fashioned drinking contest, where you try and hold your liquor better than the other guy is one of the few contests where it's not only possible but easy to combine going down in a blaze of glory with complete, soul crushing, humiliation. Or, heck, where the two of them are also plenty compatable with winning too!
Our first brave challenger is Mario's doppleganger, the clinically greedy Wario. The man has a way of wanting more than is good for him, but so far in his career, it's generally paid off more often than it's hurt him. Of course, his secret isn't so much a spotless track record so much as it is not letting horrific failure stop him. So past success is no guarantee for a victory here.
That said, his opponent may have been able to master time, but can he master five different kinds of tequila fighting for dominance in his belly? Emmitt Brown is a man of science, and so likely has a few tricks up his sleeve to win out over his far more robust opponent. And hey, he managed to survive the old west, which means he must have at least a bit of a knack for drinking, right?
Match 66
Poetry is the art of painting with words. Needless to say, the one with the more cultured soul is the one more likely to win. Sadly, what we have here, Goku, the marital artist best known for his long form grunting, and Aya Brea, best known for being the cop that lights stuff on fire with her mind.
Match 67
Other kids games are all such a bore!
They've gotta have rules and they gotta keep score!
Calvinball is better by far!
It's never the same! It's always bizarre!
You don't need a team or a referee!
You know that it's great cause it's named after me!
- Calvin
Follow the link if you don't already know the game. I don't really have any words that can top it. What I also can't top are the contestants, Darkwing Duck and Lina Inverse. Both masters of the peculiar type of illogic needed to play this game. I... can't even hazard to guess who will win, only that it will be glorious.
Match 68
Chicken is that curious, curious game where you both compete to see who can get the closest to doing something utterly suicidal without actually going over. Usually racing a car towards a cliff, but something else can be found if necessary. It's a game where the necessary components are the skill to actually do what you're gunning for, the nerve to hold on longer than your opponent, and the judgement to know just how good you are, and where it's less a matter of skill and tripped over into suicide.
First up is a master of judgement. Igor, from the Velvet Room, has made his living in averting disasters by making contracts with the right people at the right time, and then providing them with support. However, while he's plenty good at helping other stare down the abyss, and providing the key bit of support at the right time, can he show the right mix of skills to claim victory here?
Especially since his opponent is quite formidable when she's on her A game. Lenneth Valkyrie, chooser of the slain, one of the three Godesses who govern Fate. Her live of work requires all three of the qualities that make one great at Chicken. In addition, this is probably the kind of sport the real nordic pantheon would find awesome. Her only drawback is that when she's not on her A-game, well... then she's a weepy, wishy-washy charicature of a woman that's far too common in her genre. So the real question may be, which Lenneth is going to show up here?
Match 69
Tightrope walking is that kind of skill competition that everyone knows and is pretty intuitive. Can you do it, and then how fast/fancy can you do it. I think today we'll be going for the pass/fail and how far though given our contestants are a mogul and a diplomat.
Jean-Luc Picard may be an awesome diplomat and the captain of the fleet flagship, the USS Enterprise. But does this mean he'll be able to walk a more literal tightrope? Of course, his opponent is the even older Scrooge McDuck, who is just as cultured, but has a knack for actually going on the scene in order to get the fantabulous treasures he claims.
Match 70
Today's match is pretty simple: Killing Everyone. Not a whole heck of a lot of room for discussion there. If you see someone, then you kill them. If you can't see someone, then find a way to kill them anyways. Go door to door slaughtering, cause reality to cease to be, or simply unleash a plague of unstoppable killing machines, it's all good! Whoever can do it faster (or get further before getting stopped) wins. That said... the RNG gods have been nice to everyone and we have two heros up to the plate here.
First up is Ramza Beoulve who's one of the squeakier clean heros out there. That said, he does have some political ties, and it's suggested that he could probably be goaded into killing plenty of people if the reasons were right. Which is good because this guy has some great leadership and teambuilding skills, having managed to assemble a team that could stand against the elite of Ivalice's several armed factions as well as fairly potent demons. And this is ignoring the fact that where he goes, people just seem to have a nasty habit of dying anyways.
That said, he never worked as a full-fledged bad guy. While Leo may have changed his stripes, he started off as a flunky of the Evil Empire. Which is the kind of edge he's going to have to rely on since he seems to lack even the edges that Ramza has.
Match 71
Batman may not have superpowers, but that doesn't stop him from finding out everything, and then using that everything to be so crazy prepared that he can take out Superman himself. This is the man who is so good, that if there is a field that humans can participate in, he is the best at it. Of course, that's just the freakish pop culture image of the guy, but what kind of fun would this be if we went with anything less? The goal for our competitors is to be this freakishly awesome.
The Angry Video Game Nerd may have the knowledge and the anger to bring to bear, but how can he do with the physical side? If he had time to prepare, could he punch out Superman? Meanwhile, Maria Renard at least has experience in dealing with vamps, so I assume she's pretty good with the improvisation and fighting. Just, how well can she do at investigation and simply knowing stuff?
Match 72
News reports show a meteor is headed for Earth, it's smashing into the planet will be an extinction level event. And our only hope is to detonate the thing so it cleanly splits in two and avoids the planet as opposed to smashing into us, or worse than that, breaking up and shotgunning into us. We can only send two missions, can either of them survive?
First up is Totoro's mission and... honestly, I have no clue what he can bring to bear that'd be useful in a high stakes mission in outer space. So I'll let the folks who know him provide an argument.
The other guy, Fei Fong Wong, I do feel qualified to give an argument for. After all, he'll be able to travel in Xenogears, which has the range to reach, and while he may not have pressure suits, his gear being capable of martial arts and eye lasers means it can probably do the precision work necessary to carry off a plan that'll no doubt have been gone over by Citan Uzuki and Sigurd, who'll likely have the science to pull it off.
Quick Vote Form
65. Wario v Dr. Emmitt Brown - Drinking Contest
66. Goku v Aya Brea - Poetry Contest
67. Darkwing Duck v Lina Inverse - Calvinball
68. Igor v Lenneth Valkyrie - Chicken
69. Jean-Luc Picard v Scrooge McDuck - Tightrope Walking
70. Ramza Beoulve v White Knight Leo - Killing Everyone
71. Angry Video Game Nerd v Maria Renard - Being Batman
72. Totoro v Fei Fong Wong - Detonating an Asteroid in Space
