WA3 - So I start this and get introduced to a rash and impulsive teenage girl who does rash and impulsive things, a guy who despite being a treasure hunter is somehow surprised at the existance of traps in an ancient ruin, a guy who aspires to be a lazy bum no I haven't played WA2 I totally can't tell what's in store for him thanks, and an older guy who is clearly the babysitter for this soon-to-be formed band of chucklefucks. Then a train gets robbed time to have a firefight on top of a train wait why is there a ninja also what is this thing called physics can you eat it. Then we get off the train and go to visit the lazy bum's village and get informed of DIRE PERIL that is threatening the world wait DIRE PERIL that is threatening the world in a WA game I am shocked. Then we go to another town to go and do something unrelated and rash and impulsive girl decides we should be a team, everyone is happy except for the incompetent treasure hunter who is clearly a scrub with a perpetual case of sand bleeding out of his ass and gets told to shut up pussy. Then we meet the train robber and his two flunkies again, they are not at all suspicious but are told to fuck off. Then five minutes later rash and impulsive girl decides to trust them despite saying that she couldn't trust them five minutes ago and when rightly called out on this bizarre change of heart she says she has to trust them otherwise she can't trust them. Oooookay girl whatever floats your boat. I would just go on happy not trusting them but I am mean and petty.
Naturally the train robber betrays the party OH NO THE TRAIN ROBBER WAS UNTRUSTWORTHY WHO COULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING and the treasure the party led him to is apparently part of the seal to an evil weapon. Good fucking job there rash and impulsive girl. So we can't let him have it so clearly we need to get the other stuff, okay, cue next dungeon where the party runs into a band of misfits led by a raging bitch who, as she has opinions and wishes to express them, is mad at the obviously inexperienced rash and impulsive girl for being obviously inexperienced, okay so this isn't the most newbie friendly job but you are basically hating water for being wet. Also raging bitch hides a chaingun roughly the size of her up her skirt that is certainly a thing, what they do with portable holes these days. So raging bitch gets beat and presumeably intends to write us into her revenge diary what the hell I thought I wasn't playing TotA but then she runs off, okay. Then we run into the train robber and his flunkies and raging bitch comes in and train robber proceeds to add chauvanism to his growing list of venal sins and we reaffirm that yes, rash and impulsive girl, he is indeed a very bad man, so naturally we must fight the train robber again, who now has the power of TEAMWORK on his side, oh no we are doomed.
Except not, so train robber runs off and tries to blow up the ruin. RIG (because I am tired of typing that out and am refusing to use actual names here) is rash and impulsive and runs after him being oblivious to the fallen masonry and has to get saved by the incompetent treasure hunter. Then she deservedly gets smacked in the face by raging bitch for being a fucking dumbass. Raging bitch proceeds to prove herself to be confused on the subject of morality by insisting on the abscence of good and evil despite the fact that a very bad man walked out of the ruins not five minutes ago, and then proceeds to announce to the party that she is walking into an obvious trap laid by the train robber and insists that the party follow her. Which they do, because apparently no one is allowed to have at least two braincells to rub together at this point.
So we walk into the obvious trap where SHOCK AND HORROR raging bitch gets defeated by the train robbing trio's mad cutscene powers. The train robber proceeds to reveal to the team that his penis is, in fact, very small and that he needs a larger phallus to be satisfied. No one is shocked as his large bayonet indicates that he is clearly overcompensating already. At this point said larger phallus descends upon the earth and is reveled to be the aforementioned evil weapon, which... gets shot away by RIG's dinky revolvers. Okay, game whatever works for you. Train robber continues to one-up himself in his eternal quest for tastelessness with rape metaphor. Cue round 4, cue floor falling from below train robber's feet, he's dead yay except not and gets approached by dudes who invoke tired white after labor day jokes and gets asked if he DESIRES THE POWER then gets stabbed in the crotch with the evil large phallus weapon and is satisfied and becomes a freaky fishy guy, I'm sure he'll never be back.
So clearly we need to defeat the evil penis. With guns.
This is sure a thing that is happening.
NxC - There are dudes and they get punched. Or shot. Occasionally timewarps happen. Okay.
