Thanks for the feedback! As well as for the purchases and readthroughs of the sample. Snow's in-depth analysis of the sample is especially appreciated. I'm surprised by the low rate of ebook adoption but I've run into it pretty much everywhere I've asked about this.
Regarding a couple of specific points:
My only ebook reader is my phone and assumed it only reads stuff off iTunes.
There's a free Kindle reader app for iOS devices, which is what I assume you have based on that post. I've never tried it since the only device I have that can run the app is my PC. ;)
If I could get it as a PDF for $5, or even a bit more, I would. But... no Kindle, and although I could theoretically install the Amazon Dot Com Free Kindle Reader App, I don't much like single corporation DRM-locked platforms. I read the sample, and it was all right? But not really amazing, and it would take something pretty super special awesome to make me willing to spend money on a platform I philosophically oppose.
Amazon Kindle format is actually DRM-"optional," as far as I can tell the same as PDF. Except that due to the way Amazon structures providing review copies - and even an author copy! -, the DRM isn't an option anyone can sanely turn
on. Either you turn it off or you don't get more than one copy yourself, which you have to pay for same as anyone else. It's kind of silly, but the long and short of it is that for a self-published author, Amazon Kindle is an enforced DRM free format.
Perfectly fair reason, though. If it didn't grab you, it didn't.
An... eight tailed fox? Did she lose one somewhere?
If she was a
nine-tailed fox she'd be completely OP. ;)
Seriously, though, in Chinese folklore foxes get an additional tail and magical ability every hundred years, with the ability to take human form coming with the second tail. As an eight-tails Hsien is just short of the highest tier, and around 700 years old. It is explained during the story, but it's not a plot point per say.
I read the writing sample. Chapter 2 was intriguing (Hong Kong just before the handover? Sign me up), Chapter 3 didn't grab me, and Chapter 1 kicked over a few of my annoyances with some urban fantasy stories. Aside from being an old fashioned let-me-read-a-real-book type, I doubt I'd read this even if I had the real book. That isn't to discredit the book, just that with so many books and so little time, there's little reason not to read my fantasy from the very best, rather than what is likely a decent & competent stab in a sea of other "pretty good" books. Keep at it, the only way you get better is to keep writing of course.
"Decent & competent" is pretty much the limit of what I would ever aspire to. This being my ninth novel and the product of over ten years of full-time writing, a mix of paid and otherwise, I doubt I'll show much improvement over that level, nor did I ever particularly expect to.
Sentence structure isn't what I'd complain about, though! You know how to turn a phrase, which is good, since this isn't something easily taught. It was more what this art was used for. The main thing that set off alarm bells for me is the feel of Hsien's snidely unstoppableness. Third person limited naturally tends to write as if touched by the point of view of the main character, so this isn't necessarily as big of a worry as if this was in fact the perfect narrator declaring her awesomeness; this could simply reflect her arrogance. Still, I'd have to hope she's in for a big come-down in the middle of the book where she finds out she isn't all that. There's a reason the country bumpkin forced to save the world is so common as to be almost cliche; they are naive, outgunned, fallible, and don't know the traps waiting for them, so they're in for a rough ride where they're constantly the underdog. As you amp up the power of your protagonist, they have to go up against huger and huger threats to keep things interesting; Paul Atreidies is going to have to fight an entire galactic army or something to have a fair fight. I mean, it's a balancing act of course, if you want her established as a competent magic thief then fine; it just seems like it's going to be hard to sell me on her losing to something other than "bigger magic" when she has haxy escape-to-the-sprit-world-with-loot powers. (and yes, I know that the end of Chapter 1 implied she was in Big Trouble until she was rescued by the fairie bridge, but I didn't really feel why. Maybe too much to ask for in a limited space, I suppose.)
I think your instincts were right on this one, and this would probably apply to anything I write. Competent, powerful protagonists are the only thing I'm interested in either writing or reading about. Fantasy farmboys and hapless harem anime leads are the surest way to make me close a book or turn off a show.
Of course, I'd like to think that I also provide threats adequate to challenge those competent, powerful protagonists (or to put them out of their element so their competence and power don't matter), but I also recognize not everybody likes that type of lead to begin with.
Once again, thanks for the feedback, and I hope those of you who did decide to buy the book enjoy it when you get the time to read it.
