Death's Log, Chapter 2, Land of the Dead, Part 1:
"So after seeing that the wears of this useless goat fellow were in fact...useless...perhaps I should expand my vocabulary some...I had decided to explore this rich land. I must say, I rather like the atmosphere. No living beings, just undead monstrosities that I can murder over and over again. Perhaps I will look into buying a vacation home here...might need to ask the Council for a raise for being a Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Sitting around and waiting for it to occur and not killing anything in the meantime is hard work!
So after traversing the land some, going through a cave and hitting these switches, I have discovered that these switches need to be weighed down. This makes my life that much harder...though I still question why I have life to begin with, given my name. Why have I not removed myself of it? Why am I still tangenting? Why are my thoughts about such a thing being written in my journal?
Dust points me in the direction of a tomb, where I explore some, and using my acrobatic skills, I managed to traverse the spiral stair case and reach the bottom. There, the Deposed King, one of the creatures Thane has warned me about sits! And so I take my mighty scythes and go to take his life!
...he crushes me under his club...repeatedly. Hmm...it would appear he is a more worthy foe than I thought, perhaps I shall come back later when I have recovered more of my maximum power. So I continue onward leaving this troll behind me...no, my apologies, I did not mean to equate such a worthy foe with that foolish knave of a Maker Karn...why is he still alive anyway?
Upon exploring this land, I come across a floating fortress held by dragons. Well, it seems me and Despair need to illustrate why we are tools of the Apolcaypse, as I stylishly run across the back of one of those serpents, both on foot and on horse, and reach the castle. Though, some gameplay segment brings a physics puzzle...who designed this place anyway? I'm sure whoever it is has died...given the location, I am sure that is also a safe bet. I come across some arena of sorts, with ghostly fellows. I talk to one of the Phantoms, at first he talks about trying to 'best death' but then seems eager to teach me a few new tricks I had no considered. Something about his king and chancellor being lazy bums who do naught but bark orders. He said he won a tournament to gain his freedom, but is still just a servant. I will see to it that this King gets a nice earful!
...or so I would if his guards were not so stubborn. I would kill them, but alas they are already dead. The Chancellor appears and offers me a deal; if I am to defeat the Arena champion, I can gain an audience with the king. I question where this is, but it seems we are conveniently by the Arena already. That Goat fellow has appeared as well, simply saying 'A merchant knows all ways, and does not tell them all.' Clever boy...or it is just a cop out, I cannot tell.
Upon arriving at the Arena, the Guardians there tell me that I have to EARN my right to fight the Champion. So let me get this straight...I have to earn my right to fight the champion in order to earn my right to fight the king. An inefficient means of doing something...but far more efficient than those governments set up by the deceased human race, I assure you. It appears I must find 3 objects and activate it to summon the Champion. Each object is hidden behind lantern puzzles in different rooms, and all of those statues holding the lanterns contain at least one that has dropped it's lantern. I've heard of repetitive design, but...well, I actually don't have a follow up to that, this is just flat out repetitive. I do in the meantime have to slaughter a bunch of bugs and skeletons, at least, so it is not too bad.
The Champion is summoned and he is a push over. Oh sure, he transformed into a worm at first but using my magical grappling fist I could easily grab him, slash him, and force him into his larger form. I suppose he did take quite a beating, but after a fairly trivial encounter, I take his head. If this is the best the land of the dead has to offer...well, I suppose that's why they are all dead. And I suppose that line of thinking is wearing thing too.
I bring the head to the Chancellor, and reluctantly, he lets me in to talk to the king. The King is quite a ghastly fellow, being annoyed at how many dead souls there are, due to the death of humanity. I do tell him I am growing fond of the atmosphere, he thinks I am jesting...is it so odd that I like it here? Nevertheless, he says he cannot aid me without his court of 3 judges which are spread around the land of the dead. Why is it always three? In fact, that annoys me enough that I head back to the Forge Lands and cover up some loose ends.
First I slaughter Belethor or whatever his name is because he lives in a hot volcano. This line of thinking would make sense if you were there, I assure you. After him, I find the Warden's brother, Oran, who apparently while he was asleeping, his legs and right arm have decided to leave him. How does that work exactly? Are you to tell me that if I slept for several millennia, I'd wake up half a man...if that is what you can call me...I suppose it is accurate given they call me 'Horseman'. Though, looking back at the murals, it would appear one of my brothers is in fact female...but the silhouette is vague, odd thing to bring up now...
It would appear the Shaman of the makers has a task for me to do, involving finishing off a construct she created using the heart of her dead comrade that has been corrupted. I set off to do it, and in the process, fighting constructs stronger than I am use too. I am less than fond of these things, even falling to them several times, but with perseverance I pull through, and eventually, defeat it. Also, I manage to find the blacksmith's hammer after a large swim...it's best you don't question this.
Then I go back to actually do the task I was given: Finding the Court of the King. So onto the first of them. It seems he wishes to end my own quest by smashing the elevator anytime it reaches floor 2. I am less than fond of this action, though he seems perfectly content with me going to any other floor. Jokes on him, I found a work around to keep the elevator from dropping below floor 2, after a large amount of tedious dungeon crawling, wall climbing, block pushing, and skeleton slaying...wait, is the right term? Can it be considering slaying something when it's already dead?
I meet the Phariseer in his tomb, the first of the three I am forced to find. Even though I saw him before, he comes out of a coffin and wishes to kill me. As if one that is already dead can slay the one named death, such irony! He falls to my abilities fast, and while I could kill him, he yields and becomes my servant. Seems he is incorporeal and thus can traverse to areas I cannot, as well as turn to stone. Hmm...perhaps he could find use as a paper weight in the future."
So ends the second part of Death's Log.
