The last chapter of Death's Log is written in some weird moon rune language. Translating it directly is not worthwhile, but worry not, we have found what might be considered a faithful reenactment of the entire sequence of events!
DISCLAIMER: We take no responsibility for any ad-libbing, inconsistencies, and possibly unexpected members of this portrayal.
*Cue Death leaving the Library*
Death: Ok, now to go give the Archon a nice talking to! That's the best course of action here, right? ...who am I even talking to?
Archon: Ah, Death, how did things go!?
Death: ...you're the one who caused all the problems here, and your friend the Scribe sort of gave away all that. How do you THINK things went?
Archon: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! I am the only one SACRED enough to make decisions! IT's my judgment! THE CORRUPTION IS EVIL!!!!
Death: Says the man being eaten by corruption...
Archon: I DO THE JUDGING NOT YOU!
Death: Um, I thought as one of the four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, I do have a technical ability to judge whoever I damn well please?
Archon: IRRELEVANT! *blasts Death through several pillars on a conveniently large arena sized field*
Death: ...so...Boss fight?
Archon: Boss fight.
*Boss fight ensues, Death Wins after 3 cinematic actions involved in the fight*
Watcher: Ah, now that was quite amusing. Well done Horseman.
Death: Thanks, I-...wait, who are you?
Watcher: I am the Watcher sent by the council!
Death: Weren't you a character in the first game?
Watcher: Yes.
Death: ...that died at the end of it?
Watcher: This is technically a parallel story that takes place at the exact same time, that event hasn't happened yet!
Death: ...you're not suppose to be here at all, because you're currently with War, and thus this entire sequence is forced isn't it?
Watcher: No I am not, and yes it is.
Death: Good, THEN GET BACK TO THE FIRST GAME NOW!
Crowfather: What the hell did I just miss?
Death: Pointless moment of Fourth Wall Breaking...also, where'd you come from?
Crowfather: ME!? You're the one who fast traveled out of nowhere! You even accessed the map and everything!
Death: I ask the questions around, here, NOT YOU!
Crowfather: So you're a parrot of a main character?
Death: YES! ...wait I mean...well, I walked into that one...
Crowfather: Silliness aside, you got the Angelic Key!
Death: ...oh, right, I did take that from the Archon, didn't I? I can go into the Tree of Life now, right?
Crowfather: No, you need the other Key that goes with it. There's always two halves to every whole!
Death: And I guess this OTHER key is the "Demon Key" *snicker*
Crowfather: Yes, that's exactly what it is.
Death: ...wait, seriously?
Crowfather: Yes, no, GO TO THE DEMONIC UNDERWORLD AND GET THE OTHER KEY! Here, there's a portal over there!
Death: I...uh...ok...
*in the Demonic Land*
Crowfather: Good, you made it!
Death: How'd you get here before me? I clearly walked into the portal and you were still on the other side.
Crowfather: I have my ways. Anyway, go talk to Samael, he rules this land and holds the key.
Death: This land doesn't exactly look like it's in good condition...and yes I know this is suppose to be hell, but that doesn't explain why the DEMON LORD'S CASTLE IS IN RUINS.
Crowfather: Well...uhmm...Corruption is here and...uhh...corruption comes from Chaos and...uhh...corruption?
Death: Oh ok...how do you fight that anyway?
Crowfather: YOU DON'T! All you can do is stop it from advancing, CORRUPTION IS ETERNAL!
Death: Whatever, onto Samael's castle...wait, I thought the Demon Lord was called the Destroyer...ah whatever...
*near the Castle*
Ostagoth: Aha, Horseman, fancy seeing you here.
Death: Weren't you in the Land of the Dead? How'd you end up here.
Ostagoth: It's called good business.
Death: That doesn't begin to make sense.
Ostagoth: Nor does the fact that I'm about to tell you that Samael has disappeared and you'll have to talk to Lilith to have any chance of finding him.
Death: Where'd that come from?
Ostagoth: Good Business.
Death: You're not really going to answer my questions are you?
Ostagoth: I am a goat person, do you really trust what I say?
Death: Fair point. Anyway, onto to meet Lilith!
*in the castle itself*
Death: Hmm...I wonder where she is...
*Random Demon attacks, Death kills it effortlessly*
Death: That is some welcome you have there. </rough actual line of dialog>
Lilith: Well, I had to make sure you weren't coming to kill me...but then, how could you kill you're own mother?
Death: You are not my mother.
Lilith: Yes I am.
Death: No you aren't.
Lilith: Yes, I really am.
Death: I call bullcrap on that because there was literally nothing leading up to this point. You were just suppose to be Samael's Mistress, and now you're claiming to be my mother just so I can deny it.
Lilith: And?
Death: And I'm a Nephilim! Being his mistress implies I'm his son, which is impossible since if you're a demon, that means you slept with an Angel to create me. So either you're lying or a whore...
Lilith: Oh please, just look at me! Everything about me suggests I'm a succubus, so "Sleeping around" is kind of part of the job description. Besides, at least I didn't SLAUGHTER MY ENTIRE RACE.
Death: ...that was a low blow and you know it. Anyway, just give the damn key.
Lilith: I share Samael's bed but not his secrets! </actual line of dialog, roughly> I can't tell you where he is.
Death: Great, you're useless.
Lilith: What I mean is I don't know where he is now. I can, however, upgrade your Void Walker into a Phase Walker and let you travel to the past to meet him when the castle was still in good shape and he's still around. Only works on certain portals that only exist in this castle though.
Death: ...ok, I guess is a fine substitute. What's the catch?
Lilith: Well, you do realize that you have all the souls of the dead Nephilim within you. You're trying to restore humanity. You do realize that to revive one you have to sacrifice the other...
Death: ...go on...
Lilith: And the Nephilim are your brothers, so...
Death: You want me to choose the Nephilim over humanity despite how the entire purpose of my quest was to restore humanity so War would be pardoned for something that is not his fault?
Lilith: Oh, I won't pressure you, but I trust you'll make the right choice...for your mother's sake...
Death: You're trying to guilt trip me...oh screw it, I'm leaving to meet Samael, GOOD BYE.
*one dungeon involving lots of Phase Walker related puzzles later not worth mentioning because they're hard to describe...but they are creative*
Death: Well, here's the throne room...except I'm in the present. I need to get to the past...oh look, a Phase Walker spot, how convenient, time to go through it!
*he travels back in time*
Samael: Ah, horseman, so the council sends you to the past to do their bidding...wait, no, this is of your own accord.
Death: Wait, if this is the past, how'd you know I was gonna meet you here? How do you know I'm from the future anyway?
Samael: You used the Phase Walker to come here, why else would you use it?
Death: ...touche. So uh, about that Demon Key...mind giving it to me so I can beat up Corruption and restore humanity?
Samael: Sure.
Death: Well that was ea-...
Samael: IF YOU CAN BEST ME IN COMBAT AND PROVE YOU ARE WORTHY OF IT!
Death: -sy. Why does every noble demonic guy require such a thing?
Samael: Because we need a reason for a boss fight with a demon lord.
Death: ...right...
*one boss fight later*
Samael: Ok, here's the key. Just remember Horseman, you must sacrifice one race to save the other.
Death: Let me guess, you want me to bring back the Nephilim too.
Samael: Oh hell no. I don't honestly care who you bring back. I just felt it was a sporting thing to remind you that grave sacrifices must be made so you're prepared for the decision ahead.
Death: Oh, well...thank you? Going back to my time now.
*Back in the present*
Death: Well, time to open the portal to the tree.
Lilith: SAVE THE NEPHILIM PLEASE!!!
Death: ...I thought you were trying to be subtle about that...
Lilith: Uh, er...I mean, you don't have to if you don't want to, son!
Death: uh-huh...yeah, I'm just going to go to the tree now...
*at the tree*
Crowfather: Good, you got the key. Now, open the door, make the decision, beat up Absalom...
Death: Wait, why do I have to beat up Absalom?
Crowfather: Because the game needs a final boss and we hinted at him earlier. Did you seriously think that was just a red herring?
Death: No, but I was hoping that was the case.
*Using the soul split because style, Death opens the tree's gate using both keys, walks in*
Absalom: DEATH! You have finally arrived! Now I must explain stuff because we still have some plot points to cover.
Death: Just get on with it.
Absalom: So yeah, you and the other 3 all slaughtered the Nephilim.
Death: Yes, we know this.
Absalom: But something stood out to me...you showed remorse and hesitation when slaughtering us while the other three did not!
Death: So?
Absalom: HOW DOES THAT MAKE SENSE!? You're Death! You're suppose to enjoy killing because that's what you do!
Death: It's called "I still have a conscious because I'm a good guy", unlike my brother War, I am NOT a Rob Liefeld Rip Off character.
Absalom: You still used a gun!
Death: That belonged to my brother, and the game required I used it! That doesn't count!
Absalom: REGARDLESS I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!
Death: For whatever it's worth, in hindsight, if I could do it again, I might have actually spared you and some of the others to avoid this nonsense...but I guess it's too late for that now? Whatever, let's get this fight over with!
*one straight forward final boss fight later*
Death: Well, that was easier than expected. Now, to revive humanity! So...souls of Nephilim...yeah, you kind of have to go away...I guess I have to sacrifice myself too for this to work? That sucks, but at least War will be saved! *takes mask off, never see the front of his face from here on in* To restore life, I must sacrifice Death! ...the irony is just stupid there, let's just jump into the WELL OF SOULS and get this over with.
Narrator: And so Death of the Horseman sacrificed himself and his brothers to bring back humanity. HOWEVER!!!
*cut to Darksiders 1*
War: I have just coincidentally defeated the destroyer and crushed Mark Hamil's head in my hands! And it seems all of Heaven and Hell is out to get me, but don't worry, I HAVE ALLIES *summons the other 3*
Narrator: The number of the riders always has been, and always will be four, and so Death shall ride again!
Fury: Hey, we got vague sillouhettes in the ending! That's more than what we got in the first game!
Strife: Sweet, we can kind of see what we look like! Wait, is it just me or is one of us a chick?
Fury: That would definitely seem to be the case...token female and all that...
Strife: So...which of the two of us is female?
Fury: ...
Strife: ...
War: Oh you two shut up and move on. This game is not getting a sequel because THQ disbanded and no one bought our franchise...yet...
Death: Disappointing, I know...
--------
So yeah, Darksiders 2 beaten. I found the game more fun than Darksiders 1 mostly because the battle system is so much better, and it doesn't feel like it has to feed directly of LoZ for dungeon design. More platforming based elements, less block pushing, boss fights are straight forward though sometimes have some gimmicks to keep things interesting (they aren't anything close to DMC level though), and plenty of options.
The problems are what most people complain about. Item drop system needs to be improved because there's so much worthless stuff you get throughout. The Diablo style is neat to a degree, but eventually gets tiring having to check all the gear you keep getting only to find you're filled with obsolete stuff. Made worse when you go get that out of the way chest to find it has nothing worthwhile in it.
I wouldn't say the plot is worse than the first, but the characters are. The lack of the Watcher as a consistent character for Death to bounce off of the way War had, and no Central Point akin to Samael in the first game (why they didn't just use the Crowfather for this role the entire game, I don't know) hurts the character interaction, which is a pity because Death himself actually a more fun character than I expected.
Still, it is what it is, and the goods outweigh the bads, and overall while there are some things this flubs that the first game did better, it's a better overall package I feel. Long game too for the genre standards (about 20 hours) and I didn't even do all the side quests and everything. Worth looking into if you want an action game with a bigger emphasis on exploration and all that instead of just straight up battles. Stands alone well enough on it's own merits since it's sort of a detached parallel story to the first game as opposed to a sequel, while still keeping the game connected. Just means you'll mist obvious references that help put the game in perspective with the first, but aren't overly important to understanding the game as a whole.