What Games Are You Playing 2013?

[Jo'ou Ranbu]

Star Ocean 4 - 'kay 'kay 'kay 'kay 'kay

[Luther Lansfeld]

throw it out the spaceship hatch

[Meeplelard]

Radiant Historia Abridged:

Narrator: We Find our heroes sitting around, twiddling their thumbs waiting for Rosch to tell them what to do next.
Stocke: What the hell are you talking about? Some guy already told us Rosch was ready, and that's what we're going to do!
Narrator: Look, it's my story and I tell it however I damn want!
Stocke: Fine, be wrong!
Raynie: Stocke, who are you talking to?
Stocke: Doesn't matter, what matters is we go see what Rosch wants!  But first, I have something to do!

*Stocke goes to Kiel*
Kiel: SERGEANT! TEACH ME HOW TO FIGHT!
Stocke: First, I'm pretty sure I got promoted to Lieutenant.  Secondly, ok (but really I am going to learn how you sword dance! That stuff is cool!)
*they train and learn from each other, which somehow upgrades Stocke's out of battle slash*


*they go*
Rosch: So we're going to play defensive while Viola over here is going to the front lines to meet Granorg's next attack.
Stocke: That sounds awfully suicidal...
Viola: We could swap places if you want!
Stocke: No, not at all!  Being on guard is fine by me!

*mission is set forth*
Stocke: Man, I'm bored, why did I decide to stay in the guard squad again?
Rosch: Because you yourself said it was a suicidal mission?
Stocke: Oh, right.
Marco: So...anyone wanna play Hearts?
Messenger: Sir! The Valkyrie is having problems with Dias, WHAT ARE YOUR ORDERS!?
Rosch: The mission is to STAY HERE!  I think we should do that.
Kiel: WE SHOULD SEND REINFORCEMENTS!  We have enough men here!
Rosch: I'm the leader around here!
Kiel: YEAH AM I'M NOT! SO MY OPINION IS BETTER!
Stocke: (I have to think carefully about this one.)  I think Reinforcements might not be a bad idea?
Rosch: But how will we defend here?
Stocke: We send half the troops to help her, and keep half of them here.
Rosch: Ok, I guess that'll work.  Let's do it!

*BAD END*
Teo: You had barely enough troops to push back an offensive with everyone there, HOW THE HELL DID YOU THINK YOU'D DO IT WITH HALF THE TROOPS?
Stocke: Because...uhh...hey, what's that?
Teo: Huh, what?
*Stocke runs through the node back to the decision point*
Teo: ...can't believe I fell for that one.
Lippti: Hey where did he go?
Teo: ...not even going to dignify that with a response...

*back at base*
Stocke: Yeah, we should keep to the mission.  Reinforcements is a stupid idea seeing as we barely have enough troops to stop an offensive as is, no way half the troops would work! NOT AT ALL!
Teo's Voice: HEY! I told you that!
Rosch: Right, we'll stay defensive!
*more thumb twiddling later*
Marco: So...anyone wanna play hearts?
STocke: NO!  Say, that guy is suspicious...*points to soldier*
Rosch: He's not one of the soldiers, AFTER HIM!
*they chase, explosions*
Soldier: AHAHAHAH! FELL FOR IT! WE SET UP BOMBS THAT YOU CAN'T SEE! GENERAL DIAS' ATTACK WAS JUST A DIVERSION!
Stocke: Well crap, we're kind of screwed now...
*Teo and Lippti appear*
Lippti: NO YOU ARE NOT! FIGHT AND BELIEVE YOU CAN ALWAYS WIN!
Stocke: ...
Teo: What she means is that the BLACK CHRONICLE is at it again, you need a Satyros to get around this!
Stocke: I don't know any Satyros, and it's kind of too late to prevent this...
Teo: *does a circular "keep going" motion*
Stocke: ...unless I go into the OTHER Timeline that I completely forgot about because it involves suicidal invading a country with 3 people...right! Maybe I can get lucky there!

*Stocke jumps over to other timeline*
Stocke: So...we're invading Granorg through some annoying Mountain Pass and the Sand Fortress, right?
Raynie: Yes, not sure why you'd forget this.  We just discussed this 2 minutes ago.
Stocke: We did? ...I mean, right, we did!  Just getting us focused!

*they reach Sand Fortress, which in this timeline is controlled by Granorg*
Stocke: It's ok guys, I got this!  I know exactly where to go!
Raynie: How, this is the first time we've all been here! You yourself said this!
Stocke: It is? I mean...right, it is!  Just I'm good at finding my way around this stuff!
*Stocke using knowledge from the other timeline gets through it no problem*
Marco: It seems an awful lot like you have been here before and you knew exactly where to go.  I mean, you didn't make one wrong turn.
Stocke: I TOLD YOU I'M TALENTED AT THIS STUFF!
Raynie: Explain why we got lost on the mountain then.
Stocke: MOUNTAINS ARE NOT FORTRESSES! TOTALLY DIFFERENT!  Anyway, let's get to Granorg

*they reach the border, guards there*
Marco: Looks like getting through won't be easy.
Raynie: We could just to bust through but that's suicidal.
Stocke: It's ok guys, I got this! *approaches Guard* Hey...can we go through to Granorg?
Guard: Do you have a pass?
Stocke: No...not really...
Guard: Then no.
Stocke: ...well, I'm out of ideas.
Raynie: I thought you said you had this...
Stocke: Look, I'll think of SOMETHING ok!?  We just gotta...
*they hear a scream for help*
Stocke: Oh look! Someone is in danger! Let's go help them out!?
Marco: Besides "because we're the good guys" why should we?
Stocke:  Because...uhh...I'm sure it's important for getting through that gate...somehow...

*they go to the scream*
Girl: Help! I'm beating eaten by Tigers!
*the team wins and beats the tigers*
Stocke: I can take on TWO TIGERS with my barehands!
Raynie: No, you really can't...
Stocke: ...ok, fine, but damn it, it'd be awesome if I could!
Marco: Hey, are you alright?
Girl: Yes, yes I am! My name's Aht! I already know your name is Stocke, Marco and Raynie because we're skipping introductions.
Stocke: Ok, are you alone?
Aht: No, I have my partners Liese and Vanoss.  Hey guys, come out?
Vanoss: Yo.
Liese: Hi.
Stocke: Wait, you guys were RIGHT THERE and you didn't think to help her out against those tigers?
Liese: They were scary
Vanoss: Yeah, it's not like I'm a big guy or anything.
Marco: You do realize after they killed her, you'd probably be next, so running away was kind of meaningless right?
Vanoss: LOOK! When you're a travelling performance group that is trying to jump the border because we have passes, you can do whatever you want!
Stocke: You guys have passes?  Can we join up with you to go across it?
Liese: Well, you DID help...so sure!  Just you guys need to wear these robes as to look awkward so you are convincingly performers!
Stocke: Ok, makes sense...wait, why are there only two?
Vanoss: Because your outfit is so weird already, you won't need one! *actual reasoning*
Stocke: I...uhh...thanks?
Aht: Yay! Let's go! By the way, I can help in a fight!
Stocke: Then why weren't you fighting those tigers?
Aht: Because I am useless alone
Stocke: Ok...

*they go to the border*
Vanoss: So we're a performance group, can we go across the border?
Guard: Sure you can...except that red guy, he's clearly not weird enough to part of your group.
Stocke: HEY! You guys promised my warddrobe was-...I mean...YES! I totally am part of their group!
Vanoss: Look, he's new, cut him some slack ok?
Guard: ONLY IF HE PERFORMS FOR ME!
Raynie: Stocke, how are we going to get through this? You don't know any performances!
Marco: We could just try to bust through...
Stocke: (I have to think carefully on this one) umm...GERONIMO!!! *they bust through*

BAD END!!

Teo: Did you SERIOUSLY think that was going to work?
Stocke: Hell no! I just wanted an excuse to yell that and this seemed as good a time as any.
Teo: ...just go choose the other option please?
*Stocke goes back*
Lippti: Personally, I thought he was onto something!
Teo: You would...

*back at the Guard Post*
Stocke: Ok, I can perform, BUT YOU CAN'T MOVE A MUSCLE! THIS IS VERY DELICATE!
*Stocke makes a complete fool of himself trying to Sword Dance*
Guard: How many times did you cut yourself doing that?
Stocke: Not counting the time I kicked myself in the shin? 13 times...
Guard: Man you suck...but such dedication to keep trying after that many injuries! You get an A for effort! You can pass!
Stocke: Yay!
Vanoss: I know a good spot to set up camp, let's go there!
*they go there*
Stocke: Ah, good, finally a time to relax and...
Liese: We need firewood, go get some...
Stocke: ...what the hell?  Can't we rest to restore our HP after all those ran...
Liese: NO! Aht, go with them, they'll need you to find it!
Aht: Ok!  By the way, Stocke, I'm a Satyros if you couldn't tell, so are the others!
Stocke: Oh, ok.  I seem to recall that being important...WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?
Aht: LOVE ME!!!
Stocke: Wait, what? I know I saved your life but you're kind of...uh..just get off me ok?
Aht: Ok, but still, I WILL PERFORM SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR YOU!
*She glows blue, Stocke suddenly sees things he never saw before*
Stocke: What did you do to me?
Aht: Now you can see things like a Satyros but only if you're close!
Marco: Hey cool, can I get that power too?
Aht: NO!
Marco: WHy not?
Aht: BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE YOU *sticks tongue out*
Marco: ;_;
Raynie: Can we finish this stupid quest please?
*one firewood fetchquest and wild boar boss fight later*

Stocke: Man, look at the view...
Raynie: ...it's all a wasteland...I remember it being a lot greener last.
Marco: Desertification.  Apparently it's entirely QUEEN PROTEA'S FAULT according to Noah...by which I mean that's what Hugo claims Noah claims, so it's probably just plain scapegoating.
Aht: Hey can we go back to the camp? I'M STARVING!
*the team goes back and deals with food stuff*

Narrator: Will Stocke ever-...
Stocke: Oh no you don't! There isn't a single god damn cliffhanger to be found at this point.  Don't even try to pretend there is anything remotely interesting going on!
Narrator: Fine, but don't come crying to me when your ratings plummet!

[Fudozukushi]

Fallout New Vegas: Started a new character because the PS3 broke and I can't play Xillia.  Anyway, felt like going on Hardcore mode.  I've almost drank myself to death twice!  This is fun~

You should play it with J.E. Sawyer's mod to put a cherry on it.

http://fallout.gamepedia.com/JSawyer

I don't have the Hardcore Achievement yet so I wanted to do it before I tried out JESawyer.

EDIT: Speaking of Fallout New Vegas: Completed Honest Hearts.  Originally I was just gonna go kill white legs and didn't give a shit about speech checks, but rereading the Survivalist Logs convinced me to go for the mercy end since at that points I practically was the Survivalist.  Once back in the Mojave I went and grabbed the Avenger.  Along the way I ran into a couple deathclaws, but the .45 SMG cuts them up good.  The young ones can' even get through my DT.  The Avenger itself is sadly disappointing, though that's partially because of condition at the moment.  A full box of ammo couldn't kill one damn sentry bot.  That means its nightkin hunting time!  Gotta get that condition up.

God damn, the survivalist.  It's amazing how plain text in a room can be so evocative when games so frequently fail to pull that off.

"I tell them never to hurt each other but that if someone else comes along and tries to hurt them to strike back with righteous anger."  Just going along as usual but when I reread that line I just knew I had to go for mercy.  Went and grinded random ass enemies and dealt with like a half-dozen game crashes to do it.

Fallout New Vegas: Grabbed Veronica for BOS entry.  Then it was off to Black Mountain!  Where after going nearly to the top with all of one fight I get ambushed by seven Super Mutant Masters at once.  My ridiculous amount of food + Rad Child made me invulnerable but Veronica died.  RESTART!  I nearly blow through all my ammo getting back up to the top.  Once there I kept changing my mind about what ending I wanted for Black Mountain mainly because it's only real spot for minigun enemies.  But I only got one along the way so PEACE IT IS.  After I repaired Rhonda I just wasted time in the storage room until Tabitha charged in and Rhonda set her on fire.  It was hilarious.  I grabbed the last of the BOS tapes, opened up the Boomers then did the knights.  I decided to switch over to Raul for my companion because I chew through weapon durability like hotcakes.  On my fast travel to Black Mountain I get attacked by a damn Deathclaw out of nowhere and am literally only saved because my latest perk was Life Giver's +30 HP.  Grab Raul, then a quick hope through Vault 22 for the Bunker part.

[Grefter]

WA5 - I just got Shit Squeifer (Chuck who is all the jacket of Squall and all the fail of Aiel worship). Like I am in the fight with Feredoon.  His first turn was Move forward, Jump back.  Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

I can't decide if his jacket is shitty or if he wears a bodice over his bomber jacket.

I don't have much to add other than the dungeon rhythm is really getting to me.  With the shitty pacing in the world map map it feels like the best place to take a break other than towns is like the first boss in a dungeon.  That is just weird.  Why are all the bosses so far shitty trash mobs that appear while the party is talking about crap?  I can't even appreciate the game bringing it up with Dean detecting something mid conversation in some dungeon like it is DBZ power level shit because it is so dull.  Any time you actually run into a plot relevant fight you get curb stomped in a plot fight.  The most plot heavy foe you actually beat at this point in the game is Axe Gob + 2 Shotel Gobs followed by their "Boss" Olivier who is less relevant than them.  Everything else is just some junk out of nowhere (which to be fair the game has been doing since the first dungeon).

I am being unfair to the game because it gave me unlimited money, thankfully they throttled badges in shops and that you can synth so I didn't have to grind out Sherrifs badge now because I would have to if I could (I won't later probably, not as novel then).

Plot so far is okay I guess.  I wish not everything was called Johnny Appleseed because it is hard to take serious.  Secretly everyone was potentially Johnny Appleseed all along.  Except for Chuck.  Chuck was a sex changed Buffy the Vampire Slayer cosplayer.

Edit - Lolololol Feredoon,member for the Radicals who will do anything to preserve the Veruni race, spares life of Chuck after he and the rest of the party killed 4 guards because a hot girl asked him too.  Player player.

Edit 2 - bust out the Dutch angles when Dean declares revolutionary war on the Veruni holy shit.  Also call of Carol as Trance continues to hold up.  Everyone ignores her and she is scared to be alone and wants to be loved, nearly gets abandoned because everyone walks away without listening to what she is really saying.  Spends forever looking for a hot older man and studying.


I also remembered something I forgot to complain about with the map.  Fuck Honeysdale and it's unused second exit on the map.  I couldn't find how the fuck to get to the Desecrated Shrine for like an hour and a half because you need to go around the west side of the village to get to a place east and there is a hill blocking your view of huge path there.  Fuck the world map and fuck the shitty fucking map they give you to work with.

I love the mono wheel functionally.  I hate the mono wheel because it is a fucking mono wheel.  Seriously the dumbest mode of transform anyone ever invented.

Edit 1000 - Did they even give a way to get Pierce or some way around Hard property?

Edit 10000001 - Sol Niger fight, casts Hyper on Fire Ley point.  Is weak to fire.  What are you even doing other than being killed in 2 rounds?

Edit 44232432432 - YOU GUYS DO YOU GET IT.  IT IS LIKE BERLIN.

[Luther Lansfeld]

Fereydoon is not very radical, but he does love getting laid, yo. Chuck is a real life Internet loser -- he definitely is in the friend zone.

[Random Consonant]

Fereydoon isn't very radical but he is completely ridiculous, yes continue to trust the creepy genocidal man with the oversized penisblade, he surely has your best interests at heart.

[Meeplelard]

Pandora's Tower: And the pay off is!!!! ...kind of out of the blue.  I guess there are hints, but it's kind of "Um...k?" type reveal that mostly exists because "We need an EPIC FINAL BOSS FIGHT DAMN IT TO SHOW THE POWER OF LOVE!!"  The game actually lacks a legitimate antagonist for 95% of the game, as your enemies are mindless creatures.

Yes, I am finished.  Game is kind of meh.  Pretty much all my usual rants remain here.  To the game's credit, all the bosses are creative and different despite the "HIT THE GLOWING WEAK POINT WITH YOUR CHAIN!" and the last two towers were legitimately very well done.  The first five were alright, the 2nd group of five was pretty much a rehash of the first five, just with a different, "more advanced" lay out.  It's like they gave up on creativity, so just recycled to get the needed 12 Towers in.  13th tower, thankfully, ended up just being a stairway to the final boss, I am ok with this.

It's easy to see why this is the least talked about the Operation Rainfall games.  Xenoblade was legitimately good on all fronts, a "once per gaming generation" kind of game in that regard, and Last Story had some really good character work while not really failing at any other category (at worst, it fell into "forgetably average")  Pandora's Tower doesn't really have anything standing out for it.  It makes a potentially interesting setting that it does almost nothing with because you're isolated to the 13 towers, so it's all built upon texts, which sadly doesn't do enough.  You don't get to actually see the world, it's just told to you.  So the fact that the Vestra don't have their land and want it?  Yeah, the game tells you that's the case rather than showing it, and you kind of shrug because there's no investment.

Chain stuff was neat at times, but hurt by the unresponsive controls.  Sometimes it'll claim you're targetting something chain-able that yo're not, so it fails, others the cursor won't register the thing you're targeting because you moved it onto the thing too quickly.  Hitting specific body parts of enemies is annoying because of a fixed camera.  Really needed a 1st Person option when you go into Chain Aiming mode because hitting a larged armored enemies arm when you're aiming at the head sucks if the guy is standing on his side.  Just because the camera is focused on that guy from that angle doesn't mean Aeron should be limited to it.  This is why Fixed Cameras are stupid and should go away.

Combat has little depth to it; the fact that one review tried to claim it had a lot made me eyeroll.  Any 1v1 fight can be won by chaining the guy up, then either charging up to max and pulling it, or chaining again, getting them wrapped up, and wailing on them with your sword.  Two enemies is either isolate one and kill them one at a time, or chain them both up and deal damage to both.  If there's a lot of small hard to hit shit on the ground?  You just swear because there's no effective way to deal with them other than try to kill them fast and hope the terrain doesn't bite you in the ass.

You have 3 weapons that handle differently, that's good!  Problem is Twinblades have no range and damage sucks, and they gimp your defense, so they're useless other than letting you run faster (which helps get through dungeons faster when you don't care about combat.)  Scythe would be fine except 4x2 slots instead of 3x2 like the other two, because making you run damn slow apparently wasn't enough of a flaw.  So you end up just sticking with your sword and it wastes the system.

After thinking about it over, I find myself struggling to think of what I enjoyed about it, and overall, there's not much.  It's not atrocious or anyhting, just there's little quality in the game, and there's plenty of flaws.  4/10 game as a result.

[Fudozukushi]

New Vegas: Did the Khan's Drug Stuff to get the Fiend Vault bunker part.  The Khan armorer had an absurd amount of my ammo types so I stocked up on on around four thousand rounds of ammo.  .45 ammo suffers from being stupid heavy though, I had three times as much 5mm Ammo and the .45 ammo weighed more.  After that was the expedition to the Valut... 34?  The radiation hell.  Thankfully I have Rad Child and Atomic! now so I just blazed a path!  Then I remembered this wasn't the right Vault... Well at least I emptied my .45 auto rounds that freed up some space... FOR MORE AMMO!  Bwhahahaha, over 3000 rounds of 5mm JSP + an additional thousand in AP and HP.  I made so much ammo that I completed all of Vault 11 before the pip-boy messages went away.  Join the BOS, get me some Power Armor.  Sold off my .45 auto stuff because it's too Heavy for Raul and I to carry anymore.  Since he now has the Desert Ranger gear I'll throw'em a Ranger Sequoia to complete it.

EDIT: I keep forgetting to mention this, but my AMR run ended with me on Very Hard and that carried over to this Hardcore run so I've been Very Hard/Hardcore this entire time.

[Hunter Sopko]

Legend of Heroes: Trails in the Sky- Completed! Really enjoyed this. Embodies all the best things about classic RPGs. Fun, light-hearted, great world-building, lots of character interaction. It does have some of the failings of the era though, mostly in the story and some devices they used. I'll give it credit though for tying a lot of stuff together.

[Grefter]

Cool I am glad you got around to it.  I thought you would have a lot of fun with it.  More fun than quality but it is really good at what it is.

[Grefter]

WA5 - No plot progress today because side questing opened up a chunk with a train pass.  Highlights are Yulie and Kresnik retold as npcs and Kresnik totes into his bicycle.

Low point is needing exactly 221500 gella to open a door.  Having it liquidate 800k worth of money because the game has a terrible easy money exploit was ergo, but halving all elements badge is hard to turn away.

Doombringer being available as soon as Chuck joins feels weird, but I don't know if I will use him anyway.  I am kind of attached to Greg and his coop skills are pretty solid and already unlocked.

Edit - oh and Cordyceps cures Poison, Misery and Misery?  Well I am fucking horrified.

[Random Consonant]

Well Chuck is pretty pointless anyways.

[Sierra]

Well cordyceps is one of the most horrifying things on the planet, so that's only a natural reaction to a game forcing you to ingest it.

Previous WA PCs popping up in WA5 was one of the nicer details. I'm pretty sure the entirety of WA1-4 is out there somewhere?

[Grefter]

Yeah, they are a bit hit and miss sometimes.  Kresnik and Yulie side quest is great for the game nodding to how over the top Kresnik is.  Cecilia's is also really subtle so far and quite enjoyable (she is a Veruni that wanted to get out and see the planet unprotected with her own eyes) and takes place without any questing so far, she just turns up in Mirapulse a while after you have run into her at Laila Belle.  No way would I have noticed without walk through circle jerking about the cameos so much. 

Also Rudy shows up fucking everywhere.

[Twilkitri]

Professor Layton And The Azran Legacy - played through

Very enjoyable. Want to say that it's easily the best from this trilogy.

It starts off somehow feeling more constrained than the games usually are, but eventually it opens up considerably more than previous games have.

I had been hoping for backstory on Emmy which there didn't end up being much of - looking things up online afterwards, it looks like the backstory I was after was in Last Specter all along, but it was incredibly inconsequential. In that case I guess I can understand how I forgot about it, although ideally I would have forgotten that it was even a thing as well. Oh well.

There is extra backstory for some other characters and it goes to some pretty dumb places, unfortunately.

The fashion minigame was fine, although since every character seemingly had a single 'perfect' set and every item could only be given to a single character, the later characters who were seemingly supposed to be more difficult to help weren't actually that difficult because you didn't have as many items to choose from.

The nut-gathering minigame was fine. Nothing to say about it.

The garden minigame was fine. Didn't perfect the last two gardens, but you don't strictly need to for them to count as beaten. Oh well.

Don't know if I'll bother doing any of the bonus puzzles or not.

[Meeplelard]

Radiant Historia Abridged:

Narrator: And so Stocke and co. have finally reached Granorg.
Stocke: So, we've finally reached Granorg!
Narrator: And they said their farewells to the Satyros!
Stocke: Good bye everyone! I still don't believe that Aht is a priestess by the way.
Marco: When did that get brought up?
Aht: We skipped that scene because the Narrator Jump Cutted us here...
Narrator: Sure, blame the non-character why don't you!
Raynie: Why are you still here?
Narrator: Because shut up, anyway, back to the story!

Aht: No, I don't want STocke to go! I want more of him!
Stocke: Umm...yeah...about that...don't you think it's better to stay with your own kind!
Aht: NO! I MUST GO WITH YOU!
Stocke: Crap, well, uh...say, what's that behind you?
Aht: Huh? What?
*Stocke grabs Raynie and Marco and they run*
Vanoss: That was a clever thing he did!
Liese: Yes..."clever"...

Stocke: So about that contact...you think it's that OMINOUSLY DARK HOODED GUY OVER THERE?
Marco: Why would our contact want to look conspicuous and stand out in the crowd?
Raynie: When you think about it, that's a great way to get killed...
Stocke: Good point...let's ask the guy! *they go to him* So...uhh...Timber Forest Sure Has Changed!
Dark Hooded Guy: ...what the hell is Timber?
Stocke: Er...I mean...beautiful weather we have today!
Dark Hooded Guy: ...yes, yes it is...
Stocke: ...look, I'm trying to speak in code to you whether you are the contact or not, are you?
Dark Hooded Guy: You do realize codes like that only work if there we both knew of it, right?  Either way, yes, yes I am.
Stocke: ...why are you dressed like that?
Dark Hooded Guy: Because it's so obvious to the point that no one would seriously think a spy would dress like this.
Raynie: That makes an odd amount of sense.  Anyway, what are you here to tell us?
Dark Hooded Guy: Go kill Princess Eruca!
Stocke: Uh, ok, sure...
Dark Hooded Guy: And now I must guy! *Runs off in a manner that is akin to a 4 year old pretend he's superman*
Stocke: An assassination mission eh?

*in the Historia*
Teo: So Stocke, what are you going to do?
Lippti: KILL THE BITCH! KILL THE BITCH! KILL THE BITCH!
Stocke: Umm...haven't decided yet, I still have to gather information, you know.
Teo: True, you don't have to make the decision quite yet, but consider your options.
Lippti: Hello, is anyone listening to me? I said KILL. THE. BITCH.  It's that simple!

*out of the Historia*
Marco: So...why are we killing Eruca and not Queen Protea?  She's the bad guy, after all!
Stocke: Yeah, that does seem strange...
Passer-bye #1: HEY! DID YOU HEAR THAT ERUCA IS APPARENTLY HELPING THE REBELLION!?!?
Passer-bye #2: NO! I DID NOT! IF SHE WERE TO BE KILLED IT WOULD CAUSE A HUGE RUCKUS OF CONSPIRACY IN GRANORG AND LEAD TO A MAJOR POLITICAL COLLAPSE!
Passer-bye #1: GOOD THING THAT WON'T HAPPEN!
Marco: ...well I guess that answers that...
Raynie: We need to find a way into the castle, shall we take a look around this place!?
*after looking around*

Raynie: You know, I expected Granorg to look...you know...better condition?
Stocke: Well you see...
Raynie: Queen Protea?
Stocke: Queen Protea.  Though I hear her predecessor wasn't a good guy either but at least there weren't corpses in the street.
Marco: That was a corpse I tripped over?! You told me it was a dummy!
Stocke: No, I said YOU were a dummy.
Marco: Oh...
Raynie: ...Stocke, that's not-...
Stocke: Give him a moment, Raynie...
Marco: ...HEY!
Stocke: Anyway, let's check that SHADY BAR that those two thieves we beat up in the forest just ran behind.
*They check the bar*
Barkeep: Man, the stuff behind there smells, IT'S ALMOST LIKE THERE'S A SEWER THERE!
Customer: Yeah, the SEWER that leads to the CASTLE which would be a PERFECT way to GET PAST the GUARDS.
Stocke: ...how convenient, though I do question why people in this city talk like that...
*they check behind the bar, get into sewers*
Raynie: *sigh*
Stocke: What's wrong, Raynie?
Raynie: We're in a Sewer dungeon...
Stocke: And?
Raynie: Seriously what the hell game developers?  These are some of the worst dungeon design concepts of all time yet they INSIST on shoving them anywhere.  It's like "our game is really good...wait, we are obligated to have a really crappy flaw, THROW IN A SEWER DUNGEON TO PISS EVERYONE OFF!"  It's total filler and accomplishes nothing...
Bram: CAN YOU GUYS SHUT UP! You're foiling our plans of GETTING INTO THE CASTLE AND STEALING STUFF!
Stocke: No, you are foiling OUR plans of MURDERING THE PRINCESS...which we might go back on last second, haven't decided that far yet...
Bram: ...truce?
Stocke: Truce.

*in the castle*
Bram: Ok, you leave us two alone, we'll leave you alone, got it?
Stocke: Works for me, you guys go first.
Bram: Sure thing!
*the two get captured*
Raynie: On hindsight, that was a bad idea, wasn't it?
Marco: Yeah, now the guards are on HIGH ALERT.  We can either sneak past them, or try something else...Stocke?
Stocke: (I have to think carefully about this one...) Hmm...well...you know how I have some good plans?
Raynie: Yeah?
Stocke: This isn't one of them! *Runs out in the open* LOOK AT ME I'M A TARGET!!!

Narrator: And so Stocke fought off the guards effortlessly and survived, Raynie and Marco managed to get caught and hung and somehow Eruca died on a date that didn't make sense.

*BAD END*

Teo: ...do I have to even ask here?
Stocke: To be fair, I openly stated it was a horrible plan...
Teo: Well, I guess you did survive it somehow, so that's impressive...
Lippti: KILL THE BITCH! KILL THE BITCH!
Teo: So...going to sneak around now?
Stocke: OH HELL NO! I'm going to the other timeline because I am NOT doing those sewers again!

*Rosch's timeline*
Stocke: Let's see...I was suppose to do something here...oh I'm sure if I continue the events, I'll remember-...
*Entire fortress explodes*
Stocke: ...oh, right, I was suppose to find those bombs BEFORE the Fortress blew up...
*Back tracks a bit*
Stocke: Ok, NOW TO FIND THOSE BOMBS!
Raynie: What bombs are you talking about?
Stocke: The ones that I totally DON'T KNOW ABOUT AND JUST ASSUME ARE HERE BECAUSE GUT INSTINCT!
*Stocke finds the bombs in an annoying fetchquest*
Stocke: Score 1 for foreknowledge...even if it did take 3 weeks to find them all...
*Stocke continues the timeline up to the bomb point again*

Rosch: Drat, We lost the guy!
Soldier: Sir! We are under attack! Dias was a decoy!
Rosch: Right, Stocke, let's go push them back!
Stocke: Explosion in 5-4-3-2-1...*nothing* ...hey, I did it!
*Explosion*
Stocke: ...did I fail?
Voice of Teo: No, that was just Lippti baking a souffle...
Stocke: Ah ok...wait, how did I hear that from there?
Voice of Teo: Her baking has the side effect of rupturing space and time, don't ask me how...
Stocke: Right.  Anyway, let's go beat up those bad guys!

*they push back the Granorg army*
Rosch: Well, we won, but at what cost?
Stocke: Umm...nothing?  Most of our soldiers are still alive, and look! Viola's right there!
Viola: Yes, I can see why you two are the YOUNG LIONS!  You did well.
Rosch: Heh, I guess we did!

*a few days later*
Rosch: So...I'm being summoned by Hugo...
Stocke: He's a douche, you know that right?
Rosch: Yes, yes I do.  My team is in your hands Stocke...
Stocke: Shouldn't Viola take control since she's the commanding officer here?
Rosch: TROOPS ARE IN YOUR HANDS!  Oh yeah, Kiel, you're coming with me because I said so.
Stocke: Take care of Rosch, Kiel AND LOOK OUT FOR HUGO HE IS A DOUCHE!
Kiel: Huh? What?
Rosch: ...just follow me.
Kiel: Right!
Stocke: ...I feel like I'm forgetting something...
Voice of Lippti: KILL THE BITCH!!!
Stocke: ...on second though, I think I prefer keeping it that way...

Narrator: And so we end another exciting episode of...
Stocke: ...does this even qualify as episodes anymore?
Narrator: Can you let me finish for once?
Stocke: ONly if you can find a way for Lippti to make sense...
Narrator: ...right, ENDING NOW.

[Fudozukushi]

Fallout New Vegas: I was sitting at Camp Golf wondering how I should get a Ranger Sequoia.  Do the radio quest badly?  Wait until the Vets start spawning and mug them?  But I am gonna nuke the NCR so I need to pop the forgiveness for that... OH I KNOW.  I'll just pickpocket it.  Thank you pacifist run, you've saved me yet again.  Say hello to Stealth Boy.  Raul, say hello to your new gun once I have thousands of rounds.  Also once I do your little quest thing.  Huh, always thought I needed Idolized to finish off the Boomers, only needed Liked.  After that was a wonderful trip into Vault 3 to clear out all the damn Fiends.  Boy howdy does the Avenger carve the path.  I also managed to kill Motor-Runner with help from Ranger Anders for like the first time ever successfully.  Back to McCarren to turn in the bounties.  LEVEL UP.  Hello Pack Rat trait, why yes I would love to half the weight of all items under 2 pounds.  HELLO 100 POUNDS OF FREE SPACE.  Pick up the retrieve Ranger Esteban mission.  Then find out shooting two of the fiends there causes the game to crash!  After like seven tries, Raul and the Ranger who gives out the NCR Emergency Radio kill them off while I drag the body over.  I boost myself out as much as possible before hitting that Loansome Road.  I am hitting DT on the sentry bots even though the shield doesn't pop up.  AP rounds would kill them in less than a box, but the JSP rounds wouldn't.  GRUMBLE.

[Niu]

Also Rudy shows up fucking everywhere.

Remember to hook Rudy up with Jane, as it involves someone's best weapon.

[Meeplelard]

Sonic Lost World: Finished. My thoughts about the game remain relatively unchanged.  It's not bad but there's definite room for improvement.  The patch does fix some of the game's issues, namely making 100 Rings = Free Life like most games (why the heck was that removed to begin with?) and letting most of the Wisp Powers not require the Gamepad to play.  Yoshi's Island DLC was neat too.

[Dhyerwolf]

Xenoblade- Got the 7th PC. I would say that the game is firmly settling into the the realm of "disappointing." Writing is really bad (for all that bad platitidues in FF 13 are mocked, at least they are well delivered and the writers are in on the joke), characters are all really dumb, and the battle system has so many issues because of the idiotic way they tried to set up the camera (Revival in this game is so annoying because you know to run next to the dead character, but the game loves to point the screen towards the sky so that you can't easily even see where the fallen PC is). I think I mentioned briefly before but I really don't see why this just couldn't have been turned based because it's clearly not an action RPG (I guess it's pandering to people who like MMORPG battle systems? I don't know why they haven't figured out yet that people do not play MMORPGs for battle systems).

Music was the high point, but apparentally I've reached some point with new basic battle music that sucks. This is unfortunate given the number of battles you get into. Plot cohesiveness was stronger initially, but I think that extreme laziness/creativity got worse as the game went on. I still can't believe that there are two damn human towns, and their actual names are Colony 6 and Colony 9. And everyone starts relatively carefree despite the fact that the implication is that near 80% (at least?) of the human race has been wiped out (At least 7 of at minimum 9 colonies are gone, so...). There is almost no plot/atmosphere cohesion in a lot of places. I guess I've gotten in so far that there no reason not to finish it, but at this point the game feels so sloppy/lazy.

[Hunter Sopko]

Also Rudy shows up fucking everywhere.

Remember to hook Rudy up with Jane, as it involves someone's best weapon.

Yep. Rudy's. Boioioioioioiong

[Grefter]

(for all that bad platitidues in FF 13 are mocked, at least they are well delivered and the writers are in on the joke)

I think you are a very generous man and are capable of seeing a lot of good in people where it may not actually exist.

[Meeplelard]

As someone who liked FF13...outside of maybe Snow, I don't see much in the way of self awareness FF13 has.  I guess Sazh's occasional one liners but that felt more like general comic-relief moments that fit the character more than anything else.

[Dhyerwolf]

Lightning's line about Hope's name would be an example of where I would consider the writer in the joke. The line is horrible, but in a way that I would be shocked if whoever wrote it didn't realize it. At least they have to aware compared to the writers of Xenoblade where you get the same stupid sentiments but channeled through dull writing.