Radiant Historia Abridged:
Narrator: And so we join Stocke as...
Stocke: HEY GUYS! LET'S TALK TO VIOLA ABOUT THE NEXT MISSION!
Raynie: Why are you speaking so loud?
Stocke: To overpower the Narrator.
Narrator: (Jerk.)
Marco: What? Do you think something is wrong?
Stocke: Well, I feel like we should be doing something, let's go!
*they go to Viola*
Viola: *cough* *wheeze* So...yeah, we haven't heard from Rosch's crew, can you go catch up and see what's what?
Stocke: Yeah, I can do that, no sweat! Where to?
Viola: Gran Plans. I need you guys to hold the north, kind of important and all that.
Stocke: Right, enemy border, got it!
*Stocke and Co. head off, attacked by enemies*
Raynie: There seem to be a lot of enemy soldiers *sets one on fire as she says this*
Stocke: Well, we are kind of close to enemy lines *Stabs one in the face*
Marco: Shouldn't Rosch's team have dealt with this *gets punched in the face*
Stocke: Yeah, that worries me too..*kills two guys with one slash because bad ass*
*They move on until they come across a small group of enemies*
Enemy Commander: It's more Alisten! If we've figured out anything, they will underestimate us! WE CAN DO THIS MEN! We may not be important enough for Nametags or unique sprites, but damn it, we have a-BLARGH!!!
Stocke: ...really, Raynie, you could have waited til he finished before hitting him with lightning bolts
Raynie: ...he was talking?
Marco: Say, what did they say about the Underestimate thing?
Stocke: ...are you implying those guys actually beat Rosch?
Marco: No, but there are probably stronger guys who may have...
Stocke: If only we had a sign...
Near-Dead Alisten Soldier: I'm not dead!
Stocke: Yes you are.
Near-Dead Alisten: ...can we not do that routine and just do the "Near dying vital information" thing?
Stocke: Oh, sorry, right. Anyway, where's Rosch?
Near-Dead Alisten: He went south, things aren't looking well.
Stocke: So...Rosch is to the south, when he should have headed to the North like we're going?
Marco: Yeah, basically, either we follow Rosch and try to help him, putting the plan at jeopardy or go North and continue the mission.
Stocke: (I have to think carefully about this.) I have Faith in Rosch, LET'S GO NORTH!
Narrator: So Stocke was totally bad ass and kicked the crap out of enemies to the North. Him and Viola became heroes and were promoted and Rosch sort of died. Stocke became so busy, he forgot about the whole "Save the world" thing and screwed everyone.
*BAD END*
Stocke: Ok, what did I do wrong this time?
Teo: To be honest, nothing. You made a brilliant military decision, though I don't think anyone could have anticipated that as a result.
Stocke: Basically, what you're saying is I can't be blamed for this one because I might as well as flipped a coin?
Teo: Yeah, pretty much.
Lippti: YOU BLEW IT BIG TIME! GO FIX IT NOW!
Stocke: Well, yes, that's what I was...
Lippti: SHUT UP AND GO NOW! GO SAVE ROSCH! DOITDOITDOITDOITDOITDOITDOITDOIT!
Stocke: RIGHT! OFF! LATER!
*at the crossroads*
Stocke: Let's save Rosch, he's totally my best friend and I owe him one. After doing so, we should have enough time to protect the North!
Marco: If you say so...
*they head south, see Rosch on the ground with some named bad guy whose name I forget so we're calling him Leonard*
Stocke: Rosch, NO!
Leonard: Mwahahahah! This guy was cake! That other guy was...uhh...what's worse than cake?
Stocke: Muffins?
Leonard: Yes! That other guy was MUFFINS!
Raynie: That's not really much of an insult.
Stocke: You hurt my friend, DIE!
Leonard: No, you hurt MY friend!
Stocke: ...no, I really didn't.
Leonard: ...look, I'm just going to run away now because this is a waste of both of our times, ok?
Stocke: Ok.
*Leonard leaves, drops note behind him*
Stocke: Rosch, are you alright.
Rosch: No, I'm going to die. They somehow got the jump on us, sorry...*Rosch dies*
Stocke: ...so not matter what path I take, it's wrong...
Raynie: WHat are you talking about?
Stocke: If only there was someway I could find out how all this went down.
Marco: Hey! I found this note on this ground after that guy left which tells in exact detail that they were tipped off about this whole thing!
Stocke: Oh, wow! That's great! It's a pity you can't change the past...
*At the Historia*
Teo: So you're going to change the past?
Stocke: Yep.
Teo: Awesome!
Lippti: YES! TIME IS IN FLUX! HISTORY CAN BE REWRITTEN!
Stocke: ...cue to get going?
Teo: Cue to get going.
*backup to the Sand Fortress*
Stocke: Hey Viola, the enemy knows about Rosch's plans and is totally going to destroy his forces.
Viola: Oh, and how do you know about this?
Stocke: I use to be in SpecInt, I have my ways.
Viola: Fair enough. Right, men, UNLEASH THE THAUMACHINES!
Stocke: Isn't sending giant mechas a little...severe?
Viola: Look, these are last minute plans, so it's either release them or come up with a plan that will be too late.
Stocke: ...right, giant death machines sounds like a good idea!
*fast-forward to Rosch scene because shut up*
Stocke: Hey look! Rosch is still alive and so is Kiel!
Leonard: AHA! YOU ARE WOUNDED! YOU HAVE NO CHANCE OF BEATING ME!
Rosch: This doesn't look good...
Kiel: Any ideas how we can get out of this?
Rosch: We just gotta hope something unexpected happens...
Stocke: GERONIMO!!! *beats up the two mooks of Leonard*
Leonard: Who are you!?
Stocke: Friend of Rosch's, do you want to duel me or what?
Leonard: RETREAT!!! *runs away*
Stocke: Rosch, are you alright?
Kiel: He's injured but alive.
Stocke: Good, let's get him back to the Sand Fortress and play it by ear from there.
Rosch: Sounds like a plan.
*enemies appear*
Stocke: Umm...ok, there's no way we can outrun them while carrying Rosch...
Raynie: Go, Stocke, Marco and I'll will hold them off!
Stocke: ...NOT ARGUING GOOD BYE!
*They go, realize they're surrounded later*
Stocke: Ok, here's what's going to happen. I'll fight the enemies head on and try to stall them because Raynie and Marco did the same, Kiel, you take Rosch to Alistel!
Kiel: NO! I'm going to fight them! I wanna be the hero for once! GOOD BYE! *he runs off*
Stocke: But...Kiel...I...wait, maybe I can talk him out of this by going back to the pa-*checks White Chronicle, no node* The hell? How come I can't go back?
Voice of Teo: Fixed Point in Time. Sorry Stocke, but this is the natural course of time.
Stocke: The hell? You never told me about that!
Voice of Lippti: AHAHAHAH! YOU SCREWED UP! YOU SCREWED UP!!!
Kiel: *surrounded by armored guys* This isn't good...
Big Armored Dude: Look what we have here...
Kiel: Time for my SECRET PLAN!
Big Armored Dude: What are you trying to pull?
Kiel: *pulls a white flag* PLEASE DON'T HURT ME I HURT EASILY I'LL DO ANYTHING YOU WANT!
Big Armored Dude: ...
Kiel: ...
Big Armored Dude: ...pathetic.
Kiel: Well crap, I'm out of options...am I going to die?
Big Armored Dude: Yes, yes you are...
*back at Alistel*
Sonja: Rosch is alive but unconscious.
Stocke: Well, at least he's alive...
Rosch: Actually, I have 5 seconds of consciousness to tell you, Stocke, that IT'S ALL HUGO'S FAULT! *falls down again*
Stocke: How convenient! Going to tell Raul now.
Sonja: Be careful!
Stocke: I'm not doing anything dang-*slips on a water puddle, cue laugh track*
*Raul's office*
Stocke: So...Hugo's a traitor.
Raul: well, I can't turn a blind eye forever, but I need proof before I do something about it.
Stocke: LEAVE EVERYTHING TO ME!
Raul: ...you're going to sneak into his office and find his document, aren't you?
Stocke: Oh hell yeah, that's what I do best!
Raul: Well, there's no way this can backfire, go ahead, he's not in there now!
*in Hugo's office*
Stocke: Let's see, if I was leading a country and betraying it at the same time for the sake of ABSOLUTE POWER, where would I hide a document like that...
Heiss: Right here of coure! *is holding it*
Stocke: Ah of course! Right...hey, where did you come from?
Heiss: I was always here!
Stocke: No, you really weren't; this room is small enough that you can see everything from the doorway.
Heiss: Oh, is that so? In that case, I'll be forced to kill you! *does disappearing Ninja tricks*
Stocke: Now that's just unfair!
*fight scene, ends in a stalemate*
Heiss: Persistent Bastard!
Stocke: Hey, Heiss, your shoes are untied!
Heiss: huh, what? *drops document*
Stocke: JUST AS PLANNED! *grabs Document, disappears and runs away*
Heiss: What the...damn it, oldest trick in the book...and he learned my invisibility powers just by watching it! Clever boy...
Hugo: What are you doing in my office?
Heiss: Chasing after a rat...
Hugo: Did you catch it?
Heiss: No...
Hugo: ...WELL GO GET IT! I hate rats. They are ugly, and smell and usually bring diseases!
*back at Raul's office*
Stocke: Here's the document.
Raul: Thanks, though I think it's best you get out of here. They know it's you, but don't know it's me...sorry, can't do much to protect you.
Stocke: Yeah, I'm getting out of here with Rosch like...now!
*at clinic*
Stocke: HisonjatakingroschacrosscountrybecausetraitorcomingbackneverIloveyoubye!
Sonja: Oh no you don't! Not without me you aren't! I'm the only one who can treat him!
Stocke: ...fine...
Sonja: Where are we taking him anyway?
Stocke: Sand Fortress. Viola will know what to do.
Sonja: He won't make the journey.
Stocke: Do YOU have a better option?
Sonja: ...
Stocke: Thought so!
*out of town*
Stocke: Damn it Rosch, you're too damn heavy!
Sonja: Maybe we should have taken off his armor first? we can still do that!
Stocke: No time for that! We must hurry!
Sonja: But...I...oh whatever...
Rosch: I think we're being attacked from behind.
Stocke: ...*sigh* Ok, Sonja, carry him alone, I gotta fight off an army single handedly...
Sonja: Isn't that suicide?
Stocke: Trust me, I got this!
*scene shift*
Sonja: Dead end, and I can't carry you much further.
??: Perhaps I can help.
Sonja: Huh? But you are...
*one scene later, 15 dead bodies on the ground*
Stocke: I...can still...fight...
Soldier: HE'S INHUMAN! RUN!
Stocke: Yeah, you run away, I can take anything you-*squish* oh god, there goes my organs. *Collapses*
??: This is him?
??#2: Yep, that's the description alright!
*White Chronicle*
Lippti: STOCKE! DO YOU WANT TO START CHAPTER 3!?
Stocke: Umm...I feel like I'm forgetting something...
Teo: no, you aren't, trust me...
Stocke: Really? Because I swear there was something else I had to...
Lippti: KILL THE BITCH!
Stocke: Oh, right! Gotta go assassinate someone in the other timeline!
Teo: Was hoping to avoid that...
*timeline jump*
Stocke: So...about sneaking around...I can turn invisible.
Raynie: Since when can you do that?
Stocke: Since shut up, that's when.
*searching the entire castle, the team comes across someone who they believe is Eruca*
Marco: There's something too easy about this...
Raynie: other than how we got lucky that Stocke pulled a power out of his ass to get us through this?
Marco: Yes, why would she just appear like that?
Stocke: ...IT'S A TRAP!
Soldiers: THERE THEY ARE! GET THEM!
Stocke: Quick! To the sewers everyone!
*They get to the sewers, it's barred off*
Stocke: ...someone ratted us out, I think...
Raynie: Double Agent?
Stocke: I think so...and now we're cornered...
Soldiers: Any last words?
Voice: HOLD YOUR BREATH!
*Sleeping gas*
Stocke: Who the hell are you?
??: Otto. Now are you going to trust me or be on the receiving end of their pointed sticks?
Stocke: Trusting you sounds like a good idea, let's go!
*back in the bar somehow*
Stocke: Thank you Otto, but what is this?
Otto: Well, Pierre, you wanna explain this?
Pierre: VIVA LA RESISTANCE!
Raynie: Well that explains that...
Marco: But where was the princess?
Hooded Person: AAAH! Marie, it's hot in here, would you mind removing my hood?
Marie: Yes, milady.
*Eruca revealed*
Eruca: Hello Stocke, nice to meet you, now JOIN OR DIE!
Stocke: You do realize I can probably beat half of the people in the resistance without breaking a sweat right?
Eruca: ...ok, you're smarter than you look, time for plan B: Persuasion.
Marco: How do you plan on doing that?
Eruca: My step mother is not of Royal Blood, she's causing Desertification. If Alistel Wins, it won't stop it. I can do the RITUAL to stop it, at least temporarily, and we kind of need to. Stupid bitch and her ruling this country when my father died and *grumbles*
Stocke: Ok, your story checks out.
Raynie: what? That sounds like an elaborate lie!
Stocke: Too elaborate if you ask me! (That and it fits in too perfectly with what the Time Elves have been saying...)
Voice of Lippti: KILL THE BITCH!
Eruca: Tell me, Stocke, what is this war to you?
Stocke: It's a job.
Eruca: Ok, so no emotional investment?
Stocke: No really no.
Eruca: If you don't trust me, then go to Cornet and talk to the elder there, he will explain everything.
Stocke: Ok.
*at Cornet Village*
Elder: Yes, Desertification is happening and it's all Queen Protea's fault...well, and partially that bastard Hugo's fault.
Stocke: Right, all I needed to hear!
Raynie: Wait, Stocke, you're saying we should join the resistance and BETRAY ALISTEL!?
Stocke: It involves saving the world. The world's going to end in 10 years at this rate. So when it comes down to saving the World vs. saving a country, I think the answer is obvious...
Marco: I agree with Stocke! Raynie, you want to protect Alistel, but what use is protecting Alistel if the world is gone?
Raynie: ...you know, for a while the pathes weren't mutually exclusive but...can I have a moment to think about this?
*meanwhile, in Queen Protea's castle*
Protea: Selvan, go burn down the city to kill the resistance
Selvan: Where should I begin to start explaining how incredibly stupid an idea that is?
Protea: OFF WITH HIS HE-...
Selvan: Er...and by stupid, I mean GENIUS! YES! Burning down the town, on it!
*hallway*
Selvan: Ok, you, generic redshirt...
Soldier: Um, sir, my shirt is blue.
Selvan: SHUT UP! Anyway, go spread a rumor about the resistance burning down the town, then burn down an uninhabitted section to let people escape while the entire city burns slowly
Soldier: Ok, my family will at least survive...
Dias: Wait, you're going to do what?
Selvan: Queen's orders, she's going insane, kind of want to keep my head...
Dias: Well it is our fault she's sitting on the throne...
Selvan: Can we just oust her already? This is getting horrible after King Richard left...
*back are Cornet*
Villager: GRANORG IS BURNING!
Stocke: ...right, let's go help the princess, Marco, you're with me!
Raynie: Wait, take me with you!
Stocke: ok, fine...by the way, since we're no longer part of Alistel due to being traitors, we're now equals, you're not my subordinates...which means nothing really changes and I still get to push you around since I'm cooler than both of you.
Marco: Ok, fine.
*at Granorg, which by the way, entire city is on fire*
Stocke: Ok, where to first?
Aht: HELP ME!!!
Stocke: ...do we have to?
Raynie: Yes.
Marco: Pretty much.
Stocke: Damn it!
*they save Aht, Vanoss and Liese*
Vanoss: You sure he's THE ONE, Aht?
Aht: Yes! Definitely!
Liese: Stocke, take her with you!
Stocke: Can I say no?
Aht: NO YOU CANNOT!
Stocke: There's gotta be someway out of this...
Voice of Lippti: KILL THE BITCH!
Stocke: ...coming from you, Aht joining doesn't sound so bad anymore, let's go!
*at the bar*
Stocke: WHERE'S THE PRINCESS?
Pierre: Behind this wall!
Eruca: Yep, I'm fine, let me help you guys escape to the Sand Fortress so we can continue on!
Pierre: SORRY PRINCESS BUT I MUST BETRAY YOU NOW BECAUSE MY SISTER DIED AND WE AREN'T GETTING ANYWHERE!
Eruca: You're serious about betraying us?
Pierre: Yes! NOW DIE *shot in the face*
Stocke: WHOA! Princess, what the hell?
Eruca: What? Is it so weird that a princess carries a gun and knows how to use it?
Stocke: I...uh...er...remind me not to piss you off, is all.
Otto: I'll hold them off, get out of here!
*White Chronicle*
Teo: ok, Stocke, what are you doing here?
Stocke: I just thought I'd do some side quests now, is all!
Teo: Really? NOW of all times?
Stocke: Look, I can go right back to that moment whenever I want!
Teo: *Sigh* Fine, just don't get yourself killed.
*Multiple sidequests and bad ends later, even ones including produce somehow*
Teo: Can we get back to really saving the world now?
Stocke: Yes, yes we can.
*Sand Fortress Border*
Stocke: We're here, princess.
Aht: Think that guy made it?
Raynie: I doubt Otto could survive...
Otto: I'M NOT DEAD!
Stocke: Yes you are!
Otto: I'm not!
Stocke: You're injured, you won't last.
Otto: I'm getting better!
Stocke: You'll be stone dead in a moment!
*Marco heals him*
Stocke: ...or not...seriously Marco, why?
Marco: I feel like we prevented this routine earlier, but can't place it why...almost like there's another me...maybe there's a whole other time based off different choices we make, leading to infinite possibilities. Maybe this is just one of those moments and every decision we make changes the very nature of reality!
Stocke: That's just plain stupid, Marco. I'm embarrassed you're even on my team.
Voice of Teo: Says the man who is jumping between timelines at whim, thus knows for a fact that everything Marco says is completelhy true.
Stocke: Do you want me to reveal the truth of the White Chronicle?
Voice of Teo: ...right, carry on with the denial!
Narrator: And so with that argument done, Stocke and co., after healing Otto, set off to do...uhh...wait, what are you guys suppose to be doing again?
Eruca: We WERE going to discuss that, but you decided to cut us off before we had a chance to gather ourselves. Seriously, the nerve of some people!