Bulbasaur: Look at this adorable motherfucker. LOOK AT HIM. Honestly, over the years, I've gained a lot of respect for Bulbasaur and I think I consider him the best of the original starters. He just represents good pokemon designs really well. He looks like something that is almost able to exist. The little touches (the splotches and the nails) are good and help an otherwise dull design, while the bulb on the back is perfect. A pokemon should tell you what it is at a glance, and Bulbasaur tells you that. 5/5
Ivysaur: This fucker is perfect. Absolutely. Until I contradict myself later, he is the best mid-evolution in the game and possibly one of the best designs in the game. He's just a very nice, smooth transition from Bulbasaur. He looks a bit more mature, the bulb is flowering, and look at how FIERCE he is. He will wreck your shit. See those fangs? Yeah. He's not a pup. He's a strong independent plant-frog who don't need no trainer. 5/5
Venusaur: And we kinda lose the train a little bit here. He just goes from strong and fierce to... kinda fat and plodding. Also, I didn't notice until this examination, but he gets REALLY froglike. Those hindlegs are nuts. Anyhow, loss of the splotches makes his body a bit less interesting, and the tree-like flower just doesn't quite do it for me. It works on the body (adds to the bulky nature), but ehhhhhhhhh! The raffelesia design is cool, though. I dunno. After Ivysaur I really wanted something more vibrant and more exciting. 2/5
Charmander: Beloved by 11-year olds everywhere! Charmander also has a pretty great design. Fire dinosaur! Good contrast of colors, the fire tail tells you everything you need to know about it. The perfect roundness of the head bothers me a bit, though. Also, this guy looks like he's not going to be able to do anything but waddle around. Lookit those stubby little legs. 4/5
Charmeleon: Awkward teenage years here. This design does nothing for me. It's a reasonable evolution. Somewhat bulked up. Fiercer. Sharper claws. Color deepens a bit. Fire on the tail is more intense. My complaint about the round head is addressed by giving it some shape... and a really stupid horn. 2/5
Charizard: Suddenly, motherfucking dragon. HELL YEAH. 11 year old me is excite as hell. He's pretty good. Not a lot to say. The wings are a bit out of nowhere, the doubt horn thing works better, and all that. He's still got that weird issue where he looks prone to waddling. Look at that beer belly and those short legs. Plus, bro skipped arm day. Super thin arms. Still, all told, he manages to look pretty fierce and capture the western dragon thing well despite being a bipedal chump. 4/5
Squirtle: Blue turtle. Least exciting of the starters. The shell contrasts pretty badly with the blue body and the bipedal thing looks goofy. Seriously, can we get a pokemon who can actually move? 3/5
Wartortle: Squirtle with some stuff glued on. The color scheme got worse. Can you tell I don't like the Squirtle line? 2/5
Blastoise: What the fuck is with those weird, segmented arms and legs? I never noticed those. They are dumb. So are the water cannons. I dunno, this design just really doesn't work for me. Not a ton to say. You suck Squirtle line. 2/5
Caterpie: It's a caterpillar! It's a pretty decent caterpillar! Good colors, the little yellow circles add some nice detail that don't overwhelm. Those tiny round feed are weird, though. But yeah. He's a good bug. 4/5
Metapod: It's a cocoon! Honestly, it's weird shape seriously bothers me. Why is it vaguely triangular? Why does it have a mouth plate? Why horns? 2/5
Butterfree: Well, it is a butterfly? Honestly, it's a pretty decent design. The color is good. The bug design is good. It just... really doesn't look like it came from caterpie. To be fair, butterflies do often look really different from caterpillars! I dunno. As the end of the Caterpie line, he doesn't impress. Would have been nice for him to keep something on his design that said "Look, I was Caterpie!" But, in general, he works. 3/5
Weedle: Hey look, it's that enemy from Mario with SPIKES. His nose seriously bothers me, which is a shame, because otherwise I sorta dig the spikey worm look. 3/5
Kakuna: The better cocoon. This guy? He looks like he's gonna mess a bro up once he feels like it. It's actually got a pretty good sense of danger. Like, I see Metapod? I'd kick that bugger. This guy? I'd think twice about it. He might kill me. 4/5
Beedrill: Actually a wasp. Also kind of a badass. He's gonna fuck a bro up. He doesn't need six legs to be a bug, because he's going to impale you. This is what a deadly bee pokemon should look like. 4/5