HLW:
Hit the big glowing bangles on his wrists to beat him.Dark Souls 3: Rise of the NOPE!: I had one last idea to reach that tower in Irithyll. I promptly lose ember status to the first enemy I see. BLARGH. I back-and-forth this multiple times before I manage to check out the room. Other than a pain in the ass doesn't look like it's here...
I look at it from the nearest spot and... wait a minute... I mean, it'd kind of make sense? Prism stones go? Yep, that happened. Let's check out that bonfire — WHO ARE YOU? ARE YOU!? No, no you're not. You're... another covenant with really interesting implications...
Guess that explains the bonfire name of the attached building...
And this inadvertently flashes inspiration so I go check where the bonfire should be and yep, false wall. Oh, dead NPC, crap. Uh, anyway, running... somewhere and, hey, I totally missed this ladder earlier! What's down here? Oh gawd not another one. Let's rev up and — RUN AWAY! Okay, come back, fully estused. Yeah, no, luring doesn't work. Run and collect loots! Gem, random crap and the hell is a covenant doing in this place!? Sure, whatever, RUN AWAY!
This is... another one of those? Ewwww that makes me feel unclean.
Right, let's get on with the boss. DOBV: Very pretty scenery, absurdly damaging grab attack. Something on the order of a ten-hit combo attack doing 1/3 my life that stunlocks me until I die. Wonderous. Easily the worst hit detection to date, for both sides. Plenty of times nothing hit me and still I was damaged. Then some real obvious misses. Probably one of the easier bosses so far to discern the pattern for. Win on the fifth attempt, I think? Bonfire and ladder to the upper levels unlocked.
Back to Firelink to spend and — oh boy that armor is for sale and it is goddamns beautiful. Grab the weapon soul too and upgrade it. I'm sure I won't get enough scales soon anyway!
First try with the weapon goes super-poorly. I nearly lose to one enemy! Back to the old uchigatana I go. Think I'm finally getting around to how to deal with shield assholes. The amazing kick! I'm not even kidding. Let's try out path number two now. Hey one of you guys! Hey! You drop titanite chunks! Going down an elevator to the Consumed King's Gardens. Wow that's an unpleasant welcoming committee! Hey, an NPC summon sign. That's a first! Let's open this shortcut and continue along path 1 instead.
Enemies are now dropping titanite chunks constantly. I managed to get my Uchigatana to +9 right quick. Let's go. Hey, ha, this is a nice level of escalation here. Huh? Swore I saw something out of the CORNER OF MY EYE — WHAT IN THE BLEEDING HELLS ARE THOSE!? AND WHAT THE HECK IS THAT DOING!? GAHHHHHHHH!
Alright, let's, let's keep going... That's a morbid bonfire... Hey, a great lance! I'm so overflowing with titanite and I need a thrust weapon... Bah, it blows! Alright, down the path aside... Up there, kill some dudes. Not going there yet. Oh crap another outrider. DIE! Yay more useless weapon. Dark room, plenty of bombs. And a death and lose of Ember status to chain-grabs. FANTASTIC! Come back, kill things. Get enough Titanite scale to get the Farron Greatsword to +4. Requires a Slab to hit +5. Bah.
What's that gangly mess there? Oh, OH! Okay, yeah, I get this. So glad I invested in fire sword. Big gate open, let's advance. Damn, that's a messy fight there. Hey, boss doors! Where's my bonfire? Nowhere, ugh. Alright, let's explore, there's a ladder, anther drop to gangling mess. More stuff and... the Alter of Sunlight? Huh. There's a shortcut to an earlier bonfire too that I didn't see before. Seems like the safer path. Also, Estus went up to +8. We're in a brave new world here boys. Anyway, I can totally see the boss from outside, can't wait to waste these sick freaks!
DSA: Good god From why!? Ok, alright, he's fast, damaging, doesn't like you being up close and can damn well hurt for it. Dodge mojo go! He switched fast! OW THAT HURT. GRAH not that crap too!? Dammit, I die. Okay, round 2... doesn't go so well. Round 3! Now that is where the magic happens let me tell you. For just a brief, fleeting moment my dodging stride came back full force. I know this boss better than anyone. Let me get that sweet kickass armor and — WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT"S NOT FOR SALE! You sell armor of dudes not even in the game! WHHHHHAAAAAAT THE HELL!
Then right in sight distance of DSA's bonfire is another one.
Welcome to the Grand Archives. That looks like an NPC corpse right there. Oops? Hey, not that's a sexy pair of swords there! +6 those now! Stepping in is immediately met by pain by a makes-sense enemy. This turns the first half of the area into a weird game. Coupled with an incredibly bizarre prompt along the way. Heading further on and — GRAH what the hell! Eat fire academia! CRAP! Learning is immune to fire! Run and fight and run some more and eventually take out the big guy. Open a shortcut and go to Firelink. Still no damn armor!
Back at the archives my shortcut seems to have broke. WHOOPS, turns out I was looking at the wrong elevator. There's another outrider here and, hot-diggity-damn it dropped the armor set! And it's pretty damn cool! Heading up, checking stuff. Haha I managed to stagger a huge enemy and riposte his face off. Running low on estus here, need something to go on... CRAP! Run and panic mode AHHHHHHHHH! What's that? OH GAWDS!? AHHHHHH! WHAT ARE THOSE? AHHHHH! Hey an estus shard. AHHHHH! Dammit, that looks like boss doors? What the hell! — DEAD.
Well, that run to the boss looks like the most absurd thing ever.