Two things, one amusing, the other, well... guess I should talk about it somewhere.
Main supervisor at work is going to be going on vacation in a little over a month, so she's training up her replacement for the vacation. Replacement cares a lot more about the rule and letter of the regs, so a lot of stuff is getting done that probably should have been a while ago. Also some things are attempting to be done which, eh, theoretically are important, but are kinda impractical. One thing that happened is the resumption of the health and safety meetings, the topic today, the importance of safety equipment. And some other stuff.
Anyways, at one point when she brings up reporting unsafe practices and what safety gear you should be using, and a few people get positively excited about selling other folks out. Now, I've had a few brushes with the higher ups because I'm supposed to wear gloves, but I don't. Honestly, I find my grip better without them, and aside from a few nicks, nothing's happened to my hands because I make a point of being careful (honestly, more than I would be in gloves. Having them be more vulnerable makes me more cautious of what I'm doing with them, which is good since I can be pretty thoughtless on autopilot.) So, when folks are getting eager to mention a safety breach, I'm unsurprised to hear my name called out. What did catch me off guard though was why. Seems people think I don't wear steel toes. So, I have my toes a good hard rap, asked some folks if they wanted to stomp on 'em. Had a good laugh about it later.
On the other one. Dunno exactly what to say. For the last few months, been spending a few hours each day thinking about ending my life. I mean, don't get me wrong, my life is probably better than it has been for a long time, possibly ever. But, it just means that the pendulum is swinging higher both ways, and hell. My joke back in 2003 was that I'd never off myself because I never finish anything I set out to do. Well, now I do. So hey, why not this. Still not entirely sure about method, that seems to be the main debate these days. Though I think I'd rather go out as a John Doe than myself. I mean, when I can't function and withdraw into myself for months at a time, it's not like anyone ever contacts me to ask what's up. This will just be a longer period of people not noticing I'm not functioning, and I'd really rather not make a fuss. I also don't think this will happen soon. I mean, I'll admit, I probably won't know when it will happen myself until shortly before it happens. But, it just doesn't feel right. Not yet.
While a suggestion of "seek professional help" would be understandable. The last time I talked to someone in the field, I got a curt "You're cured, now stop bothering me." Frankly, can't really blame them.
