Tales of Legaia- Chapter 7: Why is Ultima the time travel spell anyways?
Following yet more backtracking, we learn that Shana's date can be found in a forest somewhere vaugly around the Plains of Valhalla. Since a unicorn can traditionally only be approached by a maiden, Shiki is clearly the most qualified for the job. However, Shana insists that she and Archer will be the ones for the job. Can we get a "WTF" people. Anyway, despite pretentions of maze-hood, it's a completely obvious path down to the horny pony. Archer, realizing just how insane Shana is, bails, knowing that she at least has no hope of meeting a unicorn. Or maybe she's just not into that sort of thing. Anyway, it's guarded by... yet more Dhaos minions? I thought we killed all these guys. But a handy scream for help summons Shiki and ends any threat quite quickly. Amazingly, the unicorn still gives Shana his horn, and thusly empowered a quick flash is made over to the Forest of Mithos, finally using the divine power on Martel and reinvigorating the entire forest. On to Thor!
Ah, Thor. Ancient sunken land containing technology never seen in this world, being at least 20000000000000000000000 years ahead of current advancements. Amazingly, however, it's dead easy to navigate with the only security being randomization of doors. Well, and killer robots, but robots are no defense against Shiki's mad killing skills. There we meet a giant floating bronze face named CUST, who tells us that the mayor is the only one that can use him. So he just declares us the mayor. Um, thanks? Then we're informed that current power is insufficent for Ultima. Well that sucks. But if he raises the city from beneath the ocean, that'll fix it right up. Were we sure we wanted to do that? Uh, sure. So that's done, in grand cinematic fashion. The moral of all this, I think, is that no matter how advanced the technology, no matter how sentient the computer, they're still completely retarded and will never, ever actually make life simpler. THEN we learn that we can travel to any time/space we want. Naturally, Shiki picks... the moment they left the past, so they can kick Seifer's ass and save Chucky Cheese! Um, wait. So we're NOT going to, say, prevent Dhaos from ever waking up, or kill Seifer's minions before they burn down our village, or any of a zillion potential places. No, we're going to save one worthless ass bow-slinger who'd as soon grind us up for pepperioni and do anything remotely useful. Good lord.
Anyway, the Ultima spell is cast, and we appear in front of Seifer just as he's about to vaporize Super Powered Old Man. Ass kicking ensues. Amazingly, this triggers these random ruins to collapse, so a chase scene follows. Just before we can congratulate ourselves on a job well done, however, yet another Ultima slinger appears (no relation, however, to Super Powered Old Man) to tell us that, in the grim future (+50 relative to now) Seifer is still alive and has totally owned Midgards. So, we go back to Thor and go back to the future.
We wander around aimlessly for a while, Archer mocking Chucky for his complete uselessness, Kirk realizing that no matter how many hot alien babes he gets, he'll always love his crew and that Chuky hates Seifer, and Archer, and everything, but is still underlevelled and useless. Shiki takes a brief time out to visit the swordfighting school she presumably founds in her father's name, and picks up the ultimate technique (that will never be useful). Shana... teaches... a little girl piano? She has the strangest damned hobbies. Ultimately we discover that while ships are still in use, the ocean is unbelievably treacherous. So, clearly the time has come to invent the airship.
We learn that the airship actually has been invented, or at least something so close as to make us not care about the details. However, due to a critical shortage of summoners, the elemental source of lightning cannot be harnessed to power the things. We are sent to the ruins where Dhaos once attempted to kill us to meet Volt. Traversing a dungeon that's closer to an evil secret pokemon lab than the maze-things we're used to, we accomplish this, but not without randomly running into a mysterious ninja girl. This will obviously not be important later. Anyway, with a might battle cry of "LOLOLOLOLOLONEWWWWWBBBBBBBSSSS", Volt charges in. We, of course, kick his ass.
Before wandering back to the lab to prepare for tommorrow night, we notice some treasure chests conveniently out of reach. Archer flies down for them, while Chucky babbles on about not stealing from the party right in front of them. The pettiness is awe inspiring. Thereafter, the almighty airship is finally in our hands. What? Seifer? We can fly, bitch! So long suckers!
Credits:
Shiki- now with anti-robot powers.
Archer- calls it likes she sees it.
Shana- ahahaha Shana a maiden
Kirk- Will he and Uhura kiss?
Chuky Cheese- lamer than Seifer in every possible way.