So, it's a week until school resumes so people are moving back into the dorms. Including my friend who owns Super Paper Mario.
Beaten. The epitome of a game that started out promising and then just ended up pissing me off. It was soooooooooo obvious that they were trying to extend the amount of time you were playing the game. Here's a list of things the game made you do:
Chapter 2-3: You spend about five minutes jumping in place. Bribe a guy, get a code, spend 15-20 minutes running in place. Get a code, find a Pixl, end level. Yeah, that's all the level is.
This wasn't too bad; the next two worlds were awesome (particularly World 3, the Geek dimension), funny, and *GASP* had well designed levels.
Then we get to 5-1. Here's all it is: You land in a world populated by Bro cavemen ("Hook us up, brah!"). After agreeing them to help fight some flowers, you follow this band of flowers to a dead end. You go back to the first spot, get the code, and then return until you hit another dead end. Here's where it gets lame. You go aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall the way back to the beginning of the level (which is a long, uneventful journey), and talk to one of the Bromagnon men. He tells you the code, but only after you type "please" into the name entry screen 5 times. Ugh. If you accidentally type "Please," it won't accept it. Ugh. Then, the code that you get is 20 entries long. "Hit the right block, then the middle, then the left... then left right middle right middle left left right left left left..." etc. That's the end of the level. So pissed off at this point...
But not enough to give up and quit playing, because they made up for it by the rest of World 5 being good.
Then we get to Chapter 7-2. Here, you climb up a decently long level in the dark. After you get to a certain point, you need a key. You talk to an NPC who has the key, and... get transported back to the beginning of the level! You have to do it again! Fuck off!
7-3: Another climbing level. About halfway through, you need to find one of 5 different apples and give it to someone. The game doesn't tell you which one you need, though, so you could either go all the way back to the beginning, get every single one and try them all out, OR you could not be a thicky and check a FAQ. Fortunately, the apple you need is a little bit ahead but not too far. Anyway, once you get to the end of the level, you meet someone else who needs an apple, and once again the game does not tell you which one. Now, fortunately for me I had checked the FAQ and discovered this before I had to go back and hunt for that fucking red apple, but potentially this already decently long stage could have needed to be repeated twice if you didn't have outside help. This is just bad game design.
Then you're at the end, which luckily doesn't have any of this bullshit, but on the flipside has the Tower of Salvation / FF4 syndrome. Ugh. The final boss was amazing (because of who it was), but the ending was generic RPG tripe "yay power of luv" and not particularly funny tripe at that.
Huh, but something feels missing. It's like I'm forgetting something...
Oh! Yes! Sidequests. See, there are two Pits of 100 Trials in this Paper Mario. One of them is awesome in how early you can do it and what the reward is, and the other is the worst offender of the game trying to extend how long you play it. See, once you get to the end of THIS one, you come to the boss room... and he tells you to do it again! No reward! So this hour-and-a-half long endeavor... you have to do twice. After the second time, you fight a stupidly easy boss and earn your reward... CARDS. CARDS. MOTHERFUCKING CARDS. WHAT THE HELL. I SPEND 3 FUCKING HOURS DOING THIS WASTE OF TIME AND YOU DON'T REWARD ME WITH A PIXL OR SOMETHING USEFUL, BUT WITH WORTHLESS CARDS. UP YOURS.
Now, in fairness, you do get one more reward for doing that, but it's stupid. Your gauge that drains when you go into 3D no longer drains. Sounds useful, right, since you'll basically never take damage again, but keep in mind that when that bar drained, you would lose one HP and the bar would refill again. By the end of the game I had 75 HP, so this hardly mattered.
All in all, this entry into the Paper Mario universe is probably the worst of them, easily, and I haven't played PM1. It started out funny, but then just kinda gave up on the pretense of being a good platformer/RPG. It had moments of sheer brilliance (3-4), but for the most part sucked. It doesn't help that it was pretty clear that the developers weren't trying with the game; not that one should judge things based on game art, but come on, most of it could have been done in MS Paint. The concepts for the power ups were lame (one was simply taken directly from NSMB, the rest were beyond useless), the Pixls were cool at first, but then it became a pain to switch between them (take note, L/R buttons for power switching is a great idea. Too bad the way SPM makes you play means that there are no shoulder buttons)...
All and all, if you liked Paper Mario or Paper Mario The Thousand Year Door, skip SPM. Or Rent it, get to chapter 3, then give up. If you're a thickheaded numbskull who loves repetitiveness in their games, you're probably too busy playing Fire Emblem to have noticed the game anyway.