Four lucky Commenters have their work featured on this week's RPGP Winners page - send in your best Comments at the Arena, cross your fingers, and YOU could join them! Roger Bacon vs Sephiroth DragoonJay@excite.com: Dear Santa, It’s me, Sephiroth. Now, I know we haven’t really been communicating much, as my conduct has been rather less than “good” in recent memory. I know burning Nibelheim wasn’t the nicest action I could have took, and I still get hate mail about the Aeris affair. But enough is enough. I’ve tried my hardest to be nice this year. I didn’t commit mass genocide. I helped Aeris to a near title. I donated time and money to the Mobliz Orphan’s Fund. Doesn’t that deserve something? All right, I haven’t been a perfect (One-winged) angel. The nature of the Playoffs all but insists that I engage in violent combat. I’m also hoping that you let slide some of the minor offences that I committed. I mean, if your training was interrupted by some bratty kid, wouldn’t you try to slaughter him mercilessly? And flooding Cloud’s villa (with him still in it) and then connecting it to a powerful electric current... well, I had a bet going with a young ensign, and it wouldn’t be fair to not give it my all. So for the most part, I’ve been nice rather than naughty. So could you find it in your heart to forgive me and give me a win? Please? Roger Bacon: 70 Sephiroth: 123 AshburnerX@yahoo.com As much as I'd hate to admit it, I'm afraid Roger Bacon is not powerful enough on his own to defeat Sephiroth. While it is safe to say that he is immune to Sin Harvest as he never had a stint as a party member, making him immune to instant death skills, he doesn't have the staying power to resist an onslaught of Sephiroth's Omni-Slash. Besides, Sephiroth's a self proclaimed One-Winged Angel... it would be sacralige for Roger to kill him. Good luck next Season Roger, for a Rookie you did pretty well... Jedi359@poetic.com All the magic in thw world won'y help you if you have a sword sticking out of your gut. Sephiroth wins. angelicus85@hotmail.com Sephiroth and Bacon enter the Arena at the same time, each eyeing the other, probing for strengths and weaknesses. Bacon knows that to compete with Sephiroth physically is madness. While he might have the edge in a Magic duel, it is likely that Sephiroth will use his own potent magics as well. Knowing that being hit with a Supernova will not be fun, Bacon settles on a third option. He will drain his opponents sanity, causing Sephiroth to go beserk. Then, using his magics, he will win the match. "Holy Chest!" cries Bacon, and watches as the spell damages Sephiroth and drains his sanity. Sephiroth then charges into the fray, hoping to defeat Bacon with his superior physical prowess. Bacon avoids many of Sephiroth's slashes, but Sephiroth uses Firaga to quickly ground his foe. Bacon repeatedly casts Holy Chest, and Sephiroth keeps physically attacking. "Excellent, now I can simply avoid his physical attacks and kill him at my leisure." says Bacon. Suddenly, Bacon realizes that Sephiroth has been standing still. "What, why is he standing there?" Then he notices that the crowd is not looking at the match at all. They are looking up. Bacon follows their gaze, just in time to see a planet explode. Bacon shrieked in terror. "How is this possible?" he cried. "How did you cast a spell when you are bereft of all your SP? You should be beserk! HO..." were Bacon's last words, for at that moment the Super Nova hit. Sephiroth smiles, claiming his first Godlike championship. "Fool" he tells Bacon's corpse. "I never had sanity to being with. That doesn't mean I'm stupid." babbwa@vcu.edu Bacon: Ha! There goes your Sanity! Sephiroth: I can't lose what I did't have. Bacon: Oh. Well. I'll use my superior knowledge of the occult to best you! Sephiroth: Shadow Flare. Bacon: Owww! Sephiroth: Supernova. Bacon: Agggghhh! Sephiroth: Sin Harvest. Bacon: *gaaaaack* Poppy Sr. Roger Bacon was prepared to face Sephiroth. Only the match never started. The victory was awarded to Sephiroth. A throwing star had hit Sephiroth, thus awarding him the victory on outside interference. Both Bacon and Sephiroth tried to find the identity of the attacker, but, as luck would have it, the RPG Characters Who Throw Things Convention, or RPGCWTTC for short, was being held outside the arena. The culprit was never identified, and the ruling in favor of Sephiroth was held. Meanwhile, Odd Eye grinned, as his money was well spent. The attacker had prevented the knockout of Bacon, and Odd Eye could retain his sight for some time longer. Odd Eye relaxed, and began to watch Locke Cole and the Temple of Doom on DVD, Marveling at what he was missing. loendal@mixmail.com Go for it, Sephirot! Crush that rotten-english loking man Rolf Landale vs Ashley Riot tylorh@hotmail.com: If Ashley goes first, he uses Paralyse Pulse to paralyse Rolf and go on to an easy win. If Rolf goes first, then he goes on to Megid Ashley, only to have Ashley pull out his defence arts to survive it, then Paralyse Pulse Rolf and go on to an easy win. Rolf Landale: 80 Ashley Riot: 96 Poppy Sr. How can R. Landale beat Riot? In the same way he beat Winchester. You see, Rolf's Megid is stronger than the version of PSIV hero Chaz Ashley. Thus, Rolf's Megid is stronger than Ashley. In conclusion, Rolf>Anything with Ashley in its name. All hail the Ashley-Killer! Chisato Madison vs Yang Fabool DragoonJay@excite.com: Bartz: “This is Bartz Klauser for the Tycoon Broadcasting Station. The RPG Playoffs are coming to a close for another season, and the Middle Championship looks to be one of the best yet! With me in the studio are colour commentators Ashton Anchors and Edward Geraldine Eblan.” Ashton: “Pleasure to be here, Bartz.” Edge: “Hi, Rydia! Oh yeah, nice to be here, too.” Bartz: “Let’s get started, gentlemen. Chisato Madison, worlds-renowned reporter went straight from the stands to the finals in her RPGP debut while hardly breaking a sweat! Your thoughts, Ashton?” Ashton: “Well, it’s not too surprising. People underestimate the pull she has in the media, and that gave her an advantage too strong to overcome. If she had been tested in battle, I think she may not have been here now. Still, she can hold her own.” Bartz: “What do you think, Edge?” Edge: “I’ve seen this girl train, and I was impressed. She’ll definitely have a good range advantage going into this, and that may be all she needs.” Bartz: “Interesting point. Last week, a similar long-range power fell to the might of Yang Fabool. This is his second trip to the Finals, and he hopes to take home some hardware to go with yours, Edge. Do you think he can do it?” Edge: “I’ll have to say no on this one, Bartz. Chisato’s Killer Moves are pretty tough, and Yang’s defence is suspect.” Bartz: “Anything to add, Ashton?” Ashton: “I’ll disagree with that statement, Edge. It all comes down to whether or not Yang can close the gap between them. Chisato can’t take the heat from up-close fighting, from what I saw on our adventures.” Bartz: “It looks like the two combatants are entering the arena, so take it away, commentary!” Edge: “Whoa! Chisato isn’t wasting any time, unleashing a Tear Gas attack before Yang was ready!” Ashton: “That’s not a pretty sight, and from the looks of things, Yang agrees. He’s shaken off the attack and is rushing forward, but he definitely felt that one.” Edge: “And another Tear Gas! And another! Yang’s trying to get in close, but the gas attacks are too much!” Ashton: “The match could be over folks... but wait! Yang just leapt up into the air, above the cloud of Tear Gas, and he’s heading down - straight for Chisato’s head!” Edge: “That’s going to leave a mark.” Ashton: “Chisato’s getting up, but she’s a little stunned... it looks like... oh no.” Edge: “A Flame Thrower attack! Yang may be in for more than he bargained for... The arena just erupted! What’s going on?” Ashton: “Tear gas is flammable. Chisato just blew up the entire ring!” Edge: “The smoke is starting to clear... there’s only one person standing! It’s...” Chisato Madison: 95 Yang: 102 babbwa@vcu.edu Chisato begins by firing off some rounds from her pulse gun, wasting no time to attempt to get on her opponents good side. Somehow everything misses and reflects back at her. As she readies to attack again, Yang kicks her out of the arena. Frazzled, she demands to know Yang did that. Smiling, Yang points to his corner. "Ya beats me, so now you is my bro, bro!" Hammer cheers on Yang. "Just remember to give me back that reflect ring after the fight." Poppy Sr. Yang surrendered the match. Chisato had threatened to reveal to the world the ULTIMATE news scoop-how Yang can continually escape certain death. By Yang's surrender, the secret remained unrevealed that he possess the legendary PHNXDoWN!!!!1!!!11!!!! holyajora@yahoo.com Chisato vs Yang? This will be a slaughter. Yang isn't even that strong in his own game. His way of gaining strength would give Chisato enough time to hit him anyway. The way I see it, Chisato will wait for an opening and then just take down Yang with a tear gas or twister. Veryslightlymad@hotmail.com Chisato wanted to start things with an interview, as she was wont to do, and she strode over to the older man, when he walked into the arena. "King Fabool, may I ask you a few questions?" "Of course," came his reply, as Yang was both polite and trusting. "Thank you. What was it like, traveling with the warrior, Cecil?" "Oh," he began. "Cecil was a wonderful leader. He was a respectable warrior, and I'm proud to have fought by his side." "Excellent! But I'm not here to talk about Cecil, I'm here to talk about -you-, Yang." "Go on," he said. She paused, considering. "How did you become the king of your nation, anyhow?" Yang's response was calm, and considerate; Chisato was not being suspicious, merely curious. "I was the most loyal servant to my lord, at the time he fell. He had no blood heirs." Chisato smiled. "Ah! So you've been rewarded for your brave and noble deeds, then." Yang blushed a little, but proudly. "Yes. You could say that." Chisato struggled, now. The next bit was the important question, but she didn't know how to lead into it. She had just received the information, prior to the match. "Now, this may be an uncomfortable subject, sir... but... there's a rumor that you are the victim of spousal abuse." "Wh..what?" He was visibly shocked. "That's why they needed the frying pan to wake you up. You're afraid of your wife hitting you with it, again." Flabergasted, he replied, "That's preposterous. I love my wife dearly, and am a powerful martial artist. I have no need to..." Chisato waved him off. "It's ok, really. Sometimes, strong, confident men like yourself allow themselves to be put through physical abuse, because they are afraid to retaliate. Mr Fabool, do you love your wife?" "I've already said that I do." "Then take this card, sir. With a bit of counseling, you should be able to smooth over the problems in your marriage. And it's ok, you are not alone. Get help, Yang. Call this number." Yang took the card, thoughtfully. Solemnly, he lowered his head, and without shame, he walked out of the arena. Chisato sighed to herself. "Well, that's a disqualification, so I guess I won't get to test my own martial arts against a living legend." After saying this, she began to run to the locker room, and promptly fell flat on her face. tylorh@hotmail.com Yang cautiously entered the trendy cafe and spotted his quary, Chisato, happily sipping a latte as she worked on an article on a new, non-Dell laptop. Seeing him, she motioned him over to her booth, and he quickly went over to avoid being seen. "What is it you wish of me?" Yang asked, hoping to get this over with quickly. "Well, I'm only allowed one article per edition, but I have two articles for the sunday paper. So, I thought you could help me choose," she said with a disquieting smile. Yang felt that there was some trickery in this, but nodded reluctantly. She eagrely handed over the first article which turned out to be a piece celebrating her RPGP championship. He felt that was quite smug of her, to predict her own victory ahead of time. Then he turned to the second one. This one was about an unnamed king and martial arts master known for defying death, but actually had stunt doubles do the dangerous stuff for him. Having read halfway, Yang paled and mumbled that she should use the first one before leaving the cafe, a smiling Chisato drinking a victory latte behind him. neoelfboy@hotmail.com After browsing countless FF4 Walkthroughs and FAQs, Chisato finally came up with the dirt for a story on Yang. She revealed that the death-defying Monk's HP stops increasing at higher levels... meaning that eventually, even mages pass him in that statistic! With this unfortunate detail of his combat ability revealed, Yang chose to forfeit the match rather than risk being wiped out by a single Twister. Chisato, meanwhile, returned to Central City to send her story to the printers, and show off her Middle trophy to colleagues at the water cooler. ChaosD@starband.net Chisato sighed, sitting in the waiting room for the Middle-Weight combatants. It was two days before the match, and she was questioning what to do. She could easily take him out in a fair fight. But that wouldn’t give the fans what they want--entertainment and excitement. She jumped out of her seat, an idea springing to her mind. She --The Battle!-- Yang smiled, standing across the arena from Chisato. The fight began. Yang got into fighting stance, and shouted “Aa-----“ CLANK! A large lump on Yang’s head formed, as he fell to the ground. “Ow… what was that?” “You cheating scumbag!” Yang’s wife loomed over the fallen warrior, holding a Frying Pan in one hand, and a newspaper in another. She threw the paper down. “Can you explain THIS?!” The front page had a large color photo of Yang dancing in a bar, drunk, with Nina, Celes, Rosa, and Alma huddled around him. Above it was, in large black print, “Warrior caught in ambiguous acts!” “H-honey, I can explain!” He said, backing away from his wife. His wife threw the frying pan down at Yang’s skull, knocking him out. “Save your explanations for Ryu, Locke, and Cecil! Harumph!” She then left the arena, leaving the crowd laughing hysterically, Chisato giggling madly, and Yang knocked out. Alma Beoulve vs Palom Cmdr_King@Hotmail.com: The average gamer would wonder how Alma or Palom made it even to a Light Championship. Less than 10% of players leveled Palom out of the teens, and the number of people who have seen Alma mount an offense with less than 100 tries could fit in an elevator. A little research yields that both learn some of the most potent magics in they're games. They're also evenly matched, Palom's superior attack and status spells balanced by Alma's M Barrier and Deathspell 2. So, this fight comes down to who has the best friends. Palom would almost certainly bring Porom to his side, enabling the Impressive Twin abilities. Alma would also call down her siblings... and Orlandu, and Delita, and Agrias, and Ovelia.. It's not who you are. It's who you know. Alma Beoulve: 115 Palom: 84 NinjaFire2@aol.com Alma worked quickly, setting up a nigh-impenetrable barrier of magical shields and wards that rendered her almost invulnerable. Almost. In an constant, unrelenting assault of powerful magic spells, Palom actually managed to penetrate the formidable barrier, promptly pounding the frail Beoulve into the dirt. ...Which of course meant nothing when Alma immediately Re-Raised and used her decidedly more painful magics on her far less prepared opponent. babbwa@vcu.edu Palom can cast Fire 3, Alma can cast Ultima. Alma can cast Reraise and Barrier, Palom can cast... Fire 3. Alma might be a little crispy, but Palom is going to be a smoking crater. drumbkb@aol.com Q: Can Palom use Twin? A: FOOL! Nothing defeats MBarrier! tylorh@hotmail.com As the two were exchanging prematch pleasentries, Palom suggested that after the match, to show there were no hard feelings, they could find a secluded corner where he could show her his 'fire rod'. Alma, completely and utterly horrified by this, called upon her anime roots and, with a rousing cry of "BAKA!!" soundly beat the pint sized mage into a pulp. neoelfboy@hotmail.com Alma vs. Palom, on offence: Alma has good attack magic. Palom has good attack magic. Alma vs. Palom, on defence: Alma has good defence, which she can strengthen with MBarrier. Palom takes hits like... well, a five-year old boy. The defence rests. DragoonJay@excite.com It really doesn't matter who wins Light. Since the two look like such a cute couple, both would easily be willing to throw the match for their beloved, at which point the fans would rip them both apart. BEBHM Barbarian Battle MoogleEmpMog@Laguorok.org: Just as the BEBHMs entered the arena, clad most unimpressively in their barbarian attire, there was a massive explosion. "How DARE you not let me enter," Jelanda Artolia, a technical BEBHM herself, demanded. "If you think you can exclude me just because I'm a girl, and a girl who can't even make a physical attack with a crummy old wand much less one of those five-foot-long barbarian greatswords at that, and a girl who is still stuck in Light..." She paused, considering the situation. "Oh. Perhaps Nina's right, they DID have a good reason." She promptly departed. Edgar, who had wisely stood in the back of the line having been informed by Nina of Jelanda's anger, stepped into the now empty arena, gladly dropped his outrageously heavy blade, and took a bow. Edgar Roni Figaro: 85 Edward Damcyan: 33 Bartholomew Fatima: 31 Albert Serdio: 17 Enrique Valua: 10 Roan Cyrum: 5 ANONYMOUS And as the match began, Edgar, Bart, Albert, Roan, and Enrique shouted a furious warcry and charged each other in true barbarian fasion, shouting at the top of their lungs, naught but bloodshed on their minds... before coming to a sudden halt and swinging wildly into the air, greivously injuring themselves in the process. Edward, on the other hand, who hadn't moved from his starting position, simply smiled as he softly sang and watched as his opponents tore themselves apart... thissucks@onewebsite.com Spoony Bards are INVINCIBLE... And the 'song of charm' more than makes up for his lacking physical prowess... alblouin@globetrotter.net Edward:Hide. (Few minutes later) Edward's the only survivor! Poppy Sr. The Battle for Coalition Chairman of the BEBHM party began quickly. Roan quickly fell, due to a lack of the strength needed to use huge barbarian swords. The next target was Edgar. The Coalition leader, however, was prepared for such an onslaught. Edgar lessened the competitors, as Bart was removed from the arena on charges of indecent exposure once his loincloth was cut off. Still shocked at Edgar's cruelty, Albert suddenly realised that Enrique had fallen, but just when Albert turned around, Edgar cut him from behind. The one that defeated Enrique was none other than Edward Damcyan! How Edward managed to swing the sword was a mystery, as he couldn't even pick it up then. Edgar laughed, then uttered the words that would cost him the match. "You Spoony Bard..." Edgar Smirked, then raised his sword above his head. Edward went ballistic. "I'll show you the TRUE POWER of a SPOONY BARD!". Clearly, Edgar had pushed Edward over the edge with his insult. Edward revealed a spoon. Edgar fell over laughing, never expecting the pain that followed. Edward laughed as the audience recoiled in shock at the bloody cruelty. Edward was disqualified and sent to a mental hospital once it was ruled that he not only was unfit to take leadership of the coalition, but that a spoon was an illegal weapon for that match. Of course, it was little consolation that Edgar won, as his pride was hurt, and his eyes needed to be put back in his skull. ANONYMOUS Ever seen esper-stat-bonuses when used properly? No? Neither have the others, who are currently lying unconscious on the arena floor. chipstick85@aol.com Five of the six BEBHM members walk into the arena a bit early. "Hey let's dethroan Edgar guys and wipe him out early." "Sounds good I'm in." "Agreed." "Sure." "It's settled then." The five jealous fighters surounded Edgar's starting spot. *** Edgar walked into the arena in his rather revealing garb. Although he was surrounded and hopelessly outnumbered once the ladies saw the most popular of the BEBHM's they all stromed at him trampling Edgar's opponents. loendal@mixmail.com That barbarians are no match to Edgar Roni Figaro kain@sailorvenus.org Even if I am his only vote, Edward Hides and waits for everyone to kill one anouther, then he plays his sleep heart and kills whoever's left. drumbkb@aol.com By the power of Grayskull! ROAN HAS THE POWER!!!!!!!! DragoonJay@excite.com Let’s think for a moment. It’s obvious that the gladiator duel is being leaked to the press by one of the competitors, most likely the winner. Who do we know who would greatly benefit from exposure of a mighty free-for-all victory, and has media connections to make the footage possible? Our winner, Edward. Do you want YOUR comments seen at the RPG Playoffs Online? Just send them in along with your votes and Mr. Cranbud and the RPGP staff will review them for publication! Please refrain from using vulgar or otherwise offensive language in your comments, since Mr. Cranbud will only accept such language if it is used for genuine humorous effect, and only on a good day.