 | Welcome back all you Axel fans to the RPG Duelling League and Behind the Scenes, with your new week 1 host, the Dark Hero Axel! Me and my loyal cast of extras here...
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 | Loyal?
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 | Extras?
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 | Hi!
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| ...are going to get you the scoop on select fighters from the first elimination round. So let's get a move on and kick this show off right with our guests from Light! Extra #1, bring 'em on out here!
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| ...this is only my second line and I'm already plotting your demise.
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| You're also holding up the show. Not very professional, are you?
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| Haha, Mr. Axel says it like it is~
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| Fine. Marcus and Labyrinthia from Light. There.
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 | I think he wants to be here less then I do.
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 | Handsome young men really shouldn't frown so much.
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| Good enough. So Marcus, my secret insider sources tell me that you've been practicing a unique training regimen in preparation for your next fight.
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| Insider sources? You mean those questions you were asking me in the waiting room before the...ow! Don't kick me, young man!
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| Like I said, secret insider sources. Ninjas or something. So what makes this training so special?
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| Hmph. Well if you must know, I've been helping Sir Lowen prepare meals to accustom myself for what will happen once I attack my opponent.
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| And how exactly is that supposed to help you?
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| Every meal is very heavy on the onions.
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| I don't get it.
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| He's fighting a mutant onion.
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| Oh. Onions are gross.
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| I'm beginning to hate them, myself.
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| Hatred is such a pointless emotion. True power lies in the careless embrace of apathy and emptiness, the sweet touch of blessed oblivion.
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| I...see...
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| And people call me goth.
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| Uh, right. So, Labby, can I call you Labby?
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| I don't see why not.
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| What's it feel like to come into the DL for the first time and face down an icon like Bannon?
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| Since when is he any kind of 'icon'?
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| Well I may not look it, but I'm actually the complete package; strength, smarts, and beauty. I'm sure I'll do just fine.
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| And what about speed? Do you have anything to say about the rumors that you are, in fact, slower then frozen molasses?
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| Hey, that's pretty slow. Unless you freeze it hard enough, then you can roll it down a hill just like a rock!
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| How rude! I admit that I'm not very quick, but speed isn't everything you know.
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| Unless you're four points below the enemy. Then it really is, I'm sad to say.
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| Pardon?
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| Nevermind.
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| Well that's all the time we have for Light, so we'll have to stop this interview there. No autographs please, I'm on the clock right now.
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| I'll see myself out then.
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| Autographs? Oh, are you famous?
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| Such a kidder. Okay, Extra #2, let's move on up to Middle!
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| Is that me or the fairy?
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| I'm Extra #3. I get the biggest number because I'm the strongest.
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| Whatever. Hey, you redheads, get in here.
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 | "Hey you redheads"? Is that any way to talk to a champion?
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 | Don't be so full of yourself just because you won in Light.
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| Yeah, this studio only has room for one overly inflated ego.
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| Okay, I know Extra #1's little emo outburst there was bad, but don't you think that's a bit much?
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| You should have seen that response coming.
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| I really should.
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| So Luke, how's the championship life treating you? How'd you celebrate your win?
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| Well...to be honest I don't really remember. I remember Jade handing me a drink...
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| Yeah, that was your mistake right there.
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| You think so? Everything after that is kinda hazy.
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| How fitting, to lose the memory of a meaningless celebration over an equally meaningless victory.
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| You're really depressing, Extra #1.
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| ...
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| Anyway, Mitsuru, I hear you've started teaching charm classes, trying to bring a bit more class into the DL. How's that been going for you?
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| I haven't had enough time to get any real results yet, but after meeting my next opponent I'm more convinced then ever that some women of class and grace are truly needed in this organization.
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| You're fighting Jeane right? What's the problem with her?
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| Have you taken a good look at that woman?
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| I would have to say that I have, yes.
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| She dresses like a prostitute! And she revels in it! It's like she was created purely for the purpose of playing with the hormones of teenage boys.
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| Hey Mr. Axel, I'm gonna redecorate! Where should I put this lampshade?
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| Just hang it over there somewhere.
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| ...
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| Alright, thanks for joining us today. Luke, see if you can kick that drinking problem before your next match, huh?
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| What? Hey, it wasn't my fault!
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| I hear you're fond of that line.
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| You like that li...dammit Mitsuru!
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| Man, I'm outta here.
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| Jeez, you try to offer a guy a little friendly advice. Alright, Extra #3, bring in the Heavies!
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| Okay! So here's...hey, you two look really familiar. Haven't I seen you somewhere before?
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 | Definitely not.
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 | Nope.
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| Are you sure? I coulda sworn I've seen you on TV or something...
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| I, uh, I have one of those faces.
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| She really does.
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| If you say so...
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| Don't worry you two, your secret is safe with me.
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| I'm sure I don't have any idea what you're referring to, Mr. Axel.
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| Come on guys, when you spend as much time in showbiz as me you learn to see right through costumes.
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| Right...through...YOU PERVERT!
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| Woah, hey, not like that! Not like that! I mean, not that I'd complain or anything here but...
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| PIG!
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| Ow! Hey, not the face, not the face! SECURITY!
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| Security? Such a thing cannot exist, not when freedom is valued so highly by humans. Anarchy and Tyranny are the only true states, everything between them is an illusion.
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| Okay, are you high or something?
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| Alright Alena, that's enough.
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| Grrr.
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| Th-thanks, man. I really should have thought about getting some better help in here, it was really only a matter of time before some lady or another just couldn't keep her hands off me.
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| ...
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| It's like your mouth is a shovel and every time you open it the hole gets deeper.
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| Aren't you supposed to be interviewing us?
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| Right, right. So, let's say that you two were 'theoretically' my fellows in the heroing business.
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| ...'theoretically', sure.
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| Get to the point.
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| Well, I gotta ask, what was your favorite episode of The Dark Hero show?
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| The what?
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| You know, The Dark Hero show. Starring me, Axel, the Dark Hero?
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| I'm sorry, we do not have television in Santeem.
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| I thought you were from Zamovska?
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| Only recently.
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| Man, you must have really been poor, to not even have a tv. Well, what about you, Red?
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| Uh, actually I thought the show was crap.
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| ...
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| Sorry to be blunt there, but that's how it is.
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| ...
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| I think you broke him.
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| We can only hope.
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| Okay, okay, I get it. Always with the jealousy. I should have expected it, it always happens.
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| Jealous? Of you?
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| You've been doing the hero thing for how long? And you don't have your own show yet, or even a movie? Do you even get any endorsement deals? I'm just saying, I can understand the frustration, but you're blaming the wrong person.
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| He really does live in his own little world.
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| Why on earth do you put up with him?
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| Community service sentence.
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| Uh...same, actually.
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| He pays me in ice cream! Mr. Axel is the best!
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| Here I am, trying to be the nice guy and give my fellow heroes a little face time in front of the camera, and what do I get for it? Jealousy. Not even a word of thanks for my generosity, just jealousy.
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| Yeah, why don't we just leave?
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| That sounds good. You hungry?
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| Well, yes, but I'm also mostly broke.
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| We'll go dutch.
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| Hmmm...
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| What's eating you now?
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| Only Godlike remains. The home of many a True Rune. I wonder if any of my fellow slaves to these accused emblems will grace us with their presence today?
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 | Sorry to disappoint, but no.
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 | I see you've done some redecorating. It's very...unique...especially the frozen guest seats.
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| I did it all myself!
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| Oh, hey, didn't even see you two come in! Isolde, Claude, welcome to the show. Just have a seat anywhere.
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| I'll stand, thank you. This dress wasn't made for sitting on ice.
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| Aw, they're really comfortable, I promise!
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| I'm sure.
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| So, returning champion. It's a cliche question, but how does that feel?
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| Good. Very good. The last season taxed my power to it's limit and I'm looking forward to seeing if this one can do better.
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| You won't be mad if you lose?
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| I'd like to think I'm a bit more mature then that.
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| Okay, that's fair.
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| Hey, Spaceman Spiff! You want to let me do the interviewing around here?
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| Oh, sorry.
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| So, Spiff, what does a man from outer space do for fun in the League when you're not fighting?
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| Look, can you stop calling me that? And mostly I just keep up with my hobbies. Writing, crafting, I like to make sure my item creation skills don't get rusty. I also just hang out with my friends alot.
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| Sounds pretty boring. Are you sure you're a Godlike?
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| Uh, yes? How well I fight doesn't have any bearing on how I spend my free time.
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| Free time. Such a contradiction. Nothing is free, time least of all. Every second spent is a second you could have done something else instead, every opportunity taken is a thousand wasted. But it's when your time is limitless that you truly learn how much it costs.
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| That...was quite profound, actually.
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| Is he always like this?
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| Yes.
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| Okay, that's it. We need to find you a girlfriend.
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| ...excuse me?
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| We'll talk after the show. Which...is coming right up, actually.
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| Ah, so we're done then?
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| Sounds like it.
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| Finally.
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| So this has been Behind The Scenes With Axel, enjoy the fights everybody and if I may quote one of my own musical inspirations, always remember this: Be excellent to eachother. And...PARTY ON, DUDES!
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| ...what a hack.
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| Yay, it's ice cream time! |
I, Kazan, bid you welcome to the RPG Dueling League, dedicated to the art of pitting the greatest warriors of the RPG Multiverse against each other in honourable combat! Within lies the greatest showcase of fighting talent you will ever lay your eyes upon!