 | Hey, good to see everybody again. How's, uh, how's it going there Luc?
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 | ...
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 | He looks more pissed then usual. What did you do?
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| Nothing!
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| ...
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 | That doesn't look like nothing. I bet he dropped a frog down his pants~
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| What? No! Just, it was a misunderstanding, alright? Let bygones be bygones, huh?
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| Alright, now I've got to hear this. Spill it.
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| I was trying to set him up with this girl and he wasn't having any of it, so I figured...well...
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| He took me to a gay bar.
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| Did you have fun?
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| I AM NOT GAY!
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| Boys are icky anyway.
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| Well I know that NOW, sure. So, how about that show, eh? Places people!
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| You keep telling yourself that, Luc. And yeah, I'm ready.
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| I'm totally ready!
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| Let's get this over with.
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| Hello and welcome to Season 59 here at the RPGDL! This is Behind the Scenes with Axel, starring Axel the Dark Hero(that's me!) and my faithful cast of sidekicks as we interview your favorite fighters!
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| Or at least the ones we could con into coming in.
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| We're gonna kick things off with Light today, since I have a very special treat for all of you in Godlike. Gotta build up to it, right? So let's give a warm Dark Hero welcome to Priscilla and Futch.
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 | Um, hello.
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 | ...Luc.
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| ...Futch.
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| Can't you just feel the temperature dropping?
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| Wasn't me!
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| So how's Black, I mean Bright doing these days?
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| ...he's fine. How about you, backstabbed any other old allies lately?
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| Hey, if you guys are gonna start swinging, could you do me a favor and move it over there? Gotta get it on tape, but I don't want to be caught in the middle, you know?
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| You're really pathetic, you know that?
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| And you're in Light.
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| Hey, at least Futch has wins on his record.
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| At least I've...yeah, that. Uh, thanks.
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| Hehe, Paine is an insult ninja!
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| Can we please get on with this farce?
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| Right, right. So, Futch, any comments on your upcoming match against Brave Squirrel Mukumuku?
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| Is that really why I'm here? To talk about such a boring one-sided 'match' as this? Are you scraping the bottom of the barrel for interest that hard?
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| Mr. Axel just wanted to watch you and Luc fight on camera.
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| Cirno!
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| ...right. I'm outta here. I'd say I'll see you around, Luc, but frankly I hope I don't.
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| Um, bye.
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| ...I forgot you were even there.
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| That happens more often then you'd think.
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| Hey, Priscilla! Nice to have you on the show. So I've got a couple of questions for you here.
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| Okay.
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| We've got a ton of fighters from both the Fire Emblem series and the Tales Of series in this season. As you're going up against a Tales fighter next week, I was hoping you could tell me something about this.
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| Like what?
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| Is this the result of a concerted effort? Is there some kind of series rivalry going on? This can't be mere coincidence, so spill the beans!
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| Trying to add Amateur Conspiracy Theorist to your impressive resume of failure, are you?
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| Actually it is just coincidence. Sorry if that disappoints you.
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| Come on, you can tell me!
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| No, really. It just randomly happened.
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| Really?
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| Yes.
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| Man, that's boring. Okay, so the next question is how much would you, as a musician, be interested in meeting a musical legend right here on this show?
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| I don't care how many of your own records you bought, you aren't a musical legend.
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| No, no, I'm not talking about me this time!
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| That sounds nice, but I'm not a musician.
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| You aren't? But you're a Troubadour, aren't you? As much as I hate to agree with Axel, that is a type of musician.
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| No, that means I heal people from horseback instead of on foot.
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| Duh, even I knew that.
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| That's...ridiculous. If you have nothing to do with music, why would you be called a Troubadour? Why not a Hospitaller or even Medic or anything that involves either healers OR horses?
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| Better question, who actually cares?
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| I'm sorry. Um, is that everything?
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| Yeah, you can go. Thanks for coming. So let's move it up to Middle then. Please welcome the recently ranked Tohru Adachi and Breath of Fire's own Bow!
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 | Hey there.
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 | It's Bo, not Bow. Like the staff, not the weapon I actually use.
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| Oh, right. Sorry about that.
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| Easy mistake to make.
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| So Adachi, I gotta clear something up here...
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| All right, what's up?
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| You're a murderer with a funky gimmick, who's disguised as someone the heroes can trust...
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| ...but you get beaten by a bunch of meddling kids and their talking animal mascot.
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| ...
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| So if I pull on your face, will a mask come off?
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| I AM NOT A SCOOBY-DOO VILLIAN!
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| Hehe, I wanna see the mask!
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| Hey, quit pulling my hair! Knock it off!
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| Aww, it's not coming off.
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| Geez, what are you, some kinda idiot?
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| Yeah!
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| Ignore her, please.
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| Right, right, no more Scooby-Doo jokes. So what do you think of the DL so far?
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| This is my kinda town. Lots of stuff to do no matter what kind of fun you're looking for. And I'm looking forward to getting my hands dirty in the arena, too. Gotta love a place where you can beat the crap out of somebody without your boss coming down on your head for it.
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| Yeah, you sound like you'll fit in with the usual batch of sociopaths just fine.
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| Why were you staring at me when you said that?
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| How about you, Bo? You've been around awhile, but this has to be a big change of pace from your world.
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| Man, I barely even remember my own world.
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| Even after going on this huge journey to save it?
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| To be honest that's all kinda hazy too. I spent most of the trip inside Karn.
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| That was more information then I needed, thank you.
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| Jesus, everything they say about you furry freaks is true.
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| What? No, no, not like that! I mean we were fused together.
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| So is that what they called it back then?
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| It's a power-up!
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| You sickos get stronger from it? And people try to tell me that I'm messed up.
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| Gah! It's not...Axel, back me up here. You know what I'm talking about, right?
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| Woah, hey, what makes you think I'd know anything about that stuff?
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| Well you did drag me to a gay bar...
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| ...I give up. Can I go?
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| Please do.
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| We're pretty much done with Middle anyway. Adachi, nice having you. Good luck in your first match.
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| Thanks.
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| And then there was Heavy. We're getting so close, I can hardly wait!
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| So what is this big surprise he has planned anyway?
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| Just wait and see. I don't want to spoil the moment.
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| Aww, that's nice of you!
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| ...sure, we can call it that.
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| Introducing our guests from Heavy, let's give a big Dark Hero welcome to the king of all janitors, Odin, and Maya Shr..Shrod...Shreddinger?
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 | Schroedinger.
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| Yeah, that.
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| Hi Odin!
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 | Don't you "Hi Odin" me you little thief!
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| Huh?
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| My job! You stole my job!
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| Oh yeah, I guess I did. Ha ha, I've got your jo~ob, I've got your jo~ob!
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| Grr! Stop making fun of me!
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| Well, things certainly got juvenile fast.
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| No kidding.
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| And that coming from grown women who still play dress-up.
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| Shut it, nancy-boy.
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| So Maya, you and Lady Harken in the first round here. That's gotta be a big matchup for Wild ARMs fans.
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| Not really. We both have our fans, but it's still a fight like any other.
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| What, you're not even trying to hype it up? Get a little rivalry going? That's a great way to boost ratings.
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| We don't need to resort to cheap gimmicks like that to get publicity.
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| Tch, you don't know the first thing about showbiz, do you?
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| She seems to know enough to not take your advice at least.
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| Didn't I already tell you to shut your mouth?
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| But...I was insulting him, not you.
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| Do I look like I care?
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| ...
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| That's better.
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| We should really hang out more often.
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| No, it's mine!
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| Nu-uh, it's mine!
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| No, it's mine!
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| Nu-uh, it's mine!
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| ...have they been at that since we got in?
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| Yup.
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| No, it's mine!
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| Nu-uh, it's mine!
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| No, it's mine!
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| Nu-uh, it's mine!
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| Okay, okay, break it up!
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| Axel! I demand you give me my old job back! There's only room enough in this studio for one incompetent janitor, and that's me!
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| Uh, well I guess I could take you on as an extra. Don't expect to get paid for it, though.
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| I'll take it!
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| NO! It's MY job now! You can't have it back!
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| Too late, you heard him, it's mine again!
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| Geez, why don't you two just duel for it?
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| !!!
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|
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| Danmaku at sunset!
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| You're on!
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| Does Odin know what he just agreed to?
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| Doubtful.
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| And there they go. We didn't even get a chance to talk to Odin about his match.
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| Better question, who actually cares? Besides, isn't it time for Godlike anyway?
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| Hey, that's right! So we've only got one guest booked for Godlike, because with a man like this one guest is all you need. Hold on to your seats people, and give it up for the one, the only, the King himself, ELVIS!
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 | Thank you. It's certainly nice to see the academics getting the respect that they deserve for a change.
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| ...
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| Is something wrong, young man?
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| Who are you?
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| Who am I? I'm Professor Elvis of course! You just introduced me yourself.
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| You knew this was going to happen, didn't you?
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| Of course.
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| I...I thought I was getting to meet the King...
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| Ah, so there's a royal who shares my name, is there? What country does he reign over?
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| Rockanroll.
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| Odd name for a kingdom. Sorry to say I'm not acquainted with it, either. I assume the young man here is a native of Rockanroll?
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| Something like that.
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| Well, now that this little mix up is behind us, I understand you have some questions for me?
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| Man I don't even care anymore. You guys do what you want, I'm taking off.
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| Hmph! I understand his disappointment, but that's no reason to be rude to a guest, much less turn your back on an opportunity for education!
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| Um...what do we do now?
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| I've got this. So, Professor, why don't you start off by telling us a bit about yourself?
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| Ah, of course, an excellent subject but there is so much to tell. I suppose I should start with why I'm here. You see, I've come to this strange Duelling League largely to keep an eye on sweet little Carol, to make sure she doesn't get in over her head. I've heard this can be a dangerous place and she might get separated from her friends, so it just wouldn't do to risk her winding up all on her own...
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| ...now what?
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| Now we sneak out while he's talking.
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| ...and we can't forget the academic opportunities! Why the greatest minds of dozens of worlds are all gathered here, I can only imagine the progress that must be going on even as we speak! It is quite an honor to be invited to join this elite number and have a chance to solve the greatest mysteries of the universe! Just the other day I was speaking to... |
I, Kazan, bid you welcome to the RPG Dueling League, dedicated to the art of pitting the greatest warriors of the RPG Multiverse against each other in honourable combat! Within lies the greatest showcase of fighting talent you will ever lay your eyes upon!