Thank You Boys
~Grefter, Consumer of Infants

It was a very late, very drunk girls' night out that led to this contest. Not long after Katt was up on the tables declaring that she was the Queen of No Pants and MOMO passed out under a bench after being thoroughly abused, some bright girls in the DL roster started spouting off about how lucky they were to have so many dead sexy men to pick from in the league. Much quibbling ensued trying to work out who was the sexiest man in the DL. A completely trashed and irritated Chisato declared that she was sick of it. If they could come up with a list of five men by the end of the night she would extort Nate for the funding to run a walkoff. After a great deal of shouting and rifling around through tiny bags to small to fit anything someone got together a pen and paper pasing it along to Chisato.

"All right, lets get started." slurred Chisato.

Shouting over the top of the crowd Alys Brangwin hollered, "How about that Yuri fella, I hear he's really stacked where it counts."
A blushing Alice, a great deal of whistles and howls of agreement later and Yuri was the first on the list.

"How about that guy Lucius?" suggested Asellus as she elbowed her way to the front of the mass. "She is so soft and gentle with such elegance. He is so dreamy."

"Errrr right, whatever," said a confused Chisato, writing it down anyway.

Several loud thunder claps later silenced some of the more vocal women. Deis was the next to make a suggestion. "Mazus, now that is my sort of man. Smart and powerful - and trust me, thse robes hide him well. If it weren't for those women would never leave him alone."

"... 'kay, atleast Freya isn't suggesting Odin or MOMO trying to get Ultros on here," an even more stunned Chisato mumbled.

Over in the corner of Ninas a long slow chant of 'Blackman' had been running the whole time. In a fit of impatience and a desire to be elsewhere Chisato added it to the list. Whatever, no one will care whether he is in the League or not. Sexiness knows no bounds.

"All right, guys, just one more and we're done here, who will it be?" Shouted Chisato over the horde of screaming fangirls.

Coming from all the mad scientist women, simultaneously through a large variety of amplifiers came a resounding "BOWMAN JEAN" which could not be ignored.

Next morning Nate had the all important setup meeting.

"All right guys, here's the deal. You do this for me and I give you nothing at all. You're each likely to come out of this with one of the biggest Harems in history and I get a hung over psychotic woman off my back. How does that sound?"

All agreed to take part quite quickly, even if Mazus was somewhat distracted by other things.

"Alright, be here tomorrow night for the walkoff. Here is what you will each be walking to - and don't blame me, these weren't my idea. These are all popular demand, apparently. Alphabetical order, standard procedure. Sexiest man gets mobbed and all that."

Schedule
First up is the Farmer Extraordinaire, Blackman. He knows how to sow his wild seed with great passion and cares deeply for the plants that grow from them. He will be strutting his stuff to 'March of the Sinister Ducks' by The Sinister Ducks.

Second to walk the cat is Bowman, who will be getting down to Right Said Fred's classic hit 'I'm Too Sexy'. He's most certainly too sexy for this cat. Watch out ladies - don't let him get you too hot or he just may have to take your temperature.

Our third contestant is Lucius. Once again this incredibly sexy woman is proving that he has what it takes to outsexy the best of them. To best represent his best characteristics she will be jiving along to the Bee Gees' great 'Stayin' Alive'.

Next up is a rather confused Mazus, not understanding why he even has to compete. His sheer awesomeness should instantly win the contest. To make it fair on the others Mazus has been limited to the sexiest man ever's most embarrassing song, David Bowie's 'The Laughing Gnome'.

Last but most certainly not least if the rumors are true is Yuri. Mixing it up with his bad boy attitude he will be rocking out to AC/DC's 'Back in Black' blaring in the back ground while he shows just how true rumors can be.

Who wins the walkoff and claims the title of the Duellng League's sexiest man?
  • Blackman teaches them all abouts hoes and plowing
  • Bowman lets loose some Secret Medicine of sweet sweet lovin'
  • Lucius strikes up another one for androgeny
  • Mazus proves that pure awesome wins the day
  • Yuri gives women want and wins them over with his sense of humor

Xeroma
C'mon, Yuri's competition is a mage, a farmer, a pharmacist, and the definition of androgyny. And besides, if the ladies REALLY want something, he's always got Seraphic Radiance, or the Long Coat of Doom.

Thus, Yuri wins.

Blackman: 7
Bowman: 7
Lucius: 14
Mazus: 6
Yuri: 24

Grefter
Sadly, I expect to be the only one to truely appreciate the awesome overpowering sexy of Mazus. Oh and I really should have fixed that horrible grammar in Yuri's option. It makes little sense.

metroid composite
The absence of Ruprecht in the bonus match makes me sad. I would have thought the quote "Ruprecht is dead sexy" would guarantee him a spot. The absence of Frog also makes me sad--there was a great quote on him too, something along the lines of "FROG. IS. SEXY."

Starphoenix das Helpoemer
*Sees Bonus Match Up*

>_>

*Shoots Grefter... where it counts*

*Walks away*

Korayashi
Alas....sexy men will always resemble sexy women... .... ....But you never know.