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Cid vs. Cid(Cid, Cid, Cid, Cid, Cid and Cid)
~Gatewalker
(Scene: the basement of Balamb Garden, thankfully no longer occupied by NORG)
In this room were gathered some of the finest minds in the history of RPGs. These men were engineers and pilots, astronauts and jacks-of-all-science. And they all had one thing in common...the name Cid. From the famed engineer of Baron, to the cranky Al Behd patriarch, and every Cid between, this was a gathering of the greatest inventors of Final Fantasy fame.
Cid 8 stood before his fellows and cleared his throat.
"*Ahem* Gentlemen, may I have your attention please?" The room grew quiet as the other men settled into their seats, ready to get down to business. "Thank you. I now call this meeting of the Coalition of Cids into order."
Reajusting his glasses while he quickly flipped through his notes, Cid 8 was about to continue before being he was cut off by a very unwelcome voice coming from the door...
"Is that what this little club is? A Coalition of Cids? And you somehow neglect to invite the only one of our name worth mentioning?" Another Cid strode into the room, although this one was perhaps better known by his last name, Orlandu. "You wound me."
Trying to keep his temper under control, Cid 7 lit up a cigarette and muttered something under his breath. " Oh I'll wound ya, alright, you muscleheaded @#$%..."
Grumbles, groans and growls from the others seemed to echo Cid 7's sentiments, though it was Cid 10 who gave voice to it. "Get lost, Orlandu! You're no Cid and you know it."
Cid 6 nodded his agreement. "You just aren't like the rest of us. You really have no place here."
Cid 5 couldn't agree more. "You know, you and that Mustadio boy should have switched names. He would have made a fine Cid."
Stroking his mustache, Cid 9 joined in. "It's nothing *gwok*, er, *ahem*. It's nothing personal Orlandu. There just happens to be a minimum IQ requirement to be a real Cid. And you don't meet it."
Cid 8 spoke up, trying to get some reason back into the "debate." Of course, he kpet one hand on the silent alarm, just in case.
"Really, Orlandu, what would you have to do at a meeting of scientists, anyway?"
Cid blinked, and started to say something. Unfortunately, Cid 4 chose this moment to voice his opinon. "Yeah, so get out before we throw ya out!"
The Holy Swordsman narrowed his eyes and slowly begand to draw his sword. "You? Throw me out? Do you forget who I am?"
Unable to restrain himself any longer, Cid 7 jumped to his feet, spear in hand. "We know who you are! You're a @#$&*%! disgrace to the name of Cid! Let's teach this phoney that you don't mess with REAL Cids!"
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SnowFire
The fight was over quite quickly- Orlandu was packing his handy hasted Excalibur, and broke both the Venus Gospel and the Earth Hammer. A quick Peep from Cid4 detected that Orlandu was still feeling extremely healthy, and there were clearly a lot of cattle non-combatants around for easy vampiric life-sucking. Orlandu tossed a quick Holy Explosion over at the Balamb Garden security controls that Cid8 was fiddling with, and Cid8 only dived aside just in time.
Cid10 laughed jovially at the spectacle. "Well, this isn't really fair. I'm certain myself or my friend Cid5 over here could easily destroy you via force once you left here from the air or sea- not an option now, of course, since we're here too. But I would not recommend making enemies with all of us."
"So you're suggesting that I should kill you all now to prevent that from happening?" Orlandu said, casually tossing back a Shellburst Stab at Cid7 who was attempting a spell from his armor's materia.
"Ah... not quite. See, to be a Cid requires intellectual prowess. It doesn't matter if you defeat us in brute battle; we can't let you in until you prove you possess that special spark of kaheic, genius."
Orlandu paused for a moment. "Well, I led Ivalice in the Fifty Years War, a far bigger mess than any of you had to deal with. You can at least control robots and airships and fix them yourself; I had to deal with logistics, incompetent subordinates, and illogical orders from the rulers."
"And it took you fifty years to just get a ceasefire? Not very effective to-" Cid3 chimed in, shortly before getting Lightning Stabbed into Silence.
"Give us a moment," Cid8 said. The other Cids gathered in a small huddle to discuss a proper test to get rid of this irritating newcomer. He'd proven surprisingly resilient and capable. It had to be something irritating and random. What to use...
Cid6 came forward. "All right, Orlandu, we'll let you be a Cid if you can pass one little aptitude test first. But first, can I suggest a refreshing dip in one of these tanks over here first, to properly prepare yourself?"
"No."
"All right then. All you need to do is defeat our amphibious friend here in a true test of mental discipline." Cid9 hopped forward. "How does a, *gwok* game of Tetra Master sound?"
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Squall was getting impatient. "I don't care that they said not to be disturbed. I need to go on a mission, and Edea's disappeared again, as usual. Somebody needs to be in charge. Xu, send someone down to check."
Apprentice SeeDs were cleaning the basement for a good week afterward, and Dr. Kadowaki had to work triple shifts trying to put the various Cid pieces back together to the right Cid.
Orlandu: 31
True Cids: 15
Judgemaster Cid: 15
Cid Overload: 28
Mr. VSM
Orlandu was supposedly a great tactician. That is PROBABLY smarter than a couple of live-with-their-parents inventor rejects. There's a lesson to be learned here: don't insult someone's IQ when they can beat the everloving excrement out of you--and all of your friends--without batting an eyelash. When you're lying there, bloody and dying, you'll think, "Boy. I'm pretty sure the only stupid person in the room right now is me."
Octillus
You're kidding right? First of all, the Cids would be stepping on each others toes too much to work together. Secondly, most of them are exceptionally weak, considering Cid Highwind is their mightiest. Old wily inventors vs. Excalibur. Honestly, the fight is one Hellcry Punch to Cid Highwind from being over.
Tide
Of all the Cids involved, only Cid 4, Cid 7 and Orlandu have PC fighting forms. The rest are NPCs and don't participate in actual combat.
That said, Orlandu is faster than both Cid 4 and Cid 7. One Hellcry Punch later and all the other Cids are just cannon fodder for the Ivalician General. The term "slaughter" is an understatement here.
Lurking Registered User
The Cids were at it. Orlandu waded through bombs from the Highwind to Dark Sword Cid 7, then turned and tossed a bad fish Cid 6's direction, knowing the beslickered one would suck it down and die. Meanwhile, Cid 9 pulled out his Oglop cards to challenge T.G. to a Tetra Master duel, while Cids 8 and 10 ran to get their own massive weapons of annihalation. And then a man on Chocoboback showed up.
"Who the &^%*&^ invited *you?*" snarled Cid 7.
"Hey, I'm a Cid too y'know!" retorted the newcomer. Judgemaster Cid had arrived.
"And we were complaining about Orlandu being an impostor?" cried Cid 9. "You're just a petty bureaucrat!"
"That's it!" growled Judgemasted Cid. "I've had enough of this! I'm enacting a new law! No... um... no dragoons? No, that won't work. No brainy guys? Nah, then Orlandu'd still be here. Um, no Oglops? What am I thinking? I've got it! NO CIDS! ... Aw crap!" said the judge, just before being teleported by a pair of lesser judges into prison.
And that's how all the Cids in existence got sucked into a reality-warping spacetime wormhole.
And deposited in an Ivalice jail.
Orlandu was the first to leave. His son Olan showed up, Galaxy Stopped the whole place, and walked out with his father in tow. The two are now on Meredi's Most Wanted list, but they don't plan to return to that Ivalice anytime soon.
Cid 10 got off lightly. His daughter was an expert thief, after all, and easily obtained enough money to post bail.
Cid 8 eventually got freed too. Apparently SeeD had enough of NORG's funds left to spring him, and a mostly caring student populace who wanted him free.
Cid 6 ate some bad prison food and died.
Cid 9 used his only phone call to get Hildegarde on the phone, and the resulting spat got him turned into an Oglop again. He used his new form to get between the bars of his cell and escape.
Cid 7 picked up some new swear words, and taught the other inmates ten times as many in return. Shera eventually managed to get the funds to spring him, by mortgaging most of Rocket Town...
As for Judgemaster Cid, his only kin had been removed by Marche when he sundered the magic book's spell, so nobody knew him who cared to pay his bond. He's still in there to this day.
legendaryflyingfailure
It is a little known fact that Zidane has at least one truly usefull and outstanding quality. He has an impermeable head. This is not so surprising given that he spends so much time getting knocked around. But nevertheless it has been proven on many occasions that Zidane's head is much harder than rock, steel, cement, dragon armor, and-quite unfortunately-Orlandu's Excaliber. So whilest the invincible Thunder God was busy laying the smackdown on Cids 1-10, Dagger finally lost her patience with Zidane constantly flirting with Lani, Beatrice, Sophia, Terra, Lucca, Luccia, Aeris, Rafa, Ruby, Nel, Maria, Princess Toadstool, all 5 Ninas, Yuna, Riku, Bleau, The Godess Tir, Kairi, and the SnM Broad from SH2. Not to mention his constant sneeking out of the dueling league to see Samus and Jill Valentine. Suffice to say that Dagger was fed up with all of it and Sumoned Ark to blast his ass into oblvion. The resultant explosion(s) send Zidane into orbit. After circling the Earth several hundred times he careened at 1,352,233,245,998 miles per hour headfirst into the coalition of Cids and the Excaliber. All contention was put to rest by the Cids who were none too happy about the damage caused by the resultant shockwave that flattened the dueling arena four cities over. Needless to say the entire DL decided that it had been at least 4 days-far too long- since the last universal beatdown on Zidane. Thus the carnage insued.
Several months later all the pieces of Zidane were recovered having been spread over a 400 mile radius. At least enough peices were found for the DL healers to (begrudgingly) put Zidane in well enough shape that he might recover in the next century or so.
Dagger sent him the divorce papers in the hospital.
All 11 of the newly united Cids came to visit him in the Hospital.
The DL healers were not happy about this.
dimatt2004@yahoo.com
It's only fair that Judgemaster Cid gets considered. Even though he may also be as unintelligent as 1-10.
Cinny
Dude, the true Cids'll just get into an airship and kick Cidolfas's ass. No contest.
Justin
ORLANDU RULES
Mechaux01@yahoo.com
Orlandu rapes everything
Browbeat
All hail Judgemaster Cid
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