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The RPGDL Royal Rumble Gilgamesh: I am your host and ring announcer, Gilgamesh, and on commentary, we've got the reigning 25-time champion Joachim Valentine and... uh... Mid-Boss. Mid-Boss: Ugh! Please do call me the Dark A- Joachim: Thank you, my rippling muscles and I feel graced by the invitation for tonight's great display of manliness! Let's see some truly heroic brawling tonight, my friends! Gilgamesh: Right... so... um... let's review the contestants! Hailing from Corneria, "The Dark Knight" Garland is the first combatant! When asked for comments on his upcoming match, he merely mumbled something about... well... "knocking them all down". Mid-Boss: Oui, we have quite a genius tactical mind here. His ringname is awe-inspiring as well. *Cough hack.* Joachim: He is stylish and foreboding with that BEAUTIFUL and dazzling cape! On the other hand, his mighty biceps are... well... not so mighty, especially compared to mine. And he is a filthy evildoer, of course, doomed to fall before the flashing blade of justice! Gilgamesh: And next up, hailing from the city of Termina, sporting 271 pounds of purity, returning from retirement - it's everyone's favorite luchadore, El Greeeeeeeeeeeeeeco! His years of wrestling experience and the devastating finisher Grave Digger give him a great chance to win tonight! His opponents will need a strong prayer to put down this warrior of faith! Joachim: This should be a very interesting fellow hero to watch! Look at his sharply toned build! His mountain-like shoulders! His intense stare! His... Mid-Boss: AHEM. -Thank you for your kind input-, Joachim. But... hmmmmhmm... he'll have to watch out for ring rust, that's for sure. Gilgamesh: That music! Listen! It's Otherworld! And we all know what that means, don't we? Ladies and gentlemen, it's the former two-time champion, the very best... it's Jecht! Will we see a Sublimely Magnificent Jecht Driver Mark III tonight?! We can only wait! Mid-Boss: ... somehow, he appears to be more drunk than usual. Joachim: Impressive. Albeit not heroic at all! Gilgamesh: The Anthem of Braves hits and the arena goes wild! Yes, my friends, three cheers for the Defender of Earth, Gordon! Just look at all those fans dying to see their hero win it all! Joachim: Everyone else might just as well give up now! In the name of Justice, that fist! In the name of Truth, those muscles! In the name of Beauty, that impressive toup- Mid-Boss: Haaaaahahahahah! I'm sorry, but he has lost to moi on multiple occasions. He's nothing to write home about, how could he possibly have a chance now? Joachim: Funny, I recall him kicking your ass every single time, foul wrongdoer! And the same will happen tonight, just you wait! Gordon Spark! Gordon Punch! Gordon BLITZ! All music to my gorgeous ears! Gilgamesh: ...anyway, hailing from the Biron Monastery, it's the hard-hitting high flyer Songi! Always wanting to outdo his rival Gala at everything, he entered the competition, and he has some backflips to sport! However... no one remembered to tell him Gala wasn't going to be here. Joachim: Ah, those amazingly graceful aerial maneuvers! That Triple 720 Backflip is truly a work of art! Just like a blooming rose... Mid-Boss: ... ooooookay, that's getting embarassing. Next...? Gilgamesh: Next up is- "KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!" Gilgamesh: ...yes, Kahn, the brawler and sailor extraordinaire! He might keep getting beaten up, but he never stays down! Perhaps this resilience is exactly what is needed to come out victorious tonight! Joachim: I'm already looking forward to seeing the famous Tiger Champion Fist, folks! Beauty and might at its best! Mid-Boss: Is he... flexing? Ugh, suddenly I feel very, very ill... Gilgamesh: Making his flashy entrance to the ring is none other than the Rated E10+ Superstar, Edge Eblan! He told us earlier he was whipped into this by Rydia. Stunning. Speaking of the summoner of Mist, she's ringside with Edge, she looks as marvelous as always and will make sure Edge won't be, um, distracted during the match. Will Edge's ninja-like agility be enough in this ring, though? Mid-Boss: Hmhmhm...it will be interesting to see how Edge can deal with tonight's special referee, Cidolfas Orlandu. Gordon: I think he just realized what he's getting into. That's one priceless look of horror! Gilgamesh: And last but not... um, anyway, entering to the tune of "Yo Yo Yizzle, Shiz Fo My Nizzle, In My Little Dizzle Wizlle Wuzzle Woo, Chips and Bizzle For Tha Peepizzles (*&$ Tha Police(Izzle)", it's the DL's very own (sadly) gangsta rap artist Seifer. Apparently, after all his other failures, he somehow still thinks he might succeed at something someday, leading him to this contest. My advice to you, Seifer: just give up and go back to slitting your wrists already. He might have a chance if Raijin distracts the referee and Fujin chairshots all the other contestants... aw, who the hell am I kidding. Guys? ... *Loud thud followed by an outburst of laughter.* Gilgamesh: Apparently, they've fallen over laughing. Well then, let the battle begin! Who shall be the sole survivor?! |
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Grefter Seifer and Garland had a plan for extreme hijinks. They would capture Luca's latest creation, the Mass Driver and launch all their opponenets into space. On a cold and rainy night they broke into Luca's secret base with all the stealth of a sloth; silent, deadly, unheard until it drops on your face and tears your intestines out through your ear. Death itself has a name and it is sloth. Moving right along. Being Seifer and Garland they stole the wrong device. Come game time the two activated their "Mass Driver" in an attempt to defeat the opposition, the mass of fail however caused a rip in the space time fabric! Energy X, flows INTO them! They gain unlimited powers of their symmetry! WONDER TWIN POWERS ACTIVATE! No, not really, what really happened is Seifer tripped on his feather boa (Damn these high heels!) as he walked along applying a fresh coat of lipstick and smashed his face into a circuit board. The resulting aftermath involved the weapon misfiring and melting all the opponents in the wrestling match into a mass of primordial soup. So hey, science wins a wrestling match, far from the first time. Garland and Seifer are declared man and wife and everyone is happy. Garland: 15 Greco: 3 Jecht: 7 Gordon: 5 Songi: 5 Kahn: 5 Edge: 12 Seifer: 15 Tidus Andronicus
Xan
Fireball
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