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Red-Haired Swordsmen chosen to save the world, UNITE! "Let's see... there needs to be a good potential apocalypse that only a red-haired swordsman can possibly stop...wait...have I used this one already?" ----- In the magical lands of Ys, the perpetually-silent hero Adol Cristin suddenly gets the bright idea to go on a journey, never explaining why. "Hey, wasn't there some prophecy about a red-haired Chosen?" ----- In the dragon-infested lands of Elibe, the Lycian nobleman's son, Roy, is called from his studies in Ostia to suddenly lead an army against an evil tyrant. "*sigh* Just because father saved the world from near-destruction, now everyone thinks -I- can do the same thing. I want to go back to Smash Bros." ----- Tethe'alla's Chosen, Zelos Wilder, was enjoying a leisurely day of skirt-chasing when, despite all his efforts to the contrary, he managed to catch the watchful eye of a certain jilted ninja-summoner. "STUPID CHOSEN! Why don't you just get out there and save the world already!" And off he went. ----- Luke fon Fabre, red-haired noble layabout extraordinaire, finally gets out from under his parents' watchful eyes only to be told that the Score tells of a red-haired noble saving the world from great disaster. "What a pain... I want to go home." ----- Asch the Bloody, one of the six god-generals of the Order of Lorelei and erstwhile red-haired noble, develops an inexplicable interest in saving the world. "Crap. Was this in the Score?" ----- Shortly thereafter, five crimson-haired swordsmen converge at the Signpost of Prophecy, just south of the Community Greeting Board of Despair, to discover what inebriated destiny has in store for them. Of course, when they meet, each only has his own interests in mind. After all, who wants to share the glory of saving the world? "No, YOU go save the world," Luke demanded of Asch. "You useless replica - why don't YOU do it?" Asch retorted. Roy signed in resignation, "Well, father would just make me do it anyway, I guess I'll go." Adol said, "..." Zelos sighed. "Have you actually heard the prophecy? Once you...we save the world, we end up dead." That was enough to create some second thoughts in any warrior, even someone as single-mindedly noble as Roy. "Oh hell no, make Luke do it." Asch grinned, "Yeah. Just like I was saying." Zelos shrugged, "No complaints here." Adol nodded. Luke looked around at the unfriendly faces, getting more desperate by the second. "This isn't fair! I want to go home!" A new figure approached the crowd. It was none other than Claude C. Kenni, "Hero of Light" of the planet Expel, living up to his own father's legacy. Claude tried to point out to the swordsmen that right beneath the prophecy stone was a large red button labeled "Save the World Button. Red-haired swordsmen only." And as one, the red-haired swordsmen replied, "WTF, Ur Hair is YELLO! GTFO!" So, who deserves credit for saving the world? |
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SageAcrin Claude walked off, saddened, after his rejection. "Rejected! Just because I'm a blonde. Now that's not fair." He sighed. "Oh well..." --- "No, you press it!" "No, you!" "You!" "...!" Meanwhile, the gathering of heroes behind him had degenerated into a shouting match. "Look, if we all press it, we can all take on anything that comes. Right?" Zelos said reasonably. "..." Adol looked thoughtful. "That makes sense." "Yeah. Not much can take on five heroes." Nods were exchanged all around, as they all proceeded to press the big shiny red button simultaniously. --- "Oooooh. My head." The Goddess of Prophesy, in her high Crystal Spiral Tower Named After Some Generic Myth, came to. "Uhn. I think the worms must have lived and are eating my forehead." She said. "Never again. Never tequila. Did I even come up with anything last night?" She said, rifling through a pile of papers near her desk. "Ah, yeah. Red headed heroes, doomed to change...die? No, change." She said, scribbling out a part of the prophesy notes. "Change into less harmless forms so that they don't ever become emo angsty whiners and instead try to destroy the world. Just talk them into pressing the right...or wrong...button. Not so sure it's grounded in prophesy, but it sure sounds good." She mumbled, attempting to get back to sleep. --- "EEEE~! Claude!" A gaggle of red-headed women, coming from the direction of the Signpost of Prophesy. "Huh?" Was all Claude could manage to say, before the transgendered hero(ines?) tackled him to the ground, spreading kisses and happy greetings in his general direction. And so, Claude saved the world from ever possibly getting destroyed by Asch, Zelos, Adol, Luke or Roy. By pointing at a button. Hey, there have been more stupid ways of saving the world. And it goes to show that the old saying is true. Blondes do really have more fun. Adol: 7 Roy: 10 Zelos: 13 Luke: 10 Asch: 5 Claude: 26 Ulysses_0
VampirePaladin
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