The Final Clash of Economic Giants
Etiole vs Rufus vs Taloon vs Ramus vs Gobi vs Wilhelm
~Niu/OK

"Hohohohohoho!!!" the voice of Etoile Rosenqueen, one of the most egocentric aristocrats in the RPGDL, cackled throughout the dining hall. "Repeat that again dear Crea. I didn't heard wrong, did I?"

"You certainly didn't hear it wrong, mother" Etoile's daughter, Crea Rosenqueen, responded. "Netherworld division is already a great hit, and the development of new divisions has also been a success."

"Hohohohohoho!!!" Etoile cackled again. "All went well! Soon, my financial power shall control all the worlds! Hohohohohohoho!!!"

Finally, off in the far corner of the dining facility, it seemed someone had had enough of the incessant laughter, and fired a shotgun at the source. "I didn't come here to listen to your disgusting laughter, Rosenqueen," the voice of Rufus Shinra sounded through the panicked screams of several fleeing patrons.

Behind Rufus, the sound of a grenade exploding could be heard. "Have you no dignity?" Etoile's voice responded, amidst more terrified screams. How dare you fire a gun at a lady!"

"You hardly qualify as a lady" Rufus said, snapping his fingers. Suddenyl, the Turks appeared behind Etoile, weapons all pointing at her. "I've never been kind to my business rivals, and today doesn't look to be any different."

"Who do you think I am? You can't catch me unprepared so easily!" Etoile snapped her fingers as well, causing her lackeys Momy and Hamar to appear behind Rufus, pointing their weapons at him.

"That is enough!" a voice resounded from the other side of the room. The fat merchant Taloon ran ( well, waddled might be the more correct term ) in between the two, holding his hands up to their chests. "You two are disgracing all the legitimate businesses in the world! The goal of business is to bring happiness to the people who require our services! You're hardly doing that!"

"What is this guy doing here anyway?" Etoile muttered. "He sure as hell doesn't look like a well-bred aristocrat."

"Well," Crea started, "Mr. Taloon controls all the economic processes in the Dragon Quest world. He is also the current owner of the legendary Box of Happiness, and has been in business for over twenty years, before the both of you, I might add."

"Bah, such a low-key opponent is hardly worth my time." Rufus spat.

"Hey! Taloon is in no way low-key!" A fat kid with glasses rose from his seat, moving towards the group.

"Shut up Ramus. A light-bait like you has no say in this conversation." Rufus said.

"And you're not light-bait?"

"At least I have someone fighting for me! Your lackeys can't do more than crunch numbers!"

"At least mine aren't proverbial nutcases! Did you ever think to check Heidegger and Hojo's spending habits? I'm sure you've got a multitude of holes in your books!"

"All you sell are common items even a Prinny could buy!"

"And it's lasted over a thousand years!"

"Hohohohoh! My company has none of these problems!" Etoile laughed.

"Who says?" A large walking, talking fish called. The merchant Gobi made his way to the now growing group of otherworldly merchants. "Can you sell your products underwater? I think not!"

"Shouldn't you be sucking plankton, Gobi? If I wanted your opinion, I'd tie a worm to a fishing rod, and scale it out of you!" Rufus spat at the newcomer.

"At least I sell interesting things! Because of you, little kids are slinging Ultima spells around! With me, they'd only be swinging broadswords at each other!"

"Broadswords shmodswords! Materia comes with matching handbags and fur coats! How do you appeal to the female consumer?"

"Everyone, please stop" the calm voice of Wilhelm Vector called out to the arguing parties. "Your arguing has become... disturbing. If you need to argue, move it outside. Some of us are trying to dine here."

"A load of manure" Etoile sharply responded. "You're the biggest expansionist out of all of us!"

"Now you know I would never exercise my power for such intent..."

"Hah!" Rufus and Etoile snorted in unison.

During this time, Crea had left the hall without anyone noticing. At about this time, she returned, and announced, "Now attention here everyone! I have signed all of you up in a bonus match!"

The name-calling and yelling suddenly stopped as every party involved utter in unison, "What?!

"It's simple: use whatever you've been using in your business practice, whether it be bribery, friendly service, or apocalyptic weaponry, to try to put the others out of business. Last company not out of business by the end of the week is the winner. Sound good?"

With a nod, every business leader present left the dining hall to prepare for the ultimate game of monopoly.
  • Etoile utilizes hell's greatest resource, Lawyers, and sues everyone
  • Rufus' underhanded schemes prove superior
  • Taloon's Box of Happiness makes everyone happy
  • Ramus' bromide collection wins the day
  • Gobi drowns the others in goods
  • Wilhelm uses his mad plot powarz to overwhelm the rest

Meeplelard
Rufus was tired of doing things "Fairly" so he used a "Subtle" method of winning... After putting dismembered parts of what was left of Jenova or some tatooed Black Robed men in each companies HQ, it wasn't long til all the Opposition was wiped clean. Hey, so what if he didn't actually do things the "right Way" Alls fair in love, war, and economical empires, even if it involves using Silver Haired Bishies to get your work done...

Etoile: 5
Rufus: 7
Taloon: 1
Ramus: 0
Gobi: 2
Wilhelm: 3

Grefter
All right here is what I see happening, with everyone arguing over all this it will come down to a stand off Resovoir Dogs style. Almost everyone will be standing around until the first person cracks and then all hell breaks loose with only one survivor, that being the wussiest one of the lot. In the movie it was the character played by the ungodly great Steve Buscemi. In this scenario I see Gobi as being the wussy one that hides under a ramp while everyone else is busy killing each other. Gobi will then grab it all and run.

DragoonJay
Rufus cannot win - his legal department defected to Etoile, and he has absolute zero for business savvy. Besides, he wanted to rule the world through might, not economy. He's out.


Ramus cannot win - despite an incredible degree of business smarts, he's a wuss and would be run out of town by the more aggressive Rufus and Etoile.


Gobi cannot win - he's the worst of the sellers here, to the point where he lost his license to sell before he was taken under the wing of Ryu and his destiny-making Aura of Main Character. Without this advantage, not even the entire Manillo race could save him, not that they would try anyway.


Vector is out - he's too smart to risk losing everything. He declares bankruptcy on Vector Industries, nd starts a new company called Wilhelm Industries. Nothing changes except the name, but he satisfies the judges' criteria for losing.


Now we have a stalemate. Etoile can do pretty much anything to Taloon's store, but it won't affect him, since he IS his business. On the other hand, Taloon doesn't stand a chance at taking down Etoile's massive empire. So there's only one thing to do...


Merge. NeverLoon Enterprises increases Etoile's income six-fold and Taloon's friendly selling style soon becomes the norm across the multiverse.

Cora Meliamne
Wilhelm will do one thing. Having been the president of Vector since it conception, he knows every single possibility. And his response? He buys everyone elses stock, thus making him Majority share holder. He then merges them all with Vector Heavy Industries and makes the other merchents members of the board of directors.