Geodude vs Paper Mario vs Edward Scissorhands

~metroid composite

"Good old Geodude. Nothing beats Geodude"

Or that's what they thought at least. But then someone wandered in with an ice attack and threw the entire universe out of balance. Indeed, this "Paper Mario" is clearly an evil that must be stopped! And so, the overlords of the RPGDL called in the obvious counter to this paper terrorist: Edward Scissorhands. However the strongly teretorial Geodude isn't likely to take this second intrusion lying down, and indeed there is little that Edward Scissorhands can do to subdue Geodude...or to stop the rock from bodyslamming into his face.

Too fearful of Geodude themselves, the overlords are unlikely to aid their commisioned hero until the other combatants have fainted. Too strongly teretorial, Geodude won't back down until he draws blood. Too obviously evil, Paper Mario won't be satisfied unless he can destroy the order...and the hired hero eliminating all hope. Which of these dangerous duellers will win this titanic battle?
  • Order is restored, since, as always, nothing beats Geodude!
  • In a vailant battle, the heroic Edward Scissorhands restores peace to the RPGDL.
  • The evil Paper Mario triumphs over good because good is dumb!

AAA
While my explanation on why Scissors should beat Rock and Paper may seem like they fly in the face of logic, it's perfectly reasonable.

Paper Mario is made of paper and easily shredded, and despite evidence to the contrary Rock easily takes care of paper. So, Paper Mario either ends up in several pieces or underneath a very heavy paperweight and suffocating. He's out, obviously.

Now, one would think that Edward Scissorhands would have a hard time breaking Geodude's rocky exterior. However, this is Geodude we're talking about, not even a evolution, and is cleary seen in the TV show to be easily fried by a Pikachu, who is electric and at a strong disadvantage. Do you really think that a man who has had expert use of his scissors for several years and was accurate enough to cut hair with masterful percision(despite the clunkiness of having sissors for fingers) would be unable to find a weak spot(IE those giant anime-style eyes), or manage to parry Geodude until he's tired and finish him off?

I think not.

Geodude: 16
Edward Scissorhands: 26
Paper Mario: 8

Gorha
Geodude is clearly the least cool of the three. Johnny Depp and Shigeru Miyamoto are both totally rad, but scissors does in fact beat paper.

Grefter
Edward Sciscor Hands wins quite handilly. He can command legions of Johnny Depp's rightfully earned fangirls to handle Geodude while he flips out Voldo style on Paper Mario while having it filmed the whole time. The tapes will make him millions on the side in the S&M and Hentai markets thanks to the Voldoesc action and the Geodude x Fangirl orgy.