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March of the Cruel Evil Bitch Queen "Nooooope." Edge slurred a bit as he slid off his barstool. "Abso-lutely nothing. There isn't anything goin' on, damnit." "Aww, boo. I was hoping you'd know of something. Hey, bartender. You heard of anything going on?" "Only the usual, Yuri. Drunken Godlike fights in the streets-" "Yeah, that was a fun one. Gave Jade a thrashing in that. Stupid Bolt-X." "-a recent allegation of mechanics rigging the draw-" "Really? Go Lexis. Actually doing something that requires balls for once." "-some deranged magic-user and her loveslave declaring themselves the Black Queen and Black Prince, and a few random people running around proclaiming the End of Days. Again." "...some der- you mean Endora? And Rashidi? They hooked up? Finally! It was getting so bloody irritating listening to them bitch and moan about 'needing to find their eternal love, by conquest or evil seduction'." Brey asked, sliding off his seat to stand by Edge and Yuri. "No. Endora's pissed, because whoever this is, ah, copping her name to quickly amass a large army. Endora's rallying a counter-army to take the 'imposter' out. She's also using, ah, smear commercials to convince people." "Oh, really?" "Yeah. The new Black Queen's been retitled the Cruel Evil Too Big For Her Britches Demonic Stupid Fatass Bitch Queen Harlot and her Sextoy. Also, embarrasing silhouettes of someone who's supposed to look like her, in theory, have been posted all over... I lost you guys with the name bit, didn't I." Yuri and company stared at the bartender. The bartender shrugged, and continued cleaning the same spot he had been cleaning for thirty years. "I didn't make the name up. Endora did. Get over it." "Okay, mentally shortening that to Cruel Evil Bitch Queen and Consort." Yuri said. "Anyway, do you have any idea where she is?" "Nope, absolutely none. Rumors have her pegged at Chocobo Air Garden, the Hanging Gardens, amongst the Illuminati, fnord somewhere south of Tokyo, and in the mountains to the south of here. It's said that she has corrupted noble hearts, bent strong hearts to her will and tied all males within a fifty-mile radius around her little finger. However, she herself has made no declarations of war or even attempted to do anything except start an army for world conquest. Makes one wonder what her plan is... I've got my bets on... umm..." The bartender raised his head to look behind Yuri. "Huh, what the hell-" Yuri and the bartender ducked at the exact same time as the door was kicked in right over their heads. Yuri, Brey and Edgar spun to face a raven-haired man with a crazed look and a sword drawn. "Ahahaha!!! Now, you pigs, I've been told to drag you along quiety. If you don't struggle, I'll make sure your worthless lives die painlessly." Luca Blight said as he entered the bar casually. "After all, My Queen didn't say I couldn't kill you... ahahahahahaha!" "As if, punk. We're taking you on. Right, guys? ...Guys?" Yuri looked around in mild confusion. Brey had fled underneat the table, and Edge was hanging from one of the lights. Yuri sighed. "Look, you two... when Lexis has more balls than you, that says something, doesn't it?" As the two returned to Yuri's side, he nodded confidently. "It's time to take you down, butcher." "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...!!!!!!! Bring it on, pig!" Luca sneered. |
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Silverlocke980 It's Yuri against an utter madman! How shocking! Except it's not. Consider: -Veronica Vera is stranger than almost anything in existence. And Yuri not only met her, he killed her. -Rasputin was utterly insane. Yuri killed him as well. -Dehuai is so strange that he tied up an innocent Catholic girl and then *didn't* have his way with her. Yuri killed him, also. -Garan. The only thing I need to say. (Except, of course, that Yuri killed him too.) (Twice, in fact.) -Albert Simon wasn't that weird, but anyone who can just look at someone *casually* putting their arm back on after it's been sliced off is pretty strange. Ditto with the killing here. All of this adds up to one real big storm of weirdness in Yuri's life. Compared to this, Luca is utterly, absolutely normal. It also turns out that when buffed by For Everyone, Edge becomes literally impossible to hit- his pervert and ninja genes combine, making him nothing but a blur of black-colored horniness. (Luca spent three hours trying to kill him and only hit the lights.) Brey, on the other hand, gains a strange- power. Remember how Tellah remembered all his spells after Cecil became a paladin because the light returned them to him? Turns out that For Everyone works just like the light. And apparently, Brey used to be a lot like a wizard whose first name was Merlin, before he got old and standard old-guy weaknesses were applied to him, like forgetfulness, lechery, and general wussiness. (Those Ice spells are a mistake- turns out he was originally a Water mage, and as he got old he ended up doing the spells wrong.) (Henceforth, the reason Luca spent half the fight being drowned by giant tsunamis and/or fighting for his life against a giant octopus Brey kept summoning every time Luca managed to kill it.) Meanwhile, we all know what happens to Yuri under For Everyone. (For the Child becomes nuclear death. That you can keep using. Over and over again.) (Somewhat unfortunately for Luca.) In the wake of all this devastation, what occurred? Well... -It was discovered that you actually don't need eighteen people, archers, and a genius to kill Luca Blight. You actually need a giant octopus, thirteen tsunamis, a ninja, and wave after wave of killing light. -It turns out that bars are nowhere near as durable as giant walls of crushing water. -On a happier note, neither is Luca Blight. -In the short time he still had them, Brey used his newfound powers to exact revenge on the man who had ruined his pervert drive for a full week after a certain... "fight". -TimeLord's house was found sunk beneath the sea- which hadn't been near it the day before. -Ultros found out that the giant octopus was his type, and now they are currently dating. (Turns out she's always dreamed of being a princess.) -Edge used his powers to perform acts so torrid with Rydia that he has been officially rated the "greatest perv ever" by the entirety of the RPGDL. -And Luca Blight died. Horribly. It was a good day! Yuri wins easily: 42 Yuri struggles but wins: 22 Luca wins: 22 Xeroma
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